Assalamu-alaikum sister (I was abit perplexed that your username is 'anonymous gender' as you are quite clearly a sister!).
I will try to be as empathetic in my response as I can......
Regarding the following:
format_quote Originally Posted by
AnonymousGender
:sl:
i thank u all for ur help.yet i still feel as though the advise which will make me feel ok is yet to be provided by all my brothers and sisters...
please help me.
:w:
Sister, what kind of advice would make you feel ok? There can only be three outcomes from your predicament 1. You marry him 2. You wait 3. You walk away. The consensus seems to be that you wait for him to finish his studies and then seriously approach the idea of marriage.
I can understand that the first option will seem the most desirable....but is it the wisest move? I know Islam encourages people to marry young, in order to keep their desires in check amongst the many other reasons..... I think in extreme cases (where there is a real threat of falling into great sin) this may the solution.....but does this reflect your current situation?
What about the third option? If he can't provide the commitment that you are looking for - how long are you willing to wait? Can you find it in yourself to walk away? Judging by what you have written, you have developed a deep bond with this person. It will be extremely difficult to erase this person from your memory. Imagine your parents find you a suitable match elsewhere.....who will you be really thinking about? As a Muslim, this will be a very dangerous and vunerable situation to find yourself in........so this is highly unlikely to be the solution either.
Which brings me to the second option. You wait. Before I ramble on as to why this may be the best option let me tell you something about my situation. I am a sister in her late twenties still waiting for a proposal (via family/friends). In many communities I am considered 'past it', 'on the shelf' and to some 'at the back of the shelf'!!! Can you imagine how difficult it is to wait for something that might never happen?! Yet I have hope - even though the situation at times can appear very dire!
Sister you are in a far better position, you have someone who
wants to marry you......he's just not ready for it yet. You say that ‘he is still studying and has no money, no work, no self-confidence, no sense of responsibility outside his personal sphere...’
I am confused, if he lacks these important attributes that a man needs to sustain a marriage – how can a nikah be on your mind? …………..But that’s me going off on a tangent – I know questioning how you got to this point is academic. What you need is a way forward.
Time will provide you with the following:
He’ll finish his studies, inshaAllah find employment, develop his confidence, his family will acknowledge that he is no longer a boy but a man – and thus ready for marriage. At this point, I don’t think anyone will have any valid reason for you not be married.
Dear sister, Islam is a religion of logic. Sometimes our families can appear to be a big trial for us. In this case perhaps his family is a big trial for him. But until he can stand on his own two feet and provide the basic things that a husband needs to provide – the best thing would be to wait.....?
Allah knows best. I would strongly suggest that you seek the advice of a qualified scholar. You’ll find forums full of people (like me) with opinions …..but true advice comes from those qualified to give it.
May Allah swt make it easy for you.
Wasalaam