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anonymous
11-23-2007, 04:58 PM
Asalam alaikum :)

I need some advice, mainly because I need to feel the support and love of my fellow Muslims during hard times.

I haven't really complained about my struggles, i am not very open about them which is quite a shame really because speaking about it helps. Well here i am now to express my worries and what i am treading upon.

I think i just about had enough of circumstances in my house. my father drinks and it has turned him into a monster, for example he blames us for every little thing. i remained patient for years and u know what, i think i am having enough of it, i tried changing him but no hope, he never changed himself and it is ruining our life. i want to practice islam in my house, i really really love Allah and i have always asked him to bless this house, and wouldnt it be nice if every member of the family were practicing? obviously it is not always the case but what does this helpless muslimah do when a member of the family, who happens to be her FATHER, has a corrupt way of life- he drinks, he shouts, he swears and so much more, and then he claims to be muslim, and that the rest of us are misguided? i dont know what to make of this, i always made excuses for him but no hope to be honest. im at the point of my life where i need to fulfill my ambitions, i am old enough to do this, but what am i suppose to do when there are so many problems behind me? how will i get married knowing that my future in-laws will know what a negative personality my father is?

please, a few lifting words will really help and i am sorry if i burdened you guys with too many problems, i just had to let them out today.

salaamu alaikum
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fatima_01
11-24-2007, 07:09 PM
aww sis i dnt knw wat 2 say except hang in there;) inshallah everything will b alright
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SophiaCroft
11-24-2007, 07:18 PM
Aww Please Allah Subhana Tallah kindly Bless her home with peace! I will pray for you in my Salat Inshallah. So Don't lose hope and Keep goin' On! Sis or Bro! ^-^
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noorahmad
11-24-2007, 07:34 PM
assalam walaikum
some duaas which inshAllah will help you

Allahuma Rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata 'ainin, wa ashlih li sha'ni kullahu, la ilaha illa Anta.
Oh Allah, i hope for your mercy.don not tire of me even for a moment. Place all my affairs in order. There is no God but you.(Aby Dawud 4/324, Ahmad 5/42)

Allahumma inni a'udhu bika minal hammi wal hazani, wal ajzi' wal kasali,wal bukhli wal jubni, wa dala'id daini wa ghalabatir rijaal.
Oh Allah i seek refuge from you from despondency and sadness, from weakness and from laziness, from miserliness and from cowardice, from perversion of faith and from the domination of others.(Al bukhari 7/158)
may Allah help you
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researcher
11-24-2007, 08:51 PM
Bismillah

Assalamu'alaikum

May Allah have Mercy upon you and replace all your difficulties with sweet relief ameen

ukhtee feel free to pm me if you want to talk or simply vent...I believe sometimes simply 'being heard' helps us clarify thoughts/feeling and decisions

awaiting your response

wasalaam
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Umar001
11-24-2007, 09:02 PM
I had the same problem with my dad, I went to africa, hadn't seen him in more than half of my life. I was angry, but, to be honest, it is his fault but it isn't in a way, I know he chooses to drink, but deep inside he doesnt want to be the way he is. Think about it sister, who would want to be a drunk yard? Noone, so there is something which is driving your father, probably something you will never find out about, but in the meanwhile be patient, try and see the good in him, advise him if you can, get on with your life, build a good reletionship with Allah.

Don't worry about your in laws insha'Allah if they are good Muslims they will understand it aint your fault, right? I'm sure they wil and I am sure they'd try to help him.

Remember to be patient and that although things are hard they could be much much much harder.
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IbnAbdulHakim
11-24-2007, 09:11 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Asalam alaikum :)

I need some advice, mainly because I need to feel the support and love of my fellow Muslims during hard times.

I haven't really complained about my struggles, i am not very open about them which is quite a shame really because speaking about it helps. Well here i am now to express my worries and what i am treading upon.

I think i just about had enough of circumstances in my house. my father drinks and it has turned him into a monster, for example he blames us for every little thing. i remained patient for years and u know what, i think i am having enough of it, i tried changing him but no hope, he never changed himself and it is ruining our life. i want to practice islam in my house, i really really love Allah and i have always asked him to bless this house, and wouldnt it be nice if every member of the family were practicing? obviously it is not always the case but what does this helpless muslimah do when a member of the family, who happens to be her FATHER, has a corrupt way of life- he drinks, he shouts, he swears and so much more, and then he claims to be muslim, and that the rest of us are misguided? i dont know what to make of this, i always made excuses for him but no hope to be honest. im at the point of my life where i need to fulfill my ambitions, i am old enough to do this, but what am i suppose to do when there are so many problems behind me? how will i get married knowing that my future in-laws will know what a negative personality my father is?

please, a few lifting words will really help and i am sorry if i burdened you guys with too many problems, i just had to let them out today.

salaamu alaikum
assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullaah

subhanAllaah! dont giv up on ur dad!! he might be guided oneday inshaAllaah BUT try new ways of guiding him out of his bad habbits and all help comes from Allaah!

as for you, your pretty amazing, keep it uP! support your mum allll the way! always make extra nawwafil!


A STRONG EMAAN... is the key to getting through this, dont let ur dad stop u from practising islaam. If you fear him, then fear Allaah more and seek his help.


may Allaah help you, if you need anything then LI family is here for your *:--D*


Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh
Reply

Dawud_uk
11-26-2007, 01:22 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Asalam alaikum :)

I need some advice, mainly because I need to feel the support and love of my fellow Muslims during hard times.

I haven't really complained about my struggles, i am not very open about them which is quite a shame really because speaking about it helps. Well here i am now to express my worries and what i am treading upon.

I think i just about had enough of circumstances in my house. my father drinks and it has turned him into a monster, for example he blames us for every little thing. i remained patient for years and u know what, i think i am having enough of it, i tried changing him but no hope, he never changed himself and it is ruining our life. i want to practice islam in my house, i really really love Allah and i have always asked him to bless this house, and wouldnt it be nice if every member of the family were practicing? obviously it is not always the case but what does this helpless muslimah do when a member of the family, who happens to be her FATHER, has a corrupt way of life- he drinks, he shouts, he swears and so much more, and then he claims to be muslim, and that the rest of us are misguided? i dont know what to make of this, i always made excuses for him but no hope to be honest. im at the point of my life where i need to fulfill my ambitions, i am old enough to do this, but what am i suppose to do when there are so many problems behind me? how will i get married knowing that my future in-laws will know what a negative personality my father is?

please, a few lifting words will really help and i am sorry if i burdened you guys with too many problems, i just had to let them out today.

salaamu alaikum
wa alaykumus salaam ukhti,

3 small advices...

1. there is no sinner who cannot change, but it is only our job to deliver the message, the rest is between them and Allah. my parents are kaffirs, yet i am kind to them and treat them well as i can.

2. this man is your father, no matter what he does you still have to give him respect as long as it doesnt compromise your deen though by the sound of it you are already doing this.

3. my other simple advice is if stopping in this house prevents you from practicing a fard, and there is really no way you can get around it then sometimes it is best to remove yourself from a difficult situation until you are stronger to deal with it.

wa alaykumus salaam,
Abu Abdullah
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anonymous
11-30-2007, 11:29 AM
thank you brothers and sisters for your advice- you have helped me. i realized that running away from this wont help, so i am going to have to be patient and trust Allah more. i guess this is where i lacked in- trusting Allah. i am aware that dua is the weapon of a believer, but you know sometimes circumstances can be so hard that you feel like breaking out of it. but what is life without an aim? atleast i have an aim, to teach my father and hope that Allah guides him one day. i can live with this inshallah and be a bit more optimistic about the future.

my ranting was more or less to do with my distress, i have some ambitions that i want to fulfil yet i dont feel comfortable in fulfilling them when my family arent in their best state at the moment. dawud_uk, thank you for your advice, that made me think and i will take it under consideration, may allah bless u with good.

Ibn abdul Hakim, thank you for your words of confidence, they have truly lifted me. i need to strengthen my imaan in order to handle the situation better and i guess there are better ways of convincing someone of islam. my mum is the only person i can talk to and she understands me more than i understand myself, so why am i complaining when i have atleast an understand, healthy and alive mother? alhamdulilla

Al-Habeshi, thank you for your advice, that has also made me think. yes it could be that something is driving him to drink and i may never know what it is, that is why i must continue making excuses for him and see his good side. i am ashamed for overlooking his good side these days, he does at the end of the day provide for me and call me a 'good daughter' now and then, if only he could spend some time with me and share the goodness rather than walk away and return home drunk :(

sister researcher, thank u for your helping hand, i will send you a message whenever i can and i really appreciate a chat with a sister of islam, it could do me good

jazakallah khair everybody for your time to attend my concerns, may allah bless u so much and grant you jannah. amin

salamu alaikum
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
11-30-2007, 11:34 AM
Ameen ! Wa iyyaki !

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah
Reply

Noor 13
11-30-2007, 01:31 PM
:sl:my dear sister

I am truly sorry you are having to go through rough times
But always keep in mind that Allah tests the ones he loves
Be patient in your situation and pray pray pray. Allah will help you-he is the only one who can do anything about it. InshAllah he will guide your father to the right path. Keep up the good work and support your mother as much as you can. And never give up trying to show your father that he is on the wrong way. It is Allah's will that things are happening the way they are even if we often are having a hard time understanding things.
I will make Du3 for your family
May Allah reward you and give you patience
Your sister Noor
:w:
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rozeena
11-30-2007, 03:46 PM
can i jus say, wen ur future in laws find out how ur father is, n how you would like to change him etc. i think theyd be soo proud n feel luki 2 have sum1 lyk u as der daughter in law. I mean i would. n i think ur reali strong.may allah make ur father realise wt he is doin isnt rite. its nt jus affectin him bt his family to, MAJORLI! sis do u fink his drinkin cus hes gt problems mayb, cus den u cud try n help me 2 deal wid dem or is it jus lyk a habit???
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anonymous
11-30-2007, 11:23 PM
thank you noor 13 and rozeena for your support and jazakallah khair for your duas. noor 13, your words reminded me of the story of asiyah, mother of musa (as) and wife of the pharoah. Allah tests to see which one of us truly believes and i should see this as an opportunity to attain jannah inshallah, at the end of the day Allah doesnt burden a soul with what is out of one's capacity. from all of your words ive learnt that things cannot be that bad, it is more to do with how i will handle the situation, it is an opportunity to become wiser in life and learn what truly pleases Allah. and this struggle has detached me from the world and brought me closer to paying attention to jannah.

sister rozeena, thank you for those lifting words, i am going to be honest- i needed to hear those words that my future in laws will be happy regardless of my father's personality. inshallah i can be worthy of receiving approval from people and i can only do so by making wise decisions. sister, from what i know, my dad has been drinking ever since i was 3 years old and again, i dont know why. i think it is partly to do with living in this country (UK), and the type of people he mixed in with. i guess it gradually became a habit. on numerous occassions i gave my dad a can of coke or glass of juice to drink instead, he would either refuse it, or drink it and then drink alcohol. i have tried to convince him to go hajj with me next year and see if he could be motivated to change this way. please keep me in your duas, i need them so much right now.

again, thank u so much for your kind words and keeping me in your thoughts. after allah's guidance, this helpless creature needs her brothers and sisters in islam the most, you are my bigger family :)

salamu alaikum
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