:sl:
Welcome to the forum Ukthi. It is we who will learn from you.
many of us experience the same type of feelings at times. we are all human and basically we all have a tendency to try to do things in our own time and in our own manner.
It is truly a blessing you came here in this most Blessed of all months. You have already served as a valuable lesson that all of us will slip, but with the forgiveness of Allah(swt) we can repent and return to being Muslim in action and not just in Word.
Jazakallahu Khairn for letting us be part of your life.