Problem concerning engagement

[teen-omar]

:sl:
Dear brothers and sisters
i need some guidance
i like this girl who also likes me and who said she wants to get married to me
i agree with it, because it is the most halal thing to do
she already told her mum about it, but i am still waiting a while, because today i got fone calls and threatening text messages from her brother, who is telling me 2 leave her alone and not get in contact with her
i mean, what am i supposed 2 do?
the guy doesn't even know me, and yet he is making prejudice on me:-\
In 1 of his texts he is saying: "I swear by allah if u get near my sister or are in contact with her i will slush ur throat. ur kafar and mortad for ur action"
so now i'm in a dilemma
help me pls
imsad
:w:

[brother_rk]

:sl:

My dear brother... first and foremost, place your trust in Allah SWT... Seek refuge in Him and ask for His protection and guidance.

It's a beautiful thing you are wanting to do... sticking with a halal approach :) May Allah SWT reward you for this effort and help you on your journey...

More than likely, this brother's threats on you are all-talk, so do not take them to heart. If you are certain that you are on the right path and following the orders of Allah SWT and the prescribed methods of approaching potential spouses as instructed by the Prophet Mohammed SAW, then fear nothing and no-one but Allah SWT and He alone.

Before you get too into this, I advise you to avoid any and all contact with this sister directly. Be careful of the shaytan and seek refuge in Allah SWT from him. I recommend you talk with your parents and take the appropriate route... let your mother or father contact this girl's parents and initiate a proper contact with her family. If your parents are not an option for this, then allow another elder person in your family to do it for you. If this option is not available to you, then speak with an Imam of a local mosque and let him approach them on your behalf.

At the end of the day, fear nothing and no one but Allah SWT and do your best to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet SAW.

May Allah SWT give you guidance and peace.

Forgive me if there is anything I have said that was misunderstood or innacurate in any way. And Allah knows best.

:w:

[Bint Haneef]

Assalamualaikum,

I think what the brother has said is right. Many people get into such types of troubles because they have gone wrongly through the process of seeking and asking for a potential spouse. It is natural that her brother will tend to be hostile towards you. That's why as said above, you need to keep away (Satanic traps abound).

Maybe one first step will be to perform Salat-ul-Istikhaarah if you haven't done it yet. Then choose one of the means above. Insha Allaah you will find a way out.

Wassalaam

[------]

:salamext:

Perform Istikharah brother, to see whether she is right for you.

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-guidance.html

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[teen-omar]

:sl:
i have done istikhara already, and now i'm putting my trust in allah inshallah
but new news have arrived that her brother has broken her fone, and not only that, her mother has also turned against her and is now on her sons side
now that is even worse
but not only that, he also beat her up yesterday, to 'teach her a lesson'
wallah i'm confused, even though i should put my trust in allah, and he is the only one who knows what is best
inshallah he will guide me:-\
:w:

[Dawud_uk]

:sl:
i have done istikhara already, and now i'm putting my trust in allah inshallah
but new news have arrived that her brother has broken her fone, and not only that, her mother has also turned against her and is now on her sons side
now that is even worse
but not only that, he also beat her up yesterday, to 'teach her a lesson'
wallah i'm confused, even though i should put my trust in allah, and he is the only one who knows what is best
inshallah he will guide me:-\
:w:

assalaamu alaykum omar,

by the sounds of things you have gone about things the right way, approaching for marriage but the thing where you seem to have gone wrong is not approaching her wali first.

my advice would be to get an elder such as an imam onside to go talk to her family and try to get them to see some sense and that allowing things to proceed in a halal way will be best.

subhanallah, no wonder the youth of this ummah turn to zina when this is the reaction of others when they do things in the right manner.

assalaamu alaykum
Abu Abdullah

[------]

:salamext:

Brother have u notcied an outcome of the Istikharah yet? E.g. A dream/strong feelings, etc.?

[teen-omar]

:s:
No i haven't noticed any outcome yet
it jus gets harder n harder 2 cope wid
maybe that is one of the signs...
Allahu A'Lam

[------]

:salamext:

How many days have you done the Istikharah? It's supposed to be between 3-7 days...

[teen-omar]

well i have done istikhara the last 2 days since we started the discussion
ok inshallah i will be waiting more

[------]

:salamext:

Just adding in: 3-7 days continuously......

[teen-omar]

wat u mean wid continuesly????
u mean do it at least once a day???
or more often?

[------]

:salamext:

You do it once a day, but for 3-7 days continuously, e.g. You don't miss a day out.

[teen-omar]

inshallah i will do it
i have done it the past 2 days after fajr, and will inshallah continue to do so

[Kittygyal]

Salamualikum.

These kinda things happen, Love breaks apart when another person gets involved out of blue and you be utterly confused and lost. Don't worry that dude needs to go through me first before he slushe's your throat or whatever he said in text!... He needs to think twice about himself rather giving beef to other people!

Don't be afraid this is ALL TALK... No action but talk!.. maybe you should tell your parents aswel init and then take your parents down to the gyal's yard and talk to her parents about this 'marriage' thingy bob and then if they agree safe if not then spank it.. You might love her or like her but if her bro and her mom getting in way then just forget her man. Say ya farewell to her and wait until Allaah gaves u a pious wife insha'Allaah.

Don't mess ya life up with cwap love cuz it killz a lot at end and u will regret it!
Just relax with life and have faith in Allaah and don't give up worshipping Allaah.

DO NOT BE SCARED AND CHEER UP AND GET ON WIV YA LIFE, THIS KINDA LOVE IS BULLSHOOT AND FULL OF WASTE MAN!

Just focus in deen and get on wiv studies or whatever ya doing insha'Allaah. Repent to Allaah before it's too late and forget it man, not worth it.
If the gyal aint allowed to chat to you and getting beaten up and what not then leave it init cuz she's getting in trouble and ur getting ALL-TALK texts which is just sad, he aint got no life man..

JUST PACK IT IN AND LEAVE IT BRO..

If u aint going to listen a mi u will regret it lata. Idk...

May Allaah guide u and gave u a pious wife Amin

Ma'assalama

[------]

:salamext:

Love before marriage is indeed a waste of time.

[Kittygyal]

:salamext:

Love before marriage is indeed a waste of time.

Salamualikum.

Indeed it is and breaks up quick aswel!!!!

Ma'assalama

[------]

:salamext:

It is better to preserve the honour of oneself, and to only fall in love after marriage Inshaa Allaah.

[teen-omar]

:sl:
@Muj4h1d4 wat u mean wid fall in love after marriage??
arent u supposed to love the person b4 u get married, because what would then be the point in getting married if they ain't in love??
ok so u lot think i shud jus leave it n get on wid ma studies until Allah guides me to the right wife??

[------]

:salamext:

^^ Yeh Inshaa Allaah.

arent u supposed to love the person b4 u get married, because what would then be the point in getting married if they ain't in love??

How do u fall in love? When u get to know the opposite gender, talk to them, have a one to one convo. That isn't allowed in Islaam.

[teen-omar]

yh i no sis, but b4 i started to become a 'proper' muslim (may allah help me with this) i had contact with that girl, and had known her for some time. So that's why

[Dawud_uk]

that is a whole new kind off nastiness... not only is he gonna kill the poor brother but he is gonna make a slush puppy out of him, that is REALLY nasty.

Bro, not that it is a deal breaker but do you know the translation of the dua for salaat ul istikhara? if you did then maybe it would make things seem to make sense for you more.

assalaamu alaykum,
Abu Abdullah

[Tania]

she already told her mum about it, but i am still waiting a while, because today i got fone calls and threatening text messages from her brother, who is telling me 2 leave her alone and not get in contact with her
i mean, what am i supposed 2 do?

First you have to show the message to her to see if the phone number belong to her brother.

[teen-omar]

Sallam Tania, i already know that this number belongs to him, because she sent me a txt later on stating that i shudnt text her on her numba, becasue her brother has got her fone. And not only that, he broke the fone the next day.....
so wat now??
wassalam

[------]

:salamext:

Perform Istikharah and wait.

[teen-omar]

inshallah i will carry on to do istikhara till i get a sign

[Tania]

Greetings
Your parents what did they say concerning your intentions :?

[teen-omar]

my parents won't mind me getting married as soon as possible, since in islam it's a godd thing to get married when you're young.
so they are fully accepting this step of mine

[syilla]

^^^ akhee...i think the first thing is to proof your ikhlaas (sincerity) to the family.

It may takes time. But if you persistent and sabr InshaAllah you can marry her.

And the first thing to show ur sincerity is to not having contact with the girl. It'll be a good thing too if you be brave enough to contact the brother and apologize for the whole thing...but at the end bravely telling him...I'll need your approval to marry your sister and InshaAllah i'll try my best to win your heart.

Just show your courage and determination in the best manners...that you can.

If you really want her...just have patience and try your best.

But at the end you have to remember, its up to Allah subhanahuwata'ala to decide.

wassallam

[Tania]

Why are you not sending your parents to her parents to propose her and see what is their really position on the issue :?

[------]

:salamext:

You might not have noticed sis Tania but:

today i got fone calls and threatening text messages from her brother, who is telling me 2 leave her alone and not get in contact with her
i mean, what am i supposed 2 do?
the guy doesn't even know me, and yet he is making prejudice on me
In 1 of his texts he is saying: "I swear by allah if u get near my sister or are in contact with her i will slush ur throat. ur kafar and mortad for ur action"

:-\

[snakelegs]

nothing islamic in the following advice, but have you asked yourself do you really want to be part of this family??? a brother-in-law who threatened to slash your throat?
personally, i would run in the other direction.

[Tania]

:salamext:

You might not have noticed sis Tania but:



:-\

I read that but i thought may be her brother is the "bad apple" of the family. Reading what sis Snakelegs wrote i realise even if he is the "bad apple" her family will never can protect him enough so its better to stay out.

[teen-omar]

sallam aleikum
i have been doing istikhara for a week or so now, and this morning i woke up knowing that i had a dream concerning the engagement (^^)
i dont know if it's a positive or negative dream,since i cant interpret dreams like some people can.
i just wanted to know which step should i take now after i have finally received a 'sign'?
wassalam

[aamirsaab]

:sl:
Let your parents worry about that. All you need to do is play nintendo. And finish your A-levels/Uni degree.

It is not that hard.

Jokes aside; take snakelegs' advice, as your potential spouse's brother wants to kill you! (if he wants to do that NOW, what will he do when you're married?! - that thought alone scares the pants off of me). I strongly suggest that you do NOT marry her. Don't be some fool who lets his emotions cloud his judgement - especially in the case of marriage.

Secondly, please talk to your parents about this - if you do anything after reading this post, let it be that you speak with your parents about this situation. Marriage is a serious matter and you really, really should tell your parent about the whole situation - including what you've written on here in regards to the 'engagement'.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

if a girls brother texts me saying that, i would leave it there and then.

Clearly the family isnt interested in giving the daughter to you... why pursue it?!


brother, theres plenty of great sisters out there, make dua' to Allaah to guide you to one who will lead you to jannaah.


Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah

[teen-omar]

u think so??
but couldnt it be possible that her brother is just being 'over-protective' towards his sista, because he finks that i'm not serious about the engagement thing? but the thing is that i'm serious, and i might be able to prove it to him. do u think i should do this or not?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

u think so??
but couldnt it be possible that her brother is just being 'over-protective' towards his sista, because he finks that i'm not serious about the engagement thing? but the thing is that i'm serious, and i might be able to prove it to him. do u think i should do this or not?

is her brother practising?! mature?! sane?! capable of being a wali?!

Ok, if you want you can take it to the father, lol may Allaah help you.


Be as kind and careful as you can in your approach, do it in the most lawful manner.

To be honest, if i approached a girl in a haram way and realised my mistake later on, i would leave that girl and hope for barakah in a 150% halal marriage.

Thats my opinion, wa Allaahu a'lam


Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah

[------]

if a girls brother texts me saying that, i would leave it there and then.

Clearly the family isnt interested in giving the daughter to you... why pursue it?!


brother, theres plenty of great sisters out there, make dua' to Allaah to guide you to one who will lead you to jannaah.


Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah

:salamext:

It's not easy to let go of someone you love.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

It's not easy to let go of someone you love.

people also say its not easy to let go of dunya, but those who strive for the sake of Allaah can attain unimaginable rewards inshaAllaah.


Assalamu Alaikum