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*~Sofia~*
10-31-2007, 08:57 AM
:w: brothers n sisters..

Ok, so let me put to you guys a scenario and tell me what you would do.. I just wanna know other people's view on this..

Ok.. so a woman has been married to this guys for like 10 years.. and have got 1 son, who is 8 years old.

The marriage isn't exactly a good one, the husband has a violent history with the wife, pushing her down the stairs etc..(tho this has siezed after the wife called the police on him)

After putting a stop to abusing his wife physically, he's now a man that abuses his wife mentally, when I say this, I mean, he does things or say things that would make you go like :heated:

He treats her like a child, he says things to her which is so degrading and makes her feel tiny.

He doesn't think she can look after he own son, and tells her how to do certain things, like put oil in his hair, feed him eggs every morning, and silly little things like that.

The man is a wealthy accountant and she works in a school, he doesn't pay for any of her things, just his sons.

They recently got a kitchen refurbishment where she paid for the whole kitchen.. and he didn't pay a thing.. :hmm:

He tells her that her car isn't good enough as all the mothers at the sons private school drives fancy cars and that she shud get one..

He just says all these things and it makes u wanna :grumbling

She could leave him right? get a divorce even tho it's not liked by Allah (swt).. but you can tell she isn't happy.. she complains bout her marriage to her parents and says 'never get married' to all her nieces.

the thing is a marriage isn't supposed to be like this and not all marriages are bad. She's scared that if she does divorce him, the courts will take her son away from her.. an seeing as he's loaded he can afford a good lawyer etc who would help get him his son back.

and she says that if she does divorce him, no1 will want to marry a divorcee with a child.

So she's just married to him, even tho he makes her life a living hell.

What would you gurls do? would you stay in a marriage that u are not happy with? u cud always marry again right? have a happier life?

What would you guys advice this woman to do? leave her husband? or stay with him even tho he treats her this way?

It would be interesting to hear your views.. :)

W'salam
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00:00
10-31-2007, 10:25 AM
What would you guys advice this woman to do? leave her husband? or stay with him even tho he treats her this way?
Leave the p***.

He doesn't think she can look after he own son, and tells her how to do certain things, like put oil in his hair, feed him eggs every morning, and silly little things like that.
This fool can't even look after his own self, getting her put oil in his hair she should put oil on his hair and than lite it.

She's scared that if she does divorce him, the courts will take her son away from her.. an seeing as he's loaded he can afford a good lawyer etc who would help get him his son back.
Won't the child have a say weather he wants to live with the mother or the father.

and she says that if she does divorce him, no1 will want to marry a divorcee with a child.
She's better off staying single than in this hell marrige. Inshallah Allah s.w.t will bless her with a better husband who's 10 x better than the one who's she's with.



I
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IbnAbdulHakim
10-31-2007, 10:37 AM
im curious, who decided this marriage, where they happy at the beginning?

ive noticed that involuntary marriages (where its initiated via emotional blackmail) normally ends up like this... where one side is oppressed (usually the wifes).

may Allah grant her sabr, cant this man even treat his wife well for the sake of his son? subhanAllah, this is why we should marry someone who fears Allah, they wouldnt dare behave in such a manner.


im guessing this fish is bengali too... sis i suggest an arbitrator come and seriously discuss the issue between this couple, my dad done it for loadsa couples and they got better afterwards by Allahs mercy, but if its still this extreme then a divorce may be necessary... audhubillah..
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sevgi
10-31-2007, 10:50 AM
:sl:

i'd divorce his sorry bottom...no question to it...

i mean..i am Allahs creation.im worth more than that guy...

and for the kid...Allah will lead him to the most auspicious parent and inshallah keep him...

getting married again?
if ur a divorced chick with a son...u cant be too picky right? as long as the guy is respectful ..u dnt need much more.there are wonderful brothers out there.maybe she cud find a divorcee...

its all about being logical in these cases.i know that its easier said than done..but i doubt she is emtionally attached to this guy..and as for her son, she muct realise that he is Allahs gift to her.and the court wont 'take' him away. she has a job. she has a brain.and she doesnt have a violent history...

i dno.but u asked what i wud do...i wouldnt stay another second.

think of the kid.do u really want him growing up in that..?please.sometimes, staying together is more traumatising that a divorce..u have to weigh your own situation up as see what is better for ur child and pray to Allah for him to help u make the right decision.

:w:
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-31-2007, 11:12 AM
:sl:
hope this helps. this
and this

It is permissible for a woman to ask her husband for a divorce, if there is a reason for that to be permissible, such as if he fails to give her her rights or he wrongs her or mistreats her, and does not respond to advice to treat her well and be kind to her.

But if a woman asks for a divorce with no reason, that is haraam and is a major sin.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”

Narrated by Abu Dawood (2226) and al-Tirmidhi (1187); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

Al-Mubaarakfoori said: i.e., without there being strong reason that compels her to seek a separation.

Tuhfat al-Ahqadhi, 4/410
Source

sheesh!! i should really get off islam-qa i've been on it all day. literally. :hiding:
:sl:
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ummzayd
10-31-2007, 11:55 AM
:sl:

Allah ta'ala doesn't demand of anyone that they should life such a miserable life, that is why divorce is permitted (and Allah swt knows best).

What a horrible family life for the child, and a dreadful example of Muslim manhood.

My advice to that woman would be to apply for a divorce, citing his degrading treatment as well as non-maintenance. If the wife is a better practising Muslim than the husband then she should make that clear and insha'Allah she will have custody.

HOWEVER. If this woman is not going to apply for divorce then I think she should make up her mind to have patience with the situation and try to keep a calm and cheerful atmosphere (on her part anyway) for the sake of her son. With the help of Allah swt it is not impossible insha'Allah, duaa of a woman in her situation is very powerful (there is no barrier between God and the one who is oppressed).

It's not good to try and put everyone else off marriage just cos yours is miserable and you don't want to do anything about it.

I hope I don't sound unsympathetic to the lady because I understand it's not always easy to get yourself out of a situation like that. alhamdulillah she had courage to report him to the police for his violence and that was nipped in the bud.

:w:
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*~Sofia~*
10-31-2007, 03:25 PM
:sl:

jazakhallah for all the replies..

This fool can't even look after his own self, getting her put oil in his hair she should put oil on his hair and than lite it
.

^ nah, the husband tells the wife to put oil in the son's hair.. not his own

Won't the child have a say weather he wants to live with the mother or the father.
^ yeh that's what I was thinking, and the son would deffinatly choose his mother.. they have a close relationship even tho the dad tries to stop this. The dad would take the boy for 'quality father-son time' and brainwash the son into hating the mum :heated:
It's never a family get together thing, it's alway mother-son or father-son.

She's better off staying single than in this hell marrige. Inshallah Allah s.w.t will bless her with a better husband who's 10 x better than the one who's she's with.
^ yeh, everyone has told her this, but she just doesn't wanna listen.. i don't get it :hmm:

im curious, who decided this marriage, where they happy at the beginning?
^ it was an arranged marriage.. elders of the family found a boy, gurl met boy.. engagement, marriage etc.. There wasn't a relationship before the marriage.

may Allah grant her sabr, cant this man even treat his wife well for the sake of his son? subhanAllah, this is why we should marry someone who fears Allah, they wouldnt dare behave in such a manner.
^ameen. I totally agree with you on this one. He has been to umrah and will be goin to hajj this year too..but he still hasn't changed his ways :hmm:

i'd divorce his sorry bottom...no question to it...

i mean..i am Allahs creation.im worth more than that guy...

and for the kid...Allah will lead him to the most auspicious parent and inshallah keep him...

getting married again?
if ur a divorced chick with a son...u cant be too picky right? as long as the guy is respectful ..u dnt need much more.there are wonderful brothers out there.maybe she cud find a divorcee...

its all about being logical in these cases.i know that its easier said than done..but i doubt she is emtionally attached to this guy..and as for her son, she muct realise that he is Allahs gift to her.and the court wont 'take' him away. she has a job. she has a brain.and she doesnt have a violent history...

i dno.but u asked what i wud do...i wouldnt stay another second.

think of the kid.do u really want him growing up in that..?please.sometimes, staying together is more traumatising that a divorce..u have to weigh your own situation up as see what is better for ur child and pray to Allah for him to help u make the right decision.
^ I agree with you sis, the thing is they are not married in the eyes of the law, they only had an islamic marriage.. nikah. so i dunno how the english courts will go about it. In their eyes, they are just living together, and who have a son... I guess that's where she thinks it will get complicated.
Everyone has told her that he is no good etc.. but she doesn't listen.. gets me so :grumbling sometimes coz he is not worth it.

I hope I don't sound unsympathetic to the lady because I understand it's not always easy to get yourself out of a situation like that. alhamdulillah she had courage to report him to the police for his violence and that was nipped in the bud.
^ nah it's fine sister, sometimes it's like hitting ur head against a brick wall trying to make her understand..i dunno why shes still with him :cry:

Nway, jazakhallah again for the views, was interesting to see what u all thought.. looks like you all feel the same as me!

W'salam
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DaNgErOuS MiNdS
10-31-2007, 03:39 PM
what is wrong with telling you wife to feed you kid eggs n put oil on his head?? The husband does seem pretty childish/spoilt n tight though but I guess we'll have to know both sides of the story to fully understand, so there is no point people saying divorce him n so on until they know the full story.
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IbnAbdulHakim
10-31-2007, 03:42 PM
Originally Posted by *~Sofia~*
:sl:
^ it was an arranged marriage.. elders of the family found a boy, gurl met boy.. engagement, marriage etc.. There wasn't a relationship before the marriage.
yes but sister where both of them really and truelly happy with the marriage?> did they both think "yes i like him/her i wanna get married to him/her?" or was it "you know what i should respect my parents?! and do as they say..."

allahu a'lam, the intentions need to be for the sake of islam to be honest...

theres too many such cases, the best thing for them is to seek Allahs help and if needed divorce... ( i hate the thalaaq word :()
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*~Sofia~*
10-31-2007, 03:46 PM
yes but sister where both of them really and truelly happy with the marriage?> did they both think "yes i like him/her i wanna get married to him/her?" or was it "you know what i should respect my parents?! and do as they say..."
yeh they were pretty happy bout gettin married. all the problems started a few years later.. but yeh ur right, they shud seek help from Allah (swt) n inshallah it'll b orite.
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Ummu Sufyaan
11-01-2007, 01:41 AM
Originally Posted by DaNgErOuS MiNdS
what is wrong with telling you wife to feed you kid eggs n put oil on his head?? The husband does seem pretty childish/spoilt n tight though but I guess we'll have to know both sides of the story to fully understand, so there is no point people saying divorce him n so on until they know the full story.
:sl:
what is wrong with telling you wife to feed you kid eggs n put oil on his head??
yeah, i was thinking the same thing.:mmokay: excpet i thought it was the husband asking the wife to do that for him. even in that case, whats wrong with it. i mean if it forced, or ordered, i can understand. but of its asked as a favor, whats so bad about that. :sunny:
:sl:
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