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View Full Version : **Your Advice - Self Harm**



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08-05-2007, 02:37 PM
:salamext:

I posted a thread a couple of days ago about Self Harming, which can be found here. (http://www.islamicboard.com/general-...ut-yes-no.html)

The results were a bit higher than I expected, so I decided to create a thread in whicih people can give advice to brothers and sisters on:
  • How to stop self harming
  • The short/long term effects of self harming
  • And anything else people find relevant to give advice on.


Jazaak Allaah Khayr in advance :thumbs_up

P.S. I posted in the Member Support thread, and brothers and sisters can give advice via the Anonymous Account if they need to :)
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IbnAbdulHakim
08-05-2007, 09:07 PM
remember that Allah doesnt like those who harm themselves, and Allah will take into account anything which you find to be injust so have patience
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AhlaamBella
08-05-2007, 09:12 PM
I've been told Allah won't giveus a burden too heavy. So why are people pushed to harm themselves? Actually, does anyone have the evidence about Allah not given a burden too difficult?
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highway_trekker
08-05-2007, 11:04 PM
Walaykum salaam wa rahmatullaah,

I thing one thing that is really important for people who self-harm is the need for support and encouragement in giving up. They need someone who is very dedicated to helping them overcome it and helping them find another focus as most of the time, people who self-harm know what they are doing is not desirable...

One thing that many people who engage in this kind of thing want is to 'hide' what they are doing, which is understandable but can prevent them getting the help they need, especially if they are only very young.

Professionals may be ok, but a good (sensible, trustworthy adult) friend in my opinion, is much better.
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Star
08-05-2007, 11:18 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by highway_trekker
Professionals may be ok, but a good (sensible, trustworthy adult) friend in my opinion, is much better.
hmmm... i agree with you on that 1,
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highway_trekker
08-05-2007, 11:19 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Star
hmmm... i agree with you on that 1,
phew...I'm glad someone does :sunny:
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Woodrow
08-06-2007, 12:17 AM
Semi-professional opinion. although clinical psychology was not my forte I did have to do some practice in it as part of my internships.

One thing i did learn is that many people that engage in self harm are not aware of the reason they do so. Quite often they are not even fully aware they are doing it at the time and do not feel any pain until after they stop the immediate action.

I have never met one person who had pre-thoughts they were going to harm themselves.

Remember we are essentially creatures of comfort and do not tend to repeat an act unless it is bringing us comfort or relief from pain.

Now with that said there seems to be at least 2 types of people who seek to do continuous elf harm.

One type is the true masochist, who actually does perceive and feel pleasure and enjoyment at things most of us find to be painful. They are difficult to reach as they can not understand how something that feels nice can be harmful. to be honest a true masochist is rare and the chances of knowing somebody who is one is not very likly.

The most common person who engages in such behavior normally suffers from a neurosis or personality disorder. Condemnation of their action is seldom constructive and often leads to an increase, that usually is then done in secrecy and often to not readily visible areas of their body.

The first step in dealing with the person is to avoid acting shocked or impressed by the visible injuries. Attempt to only mention them nonchalantly with non threatening comments such as "That looks like it may become infected. You should have it cleaned and bandaged."

Once you see that a person is engaged in self injury the goal should be to encourage the person to speak of their feelings and fears. Those are probably the cause. With young people it can usually be traced to things like: school difficulties, rejection by peers, parental problems(ie: Parents frequently fighting) any type of physical and/or emotional abuse, feelings of guilt over something they did or did not do.

Encourage the person to talk, if not to you, to somebody they trust. encourage them to pray often and to seek the aid of Allah(swt). Allah(swt) will give more relief than they can gain on their own.

Once you have gained the person's trust sufficiently that they admit to self damage and they express a desire to stop. Encourage them to sign an agreement that they will stop and state a specific penalty they must pay if they repeat the action. Such as washing and moping all the floors daily until they go 5 days without self damage, paying their allowance or spending money to a stated charity in any month they have injured themselves, banned from TV or games during any week in which they injury themselves. Any thing can work, but it must be enforceable and not an idle threat.

If none of the home treatments work. Seek professional help, both spiritual from the Imam and from medical sources.
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lipstick
08-08-2007, 10:29 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
:sl:Perhaps those people who resort to self-harm could give us an insight into why they do this, first and foremost? The feelings, thoughts and emotions which run through their heads?

I think then we'd be in a better position to advise, knowing the why aspect of it.

I think it'd be a good idea to make a thread specifically for that purpose, where members who self-harm can all post anonymous...somebody care to create it?
When I went through self harming the reasons behind it were a little confusing.

I dont really know how to explain it ,when I cut myself I would feel pain but the pain from the cut would just distract the pain I felt in my heart and to a extent I would do it a couple times a day so that I didnt have to deal with the emotional pain.

I was suffering from "love" which was a new experience for me and some times I wished it would just go away but it didnt and made me deeply depressed

Harming myself was a way of avoiding and discrating myself from emotional pain

One day I woke up and decided I just didnt want to do it anymore and that it wasnt really helping me,so i just stopped I started talking to my best mate for hours a day about how I felt.The more I spoke about the issue(LOve) the more I dealt with the issue.

(Refer to my pervious post called love in cyber counselling.)

I dont know why I started and how i stopped
I just did but the past year and half seem like a blur and i cant really remember anything
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AnonymousPoster
08-08-2007, 10:52 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
:sl:Perhaps those people who resort to self-harm could give us an insight into why they do this, first and foremost? The feelings, thoughts and emotions which run through their heads?

I am a cutter, myself. People cut to get away from the pain of depression. The emotional pain is so bad, so unbearable that an escape is needed. Physical pain in contrast to emotional pain is much better. Cutting is a form of release. The sight of blood helps too. Cutting helps you cope.
The physical pain helps a lot. It makes you realise that there is something else to feel, besides the emotional pain.
If you have a friend as a self harmer, dont tell them it is haram. Just listen to their problems. Let them know you care. Hug them, if they are comfortable. This is much more effective than any lecture. Go out of your way to be kind to them.
Many can't understand why people harm themselves. But they don't know what its like to truly be depressed.
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AhlaamBella
08-08-2007, 10:57 AM
A lot of us do know what depression is like. But instead of harming ourselves we turn to our lord. The short sense of relief only encourages you to harm yourself more
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InToTheRain
08-08-2007, 11:29 AM
:sl:

Loneliness often causes depression I would like to remind them that Allah(SWT) is closer to them then their jagular vein and loss of hope also causes depression and they should not lose Hope in Allah(SWT) as he what he says is true and he keeps his promises.

At times it sounds like it can be be due to loss of control, and as others have mentioned the person is not aware that they are harming themselves. I used to do things out off anger or frustration such as punching something to vent my anger only to suffer the pain later. I believe fasting will help those finding it difficult to control themselves and find themselves lacking patience.
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AnonymousPoster
08-08-2007, 11:34 AM
I am a cutter, myself. People cut to get away from the pain of depression. The emotional pain is so bad, so unbearable that an escape is needed. Physical pain in contrast to emotional pain is much better. Cutting is a form of release. The sight of blood helps too. Cutting helps you cope.
The physical pain helps a lot. It makes you realise that there is something else to feel, besides the emotional pain.

If you have a friend as a self harmer, dont tell them it is haram. Just listen to their problems. Let them know you care. Hug them, if they are comfortable. This is much more effective than any lecture. Go out of your way to be kind to them.
Many can't understand why people harm themselves. But they don't know what its like to truly be depressed.
:sl:

ur right, thts exactly hw i feel....but no one understands....they just give lecture upon lecture upon lecture instead of trying to understand.

to everyone out ther: WE KNOW ITS WRONG, WE KNOW WE SHOULDN'T BE CUTTING OURSELVES, but we need a from of release...and for us, that is the form of release...
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InToTheRain
08-08-2007, 11:40 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:

ur right, thts exactly hw i feel....but no one understands....they just give lecture upon lecture upon lecture instead of trying to understand.

to everyone out ther: WE KNOW ITS WRONG, WE KNOW WE SHOULDN'T BE CUTTING OURSELVES, but we need a from of release...and for us, that is the form of release...
:w:

Have you tried other forms of release, such as Punching a bag, or kicking the ball on the wall as hard as you can in both cases? Run as fast you can that also helps vent.
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AnonymousPoster
08-08-2007, 11:53 AM
^^^ If things like those actually worked, we would never have cut in the first place. Cutting is the most effective.
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AnonymousPoster
08-08-2007, 12:09 PM
Jazakallah for the advice. It was helpful. I appreciate it. But when people cut, they don't think about anything. Only the pain. It only hits us that we've done something wrong and we should've vented in a different way AFTER we cut.
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AnonymousPoster
08-08-2007, 12:44 PM
Yes, unfortunately, it is an addiction problem.

Thanks, I will try my best to follow your advice.
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AhlaamBella
08-08-2007, 12:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
My advice is to proactively strive to stop yourself from doing such a thing and make it a goal to get into sajda immediately, cry to Allah, first and foremost.
Great advice. The best thing to do in times of hardship is turn to Allah. He created you. He is the most compassionate. If you need help, you NEVER have to suffer alone
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piXie
08-08-2007, 01:06 PM
:sl:

that was cool advice brother Alpha. Masha'Allaah :thumbs_up
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AnonymousPoster
08-08-2007, 04:21 PM
The first thing you think of doing when life deals you a blow is to self-harm?
pretty much yea.
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08-08-2007, 04:22 PM
:salamext:

May Allah help, give you, and others, the strength to get through this, ameen
Ameen, good advice bhai, Mashaa Allaah :)
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highway_trekker
08-08-2007, 04:24 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:

ur right, thts exactly hw i feel....but no one understands....they just give lecture upon lecture upon lecture instead of trying to understand.

to everyone out ther: WE KNOW ITS WRONG, WE KNOW WE SHOULDN'T BE CUTTING OURSELVES, but we need a from of release...and for us, that is the form of release...
May Allaah remove your pain and sorrow and replace it with solace and comfort-aameen.
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IbnAbdulHakim
08-08-2007, 04:30 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
I am a cutter, myself. People cut to get away from the pain of depression. The emotional pain is so bad, so unbearable that an escape is needed. Physical pain in contrast to emotional pain is much better. Cutting is a form of release. The sight of blood helps too. Cutting helps you cope.
The physical pain helps a lot. It makes you realise that there is something else to feel, besides the emotional pain.
If you have a friend as a self harmer, dont tell them it is haram. Just listen to their problems. Let them know you care. Hug them, if they are comfortable. This is much more effective than any lecture. Go out of your way to be kind to them.
Many can't understand why people harm themselves. But they don't know what its like to truly be depressed.
hey do you think that maybe if you try research on islam and spend all ur time in the remembrance of Allah that it will help? :)


becoz the anbiyaa' alaihissalaatu wassalaam had the best reasons to be depressed yet they chose patience, so i think that emaan and strong firm belief is the BEST way to stop urself from self-harm in the future.



i wish you the best bro/sis :) inshaAllah
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anonymous
08-08-2007, 05:40 PM
Some real nice advice here...

I cut myself a few times, but how it started was a total accident. I was going through a rough time and I was speaking to the person who was causing me all this grief, I just took the foil from the gum I was chewing and started folding it real tight subconsciencly, suddenly I Just cut my hand with it and I didn't even realise that it was bleeding...I was so shocked because firstly, at the time it felt good secondly because of the pressure that I must have applied...
After that I cut myself a few more times when problems arised and especially when I felt like I could not escape.

However as I was revising for an exam one afternoon It dawned on me the haram I was comitting...It seemed silly to me because not only was I disobeying Allah and going against the sunnah of the messsenger salallaahu alaihi wasalam but I was giving my self scars that did not look nice, this reminded me of something someone told me I do not know if it is a hadith or a saying but it's: 'anything that harms you is haram'. No matter how much I cut, I realised there was no use...the cutting would not solve anything. It just made me realise that I was letting myself fall into my own tempations of wanting to feel good for a few seconds...where infact this was a sin, a sin only Allah knows the weight of!

So what I started doing was collecting verses from the qur'an and sayings from the messenger salallahu alaihi wasalam on sadness/depression/pain etc and whenever I felt bad I would read them...I tried to increase my worship too. I even spoke to a friend of mine. I was reluctant to because I feared her judgement but she gave me advise and reminded me of what I already knew and it made me feel more guilty as i knew it was haram yet I ignored what our religion taught us, to suit myself. After that wallahi the crazy satanic temptations of wanting to cut myself went away...

I can safely say that I now look back at my actions and seek forgiveness from Allah. So I sincerely advise anyone cutting themselves to do the same, If you remember Allah he will remember you...but if you abandon Allah he will abandon you...thus allowing shaytan to take control or contribute towards your deeds and moreover your akhirah. So please do not let your hawa and your desires win!
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highway_trekker
08-08-2007, 05:44 PM
^^Jazaak'Allaahu Khayr for that^^
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leader
08-08-2007, 11:49 PM
hope it works out for u
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AnonymousPoster
08-16-2007, 07:50 AM
cnt tke it nemore, 2 much stres n tension, gta tke it out, gta get away frm it, gta CUT, gta HARM
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IbnAbdulHakim
08-16-2007, 09:15 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
cnt tke it nemore, 2 much stres n tension, gta tke it out, gta get away frm it, gta CUT, gta HARM
dont listen to shaytaans waswasa! when the prophet felt stress n tension he let it out by praying two rakaat salaah, do the same inshaAllah
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Re.TiReD
08-16-2007, 09:32 AM
:sl: I dunno what advice I'd give....just that the pain a believer goes thru...the stress and anxiety is just a means for the expiation of his sins...why self-harm and ruin all the reward you might just be getting?

I was talking to a sis few days ago...and she let slip that she'd been cutting herself :cry: wallahi I understand sometimes things may get too much... for e.g last week I nearly lost ma mum :cry: but its times like that you gotta turn to Allah. NOT SELF HARM! :w:
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AnonymousPoster
08-18-2007, 05:02 PM
:sl: I would like to share my own story. I had alot of family problems when I was younger and I suffered from abuse and neglect. One day, when I was especially stressed, I cut myself unintentionally when cutting an apple. But, I felt better. It was almost as if my internal pain was being transferred externally and I felt relieved. Then, whenever I felt depressed or hurt, I would cut myself. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't think of any other solution. My family was part of the problem and being shy, I didn't have many close friends to confide to. I later went to a few psychologists, but as helpful as they tried to be, they were not able to comfort me. I began to suffer from eating and sleeping problems as well and my grades dropped. Then, I attended a halaqa where the speaker talked about teenagers and stress, anxiety, and depression. I took her lecture to heart and began to pray and read Quran. I cried to Allah SWT when I was feeling bad and I took solace in the advice of the Quran. Honestly, just knowing that Allah SWT is watching over us and willing to help the believers is comfort in itself. And what also helped was realizing that Allah does not give any person more burden than he or she can bear. When you're depressed, it may seem like nothing will ever get better, but it does, and I thank Allah SWT everyday for making this possible for me and guiding me away from the path of self-harm.

I do not intend to sound condescending or offend anyone in writing this. I'm just talking about my experiences. When you're feeling down, try to pray and read Quran. Outside of religion, it does help to talk to someone about it, whether its a trusted friend or family member. Bottling up emotions do not help. Even though I did not find psychologists helpful, that is not to say that psychiatric services are useless and to some people, are very helpful. Try and find other stress relieving activities, whether it be writing, punching a pillow, etc. I find exercising a great source of relief.

I'd also like to thank the person who started this thread and everyone who contributed to this important topic. :w:
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Re.TiReD
08-20-2007, 02:12 PM
I recall somebody saying that the emotional pain is greater than the pyhsical one and thats why they self harm... ---> thats true coz i've heard it from someone who does actually self harm..she said at the time you're concentrating so much on what you're doing and why that you blank the pain out...

But just THINK! What about those who are rotting away in prisons...? our innocent brothers..you think they self harm or pray more to Allah, knowing that he is the only one that can help you out of the mess you may be in. May Allah be with you all... :sl:
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AnonymousPoster
08-22-2007, 10:38 AM
^ its just that the depression is so bad... there is no motivation to live anymore... this is the only thing that works... it keeps us alive...
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IbnAbdulHakim
08-22-2007, 10:45 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
^ its just that the depression is so bad... there is no motivation to live anymore... this is the only thing that works... it keeps us alive...
devotion to Allah will help... depression... how comes the anbiyaa' or sahabi's never complained about it and who could dare to say they had more trouble then them...


forgive me, i simply dont understand depression... i tried to understand it a lot but i guess its because i never felt it. Alhamdulillah !

mashaAllah laa hawla walaa quwwata illah billah !
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IbnAbdulHakim
08-23-2007, 09:02 AM
^ JazakAllahu khair :)
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AnonymousPoster
08-25-2007, 12:10 PM
:sl: ppl that r hart broken, they go into depression, and they cant handle it so they end of cutting themselff
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Ummu Sufyaan
08-25-2007, 12:25 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by DeepOcean
I've been told Allah won't giveus a burden too heavy. So why are people pushed to harm themselves? Actually, does anyone have the evidence about Allah not given a burden too difficult?
:sl:
yes, 2: 286
:sl:
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08-25-2007, 01:56 PM
:salamext:

so they end of cutting themselff
U mean end up lol.

Seriously though, I know a couple of people that go through that.
But at the end of the day, you shouldn't love deeply before marriage in Islaam though right?
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AnonymousPoster
09-02-2007, 08:10 AM
^ being heart broken doesnt always mean that you have had an affair that didnt work out. it could mean betrayal, loneliness,low self esteem, no motivation, etc.
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Re.TiReD
09-07-2007, 02:29 PM
:salamext:

Sometimes the burden is too great to share, Allah may not overburden a soul but what if our shoulders are not strong enough to handle the weight? <--- I used to think that....but a very wise person once told me, Allah could have made this dunya Jannah for us, but He hasnt, and Insha'ALLAH we'll be recompensed in the hereafter.
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AnonymousPoster
09-27-2007, 01:23 PM
i stopped but want to do it again :(
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02-04-2008, 01:38 PM
:salamext:

*BUMP
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IbnAbdulHakim
02-04-2008, 01:39 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
i stopped but want to do it again :(
why?!
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AnonymousPoster
02-04-2008, 01:47 PM
u get a buzz out of it and it distacts you frm life
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02-04-2008, 01:47 PM
:salamext:

Its not worth it in the end people, remember that... no matter how much of a buzz u get...!
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IceQueen~
02-04-2008, 01:49 PM
Arrghhhhh....:mmokay: do u know something....?

ps mods can I please have this post deleted?
Jazakallah khayr
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Ummu Sufyaan
02-05-2008, 11:03 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
u get a buzz out of it and it distacts you frm life
:sl:
cant you just do something else that distracts you? go for a walk, chit chat to someone, write stries/poems. :sunny:
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04-03-2008, 12:36 PM
:salamext:

Young people and Self Harm

^ That is a really good link.
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04-03-2008, 12:43 PM
:salamext:

Understanding why you do it

Stopping is easier if you can find other ways of expressing or coping with your feelings. To do this you need to try to understand what makes you do it. Lots of people don't know why they hurt themselves so it may be useful to think about:


  • What was going on in your life when you first began to harm yourself
  • How you feel just before you want to hurt yourself
  • Whether you would find it useful to keep a 'mood' diary, writing down your feelings at different times
  • Whether you are always in the same place or with a particular person
  • If you have any bad memories or thoughts that you can't tell anyone.
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04-03-2008, 12:44 PM
:salamext:

Thinking about other things

When you feel anxious or upset, doing something you enjoy or trying to think about other things can be a way to help you stop hurting yourself. You could try:

  • Phoning a friend
  • Writing down your feelings in a diary
  • Drawing or reading
  • Going for a walk or a run, dancing, exercising or playing sport
  • Counting down slowly from 10 to 0
  • Breathing slowly, in through the nose and out through the mouth
  • Focusing on objects around you and thinking about what they look, sound, smell, taste and feel like.
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04-03-2008, 12:44 PM
:salamext:

If you still want to hurt yourself

If you still want to hurt yourself try:

  • Finding a safe punching bag like some pillows
  • Putting your hands into a bowl of ice cubes for a short time or rubbing ice on the part of your body you feel like injuring
  • Using a red felt tip marker or lipstick to mark your body instead of cutting
  • Putting a rubber band around your wrist and flicking it
  • Putting sticking plasters on the parts of your body you want to injure.
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04-03-2008, 12:45 PM
:salamext:

It can be hard to stop

Self-harm can be really hard to stop. It may take time and there are likely to be ups and downs along the way. Sometimes, however hard you try on your own, you just can't cope with your feelings.
If you can't stop wanting to hurt yourself it's best to get help from someone you can trust. This means finding someone who you can talk to about your problems and who can give you practical help.
> If you do not feel ready to stop self-harming
Harming yourself may have become a way of dealing with your feelings that you find hard to imagine coping without. If this is how you feel, here are some ways to help you look after yourself.
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AnonymousPoster
04-03-2008, 02:37 PM
I self-harmed. It started out in the most stupid way possible. My sister did it and as a teen I thought well I can too. Just to show that I'm not scared of cutting myself when feeling down. How dumb was that!? Anyway, later I carried on for the same reasons as most self-harmers do. Until, one day I thought Ugh! What will happen when I have kids and they see all these scars. They will ask what they are and worse may eventually do the same cuz kids follow by example. That thought was so scary that I stopped harming straight away, hoping the old scars will fade. My depression is worse than ever. But I cry to Allah to heal me. That's how I cope.
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IbnAbdulHakim
04-03-2008, 03:07 PM
^ Assalamu Alaikum

try to not think of it as depression.
try think of it as trials, this dunya aint meant for ease, just persevere inshaAllah.

thinking that its "depression" is like weakening our mentality... you have the capability of still smiling and being happy right...

too many people depressed these days!!!
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AnonymousPoster
04-03-2008, 05:41 PM
^ depression is a real illness and like others needs the correct treatment. I know so many people use the word 'depression' when feeling sad etc.. But depression is serious and goes beyond that. It the point where one stops functioning normally or behaving rationally. Bipolar depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. I don't know what causes the imbalance but I think it may be when a person has gone through so much crap and tried to brave it, but things have continued to get worse for them. I believe the stress weakens a person's immune system or nervous system and that in turn causes the imbalance. I dunno, it's my theory.
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04-03-2008, 06:29 PM
:salamext:

^ sis/bro may Allaah make it easy for u ... :)
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Al-Zaara
04-03-2008, 06:46 PM
SubhanAllah.. I feel so dizzy after reading some posts, I can't actually handle things like these because it feels as if I can feel the pain, I imagine it too strongly..

All I wanted to add was you're all in my duaas inshaAllah, I really hope you and many others will get help and find peace and get out of this horrible state you're in..
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FatimaAsSideqah
04-03-2008, 10:20 PM
As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu and Greetings.

It may seem as though you are all alone in the world; that there isn't anybody who can help you through your situation, but there is. Many organisations and groups can offer you support and there are also different strategies you can use to stop self harming.

Accept that you are a self harmer and you want to get out of this situation. Believe that you need to stop self harming and you want to find a safer way of coping with your problems. Be brave, take a deep breath and seek some help. It has to be your decision, if you try to quit for anyone other than yourself you probably won't be able to stop.

The best way you can help yourself is by talking about how you feel and learning to deal with those issues that have caused you to self harm in the first place. You may find you can turn to a close friend, family member or teacher.

Write down who you are angry at rather than taking that anger out on yourself. Pretend a pillow is that person and take your anger out on that instead.

Stay with it, if you find that counselling/ medication isn't working for you then re-evaluate your options and try another. Stay determined.
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ZarathustraDK
04-04-2008, 12:55 AM
Emm... If I may throw in my 2 cents.

If I was depressed I'd figure out why I was depressed, and then try and change those circumstances so I wouldn't have to be depressed about it. The only person who can get you out of a depression in the end is you yourself, it makes no sense to believe others can do it for you. Yes, others can help you realize stuff that pertains to your depression (and don't underestimate sharing your feelings with others), but in the end it's your own entity who has to come to terms with the world in one way or another, either by accepting the circumstances and stop cutting, or changing the circumstances and stop cutting. Most likely you're torn in between these two choices and can't make up your mind.

If it's circumstances in regards to your culture or your religion it may be hard to find a non-biased 'listener'. In that case a psychologist is your friend, they have taken the vow of silence and what goes on between the two of you never leaves the room.

I must say I find it grotesque to suggest using 'surrogate' cutting as a replacement, that doesn't rid anyone of depression, it just make it seem ok.
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Hamas
04-04-2008, 10:08 AM
"No burden do We place on any soul, but that which it can bear" Al-An'am 6:152

Allah does not burden anyone more than they can bear but that dosnt mean its not possible for a person to be over burdened but its not Allah who overburdens them, they themselves do it, just like Allah also says "It is not Allah who wrongs them, but they wrong their own souls"

People like this really need to wake up and drink the coffee, your beyond smelling it, i know i know its hard but there are people in far worser conditions, maybe this isnt a very advisable post but if its still open later, i try, well thats if my advice is wanted :(

JazakAllah :)
Reply

AnonymousPoster
04-04-2008, 11:29 AM
ZaradhustraDK: If I was depressed I'd figure out why I was depressed, and then try and change those circumstances so I wouldn't have to be depressed about it.
It's not a simple as you think. Depression may not be due to present circumstances, but could be a result of things that have happened in the past. You might say then get counselling and deal with the past. Yet counselling/drugs don't help everyone. Nobody likes to be depressed and it makes it worse when people don't understand it and tell you to 'just get on with it'. Nobody tells a cancer patient to do that. Then why tell a depressed person to that just because their illness can't be seen or understood. Believe it or not depression is an illness.



format_quote Originally Posted by Hamas
"No burden do We place on any soul, but that which it can bear" Al-An'am 6:152

People like this really need to wake up and drink the coffee, your beyond smelling it, i know i know its hard but there are people in far worser conditions,
No one's disputing that Allah places on a person more than his share of burdens. I agree that we wrong ourselves, Allah doesn't. Nevertheless depression isn't simply a case of feeling sorry for oneself. So telling people to 'snap out of it' is just ignorance. I suggest you and others who cannot understand this mental health disorder take a look at the link below.

http://mentalhealth.about.com/od/dep...epression1.htm
Reply

------
04-04-2008, 11:32 AM
:salamext:

^ It takes time and patience and help to get out of self harm/depression...
Reply

Hamas
04-04-2008, 11:43 AM
"No one's disputing that Allah places on a person more than his share of burdens. I agree that we wrong ourselves, Allah doesn't. Nevertheless depression isn't simply a case of feeling sorry for oneself. So telling people to 'snap out of it' is just ignorance. I suggest you and others who cannot understand this mental health disorder take a look at the link below."

I not ignorant, ive been through depression myself, i go through mental disorders everyday, maybe more than you, ones that you cannot even imagine but nothing justifies harming yourself and cutting yourself up, thats just pathetic, thanks for the link but i dont need it.

JazakAllah :)
Reply

AnonymousPoster
04-04-2008, 11:48 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Hamas
I not ignorant, ive been through depression myself, i go through mental disorders everyday, maybe more than you, ones that you cannot even imagine but nothing justifies harming yourself and cutting yourself up, thats just pathetic, thanks for the link but i dont need it.

JazakAllah :)
Forigve me for misunderstanding. It seemed you were talking about depression - not self-harm. But even then, u can't judge as you are not in anyone else's shoes. How about asking Allah to help ur brothers and sisters instead?
Reply

Hamas
04-04-2008, 11:54 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Forigve me for misunderstanding. It seemed you were talking about depression - not self-harm. But even then, u can't judge as you are not in anyone else's shoes. How about asking Allah to help ur brothers and sisters instead?
Im talking about both and who said anything about judging? i dont want to big myself up but i always remember my fellow brothers and sisters in my prayers inshaAllah, how about you ask Allah to help you in your depression and others in your position?

JazakAllah :)
Reply

AnonymousPoster
04-04-2008, 02:09 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Hamas
Im talking about both and who said anything about judging? i dont want to big myself up but i always remember my fellow brothers and sisters in my prayers inshaAllah, how about you ask Allah to help you in your depression and others in your position?

JazakAllah :)

lol, how do you know I don't? :)

neway this thread isn't arguing about such things, it's for advice - so as I've already given what advice I had, I'm out.
Reply

Hamas
04-04-2008, 02:21 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
lol, how do you know I don't? :)

neway this thread isn't arguing about such things, it's for advice - so as I've already given what advice I had, I'm out.
How do you know i dont what you thought i didnt? :)

Ive also given my advice, im out too

JazakAllah :)
Reply

ZarathustraDK
04-05-2008, 02:03 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
It's not a simple as you think. Depression may not be due to present circumstances, but could be a result of things that have happened in the past. You might say then get counselling and deal with the past. Yet counselling/drugs don't help everyone. Nobody likes to be depressed and it makes it worse when people don't understand it and tell you to 'just get on with it'. Nobody tells a cancer patient to do that. Then why tell a depressed person to that just because their illness can't be seen or understood. Believe it or not depression is an illness.
Heh a bit of a misunderstanding there I think, I do believe depression is a real illness, and I'd be darn sure to say you got a cruddy counselor if he just tells you to "get on with your life". Hell yeah you can get depressed from both past and present experiences. All in agreement there.

I guess it came off as a frivolent and ignorant answer. What I meant was, the basic solution to depression is identifying what you are depressed about and change (yourself, or your circumstances, or both) in a way that makes sense to you. Now, that may seem rather "duh", but the identification of the depression and the change that has to happen are the hard parts; it involves concessions on your own part towards yourself as well as to whoever may be tied to the depression, and humans hate to do that kind of stuff because that's one of the most painful things to do.

They don't call it "swallowing a camel" because it tastes bad, it's because it's so darn hard to do.
Reply

------
06-17-2008, 10:40 AM
:salamext:


Click links for more information


There are a number of therapies offered both by the NHS and privately that have proved successful in reducing and stopping self harm

* Cognitive behavioural therapy
* Cognitive analytic therapy
* Psychotherapy
* Medication
* Dialectical behavioural therapy
* Interpersonal group therapy
(The last two are for people with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder).
- |Help for Self Harm


- | Self-Injury: Types, Causes and Treatment


- | Understanding Self Harm


He offers parents tips on what to watch for:

* Small, linear cuts. "The most typical cuts are very linear, straight line, often parallel like railroad ties carved into forearm, the upper arm, sometimes the legs," Rosen tells WebMD. "Some people cut words into themselves. If they're having body image issues, they may cut the word 'fat.' If they're having trouble at school, it may be 'stupid,' 'loser,' 'failure,' or a big 'L.' Those are the things we see pretty regularly."

* Unexplained cuts and scratches, particularly when they appear regularly. "I wish I had a nickel for every time someone says, 'The cat did it,'" says Rosen.

* Mood changes like depression or anxiety, out-of-control behavior, changes in relationships, communication, and school performance. Kids who are unable to manage day-to-day stresses of life are vulnerable to cutting, says Rosen.
- | Cutting & Self-Harm: Warning Signs and Treatment
Reply

Lonely Gal
06-17-2008, 11:05 AM
u've hit the nail on the head. When your feelin so much emotional pain you don't see any other way out. No-one wants to cut them self for the sake of it, its just thats summat else to feel instead of the horrible heartache u are alwasy feeling.
Those who harm themselves, know its wrong but when things are so bad, it feels as no other escape. feelings are bottled and inside and cos u just cant lash out at anyone else to get frustration out, it feel best to do it to yourself to feel the different pain, and u feel as that may help in some sort of way. Instead of feelin that one pain constantly, you feel a different pain.. a change..
Reply

cimira
06-21-2008, 06:42 PM
i self harm and the reason i do it is because when something or sum1 hurts me and i cant take the hurt, wen i cut myself i feel as if i can hurt myself more than any1 else and that makes the emotional pain im feeling better
Reply

------
06-21-2008, 07:30 PM
:salamext:

^ It's not worth it...Wallaahi...
Reply

SixTen
06-21-2008, 07:33 PM
I think, for alot of us - it makes no sense why anyone would do it. In light of that, most of us really arn't qualify to give advice for somthing we have no understanding of.

What would seem, the best people to seek advice from, is people who used to cut themselves and hear them out. Relate with them why they did it, why its wrong and how they stopped doing it. I think people are far more convinced by those who went through similar experiences rather than those who probably see them as "strange" crudely speaking.

Myself, I cannot fathom how people end up cutting themselves - I myself have gone through hard times as sure many have - but I will not understand what results in people cutting themselves (why it relieves them) - So it really isn't my place to advice :).

I think if you look around the web, you can find people who got off it that can help you greatly.
Reply

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