View Full Version : If someone insults your wife
jimbo123
10-20-2007, 07:37 AM
I am trying to prepare myself for marriage.
If someone verbally insults your spouse what is the correct and best way to react?
Islam teaches us to be kind to those that are evil to us but I'm not sure if that teaching should be applied to that situation
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Tania
10-20-2007, 08:21 AM
The best would be to ignore him because if he see you become angry or something, he will be always picking up on you. Also, you could just tell him next time you will sue him (in the civil court)
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jimbo123
10-20-2007, 08:03 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
Tania
The best would be to ignore him because if he see you become angry or something, he will be always picking up on you. Also, you could just tell him next time you will sue him (in the civil court)
I didn't know you could sue someone for that. But if it is just a complete stranger then that threat wouldn't hold much value.
Does anyone else have an idea?
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Isambard
10-20-2007, 08:08 PM
Just insult him back
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aamirsaab
10-20-2007, 08:46 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
Isambard
Just insult him back
Or you could give him a round house kick to the face,
Chuck Norris style. Reply
MadeenJibreel
10-20-2007, 09:52 PM
Chucky is too old and slow, you might use one of Jet Li's specialities
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Kittygyal
10-20-2007, 09:53 PM
Just jump him!
Or call the police on him!
Slap him!
Pull his ear and drang him to the Police Station!
Lock him in a dark room!
Make a fight!
:p
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snakelegs
10-20-2007, 09:56 PM
generally, i think ignoring is best.
other than that, why not let your wife handle it?
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Kittygyal
10-20-2007, 09:57 PM
^ Wife will faint. :X
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jimbo123
10-20-2007, 10:35 PM
one of my posts got deleted. they say i put up a haram picture???
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-21-2007, 05:27 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
snakelegs
generally, i think ignoring is best.
other than that, why not let your wife handle it?
no offence, but a lady should feel secure with the expectation that her husband will defend her, without her having to butt in.
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Tania
10-21-2007, 06:31 AM
If its someone unknown the wise thing its to ignore him completely. May be he has a bad day or has different taste from you etc.
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snakelegs
10-21-2007, 06:55 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
maryam11
no offence, but a lady should feel secure with the expectation that her husband will defend her, without her having to butt in.
fair enough - i guess it depends on the culture. (most of the women i know could handle it themselves.)
i would add though, that if it is the husband's family who is insulting her, i think he is obliged to speak up.
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-21-2007, 06:59 AM
its not about being able to handle it or not. he should be manly enough to defend her.
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snakelegs
10-21-2007, 07:04 AM
o.k. = (i don't want to argue about it.)
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jimbo123
10-21-2007, 07:52 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
maryam11
its not about being able to handle it or not. he should be manly enough to defend her.
Exactly. I wouldn't want my wife to say or do anything except maybe call the police. I would probably say 'What did you just say/do??' and then push/pull him about until he said sorry. I'm not very good at insults.
If it were a small gang I'm not sure what I would have done, people these days get stabbed over a mobile phone imsad
But then, this is what I would do. What would Mohammad (Peace Be Upon Him) have done in this situation?
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-21-2007, 07:58 AM
:sl:
thats a very good question. and i dont know it. try finding it on islam-qa.com
:sl:
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Al-Zaara
10-21-2007, 08:33 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
snakelegs
generally, i think ignoring is best.
other than that, why not let your wife handle it?
Yeah, I agree with you. In my opinion, my husband doesn't need to say anything or start a barbaric fight just because some moroon insulted me... All
I would really appreciate is him giving the person a deadly look/or just ignore, then take my hand, take me to some other place and comfort me, with a hug or simply words... You know, that's in my opinion a real husband, rather than going loco. :giggling:
But as we speak, if
I would be the wife, I'd have some beautiful words to say but then maybe I'd get both of us in danger, so if he ignores, I'll ignore too. And if I ignore, I'd want to him to ignore it too.
:D
format_quote Originally Posted by
Tania
If its someone unknown the wise thing its to ignore him completely. May be he has a bad day or has different taste from you etc.
Exactly.
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:sl:
you dont have to curse the person but insulting them back or saying something would be a good idea.
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tomtomsmom
10-21-2007, 03:13 PM
Bro it depends on your wife. We can't really answer that question. Some women would want you to step up and say something, some women would want you to remain silent. That is something you and your future wife should talk about.
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jimbo123
10-21-2007, 03:23 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
tomtomsmom
Bro it depends on your wife. We can't really answer that question. Some women would want you to step up and say something, some women would want you to remain silent. That is something you and your future wife should talk about.
True a lot of things should be discussed with the wife. But because the man is the protector of the family it should be up to him, no?
There's been a lot of varied responses. I've been trying to find a relevant hadith but to no avail. If someone has one please share it with us!
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tomtomsmom
10-21-2007, 03:27 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
jimbo123
True a lot of things should be discussed with the wife. But because the man is the protector of the family it should be up to him, no?
There's been a lot of varied responses. I've been trying to find a relevant hadith but to no avail. If someone has one please share it with us!
In a way, yes, it is up to him. But if you saying something will make you wife even more upset or get you into a physical fight and you end up dying is that protecting your family? I personally don't think so.
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Maidah
10-21-2007, 05:37 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
maryam11
no offence, but a lady should feel secure with the expectation that her husband will defend her, without her having to butt in.
:D EXACTLY :D
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jimbo123
10-21-2007, 07:34 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
maryam11
no offence, but a lady should feel secure with the expectation that her husband will defend her, without her having to butt in.
Kind of like a child who expects to be safe with his/her parents.
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SirZubair
10-21-2007, 07:39 PM
If your future wife is anything like my wife, she'll tell you to be patient and that Allah (swt) will reward you justly for your patience.
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Kittygyal
10-21-2007, 07:41 PM
Salamualikum.
^ Aww masha'Allaah thats cute.!
Ma'assalama
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Isambard
10-21-2007, 07:42 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
jimbo123
Kind of like a child who expects to be safe with his/her parents.
So you're saying women are helpless?
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MadeenJibreel
10-21-2007, 08:28 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
jimbo123
Kind of like a child who expects to be safe with his/her parents.
I prefer my wife to be a gentle woman, not like a man - in looks or behaviour - what do you think?
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MadeenJibreel
10-21-2007, 08:30 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
MadeenJibreel
I prefer my wife to be a gentle woman, not like a man - in looks or behaviour - what do you think?
BTW, did not Allah put us men in charge over our families? We are responsible for them rite? So it's not really a wife's duty to defend herself. Now why should a man be like a woman and a woman like a man???
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Ourra-Tul-'Ain
10-21-2007, 08:33 PM
Sallam all
seriously i would NEVER EVER want my hubby to get into a fight because some looser said sumink silly to me:heated: i would draaaaaaaag my hubby away;D (how am i ment to look at him when he gets a black eye) and lol what if my hubby looses the fight WHAT, AM I MENT TO JUMP IN:giggling:
i'm not married yet, when InshAllah i am ^thats what i'll do^
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guess-who
10-21-2007, 11:51 PM
man i wud knock the guy out if he did that to my future wife....but i would make sure she wont get harmed first
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guess-who
10-21-2007, 11:52 PM
or if its too dangerous then i will make sure i remember the person and when not wid the wifeyy i would then ask him what he said when im dangling off a bridge by his feet
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the whole chivalrous thing is all wonderful, and fairy tale like.. but I think most women agree, they'd rather have a live doting husband than take their chance on one that answers the call of every dog that barks and possibly come home with a racoon face every so often..
Besides that, I don't think it is wise to take your lady to an area that doesn't suit you both demographically..
men being flirtatious of harassing usually happens in poor neighborhoods, Italy, and the baltimore grayhound station :eek:.. I'd say go shopping uptown instead of downtown, avoid Italy unless on tour, and take the train instead of the bus and you won't find yourself wondering what to do in such a hypothetical situation, since you simply won't be faced with them :D
:w:
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guess-who
10-22-2007, 12:02 AM
yeh good point...i would not take her to such places but sometimes the scum appear in places you never expect
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-22-2007, 02:45 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
SirZubair
If your future wife is anything like my wife, she'll tell you to be patient and that Allah (swt) will reward you justly for your patience.
:sl:
yeah, but still. i would kill my husband if i were insulted and he said nothing.
:sl:
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-22-2007, 02:47 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
Isambard
So you're saying women are helpless?
i dont think he is. i think wahat he is saying, is that women should feel protected by their husbands. it does not negate that she can speak up for herself. i know i am able to speak up for myself, but if i were married, i would prefer my husband to take over.
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Isambard
10-22-2007, 05:03 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
maryam11
i dont think he is. i think wahat he is saying, is that women should feel protected by their husbands. it does not negate that she can speak up for herself. i know i am able to speak up for myself, but if i were married, i would prefer my husband to take over.
Why? You cant come up with a cheeky remark on your own?:P
That said, here is an excellent reason not to pick fights for silly reasons
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8MMP7S7E3g&NR=1:D Reply
Malaikah
10-22-2007, 06:33 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
Isambard
So you're saying women are helpless?
She would be if there weren't other people around and was being harassed by a male stranger who is most likely much stronger than her! Not an idea situation to be in, at all.
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-22-2007, 06:55 AM
Edit
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-22-2007, 06:55 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
Isambard
me!! nope, if someone where to insult me for wearing the hijaab, than i'll take over thanks. give them a piece of my mind.
but otherwise, my husband will be taking over, inshallah. he better!!! or else.....
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rozeena
10-22-2007, 08:05 AM
dats easi bro jus grab him n beat him up reali bad. so he knws neva 2 insult anuva women again lol.
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IbnAbdulHakim
10-22-2007, 10:38 AM
those who insult are arrogant and deserve to be ignored, but if someone sends a criticism... if it seems constructive then talk to your wife about it.
i see insults as such minor things, they are simply people giving away good deeds...
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jimbo123
10-22-2007, 10:46 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
IbnAbdulHakim
those who insult are arrogant and deserve to be ignored, but if someone sends a criticism... if it seems constructive then talk to your wife about it.
i see insults as such minor things, they are simply people giving away good deeds...
I don't share this view. I think that once you let someone seriously insult you... in any situation, not just with your wife they carry on doing it with other people.
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IbnAbdulHakim
10-22-2007, 10:49 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
jimbo123
I don't share this view. I think that once you let someone seriously insult you... in any situation, not just with your wife they carry on doing it with other people.
the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam ignored much insult towards himself, his beloved sahabi and his beloved family, he even ignored physical abuse such as the event when they left entrails on his back whilst he performed sajaadah and the event where the kaafir tried to strangle him and abu bakr saved him. All he did was give them Allahs curse, why cant we do the same? we can just say "Allah is not pleased with this action, may he guide you or curse you", if that doesnt put fear in them then leave them.
I see what your saying though, sometimes its destructive to ignore, we gotta do it wisely
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jimbo123
10-22-2007, 10:49 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
PurestAmbrosia
the whole chivalrous thing is all wonderful, and fairy tale like.. but I think most women agree, they'd rather have a live doting husband than take their chance on one that answers the call of every dog that barks and possibly come home with a racoon face every so often..
Besides that, I don't think it is wise to take your lady to an area that doesn't suit you both demographically..
men being flirtatious of harassing usually happens in poor neighborhoods, Italy, and the baltimore grayhound station :eek:.. I'd say go shopping uptown instead of downtown, avoid Italy unless on tour, and take the train instead of the bus and you won't find yourself wondering what to do in such a hypothetical situation, since you simply won't be faced with them :D
:w:
Yeah you can avoid trouble this way but it's never fool proof.
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-22-2007, 11:22 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
IbnAbdulHakim
the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam ignored much insult towards himself, his beloved sahabi and his beloved family, he even ignored physical abuse such as the event when they left entrails on his back whilst he performed sajaadah and the event where the kaafir tried to strangle him and abu bakr saved him. All he did was give them Allahs curse, why cant we do the same? we can just say "Allah is not pleased with this action, may he guide you or curse you", if that doesnt put fear in them then leave them.
I see what your saying though, sometimes its destructive to ignore, we gotta do it wisely
:sl:
good point brother. but its your wife/someone else thats being insulted. if it was yourself, that yeah, fair enough, do what you want.
:sl:
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IbnAbdulHakim
10-22-2007, 11:25 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
maryam11
:sl:
good point brother. but its your wife/someone else thats being insulted. if it was yourself, that yeah, fair enough, do what you want.
:sl:
like i sed before sis, if ignoring makes it worse then dont ignore it, if it makes it better then ignore it.
we gotta use our wise judgement in this case
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MaiCarInMtl
10-22-2007, 11:27 AM
As a woman, I'd like to think my husband would defend me (I wouldn't think twice of defending my husband if anyone said anything bad about him in front of me). Of course, I am not married so perhaps I am wrong here.
I say beat the man with your shoe! (Sorry, I just find it quite funny that some people find this beyond insulting - I once saw it on a soccer clip - Bwahahahaha!!!).
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tomtomsmom
10-22-2007, 01:25 PM
I am married and have had this situation come up a few times. In every case my husband, being the manly man that he is, wanted to bash the persons face in. I stopped him because I didn't feel like it was worth it. I have a very hot temper myself but others words are nothing to me. I know who I am and what I care about. No one can take that away from me no matter how nasty their words are.
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islamirama
10-22-2007, 03:09 PM
Well i would say it depends.
If you there's more than one guy or the guy is big and confronting him would put you and her in danger then i would suggest ignoring them and move on.
if it's some chump you can clobber or its in open public then you can tell them off and even try to get public on your side in cursing him out if you play your cards right.
Lastly, you should defend the honor of your wife and loved ones. That too is jihaad.
and now an amusing but true story...
there were two couples walking in the park (in britian) and some guy started picking on them and making fun of the hijab of the wife. The guy took his wife home and came back out (with a bat i think) and beat the crap out of the guy in the park. I think he needed an ambulance, and no one was there to clearly identify who did it and the big mouth learned his lesson :D
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jimbo123
10-22-2007, 03:14 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
islamirama
Well i would say it depends.
If you there's more than one guy or the guy is big and confronting him would put you and her in danger then i would suggest ignoring them and move on.
if it's some chump you can clobber or its in open public then you can tell them off and even try to get public on your side in cursing him out if you play your cards right.
Lastly, you should defend the honor of your wife and loved ones. That too is jihaad.
and now an amusing but true story...
there were two couples walking in the park (in britian) and some guy started picking on them and making fun of the hijab of the wife. The guy took his wife home and came back out (with a bat i think) and beat the crap out of the guy in the park. I think he needed an ambulance, and no one was there to clearly identify who did it and the big mouth learned his lesson :D
I wouldn't say that was an amusing story!
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ISLAMASWEENEY
10-22-2007, 03:53 PM
You shoudnt be nasty to a woman weather you are angry with her or not.
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Kittygyal
10-22-2007, 03:58 PM
Salamualikum.
^ Well your nasty to an Revert Muslim American dudette.
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Abu Musab
10-22-2007, 07:20 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
jimbo123
I am trying to prepare myself for marriage.
If someone verbally insults your spouse what is the correct and best way to react?
Islam teaches us to be kind to those that are evil to us but I'm not sure if that teaching should be applied to that situation
The most correct way to act would be to make sure the person can't insult your wife again, you decide what that means :|
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papa_smurf
10-22-2007, 09:20 PM
:sl:
Depends on the gender? Ladies insulting each other is purely jealousy.
But Bro! if a man insults your wife, kick the hell out of him, full stop!
I'm sure your missus is a wonderful muslimah, why let some prick interfere in your affairs it's totally ludicrous.
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jimbo123
10-22-2007, 11:38 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
papa_smurf
:sl:
Depends on the gender? Ladies insulting each other is purely jealousy.
But Bro! if a man insults your wife, kick the hell out of him, full stop!
I'm sure your missus is a wonderful muslimah, why let some prick interfere in your affairs it's totally ludicrous.
lol I'm not married it's just a hypothetical question.
I wouldn't mind a wife that knows how to argue (with another lady) because sometimes that's what you gotta do. Just so long as she doesn't use bad language or get into a fight.
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Qingu
10-23-2007, 04:46 AM
Responding to insults with violence and threats.... because that always works out wonderfully for you Muslims? :(
"Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me."
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jimbo123
10-23-2007, 08:56 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
Qingu
Responding to insults with violence and threats.... because that always works out wonderfully for you Muslims? :(
If you're talking about the cartoon thing.. that's a time that debating and protesting would have been better. It depends on the level of the insult and what's required of the situation - sometimes you can ignore, sometimes a dirty look will suffice, sometimes you can pull him towards you with both arms and give a dirty look.
"Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me."
Names can hurt a lot. Like I said before if someone insults you and you ignore them they might do it to someone else. After a while they might do something worse such as touching her... and then it could lead to something even more worse...
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Abu Musab
10-23-2007, 01:19 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by
Qingu
Responding to insults with violence and threats.... because that always works out wonderfully for you Muslims? :(
"Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me."
Maybe it's because it's the only language them kaafirs understand?
I prefer to crush the problem while it's still a weed, instead of waiting for it to become a tree and
then only going to do something about it.
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Qingu
10-24-2007, 03:51 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by
Abu Musab
Maybe it's because it's the only language them kaafirs understand?
I prefer to crush the problem while it's still a weed, instead of waiting for it to become a tree and then only going to do something about it.
This sounds like Bush's foreign policy! (Replace "kaafirs" with "Muslims," of course.) I mean, why wait for Saddam to get nuclear weapons when we think he might have them?
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nevesirth
10-24-2007, 04:04 AM
It depends on the situation, different situations call for different types of reaction, but my advise is u try as much as possible to avoid getting physical. violence is not always the answer, i believe a firm scolding might help.
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-24-2007, 06:41 AM
:sl:
okay, my opinions changed on this. i think as the husband he should defend his wife. but at the same time, i think the wife should encourage her husband to be paitent, etc. but i think if someone werre to insult her for waring the hijaab/islam. i think somehting should definatley be said, by either of them.
:sl:
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Danah
10-24-2007, 01:35 PM
I think the reaction is depend on what he will said...............
there is things if said you probably will beat him up till bleeding
so you will choose either to beat him up (but not too much) till he knowes his fault
so it depends
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best to walk around with a Bübëngröpën-diarrhea spray gun or a taser gun
if you plan to be heroic.. I think the diarhhea gun is brilliant.. whomever thought of that idea has my full respect and support..... it would be nice just to try on random joe's on the street..
or the guy writing you a ticket.. I hope they make it in a nonconspicuous gadget, so you could just take it out and give someone some awesomly painful cramps.
:w:
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Al-Zaara
10-25-2007, 05:39 AM
^^ Eh... Aggression problems, sis? :D lol
joking.
On a more serious note... I feel the thread has served its purpose. I see lots of opinions, and everyone should know for himself what's good inshaAllah. So...
THREAD CLOSED
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