Originally Posted by Aisha!
Salaamu'alaikum! May the Peace and Blessings and the serenity of mind be unto you from Allah.
Hi Aisha... I am a revert and I used to be a christian with double standards. I used to be in-love for many first times. ("In love for the first time and this time I know its' for real.) I can relate to your story.
According to what I know in Islam... God hates it when we are placing Him only as second to anything or anyone. Islam is a religion of nature and moderation. If you are to become a Muslim just because you love your first boyfriend so much... then you are practicing Shirk. Shirk is the only sin God cannot forgive.
I suggest you re-examine your priority and values. If you don't love your present husband - file a divorce. But don't make your first boyfriend as your excuse...
afterwards, learn and study Islam. I suggest you get yourself a Qur'an with transliterrations of your own language or English. When you read the Qur'an, make sure you have just washed your hands... and you are not menstrating. Ask for guidance and protection to God as your opening prayer and start reading the first Chapter... Surrah Al Fatihah.
afterwards... read on... And try to read, comprehend and finish it from cover to cover to your comfort level... there is no hurry doing this. But if you come to develop the passion for finding the truth... the Happiness and contentment you will discover will be much greater than your first boyfriend.
If you put GOD first! all the things that you ask for shall be added unto you... in this life and in the hereafter. This is merely a temporary life, the trials you are facing right now is nothing compared to the hereafter. The reason why it's properly called the "here-after" is because we are all here now for the "here....after'... this present life.
True Happiness is in discovering Tawheed... Gods' ONENESS...
Take it from me.
I have been there... done that...
Your first boyfriend will love you more once you come to the point of being in love with God more than him. Believe me... I bear witness to this truth and I am a living witness about it.
May Allah bless you with enlightenment, wisdom and guidance and bring you to the right, straight and correct path.
I suggest you keep your relationship with your first boyfriend in moderation until you have accomplished the initial steps for your freedom and liberation towards the path of truth, enlightenment and paradise.
May Allah bless us all always!