Confused About Religion.. I Need Help Desperately!

[Noor_]

Okay... This is going to be a long post but I've come here just to hear what you all think because I need advice. PLEASE read if you can.

I'm a 16 year old girl, and have been brought up in a muslim family. My family isn't what you would call 'very strict', but muslims all the same.

I just need help because lately... I've seemed to have lost hope and belief in religion - not Allah, because I still very strongly believe in him, but religion itself. Does that make any sense?
I just want to know if I'm not the only one and I don't know who to ask. I guess I'm a bit upset because I'm not getting any answers or 'signs' from Allah himself.

To me, there is no COMPLETE perfect religion (don't hate me!) because.. how do we know everything we're told from one book is true? It was written hundreds of years ago at a time when governments needed to control people - religion is the easiest way. And today still, you see people give up their lives for it. To me, religion destroys more people than it brings together. I'm not just talking about Islam, but every religion.

February this year, I met a boy at a concert I went to. I go to concerts all the time and I meet and become friends with loads of people - so I wasn't expecting anything. Anyway, we exchanged numbers and just got talking later on that night. A few weeks later we both knew we liked each other a lot. We met up again at another concert (we both belong to a record label's street team, that's why we got talking) and yes I did kiss him.
Anyway, we met up again a couple of weeks later, and at the end of May I decided to stay round at his house. You might think I'm crazy and that was a very bad move - my friends also told me not to go as I was only 15 and he was 18. But he took good care of me and his parents took me out for dinner and I got to know his family. My parents of course didn't know I was staying at his house, I told them I was staying at my friend's. Whatever you might say to me now, I do not regret that night. It was also the first time he told me he loved me :-)
Our relationship has developed over time, (and it is a sexual relationship before you ask) and we are perfectly in love with each other. I do actually intend to stay with him for a long time. He is also an atheist.

I know everything I've done is so wrong in Islam.. but am I really a bad person? I'm always nice to everybody, and the only thing I regret is not being able to tell my family. This is not my fault but it does upset me that they will never understand - he is the best thing that ever happened to me. One of my sisters, however, does know and I can tell her anything.

Is love really a sin in islam if you are not married? Because I personally cannot find a single thing wrong with it. He makes me so happy and I don't understand why this is wrong.

My instincts always tell me it is so much more important to be a good person than say, praying five times a day. Allah KNOWS I am grateful and loving for everything He has given me, is this really necassary?

Another thing I don't understand - is why the nicest person in the world, who is so loving and giving, cares for everybody and does so much good - will never enter paradise because they do not believe in Allah. Then you get somebodty the same but even less caring or loving, but because they pray 5 times a day, read the quaran ect, they will enter heaven.
I don't see how this is fair?

Please help me... I am so confused. :-(
I get so so scared about what will happen to me when I die - is Allah happy with who I am or am I a bad person? I tihnk about this everyday and it upsets me so much. I try my best to be a good person, but according to Islam I am the worst. I just don't see how.

Does anybody feel the same about certain things as I do?
Please talk to me!

[tetsujin]

Who's help do you want?

Someone who tells you what you could do, or someone who tells you what you should do?

The only advice I can give you this moment is that whomever you ask for advice will have a bias, and you need to understand that before you ask for advice.

If it helps I have a thread with my own issue. The only thing I can tell you is that I've been through it too, except that I faced depression and an aversion to close relationships.

If you want my advice let me know.

[Malaikah]

My instincts always tell me it is so much more important to be a good person than say, praying five times a day. Allah KNOWS I am grateful and loving for everything He has given me, is this really necassary?

:sl:

Sister I am not the best person to reply to your troubles, but I have only this one thing to say.

If you are grateful to Allah, and you love Allah, then shouldn't you want to obey Allah and love what Allah loves and hate what Allah hates?

[جوري]

Love is an emotion..emotions aren't sins, they are innate, unconditioned and spontaneous.
Now I imagine as I was a teenager once and I am not sure how old you are? but just having gone through that process I can say without a doubt that eomotions evolve over time..they take depth, sophistication more ingenuity and hope more richness, fullness, chagrin they can be threatening, forbidding and down right tragic.
I can't now deem some of the fetishes,crushes I had when I was 13 or 14 as love by the current definition of emotions, and knowing what love entails.

Love isn't just a happy sensation or a warm gooey feeling..that is deceptively simple... It is also built on sacrifice... there is something currently that is more important to you than being with your beloved? I can tell because then you wouldn't be writing here trying to justify your situation to yourself?.. You know deep down inside you don't need anyone's approval when you can carry on like this privately..you probably just want to hear your thoughts out loud...you probably want to know that what you are feeling is human...you probably want find a way that you can keep it going the way it is without great sacrifice... but I tell you again, that isn't what love is...

love means you take all of it the good and bad of it the whole package.. it means you can drop everything for when this emotions over powers and takes us we don't choose it, it chooses us.. it means you bring this fellow home to your parents and say he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with..

Anything less than that final culmination, isn't love!...It is something much less and more sinister that appears to confuse and cause you to question what should be very obvious... is everything in your life worth the sacrifice for a kiss you have stolen? Your family, your religion, your integrity, your womanhood?
If you can bring this gentleman home to your parents, I can't imagine a better expression of your love.... if not then a very wise brother from this forum taught me something magnificent and just today...called Hosper's theory "The ability to enjoy an object for its own intrinsic value without any desire to own or possess it." because acting on that emotion in the way you are is encroaching upon greater sin..

:w:

addendum...it appears I have skipped over a couple of parts of your post that are a complete disappointment...imsad
La 7wala wla qiwta ila billah..
May Allah guide you.. I don't think anyone can answer these questions for you...it is between you and Allah

is prayer necessry? I say prayer from a low common denominator 'tanhi 3an ilfa7sha'a wal'monkar'! So from where I am standing it is your only bond and the deciding ritual that separates a muslim from a kaffir..
:w:

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[Al-Zaara]

Okay... This is going to be a long post but I've come here just to hear what you all think because I need advice. PLEASE read if you can.

I'm a 16 year old girl, and have been brought up in a muslim family. My family isn't what you would call 'very strict', but muslims all the same.

Peace to you,

I'll try my best to give you some answers, but I'm no learned or a scholar or an Imam. I'd actually say you'd have to talk with a learned one... But don't know how possible that is for you, maybe you're even scared. OK, let's try this...

I just need help because lately... I've seemed to have lost hope and belief in religion - not Allah, because I still very strongly believe in him, but religion itself. Does that make any sense?
I just want to know if I'm not the only one and I don't know who to ask. I guess I'm a bit upset because I'm not getting any answers or 'signs' from Allah himself.

Forward in my post I kinda answered this, or mainly gave my opinion.

To me, there is no COMPLETE perfect religion (don't hate me!) because.. how do we know everything we're told from one book is true? It was written hundreds of years ago at a time when governments needed to control people - religion is the easiest way. And today still, you see people give up their lives for it. To me, religion destroys more people than it brings together. I'm not just talking about Islam, but every religion.

Governments don't feel the need to control the people now, huh? That's another story... And it has nothing to do with Islam.

People always give all they have for their beliefs, it has been so for centuries. Not just religion, that would be such an ignorant statement. Also for systems, and laws and emotions... The list is long. To me, people destroy more than anything else. You'd have the most perfect law at hand, imagine the moost perfect law ever, still there are those who do wrong/get misguided/interprent it wrong etc/. Not just any kind of people, but every people. Humans in general.

I know everything I've done is so wrong in Islam.. but am I really a bad person? I'm always nice to everybody, and the only thing I regret is not being able to tell my family. This is not my fault but it does upset me that they will never understand - he is the best thing that ever happened to me. One of my sisters, however, does know and I can tell her anything.

It is wrong, not because love is wrong or because happiness is wrong. It's wrong have you gained it. You did it through forbidden acts. You don't have to have regret for what you have gained... But how. I can see you feel bad for doing bad things.. I assume you feel it in your inner this is wrong, yet right at the same time. Love is right, but how it is done there are many ways.. Are you ready to marry him? Is he ready to marry you? We all want proof from the one we love, that they will never leave you etc etc And marriage is this proof. And not just proof to you, but proof to Allah too.

Is love really a sin in islam if you are not married? Because I personally cannot find a single thing wrong with it. He makes me so happy and I don't understand why this is wrong.

Love before marriage happens. It is not haram. But what you do with this love, is a whole other thing. You can love somebody deeply, but don't have to go into a sexual relationship. No body can say it's impossible, people have lived through this.

My instincts always tell me it is so much more important to be a good person than say, praying five times a day. Allah KNOWS I am grateful and loving for everything He has given me, is this really necassary?

You know, let's take it this way. I know my mother loves me, I KNOW it. But isn't it much greater and better if she comes and TELLS me that too? You can imagine this example with this guy you love, admit it, it feels great to know somebody loves you and even better when they tell you that. And to talk to Allah, that as possible through prayers. Imagine what you'd do if he stops telling you 'I love you' and stops showing affection etc. This is what you are doing to your belief in Allah. You are saying 'He knows, he knows' and still demand and are in need that Allah shows you His love by giving you signs, help... Still you do no deeds, sacrifice nothing to show you are worth it. Isn't that a bit selfish? Yes, of course. Human nature.

But there is reward for the one who admits Allah is greater than oneself, than anyone and anything, and that's when you realize, by obeying Allah and making Him happy, you are by that doing a 'good selfish' act, mainly wanting for yourself a good position in the eyes of God. Do I make sense to you?

Another thing I don't understand - is why the nicest person in the world, who is so loving and giving, cares for everybody and does so much good - will never enter paradise because they do not believe in Allah. Then you get somebodty the same but even less caring or loving, but because they pray 5 times a day, read the quaran ect, they will enter heaven.
I don't see how this is fair?

Everybody gets the verdict they deserve, God is the best of Judges, He knows best what's in people's hearts and what their intentions are, what they have done and why, what they believed and how much...

I cannot, and I doubt many more can tell you exactly what the persons will go through, what their punishment and rewards are!!

Please help me... I am so confused. :-(
I get so so scared about what will happen to me when I die - is Allah happy with who I am or am I a bad person? I tihnk about this everyday and it upsets me so much. I try my best to be a good person, but according to Islam I am the worst. I just don't see how.

You are so concentrated in being a bad or good person... Have you heard the saying, actions speak louder than words? I bet you have. And this is important: If you love something or somebody, you do whatever you can to make them happy.

[snakelegs]

i cannot answer your religious questions for obvious reasons. but reading your post, i do have a couple of thoughts.

To me, religion destroys more people than it brings together. I'm not just talking about Islam, but every religion.

i used to think this too. but no, it is not religion. it is people who destroy people. if they don't do it on the basis of religion, they will do it on the basis of race or some other division they have created.

Anyway, we met up again a couple of weeks later, and at the end of May I decided to stay round at his house. You might think I'm crazy and that was a very bad move - my friends also told me not to go as I was only 15 and he was 18. But he took good care of me and his parents took me out for dinner and I got to know his family. My parents of course didn't know I was s
taying at his house, I told them I was staying at my friend's.
now this i don't get at all. why would his parents let him sleep with a 15 year old???? what kind of a family does he come from?! something is very wrong with this picture!

i think you are trying to rationalize something that you know in your heart is wrong.

[waji]

:sl:

Sister One thing which i feel is that alot of people get confused with this frame of mind that because they are good to others and love Allah or God, so why they will be sent to hell
Now the first think loving is something else and obeying with love is something else in my opinion i think u would have heard about the Iblees(Devil) He was a jin who loved Allah so much that not any body else would have loved Allah that much but again loving is not what Allah wants He wants to see you Obeying him at any moment or at any cost (even givingup your ego or your life) That is the reason why Iblees(Devil) was thrown out of Heaven and on the Day of Judgment he will be sent to Hell
Why simply because he disobeyed Allah
if u read different Prophets stories u will come to know that loving or being Good to others is not enough
Being Obedient is what Allah wants from us
Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) is called "Kahlil ul Allah"
He gave up his parents for Allah
He was ready to gave up his own life and went into the fire just for Allah
He left his home country on Allah's will
He sacrificed his son on Allah's will (giving up his beloved son)
so keeping Allah above All in ur life is what Allah wants

Now a different point
sister when u get sick like headache so do u go to a dentist no because he is not knowledgeable to what u need.
That is why Allah has defined some boundaries for our social life because he is our Lord but because Allah knows what we don't
Nothing is hidden from him, he is the creator of us, heavens, earth, hell and every small to large thing exist in our solar system
so He know well how to interact with them and with among ourself
Obeying and living how Allah wants us to live then only one can get Peace that is Islam

:w:

[------]

This is a very detailed answer of your question.

:salamext:

I just need help because lately... I've seemed to have lost hope and belief in religion - not Allah, because I still very strongly believe in him, but religion itself. Does that make any sense?

Yeh that makes sense…

I just want to know if I'm not the only one and I don't know who to ask. I guess I'm a bit upset because I'm not getting any answers or 'signs' from Allah himself.

I’ve met some people like that…

To me, there is no COMPLETE perfect religion (don't hate me!) because.. how do we know everything we're told from one book is true? It was written hundreds of years ago at a time when governments needed to control people - religion is the easiest way.

How do we know it’s true? This bit requires faith, firstly. Only after having faith can you see the miracles in the Qur’an.

And today still, you see people give up their lives for it. To me, religion destroys more people than it brings together. I'm not just talking about Islam, but every religion.

How? If you think about it, back to the time of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam, when he was spreading Islam, how much peace there was in the people’s hearts? The companions of the Prophet’s, other people at that time….

February this year, I met a boy at a concert I went to. I go to concerts all the time and I meet and become friends with loads of people - so I wasn't expecting anything. Anyway, we exchanged numbers and just got talking later on that night. A few weeks later we both knew we liked each other a lot. We met up again at another concert (we both belong to a record label's street team, that's why we got talking) and yes I did kiss him.

Ok…. You know that’s not allowed so I won’t go into that…

Anyway, we met up again a couple of weeks later, and at the end of May I decided to stay round at his house. You might think I'm crazy and that was a very bad move - my friends also told me not to go as I was only 15 and he was 18. But he took good care of me and his parents took me out for dinner and I got to know his family. My parents of course didn't know I was staying at his house, I told them I was staying at my friend's. Whatever you might say to me now, I do not regret that night. It was also the first time he told me he loved me :-)

Ok…think about this. You say you believe in Allaah, right? Would you do all these things if you knew Allaah was watching your every move? Think about it… because Allaah swt IS watching your every move. On top of that, you are lying to your parents?

Our relationship has developed over time, (and it is a sexual relationship before you ask) and we are perfectly in love with each other. I do actually intend to stay with him for a long time. He is also an atheist.

Hold on just a minute…. 1) There is no concept of staying with anyone before marriage in Islam, and you probably know that any kind of contact is forbidden before marriage… Whether that be holding hands or having sexual relations….2) He is an atheist….? He doesn’t believe in Allaah, you do, so do you honestly think things will work out?

I know everything I've done is so wrong in Islam.. but am I really a bad person?

I think this is a question you need to ask yourself instead of asking us. You’ve broken most of the non contact rules of Allaah swt with non mehrams….and most of all you realize you’ve done wrong.

I'm always nice to everybody, and the only thing I regret is not being able to tell my family.

So you don’t regret having sexual relations with that man?

This is not my fault but it does upset me that they will never understand - he is the best thing that ever happened to me. One of my sisters, however, does know and I can tell her anything.

You might think that he is the best thing that has happened to you, but can’t you see that by being with him you are sacrificing your religion….

Is love really a sin in islam if you are not married? Because I personally cannot find a single thing wrong with it. He makes me so happy and I don't understand why this is wrong.

A minute ago you said: I know everything I've done is so wrong in Islam So you know that you are going about the wrong way to be happy. A person cannot be happy, a true believer, unless he lives his life Fi Sabillillah (In the way of Allaah)

My instincts always tell me it is so much more important to be a good person than say, praying five times a day. Allah KNOWS I am grateful and loving for everything He has given me, is this really necassary?

Yes, Allaah knows. Allaah knows everything. But have you considered what Allaah swt has said in the Qur’an? And I have not created the Jinns and Human beings but to worship Me (Surah 51, Verse 56). Praying is necessary because at the end of the day look at this example:
If someone did something nice for you, would you not give them a present? You would right? And that wouldn’t be just thoughts that ‘I’m grateful for what they’ve done”, you would buy them a present. Think about it – Allaah swt has created you - And this creation isn’t simple, it is SO complex, that even if one of our cells doesn’t work in the correct way, the whole system breaks down.

Even if we prayed 50 times a day (which was the original order, before it was reduced to 5), we still wouldn’t be able to thank Allaah swt enough for what he has provided for us.

Another thing I don't understand - is why the nicest person in the world, who is so loving and giving, cares for everybody and does so much good - will never enter paradise because they do not believe in Allah. Then you get somebody the same but even less caring or loving, but because they pray 5 times a day, read the quran ect, they will enter heaven.
I don't see how this is fair?

How can that person be nice when He doesn’t believe in the words of Allaah swt? When he has chosen to ignore the truth? The aim of all of us is to get into Jannah, where Allaah swt has promised everlasting pleasures for eternity…

Example: We have to pass our GCSEs to get into college, then pass college to get into Uni, then get a Degree to get a good job, right?

In this way, similarly, we need to follow the rules of Allaah swt to gain entrance into Jannah….and to stay in pleasure for eternity…just imagine that…SubhaanAllaah…
When we are there, on the day of Judgement, this life will seem like a day or part of a day…. THIS LIFE IS TEMPORARY SIS…Our true home is Jannah.
Look at what Allaah says in the Qur’an:
And the life of this world is nothing but play and amusement. But far better is the house in the hereafter for those who are Al-Muttaqun. Will you not then understand? [Surah 6, Verse 32]

Please help me... I am so confused. :-(

Answers above :)

I get so so scared about what will happen to me when I die - is Allah happy with who I am or am I a bad person? I tihnk about this everyday and it upsets me so much. I try my best to be a good person, but according to Islam I am the worst. I just don't see how.

You are scared, why? This might be because you know you are doing wrong, you know that Islam is correct. You being scared might be your ray of light of your Imaan, that is shining through all of this sin, and trying to tell you to turn back to Allaah swt.

You’re not the worst sis. Turn back to Allaah swt and repent before it is too late.
Praying in the last part of the night will be beneficial Inshaa Allaah

[PIE] The Authority of Abu Hurayrah

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth’s sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it to him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?”

Reporters
It was related by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim, Malik, at-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud). In a version by Muslim the Hadith ends with the words: And thus He continues till [the light of] dawn shines.[/PIE]

Subhaan Allah, look at Allaah swt’s Mercy…..

[PIE] The Authority of Anas

I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say: “Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me, and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it.”

Reporters
It was related by at-Tirmidhi (also by Ahmad ibn Hanbal). Its chain of authorities is sound. [/PIE]

I sincerely hope sister that you turn back to Allaah swt before it is too late. You and the whole Ummah are in my dua’s, and may we all meet each other in Jannah Inshaa Allaah Taa’laa.

Take care, and if you have anymore questions then please do not hesitate to ask.

Your sister in Islam,

Muj4h1d4

[Noor_]

I did not expect all those replies, so thank you to everyone who read through what I had written and was willing to help!

A few answers to questions previously asked:
- I am 16 years old. This isn't a crush - I know what love is and we both know this. I have never doubted my love for him and I know this is real.

-I have actually told my mother about him, and I actually intend for him to meet my family - his parents want to meet mine too. My mother of course, wants me to just be friends and friends only. She took the news badly (as you would expect) but after speaking to my sister she realised that this was a hard time for me.

-He told his parents that I was 16, that's why they didn't think anything. After asking him to tell them my real age (because I really really do hate lying) he did.

- No, I do not regret having a sexual relationship with him.. that sounds wrong but I really don't. I would never do anything I didn't want to.

-I am not giving up my religion for him. My faith has kept the same - and I have discussed this with him. Just because he does not believe in any religion, it doesn't mean that my faith changes.

-Yes, I do know the things I'm doing are wrong, but deep down my heart tells me not to feel guilty because I haven't harmed anybody through this happiness.

-Giving up someone I want to grow up with and stay together with just seems like a mistake to me. Having my own family has always been the thing I'm most looking forward to in this life - and I want to make sure it's with the right person. I don't want to carry on my life thinking 'What if..?'

-I am scared because I don't know. I'm being told that it is wrong, but who is telling me? I have no idea whether Allah is disapointed in who I am - I can only base this from the Quaran which is obviously not Allah himself.

-I know what is wrong and what is right, so thank you for reminding me.. I think I just need to know I'm not alone.

Thank you for your time, I'm very grateful to all of you.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah

you need to take out a second and see how what your doing is going to effect other people, you need to think about where your going and where you'll be.

Quite frankly, you've lost yourself in fulfilling your own desires and i find it very selfish.

let me know when your ready to seriously accept advice about reforming, right now you sound like you just want us to say "what you done is ok", not gonna happen sister, what you done is pretty bad !


the sickest thing being having no regret or shame about what you done, may Allaah forgive you and guide you

[Noor_]

I don't want you to say it's okay! I know what I've done is considered wrong

I'm not really sure what I want here - I just need people to talk to because I've been thinking these things for a long time without anyone to talk to about it.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

ok sis you know what would be best, if you share your MSN add wiv one of the sisters of this forum, then you can really talk about everything in detail, or we can take it one at a time, keep coming back ok ! inshaAllaah.


ok let me take the first thing:

I just need help because lately... I've seemed to have lost hope and belief in religion - not Allah, because I still very strongly believe in him, but religion itself. Does that make any sense?

Ok you've thought about it and you know that logic itself dictates that everything needs an initial. We need a beginning, without a beginning theres no middle/end etc etc. So God is indeed that begin, what you find difficult to believe is that there could be religions whilst so many distortions remain.

You see the distortions are man-made, but the religion is clearly from God, because the all preached the same thing, they all achknowledge the prophets etc. Tell me why would someone create something as complicated as lets say a car, and create no manual for it, it makes no sense. In the same way, why would God create earth and then not send someone to instruct us with a manual. In this case the instructor Is the messengers/prophets and the manual is the Quran/Injeel/Taurat/Zaboor (all the holy scriptures past and present).


lets talk about this further, please forgive me if i ever offend yuo, but i want you to understand what we believe to be the truth, if you reject it then thats you, but the truth remains the truth always...

[Noor_]

I understand what you're trying to tell and the paragraph about the beginning/middle/end is very very true.

If anybody would like to add me on MSN, let me know.

I'm willing to talk most of the time :-)

[Whatsthepoint]

Do you consider yourself a muslim or a deist?

[Trumble]

1. Always listen to advice from people you respect as competent to give it.

2. Always feel to reject that advice if you think it's wrong. Just because people may be convinced they are right doesn't mean they necessarily are.

3. Have faith in yourself and never lose respect for yourself. If you are prepared to make your own choices and then accept the consequences, good or bad, without complaint, you are a better person than many who choose to criticise those choices.

[------]

:salamext:

Sis did u read my post?

[Woodrow]

:sl:Ukhti,

The best solution will be if a knowledgable Sister sees this thread and adds you to her MSN. You are probably very perplexed at this moment and not certain of what you are even trying to ask.

I have quite a few grandchildren and you are not much younger than my 4 oldest grand daughters. I will try to address you in the same manner I would have spoken to them at your age, if they had been faced with the same situations you are speaking of:

Okay... This is going to be a long post but I've come here just to hear what you all think because I need advice. PLEASE read if you can.

I'm a 16 year old girl, and have been brought up in a muslim family. My family isn't what you would call 'very strict', but muslims all the same.

I just need help because lately... I've seemed to have lost hope and belief in religion - not Allah, because I still very strongly believe in him, but religion itself. Does that make any sense?
I just want to know if I'm not the only one and I don't know who to ask. I guess I'm a bit upset because I'm not getting any answers or 'signs' from Allah himself.

My dear Child, the love allaah(swt) has for us is both simple and very complicated. The only part we need to understand is Allaah(swt) is all merciful and all forgiving. That love does not conflict with the rules he has sent to us in the form of our religion. Our religion is also designed to protect us from our own desires and perceived needs. If we follow it correctly it is a loving map to guide us away from pain and the instructions on how to control our own thoughts, words and deeds. Please little one, look carefully at how our religion is designed to protect and guide you. It is not a confusing belief and it is not a set of man made desires, it is a path designed to enhance our life on earth and help us stay on the path to Jannah. do not look upon it as a chore, look at it as a travel guide for a wonderful journey. Allaah(swt) does send you constant signs and guidence. Sadly we as human's often fail to see them. Perhaps even the simple fact you are here asking and listening is the result of Allaah(swt) guiding you.

To me, there is no COMPLETE perfect religion (don't hate me!) because.. how do we know everything we're told from one book is true? It was written hundreds of years ago at a time when governments needed to control people - religion is the easiest way. And today still, you see people give up their lives for it. To me, religion destroys more people than it brings together. I'm not just talking about Islam, but every religion.

My dearest little one, that is so much of a desire we human's have. We have a very strong wish to believe that we are good and we would never deliberatly harm others. In fact we often feel that Allaah(swt) has created us so strong that we have no need of religion and can function on what Allaah(swt) has given us, without further need.

What you said would be very true, except Allaah(swt) also gave us free will, it is that free will that gives us need to learn and understand the consequences of our actions. We can not see all of the results of our action nor understand how they will affect us in the future. However, Allaah(swt) knows and through Islam he has given us the guidance needed to avoid or cause unneccessary pain.

February this year, I met a boy at a concert I went to. I go to concerts all the time and I meet and become friends with loads of people - so I wasn't expecting anything. Anyway, we exchanged numbers and just got talking later on that night. A few weeks later we both knew we liked each other a lot. We met up again at another concert (we both belong to a record label's street team, that's why we got talking) and yes I did kiss him.

Dear child, the desire for contact between boys and girls is one of the strongest human forces possible. People will die for the chance to simply hold hands with a person they feel attraction for. The feeling of a kiss is one of the greatest human pleasures possible. However, pleasure is not happiness. Happiness lasts and has no external needs, pleasure lasts only as long as the stimulation lasts.


Anyway, we met up again a couple of weeks later, and at the end of May I decided to stay round at his house. You might think I'm crazy and that was a very bad move - my friends also told me not to go as I was only 15 and he was 18. But he took good care of me and his parents took me out for dinner and I got to know his family. My parents of course didn't know I was staying at his house, I told them I was staying at my friend's. Whatever you might say to me now, I do not regret that night. It was also the first time he told me he loved me :-)

Child, it is impossible for you to feel regret for that night at this moment. That was probably the strongest and most pleasant feeling you had ever experienced. But, always remember is it was pleasure and not happiness. Sadly the regret will come to you latter, sadly there will come a time when you will feel that incident destroyed your life and it will eventually cause you to hate that young boy you think you love at this moment. It is far better that you learn more and find out the real truth about what has happened to you. Learn what it has done to you and feel regret for that act now, before it boils over into a cesspool that will drown your ability to truly experience the happiness love is designed to bring.



Our relationship has developed over time, (and it is a sexual relationship before you ask) and we are perfectly in love with each other. I do actually intend to stay with him for a long time. He is also an atheist.

Dearest Child, look carefully at what you just wrote and think carefully about how much you have changed since that incident you mentioned above. Is this a thought you would have had the day before this happened?

I know everything I've done is so wrong in Islam.. but am I really a bad person? I'm always nice to everybody, and the only thing I regret is not being able to tell my family. This is not my fault but it does upset me that they will never understand - he is the best thing that ever happened to me. One of my sisters, however, does know and I can tell her anything.

My poor child, bad is never the intent for any of us when we do bad. the bad is not the act itself. the bad is that we have been reduced to being able to accept it and no longer can see any bad. Dear one, this has changed you. You have become what you had at one time fought to avoid becoming. This is the bad.

Is love really a sin in islam if you are not married? Because I personally cannot find a single thing wrong with it. He makes me so happy and I don't understand why this is wrong.

Love is not a sin. true love also means you would love a person enough to help prevent them from falling into sin. Your desires have also led a young man into sin. At this moment, your actions are building a wall between him and Allaah(swt). It is very possible that there is nothing that can prevent him from dieing as an atheist now.

My instincts always tell me it is so much more important to be a good person than say, praying five times a day. Allah KNOWS I am grateful and loving for everything He has given me, is this really necassary?

Is it not more important to show your gratitude and love? I can show you that I care as much about you as much as I care about my grandchildren, by sending you a check like I often send them. but since you already know I care about you as I do about them, I won't bother sending it.

Another thing I don't understand - is why the nicest person in the world, who is so loving and giving, cares for everybody and does so much good - will never enter paradise because they do not believe in Allah. Then you get somebodty the same but even less caring or loving, but because they pray 5 times a day, read the quaran ect, they will enter heaven.
I don't see how this is fair?

There once was a very nice man who was on a journey to a tropical paradise. He embarked on the trip and never met the captain of the ship, nor read the itinerary. He was very nice and very helpful to all of the passengers and crew and was loved and respected. In spite of all of his work and all of his love, the ship still ended up at the North Pole, which was it's destination. Perhaps, he could have same himself some inconvenience if he had spoken to the Captain and read the itinerary.

Please help me... I am so confused. :-(
I get so so scared about what will happen to me when I die - is Allah happy with who I am or am I a bad person? I tihnk about this everyday and it upsets me so much. I try my best to be a good person, but according to Islam I am the worst. I just don't see how.

Does anybody feel the same about certain things as I do?
Please talk to me!

[Noor_]

Do you consider yourself a muslim or a deist?

Muslim. I just looked up deism in detail, and although it is interesting I wouldn't say I was a deist.

Muj4h1d4, yes I did read your post, and I answered a few of your questions in my previous post :)

Woodrow, that was a lovely reply and I thank you, but giving up someone I love so much just seems like a huge mistake. I know I'm only young, but at this point I really don't want to get married to somebody else later on in life. I know he isn't muslim so marrying him would cause problems, but that's not what I'm talking about.. I just don't want to regret leaving someone so special behind.
The thought just makes me really, really sad.. just reading your post made me cry.

I'm not saying you're wrong, in fact you seem more right, but my heart seems to tell me otherwise..

[------]

:salamext:

What you think is your heart, is actually the Shaytaan whispering to you.

Sis this is the first love, the love that is full of lies and deceit. You might think it's love, but how do you love someone, from your heart, that rejects Allaah swt? :?

[------]

:salamext:

- No, I do not regret having a sexual relationship with him.. that sounds wrong but I really don't. I would never do anything I didn't want to.

It's not about u wanting to or not! Have you ever thought about what Allaah swt has ordered us to do?

-Yes, I do know the things I'm doing are wrong, but deep down my heart tells me not to feel guilty because I haven't harmed anybody through this happiness.

You're harming yourself, your Imaan.

I can only base this from the Quaran which is obviously not Allah himself.

The Qur'an is Allaah's words. :-\

[Noor_]

:salamext:
What you think is your heart, is actually the Shaytaan whispering to you.

That really scares me.. :-(
How do I know what my heart really is trying to tell me?

[Annie]

Salam sister
i am not being rude but you need to learn more about your religion. And if you want the answers read the quran.
wasalam

[syilla]

:salamext:

Thankful to Allah swt is bigger than we define it.

If you understand the universal nature of Hamd you will know that your saying "Al-Hamdu Lillah" (Praise Be To Allah) requires praise of Him for His majesty, vastness, unity, might, bestowal of favors, knowledge, ability and power, wisdom and other attributes, and that it includes the meanings of His ninety-nine beautiful names. What a word [it is] which gathers together that which volumes find difficult to express.

In Islamic terminology, Thankfulness is the acknowledgment of the fact that Allah is the only Grantor of graces, and full submission to Allah in a way that assures that acknowledgment. The graces (favors) of Allah are endless and countless.

source

Just imagine you are owned by Allah swt, everything you have, you wear, you get and etc everything was given by Allah swt. of course we will be thankful. But how thankful are we? Do we become more humble? Do we deny and contradict anything He says? Do we try our best to be near Him? Do we try our best to please him? Don't we want to be the best person that He looked upon.

Why we want to do all this...because we are thankful. We are so thankful that we will try our best to please him. And because we want to try our best to show our love to Allah swt.

And why we pray?

What makes you say your Prayers at places where there is no one to ask you to offer them or even to see you offering them? Isn’t it so because of your belief that God is ever looking at you? What makes you leave your important business and other occupations and rush towards the mosque for Prayers? What makes you terminate your sweet sleep in the early hours of the morning, to go to the mosque in the heat of the noon, and to leave your evening entertainments for the sake of Prayers? Is it anything other than sense of duty—your realization that you must fulfill your responsibility to the Lord, come what may? And why are you afraid of any mistake in Prayer? Because your heart is filled with the fear of God and you know that you have to appear before Him on the Day of Judgment and give an account of your entire life.

Now look! Can there be a better course of moral and spiritual training than Prayer? It is this training which makes a man a perfect Muslim. It reminds him of his covenant with God, refreshes his faith in Him, and keeps the belief in the Day of Judgment alive and ever present before his mind’s eye. It makes him follow the Prophet and trains him in the observance of his duties.

This is indeed a strict training for conforming one’s practice to one’s ideals. Obviously if a man’s consciousness of his duties towards his Creator is so acute that he prizes it above all worldly gains and keeps refreshing it through Prayers, he would certainly not be inviting the displeasure of God hat he all along has striven to avoid. He will abide by the law of God in the entire gamut of life in the same way as he follows it in the five Prayers every day. This man can be relied upon in other fields of activity as well, for if the shadows of sin or deceit approach him, he will try to avoid them for fear of the Lord that would be ever present in his heart. And if even after such a vital training a man misbehaves himself in other fields of life and disobeys the law of God, it can only be because of some intrinsic depravity of his self.

source

confusion should make you want to learn more about islam...but not running away from islam. So try your best to learn. Knowledge is the key.

wallahualam.

wassallam

[-Elle-]

:sl:

Firstly,I'd like to start of by saying that each and every one of my bros/sis that have posted a reply to this girl's problem is absolutly amazing mash'allah.You all gave incredible advice that even I,who isn't even face with a problem similiar to this(alhamdulillah,)found useful!(uh..yeah...took me a while and I really should be studying but I couldn't help it,every time I'd read a reply,another amazing one would follow:))

In regards to your problem,sis Noor,I normally give the best advice I can when posting in the advice section of this forum,but honestly,I don't believe I can tell you anything that hasn't already been said.And even if I reformulated what had been said(let's say I didn't read the replies and I had just posted an answer),I honestly don't think you would've truly acknowledge our words simply because the points you seem to be bring up again and again

Have already been answered.

Mash'allah you are all very patient by responding,and many replies bring up similiar points.sis,if you want more answers,I suggest you re-read the posts which were typed obviously with much thought.

I only have one comment,and it's in regards to this:

giving up someone I love so much just seems like a huge mistake.
The thought just makes me really, really sad.. just reading your post made me cry.

You are clearly saying here that giving up someone for Allah(SWT) seems like a big mistake.Martyrs give up their lives for Allah(SWT)(you could also read once more Wkas's post)...Im not saying everyone has that will-power,but after all Allah(SWT) has given you:

-Two eyes
-Two ears
-Taste
-Smell
-Touch
-HEALTH

These ALONE are,in my opinion,of the GREATEST blessing.See all that Allah(SWT) has given you?All he asks of us is to follow the rules in Islam,which,let me tell you,are mostly FOR OUR OWN BENEFIT...

I apoligise in advance if I appeared rather unsensitive,but I just feel it a bit rude that you bring up many times the same points when they have been adressed(I know that probably wasn't your intention.)

Anw,insh'allah all goes well with you.

:w:

[Malaikah]

Noor_

You say you don't see what is so bad about extramarital relationships, here are just a few things from the top of my head:

1. They have no real solid foundation, there is no pressure to commit (unlike marriage). Your boyfriend could leave you at any time he wishes, leaving you heartbroken. There is no guarantee. With marriage there is more commitment and security.

2. STD's. They are a huge problem related to extramarital relationships. And they aren't just a walk in the park- HIV involved a slow and painful death, other disease are less severe but also very painful. Some of them (like herpes) will stay with you for the rest of your life (there is no cure).

3. Unwanted pregnancy. No contraceptions are 100% fool-proof. You run the risk of bring a child into a relationship that has not confirmed future. Your boyfriend could leave you, the child no has no father. And if you do not want to keep the child, your only other option is abortion. Abortion is never easy. It is not simple- it is murder.

These are only a few of the issues. I hope you will think about this carefully.

As for your confusion regarding Islam and Allah, I recommend you browse through here, there is a lot of useful information for you to read, click on the links on the left hand side to read about other topics:
http://islamtoday.com/discover_islam...&sub_cat_id=41

[Nabooly]

This thread should probably close. This girl obviously seems to think that what she has done isnt wrong, and as long as she beleives in Allah, she is good to go.

My advice for you Noor, educate urself about Islam. The Qur'an IS the word of God, and if that much you dont beleive in, what r u doing here? Whats the point of this post if you have no faith, and no Iman?

If you know whats right from wrong, why do you keep doing the wrong? Shaytan......?

[mohammed_seth]

sallam sister and to all others

iv read fair bit of this thread but it kinda seems to me your looking for someone 2 say that what you are doing is fine and its natrul and you shouldnt worry

if im wrong can some1 correct me

iv been in your situation quite similar and i was at your age at the time. although im a boy this should'nt reflect on what happend

firstly you need 2 relise you are young and the advice you have been given is by elders who are wise and you have been mashallah given some good advice

second relise this your 1st love is blind your at your learning stage shall i say
your both young and at this age boredom plays a big role and his a boy
and a non-muslim boy his paradise is this world he has no fear or love for allah infact he will take you from your lord and in my opnion that process has begun with what you have said.

and i want 2 make it clear that nikka with this boy is not accpeted in no form of way so how will your marrige work if you pursued it?

and say you did marry him, 1 day and have children what will they raised belivers of islam or non belivers

you say it won't bring harm onto others...then clearly you have thought about it deep enough...open your eyes and look at the big picture use you head and not your heart

i fell in love with a girl when i just turnt 16 i gave up alot for her after a year she broke up with me ..why? she found another..

and it happens to alot of people because at that age theres so much the mind wants to explore just remember you will die 1 day and questions will be asked can this boy lead you to the right

inshallah sister you heart will come to the all mighty allah

ameen

sallam

[mohammed_seth]

This thread should probably close. This girl obviously seems to think that what she has done isnt wrong, and as long as she beleives in Allah, she is good to go.

My advice for you Noor, educate urself about Islam. The Qur'an IS the word of God, and if that much you dont beleive in, what r u doing here? Whats the point of this post if you have no faith, and no Iman?

If you know whats right from wrong, why do you keep doing the wrong? Shaytan......?

sallam my brother i disagree with what you are saying she has come to the forum like many others includeing me for guidence and aid from fellow brothers and sisters inshallah what she has read from here may help her and bring her closer to her true calling as muslim

[Nabooly]

sallam my brother i disagree with what you are saying she has come to the forum like many others includeing me for guidence and aid from fellow brothers and sisters inshallah what she has read from here may help her and bring her closer to her true calling as muslim

Ofcourse she has. But it does not seem, from her posts, that she wants to change, and accept that what she is doing is wrong. Like you said, it seems she just wants someone to come and tell her what shes doing is perfectly fine, when it isnt ofcourse. :smile:

[Grace Seeker]

Noor,

Like Woodrow, I too am a grandpa, and I read your letter through those sorts of eyes. Unlike him, I am a Christian, and so may not be able to help you in the same way as some others here have. But I can tell you, that as I read them, I think that your Muslim sisters Malakiah and Purest Ambrosia are giving you sound advice. I would never say that God hates anyone. But we can choose to live so far outside of God's will for us that we loose all contact with him and have trouble finding our way back to him. Who knows exactly where that limit is for any person? Jesus (pbuh) tells a story of a young boy who left his father, his family, even the things taught by his faith, and wasted everything that his father had ever given him, and once having lost it all found himself wishing if he could only be as well off as some hogs he was given slop to eat. You got to admit that is pretty low. Well, that boy wised up and went back to his father, and though the father had every right to be upset with the boy, more than anything else the father was simply glad to see his son return home. As Christian have read this story for years, we have understood Jesus to be talking about us as that lost boy and God as the loving, patiently waiting father.

Now, I don't know how far away you feel you have drifted from Allah (swt), but I can't imagine that Allah would not gladly welcome you back. The question is do you want to come back, or do you want to continue on your own way? I'm not Muslim, I don't know that you have to choose between this boy and Allah. But I do know that God does expect us to submit ourselves to his will in our lives, and right now you yourself have said that you are choosing to live outside of it. But it sounds like you are feeling the loss of that connection. Maybe you too have gotten so far away that even the hogs are doing better than you?

While I believe that God is always faithful and always loves us, I think there comes a point for many people when they not only have ventured so far from God that they have trouble finding their way back, sadly I have seen some people who have gotten so far from God they even had trouble recognizing when he was trying to get close to them, and they just kept moving farther and farther away. Sometimes becoming hard, or bitter, building a fence aroudn themselvs with a sign telling God to Keep Out. And because God gives us the freedom to make choices (including mistakes) for ourselves, he respects such a sign. But at the end of life, we are so far away, that it is nearly impossible to make it back home. I pray that you haven't drifted so far from God that you no longer wish to include him in your life. And if you do wish to include him, that you will choose to submit to a little more of his will. If you do, I think you might then experience a little more of that presence that you are looking for. I wish you were a Christian, there are a few more things I might say, but for a Christian grandpa that is about the best advice I can give to you right now.

I take that back. There is one other story I want to tell you. This one is of me and my wife. I'm old enough that the first cars I drove did not have bucket seats up front like most cars today do. There was just a bench seat that went all the way across the front. It was the thing to do when going for a drive with your girlfriend for her to slide across the seat so that she could sit right next to you. Well, one day, when we had been married a few years and settled into the routine of life, my wife turns to me as we went for a drive to look at the pretty fall leaves and says, "You know we used to always sit so close when we went for drives like this. What happened?"

I turned to her and said, "I don't know, but I can tell you one thing, I didn't move." Fortunately, she scooted back over next to me.

Maybe you're needing to do the same thing, because if you're not feeling him, I don't think Allah has moved.

[shudnt_have]

Muslim. I just looked up deism in detail, and although it is interesting I wouldn't say I was a deist.

Muj4h1d4, yes I did read your post, and I answered a few of your questions in my previous post :)

Woodrow, that was a lovely reply and I thank you, but giving up someone I love so much just seems like a huge mistake. I know I'm only young, but at this point I really don't want to get married to somebody else later on in life. I know he isn't muslim so marrying him would cause problems, but that's not what I'm talking about.. I just don't want to regret leaving someone so special behind.
The thought just makes me really, really sad.. just reading your post made me cry.

I'm not saying you're wrong, in fact you seem more right, but my heart seems to tell me otherwise..

sweetheart salaams, Read what you wrote. and read it again if you can't reflect on it right away. What would your parents reaction be after they find out the truth? (if they havent already?) OK for the whole sleeping deal. (God al mighty forgive us all) this moment is suppose to be so special for a virgin when she gets married..and gets everyone's(including her parents blessings and more importantly, ALLAH's for safe-guarding her chastity) you missed out on all this.:( For Allah is most forgiving, you can make this relationship completely enjoyable and tension free for yourself..if you guys get married..(i know if you guys are mature enough to make such a big decision(like you did), why not the full adults and live your lives as adults, married man and woman?

[------]

:salamext:

That really scares me.. :-(
How do I know what my heart really is trying to tell me?

You said it yourself....

but deep down my heart tells me not to feel guilty because I haven't harmed anybody through this happiness.

Would a believer's heart think like that? You think you haven't harmed anyone, but have you thought about the harm you've inflicted upon yourself? You've entered into a sexual relationship without marriage, you've lied to your parents, you've lost your virginity to an Atheist, you go to concerts... Think about it sister.

At the end of the day, you have to feel regret for your actions, and if you don't do that then I doubt anyone will be able to help you further....Get me?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
well sis. all i can say to you is that by reading your post being with this non-muslimman, who you obvioulsy have deep respect for, has influenced you to the extent of qning islam. why do you want someone like that?

I get so so scared about what will happen to me when I die

good! that is a really good feeling to have. what are u waiting for? get to know allah.

I don't see how this is fair?

it is really isn't up to us to question or religion in this way. allah has set specific rules. its not 'im gonna do it this way because i like to, and it suits me' sweetie, nothing in this dunya wors like that. what about when it comes to islam.
please dont take offence to any of the above. i dont intend it.
:sl:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

At the end of the day, you have to feel regret for your actions, and if you don't do that then I doubt anyone will be able to help you further....Get me?

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah

this is the reason i didnt take my advice further,

if ones heart feels no shame or regret about the oppression its inflicted upon itself and the oppression which is waiting to be inflicted on others (parents/family etc) then how can one even begin to realise the greatness of their misdeeds?

this sister needs help, but i think it should be done 1-to-1 , in MSN or in real life....

[anonymous]

Who created this person that you love? just think about it for a while sis...when we are stuck in our desires sometimes we forget the reality of life...

[Ghira]

I think the reason why you posted that may be because you feel complete regret and that is a sign from your Creator that you are getting involved in something extremely harmful to you. You thinking about how close death can be is another mercy from your Creator that what you are doing is harmful. I suggest you learn more about you deen and life. I have been in your shoes and I was "in love" but as a young person you have a lot to learn what love actually means. For you own benefit try your best to get out of this situation you created for yourself, and have better company of true Muslims. It is hard depending on your location and your understanding of deen. Not going to give you a lecture but I make du'a Allah guides you and helps you understand what love is.

One last thing sister the Prophet (saw) defined sin for us as "Something you feel uneasy about in your heart if you perform the action OR you are afraid someone else might see you perform the action."

That is definition and your issue meets the criteria.

I pray for the best for you Sister. Oh, how I wish you could learn from my mistakes.

[sinner??]

aslam u alaikum.

sister the best advice i can give u is to listen to DR ZAKIR NAIK .

[------]

:salamext:

LOL, he does comparitive religion lectures, not about love *rollseyes*

[mohammed_seth]

lol dr naik has alot knowledge but not all the answers to peoples situation

sister why dont you also see as as this a test from allah to you. to see what you follow
and who do love more..

this boy is non beliver and he will take you far from you beloved lord which in my opnion he alredy has and i tell you now the love of this world will be more to him then the love he has for you

you true callling in this world was to devote your love to the all mighty which im sad to say you are from

i pray inshallah that you will see what is right

[Grace Seeker]

this sister needs help, but i think it should be done 1-to-1 , in MSN or in real life....

I think the brother makes a point.

Noor, you've gotten advice from many people here. Some of it you are going to find more helpful than others. Evaluate not based on whether they said what you wanted to hear, but whether they said what they said in a way that you could hear it. Then, rather continue the conversations you need to have with them in a place that is quickly cluttered with competing ideas as an open post, find a place that is free from the distraction of all the other voices. Seek their more personal counsel their via PM, private email, with a trusted sister there in your community or whatever other means are available to you.

Praying for you that you can find someone you trust to walk with you through this to an end that brings you back to be walking on your lifepath toward Allah and also leaves your personal sense of self still intact.

[al-muslimah]

Allah will never answer your prayers sister till you give up ehat you are doing that is haram. Please go back to the book of Allah and learn and ask for his forgiveness. The book of repentance is still open!!!!!!!!!!!

[alcurad]

I don't think anyone can say that sis al-muslimah, allah hears all, including those who refuse him.

[Jayda]

hola

16 is a very difficult time, you are physically a woman and mentally an adolescent. this means that your judgment is not yet strong enough to temper your desires. you are in danger of a lot of things disappointing God and your (physical) safety are chief among them.

being a good person (respected and loved by other people) is not the same as being a pious (respected and loved by God) person. if you wish to enjoy the blessings God bestows on the people who follow His commandments then you should seek repentence and recommit to following His laws.

but you are not certain where to find His Word at the moment. explore other religions as well as your own and trust that God will lead you in the right direction.

and notwithstanding the sinfulness of premarital sex you are 16 years old and should not have sex, you are too young, too inexperienced and have too much to lose. God forbid something should happen you would be faced with situations and decisions that will last your entire life. also, i love music, i went to many concerts as a young girl... you need to know that they can be very dangerous places. there are people who want to hurt you, drugs and of course temptations.

you need to put your safety before your feelings and then you need to begin to put good judgment before desire. it is best for you and will be your first step toward womanhood.

que Dios te bendiga

[Umar001]

I just need help because lately... I've seemed to have lost hope and belief in religion - not Allah, because I still very strongly believe in him, but religion itself. Does that make any sense?
I just want to know if I'm not the only one and I don't know who to ask. I guess I'm a bit upset because I'm not getting any answers or 'signs' from Allah himself.

To me, there is no COMPLETE perfect religion (don't hate me!) because.. how do we know everything we're told from one book is true? It was written hundreds of years ago at a time when governments needed to control people - religion is the easiest way. And today still, you see people give up their lives for it. To me, religion destroys more people than it brings together. I'm not just talking about Islam, but every religion.

I think this is natural, you see, according to the Qur'an, the author says speaks to the people who doubt the book and asks them 'why they do not believe' 21:30 being one of the verses where after providing an example the author then asks will they not then believe? The author claims that the inhibitants of hell will be driven into hell whilst crying that they should have used their mind.

You have proposed that the religion might have been started due to a need to control the people, this in my view is a smart presumption, since I see that it is true in some cases, some argue this when looking at the old testament, but you would have to analyse the evidence and then see if this is probable for Islam, having analysed it myself, I do not believe it is.

Alot of people do not have a solid foundation for their beliefs so no wonder they question it alot, families should do more than preach, but actually teach.

I know everything I've done is so wrong in Islam.. but am I really a bad person? ...
Is love really a sin in islam if you are not married? Because I personally cannot find a single thing wrong with it. He makes me so happy and I don't understand why this is wrong.

I am studying, on an introduction level, sociology, and one aspect teaches that society has values and norms, if a person is brought up in the west, or west influenced places, they will likely have similar values and views, sleeping with someone you love has no bad connotation. The old slogan 'I am not hurting anyone so it's ok' is something shared in this society, so I wouldnt expect you to feel there is anything wrong, the Muslims feel it is wrong because they believe God says it is, it would be upto you to then see if God did indeed say this. I mean the only difference is the marriage, in Islam what you are doing now, i.e. sex, is not wrong, specially with someone you love! But outside marriage it is bad. That's the key.

My instincts always tell me it is so much more important to be a good person than say, praying five times a day. Allah KNOWS I am grateful and loving for everything He has given me, is this really necassary?

Well, this is again where our personal prespective comes in, our prespectives change, a cannibal living in a jungle in africa could say 'I know Allah knows I am grateful' we would say this individual is a bad person because he eats others, but he would say he isnt and that it is a normal thing, see norms and values change from place to place, religions claim, in general, to have the peak of morals derived from God Himself!

Another thing I don't understand - is why the nicest person in the world, who is so loving and giving, cares for everybody and does so much good - will never enter paradise because they do not believe in Allah. Then you get somebodty the same but even less caring or loving, but because they pray 5 times a day, read the quaran ect, they will enter heaven.

Because you don't put it in context sister, if someone gave charity, had a wife and kids, was faithful to them, smiled and was always polite, but spat in his mother's face everytime he saw her, rejected her and lied upon her, although she had brought him up and spent her life caring for him, everyone would, generally, agree that this individual is bad, although he does much good, the bad is much much greater! Then what about a God who even when lied upon still provide man with sustinance? This is the view point of Muslims.
I don't see how this is fair?

I would personally just say, sit down and think about it objectivly.

Eesa

[NoName55]

Salam Alaikum @ Al-Habeshi and Sr. Ambrosia jazakum Allah khairan wa janat al firdaws

as for the rest of you:

"Islam does not like that any intimate relationship should be created between a lady and a gentlemen before marriage. We—the servants of God are to live a pure and good life in order to attain inner purification. Islam repels the very idea of having an intimate relationship before marriage because it divests you of your purity of heart. We must know that this life is transitory in nature. It is a prelude to that life which is eternal and lasting. We must be well conscious of what we do in this life. Anything which is against morality will strictly be dealt with in the Hereafter. The only thing we need to keep in mind is that while marriage is a sacred bond, premarital/extramarital relationships are filth, which is abhorrent and intolerable."

[aadil77]

Yes, I do know the things I'm doing are wrong, but deep down my heart tells me not to feel guilty because I haven't harmed anybody through this happiness.

no offence sis ,but the only thing telling you not to feel guilty is the shaytaan, he's making you fulfil your desires and not feel guilty about them.

My advice to you is to start by strengthening your imaan, that way you'll have more control over yourself and shaytan will be unable do anymore damage

[omar_1970]

Hey! Hm..... u said that u doubt about which religion is correct, well, im catholic so my source of whole knowledge is Bible, although i believe in islam too. what i want to say is that from islamic point u did an act that is wrong and its good that u regret it, but from christian, which its fundamental tenet is to love God and people around u, the sin (if it is) doesnt become serious, u love and u r loved, i think thats the happiest situation that u can be in.
i dont know why many people refuse emotions and regard them sth bad, i believe that there should exist some balance and between these 2 terms. After all emotions are above wisdom, after all u believe in God not because of ur brains but because ur heart. So in my opinion that sin is not serious, but if u consider it as that, then what do u think, its worse to be faithless etc. or have a sex with a guy?

[The Ruler]

i dont know why many people refuse emotions and regard them sth bad,

Although that is what I believe, as I see emotions as signs of weaknesses, that is not what Islaam teaches us. Emotions are not bad. They were created by God for us homo sapiens to feel them.

[Nabooly]

Although that is what I believe, as I see emotions as signs of weaknesses, that is not what Islaam teaches us. Emotions are not bad. They were created by God for us homo sapiens to feel them.

Exactly, and you haveto control these emotions. If you let them take control over you, things like pre marital sex can happen, just like the OP.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

. .... It was also the first time he told me he loved me :-)

is it very hard to find a pious Muslim man & get married ? Till then , keep fasting as it will help u to control ur desire & keep asking Allah to save u from Satan's temptaion.


before u ..millions went through this emotion , situations .

Loot at the western world....so many love childs ....they are searhing for dad...lol.

In future , u may have more relationships like this & may Allah forbid , may be one day u will have a love child ....may Allah show us all the right path , Ameen.

Atheists don't believe in God ..still u think they deserve rewards from God ...lol...what kind of logic is that ??? Disbelieves will get rewards in this world only ......heaven is for believers .....it's very logical.

If u still fear Allah , then pl. obey Him . Allah ordered us ' not to go near to adultery . So , sis , pl.come back before it's too late.

Verses we need specially for hereafter



When the sky is cleft asunder, and when the stars are scattered, and when the seas burst beyond their bounds and when the graves are overturned ?

every human being will comprehend, what he has sent ahead and what he has held back [in this world].

-Quran (82:1-5)

[jouju]

sister am really sori for the situation ur in but am surprised coz u seem to be contradicting urself...
u say ur confused n dat u know wat ur doing is wrong but at the same tym ur saying u don regret ever involving urself in a s**ual r/ship...My dear sister in islaam..wat u r doing is wrong
Qaala ta3ala:laa taqrabuu zzinaa....till da end
No offense but am thinking u have been affected by his agnostic ways...ur reasoning is kinda....

Please sister turn to Allah and repent
Ya ayyuha lladhina aamaanuu tuubuu ila llahi tawbatan nasuuha till the end( i love this aya it reminds me of Allah's mercy)
Allah is so merciful turn to him and repent...U dont know wen u' leave this world

Read muj4hid4's reply again....u'll get something
Am praying for u sis but rem u make the final decision
Innallaha la yughyyiru biqawmin hatta yughayyiru ma bianfusihi

I would love to talk to u but i dont hae msn jus messenger


Ittaqillah