Need your Help Urgently...

[Fatima88]

Assalamulaykom!

I met a man before i converted to Islam...he is from Jordan. I admire him when he prays and he treats me well. I was a Christian before but I couldnt have peace when I pray and i didnt know to whom i address my prayer because of too much people i was taught to pray to. When i met him, i must admit he took my heart and gave me a good faith, without his knowing about it.

I converted last February through the help of a friend who brought me to Islamic study. But by before that time our relationship is more than emotional, it is also physical. I dont know how to stop it or control it.. and i pray to God to help me because I was very weak. I told God to keep us together forever and help us stopped sinning by binding us thru marriage one day or I asked God to separate us if we are really have to separate one day.

He told me his parents are forcing him to get married in his country and they were angry to him why he keeps running away. He told me to catch him and give him baby. And he dreams of really having a girl child so she can take care of him when he grows old. My heart was softened again and i prayed to God if it is His will to keep us together... give us a child. And before he went back to his country for vacation... I am pregnant and that was after 6 months we were together.

He went there and he didnt agree to his family to get engaged and marry there. He went back to Qatar to be with me and told me to lose the baby so he can bring me to his family.

I dont understand why i need to lose it.. i know it is a big sin to kill an unborn baby and besides i prayed to God for this and I fear God if i will kill it. I am really scared and asking him why he told me to kill it and he was asking for it also. He told me it is not the time yet. I was very confused.

I took my vacation and im only 2 and half months pregnant. He gave me money to find a doctor who will do the abortion. Im scared really that God will punish me more and maybe this man will leave me after. I went home and tried to have strong heart to do it... but i couldnt even he told me he couldnt marry me anymore and he will leave me if i didnt lose it. I dont know if i made the right thing... I keep the baby fearing God will punish me more. .

Now im 6 months pregnant and it is a baby girl... i left home because i dont want my family to know it because it will create shame for them.


I still communicate with him. He said he loves me too much still but he said our relationship will go nowhere because his family will be very angry to him and blames me for not aborting the child.

I dont know what i will do. Why he said he couldnt marry me now since we have already a child and this child is haram?

I am deeply hurt and confused. Maybe i can get over with him one day but how about my child.. what I can do for him to recognise him?

[rozeena]

ermm that is a veri difficult situation sis. to be honest i wudnt knw wat advice 2 give. But i pray everthing goes better for you inshallah.

[Amz]

i dont understand y he doesnt want the baby...mayb ders more 2 that story, i pray everything works out for u, il make dua inshallah :(

[Fatima88]

He doesnt like it because his family is forcing him to marry from his country and they will not talk to him if he will not listen to them... and he said better for this child to die than to get hurt when she grows up without knowing his father

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[sevgi]

:sl:

sugar fritters!!!!

sis...u are one gullible girl...may Allah always walk before u inshallah...

are u sure this guy is muslim?

why in the world didnt u guys get nikah(married in the eyes of God) then meet the parents...u shud have wanted this before he got u pregnant.

whoa sis...this is one cufuffle.and abortion? how can he ask for such a thing...

get pregnant, dnt get prgnant...whats he doing? what are u doing with a man like this...

he is harming u...ur not even married...if he wanted to marry u he wud have...hes a man...why arent u gettn married now? go and do ur nikah straight away...

and the parents....

do u guys even care abt the parents anyway??? does he care what they think??? what permission is he after???what the hell??? theres no permission left!!!!! sis...i dno what to say...

pardon my tone...its alil harsh but i am so buggered by this.whoa.i dno what to say...he needs a good bash.a really good one.like...ufff...a thrashing...if i were u...i dno...

how bout ur parents? sis...dnt u care? is this man who only cares about his reputation in the eyes of his parents more important to u than ur parents??? and ur baby??? and ur own self respect???

sis...what advice can we give?

please just go have ur nikah...even tho this man is a disgrace...u love him and he has used u well...just get married asap to stop the haraam.inshallah all will work out.

his parents...as i said...no time for them...i cant believe he is still on abt them after doing all of this to u...

this is an upsetting story...i wish u well sis...but my personal advice to u...be smart.smarter than that.much much smarter than that or u will get very hurt in the future.trust noone but Allah...noone...no matter how much u love them.

forgive me if i have been too harsh or offensive..its just that i really care for u at the moment.

u need to seek advice from a physical source..dnt u know anyone that can help u?
:w:

[Fatima88]

He is from Jordan and he said their culture is like that... what about his baby? what life will she have without a father especially she is a Muslim. I dont know anyone who could really give me advice especially a shaik. Im confused also.

[Kittygyal]

Salamualikum.
Hard to find the right man!.. just pray to Allaah..
Ma'assalama

[IbnAbdulHakim]

bismillahir rahmaanir raheem

assalamu alaikum

culture isnt necessarily bad nor is it haraam until it conflicts with islam.

according to the scholars after 40 days of pregnancy when the soul enters the body of the child it becomes HARAM to have an abortion.

Allah says of which is the meaning:

Say: "Come, I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from": Join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents; kill not your children on a plea of want;- We provide sustenance for you and for them;- come not nigh to shameful deeds. Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom.

please dont kill this innocent child whatever you do sister, this is a plea for me. YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER TO ALLAH IF YOU COMMIT THIS GRIEVEOUS MISTAKE !!

your child is more worth then that man, i beg you to reconcile in other ways. The man needs not permission from his parents to marry you and it has become his duty to now look after you and his child, if he cant understand this then find another husband because his not fit for you.

may Allah grant us the understanding !!

[Umm Hurairah]

Whatever you do please please don't kill the little innocent child!

Make tons and tons of duaa and pray to Allah (SWT).

[sevgi]

sis...u must confont him with all he has done to u and demand nikah and marriage.

he must take responsibility of all his actions and stupid stupid stupid culture or whatever it is...i know jordanians...they sure dnt run around getting girls pregnant, not marrying them and demanding abortions.

i think this is his own culture.i think he needs a very massive beating.if i was ur dad...i think i would hospitalise him over and over again.

[snakelegs]

you are 6 months pregnant. an abortion is out of the question. frankly, i do not think this man could care very much about you and demand you to do such a thing.
if you are convinced that he does care, then maybe you should consider adoption?

[Fatima88]

Anyone who knows a shaik who i can talk or email ? Please im desperately needing this..he is hurting me so much

[sevgi]

:sl:

this will depend on where u are sis...

i probably cant help...im on the other side of the world...

inshallah someone can help u...

have u spoken to this guy??? told him how u feel???

is he physically hurting u? like beating and stuff???

[Fatima88]

he is working now in Qatar, i was working there also before i get pregnant and before he asked me to go home to have abortion...
Now im in my country, but my family knows that im still in Qatar working. He is verbally hurting me.. saying goodbye to me since he will follow his family will to get married to somebody he hasnt met yet or see the face yet. I dont see the logic while im here, no job, alone, living in a house friend like fugitive.... begging him to help me with the baby.

[Fatima88]

Is it good to threat him that i will tell his family regarding my situation. He keeps pushing me to go back to my family while i really couldnt but he couldnt tell his family regarding our situation fearing they will hate him forever

[Firyal]

:sl:

try to speak to ur man that if he dun marry u n accept da child, then ur ready to go before his family to speak da truth on their son n ur love affair, also tell him dat if da family will not accept den ur ready for a DNA test to prove ya innocence. Ur an intelligent sista n dun lose ur rights, know ur rights n work on it. Am sure if ya say dis to him, he might agree to marry ya. May Allah help ya n show ya da correct path.

:ws:

[sevgi]

Is it good to threat him that i will tell his family regarding my situation. He keeps pushing me to go back to my family while i really couldnt but he couldnt tell his family regarding our situation fearing they will hate him forever

find a sheikh to support u thru this...tell his family quickly...

doesnt he think that ur family will hate u forever!!!

i want to smash this guy.

he must hold ur hand thru this and u must both face ur families together...