My patience is really wearing down…..

[salam786]

Out of unhelpfulness I am writing today in aid of some advice, usually after being a little upset I would let any family problem blow over me thinking that I leave it in the hands of my creator who will do the best in any case but today I feel all limits have been crossed. It all starts off like this…..

At the age 14, my father passed away but prior to him passing away my mother and father never had the best of relationships as the relationship was on the verge of coming to an end due to constant meddling coming in from my dad side of the family. My dad side of the family in particular his sister had the tendency to do black magic on my father so that he would argue with my mum and it worked. My mother also assumed that my father was doing black magic on her so years and years went by where I would hear my parents argue. Anyway my older sister maintained her relationship with my dads side of the family despite them not having anything to do with my family after my father passed away. My mum disapproved of my older sister maintaining such relationship so my mother started to assume that sister has taken the role to do black magic on her seeing as she is involved with my father side of the family.

Things got really bad for my older sister, she wasn’t allowed to have a bath at home, if she did my mum made sure the water was cold for her, she weren’t allowed to eat so my sister use to bring food home by hiding it away from my mum and storing it in her room, her room was searched on a regular basis when she went to work etc. The condition got bad so my sister left home about five years ago.

Now after my older sister comes my older brother and then me. As my older sister left and my older brother is far to precious to my mum, so I happened to be the next person on the firing line and I still feel I am. On a regular basis I would be taunt at as my mum assumed I maintained a relationship with my older sister after she left which I did do but was too afraid to say so as it was against what my mum wanted, my mum said that as she has got nothing to do with her, I shouldn’t do either but how could I cut of family relationships just like that? So as time went on, my mum occasionally hit me or got my older brother to hit me as they believe I was now doing the black magic in the house seeing as they still assumed I had kept seeing my sister after she left home.

As I was a college student right up until my second year of uni I worked just on Saturday. Any income I made would pay for my travel expenses, mobile phone bills and food for lunch whilst at college/uni/work. My mother expected me to pay money £200 every month for using electric,water gas etc, bearing in mind that up until my second year in college I was allowed to have a bath three/four times a week, after my second year I was told I was only allowed to have a bath once a week seeing as I didn’t help in doing the housework/cooking but how could I because every time I would clean, even if its vacuuming the living room it would be redone by either my mum or my younger sister as my mum didn’t think it was up to her standards, I would love to learn how to cook but each time I asked my mum that can I help in cooking she would say go inside,it not something you can do . I paid £50 as this was what I could afford even though I wouldn’t put on the central heater in my room as I was too scared of the reaction I would get and alhumdilah I got by even on the cold, snowy days I wouldn’t dare thinking of switching it on but I was fine with it as I would think that there are people who are suffering far worse than me and at least I have a home to go to thank Allah.

Just as things couldn’t get any worse I was told I couldn’t have a bath anymore as I stopped paying so I would go to my older sister house and have a bath if not I would out of no choice hire a hotel room just so I can have a bath. I would have gone to the local swimming bath and had a shower there but as there is no privacy I chose the hotel as the last resort. I stopped working last year as I needed to concentrate on my final year studies at uni so I couldn’t provide an income except for what I saved and that I have kept for the sake of when I get married as my mum has told me already that she can’t afford to pay my wedding whenever it will be but yet I still didn’t hold no grudge as for my older brother she bought a car for £13,000 as well as paying for whatever he needs on a regular basis, but my mum not only does this for him but she does it for the rest of the family except me.

The accusations about me doing black magic still go on up until this day, some days its so bad that I am just confined to my bedroom the whole day, even using the toilet was restricted for about two weeks this year so every morning I woke up I would get ready and use the supermarket toilets on top of which I was told I couldn’t use the tap water to brush my teeth or wash my face so I use to fill up water bottles from a friends house so that I could use every morning but thank Allah things aren’t that bad now although I never know with my mum when I’m back on that rocky rollercoaster.

Before my older sister left she bought the hadiths and plenty of Islamic books. Now my youngest sister sleeps in my older sister room and believes she owns the property(books, hadiths etc). On several occasions I would take a Islamic book to read and would find that its taken away from me by my younger sister as my mum is lead to believe that I read such books to do black magic on her. So I started buying the books myself and my younger sister couldn’t take them away as she knew I purchased it myself.

My younger sister is just like my mum, she too too obsessed with her cleaning and consider someone like me to have several germs and diseases so she keeps away from me and insults me whenever she thinks best. I keep quiet to avoid argument and whenever reading namaz I always ask Allah to guide my mum. My mum moved all the qurans that were in the house into my younger sister room. Not long ago, about a week and a half my mum was in my younger sister room, my younger sister wasn’t there, so I asked my mum is it okay as ramazan is coming that I take one of the quran to read, my mum said it was okay, so after seeking my mum permission, I took the quran infront of my mum and started reading from that point onwards.


Today problem was this…

My younger sister came to my room and took the quran off me and said angrily did you ask me before taking it? I went to my mum in hope that she would make my sister understand but little did that help as my mum called out to her and my younger sister said that I had no right in taking it in the first place and my mum said to me that forget it, leave it as it is, I replied back by saying ok I will go out and buy another quran tomorrow but that fuelled my mum as she says I was making the matter bigger than what it is and that what need is there for me to buy another quran where there is so many at home? But how could I go read the quran that are at home if my younger sister claims that they are all hers and I have to seek her permission to read them. I spent most evening crying, just the reaction of my mum and what my sister did really upset and hurt me.
I don’t want to leave home like my older sister, I just don’t know what to do anymore

[Rafeeq]

Dear SIs

I try to answer your problem point wise.
- There is nothing but your mother need continues attention and love I feel.
- You should buy another Quran and as per Quaran, take help from sabar (patience) and salat (prayers).
- Concentrate on your studies and donot worry about the money, after graduation you will earn them back.
- Try to contact your older sister and seek her advise also.

Pray for your mother and younger sister during these ramadhan and ask Allah to show them the right path and let you respect your mother always.

Masalama

Out of unhelpfulness I am writing today in aid of some advice, usually after being a little upset I would let any family problem blow over me thinking that I leave it in the hands of my creator who will do the best in any case but today I feel all limits have been crossed. It all starts off like this…..

At the age 14, my father passed away but prior to him passing away my mother and father never had the best of relationships as the relationship was on the verge of coming to an end due to constant meddling coming in from my dad side of the family. My dad side of the family in particular his sister had the tendency to do black magic on my father so that he would argue with my mum and it worked. My mother also assumed that my father was doing black magic on her so years and years went by where I would hear my parents argue. Anyway my older sister maintained her relationship with my dads side of the family despite them not having anything to do with my family after my father passed away. My mum disapproved of my older sister maintaining such relationship so my mother started to assume that sister has taken the role to do black magic on her seeing as she is involved with my father side of the family.

Things got really bad for my older sister, she wasn’t allowed to have a bath at home, if she did my mum made sure the water was cold for her, she weren’t allowed to eat so my sister use to bring food home by hiding it away from my mum and storing it in her room, her room was searched on a regular basis when she went to work etc. The condition got bad so my sister left home about five years ago.

Now after my older sister comes my older brother and then me. As my older sister left and my older brother is far to precious to my mum, so I happened to be the next person on the firing line and I still feel I am. On a regular basis I would be taunt at as my mum assumed I maintained a relationship with my older sister after she left which I did do but was too afraid to say so as it was against what my mum wanted, my mum said that as she has got nothing to do with her, I shouldn’t do either but how could I cut of family relationships just like that? So as time went on, my mum occasionally hit me or got my older brother to hit me as they believe I was now doing the black magic in the house seeing as they still assumed I had kept seeing my sister after she left home.

As I was a college student right up until my second year of uni I worked just on Saturday. Any income I made would pay for my travel expenses, mobile phone bills and food for lunch whilst at college/uni/work. My mother expected me to pay money £200 every month for using electric,water gas etc, bearing in mind that up until my second year in college I was allowed to have a bath three/four times a week, after my second year I was told I was only allowed to have a bath once a week seeing as I didn’t help in doing the housework/cooking but how could I because every time I would clean, even if its vacuuming the living room it would be redone by either my mum or my younger sister as my mum didn’t think it was up to her standards, I would love to learn how to cook but each time I asked my mum that can I help in cooking she would say go inside,it not something you can do . I paid £50 as this was what I could afford even though I wouldn’t put on the central heater in my room as I was too scared of the reaction I would get and alhumdilah I got by even on the cold, snowy days I wouldn’t dare thinking of switching it on but I was fine with it as I would think that there are people who are suffering far worse than me and at least I have a home to go to thank Allah.

Just as things couldn’t get any worse I was told I couldn’t have a bath anymore as I stopped paying so I would go to my older sister house and have a bath if not I would out of no choice hire a hotel room just so I can have a bath. I would have gone to the local swimming bath and had a shower there but as there is no privacy I chose the hotel as the last resort. I stopped working last year as I needed to concentrate on my final year studies at uni so I couldn’t provide an income except for what I saved and that I have kept for the sake of when I get married as my mum has told me already that she can’t afford to pay my wedding whenever it will be but yet I still didn’t hold no grudge as for my older brother she bought a car for £13,000 as well as paying for whatever he needs on a regular basis, but my mum not only does this for him but she does it for the rest of the family except me.

The accusations about me doing black magic still go on up until this day, some days its so bad that I am just confined to my bedroom the whole day, even using the toilet was restricted for about two weeks this year so every morning I woke up I would get ready and use the supermarket toilets on top of which I was told I couldn’t use the tap water to brush my teeth or wash my face so I use to fill up water bottles from a friends house so that I could use every morning but thank Allah things aren’t that bad now although I never know with my mum when I’m back on that rocky rollercoaster.

Before my older sister left she bought the hadiths and plenty of Islamic books. Now my youngest sister sleeps in my older sister room and believes she owns the property(books, hadiths etc). On several occasions I would take a Islamic book to read and would find that its taken away from me by my younger sister as my mum is lead to believe that I read such books to do black magic on her. So I started buying the books myself and my younger sister couldn’t take them away as she knew I purchased it myself.

My younger sister is just like my mum, she too too obsessed with her cleaning and consider someone like me to have several germs and diseases so she keeps away from me and insults me whenever she thinks best. I keep quiet to avoid argument and whenever reading namaz I always ask Allah to guide my mum. My mum moved all the qurans that were in the house into my younger sister room. Not long ago, about a week and a half my mum was in my younger sister room, my younger sister wasn’t there, so I asked my mum is it okay as ramazan is coming that I take one of the quran to read, my mum said it was okay, so after seeking my mum permission, I took the quran infront of my mum and started reading from that point onwards.


Today problem was this…

My younger sister came to my room and took the quran off me and said angrily did you ask me before taking it? I went to my mum in hope that she would make my sister understand but little did that help as my mum called out to her and my younger sister said that I had no right in taking it in the first place and my mum said to me that forget it, leave it as it is, I replied back by saying ok I will go out and buy another quran tomorrow but that fuelled my mum as she says I was making the matter bigger than what it is and that what need is there for me to buy another quran where there is so many at home? But how could I go read the quran that are at home if my younger sister claims that they are all hers and I have to seek her permission to read them. I spent most evening crying, just the reaction of my mum and what my sister did really upset and hurt me.
I don’t want to leave home like my older sister, I just don’t know what to do anymore

[tryinghard]

:sl: I'm very saddened to hear of your situation. It seems as if your mother and sister are either paranoid or suffering from some psychological disorder. You should encourage them to seek help, or it may be beneficial to tell some trusted family friend or relative. At the same time, they are your family and you feel some responsibility for and loyalty towards them. I'm not sure this is much help, but you need to be patient. I had a bad family situation once; now, once I've moved out, my life has gone back to normal. Try and ignore them; try your best to avoid conflict with them; sometimes, minimizing interaction is what works best. About the shower situation, shower at your sister's place or maybe your school has one or you can go to a friend's house. Buy your own Quran. Try and find things to enjoy outside the home like extracurricular school activities or activities with friends at your masjid. Focus on your studies; education is the key to improving your current situation and the idea of working towards a goal will lessen your worries and feeling of helplessness. At the same time, pray to Allah SWT and read Quran; they are the greatest source of relief. Remember that situations are always temporary and Allah is always watching over you. :w:

But, if you feel worse, you might want to consider moving out and living with your sister, family friend, or another relative. of course, this would be a last resort. I hope that helped.

[Protected_Diamond]

Subhana' Allah you've been though so much! Sis if you still at uni try and find the prayer room and read the Quran sharif at uni if you can. Im sure there will be plenty at uni.

Get away from your problems by reading books and occupy yourself to think about other things. Insha' Allah you'll get rewarded. With every hardship comes ease insha Allah. Try and find some sisters who live near you who can help you out. Consult with them and seek for their advice insha Allah. Keep praying.

I'll make dua for you yeah - don't think about your problems too much coz it'll only give you a headache.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[rozeena]

:cry: thats reali sad sis, i think you should also buy another quran for yourself, to be honest i dnt think its fair that ur sister is saying der hers.I totali feel 4 u inshallah evrifing will get betta i will do dua 4 u. May allah make all ur problems dissappear,

[Protected_Diamond]

^^ Ameen

[salam786]

Ameen, thank you, i will take the advise on board

[Protected_Diamond]

If you need anything PM me i'll try my best to help you insha Allah. Ask me anything i don't mind. Im here for you yeah