Fresh Start?

[LostSoul]

:sl: brothers and sisters,

Okay, so I'm still in my teenage years and you know how the saying goes "its the rebel years" etc... I must admit I'm a complete rebel. I can't help but blame some of my rebeliousness because of my parents (Sound familiar?), My parents are the very typical asians who seem to think that culture IS religion. Some of their thinking is so culturally based it makes me sick. I slowly began to lose my faith and began to rebel.

About a year ago, I met this brother. We got talking. It was innocent at first, but then we both started to take a liking to each other and eventually it turned into something more serious. We started planning our future together.

Here's the crux. We decided to meet up since we only lived about an hour away from each other. Things were going good, until we both got a bit carried away towards the end of it which lets just say seemed pleasurable at the time but now I’m ashamed to even mention it. :embarrass

Weeks past after our little meeting. We were still getting on great and were planning to meet again soon. Suddenly, out of the blue one night my sister (who is very different from the rest of the family, if it wasn’t for her I would have completely lost my faith, she has a very strong deen mashallah) comes home and says that her friend had seen me with a guy etc. I had been caught. Her friend had explained to her that she was 100% sure that it was me and even had pictures to prove it. I had to confess. We had a long chat and my sister believed that I was truly sorry and should pray for forgiveness because we all deserve a second chance.

Now the amazing thing about this is, her friend (who saw me) was in that area for the first time and only saw me when we decided to *ahem*. Coincidence? My sister explained to me that it was a sign from Allah and that me getting caught was a good thing because what I was doing was wrong and He wanted to save me from further sin.

She really did open my eyes. She advised me that I break all ties with him and turn over a new leaf. I’m heartbroken. :cry: I told him and he agreed that us getting caught was Allah’s doing and that he was ashamed too, but he didn’t want to let go. We’d made so many plans together for the future and it’s all going down the drain. I simply can’t let go. I’m not crazy over him like some sort of lust, but I really do believe he is the one for me.

What should I do? I really do want to marry him, but I know my parents would never allow it, imsad for them marrying somebody who is not in the same cast is out of the question, it would be shameful. (…see what I mean?) I admit what I did was wrong, but is there anyway way that I could get on with my life yet still have a chance of spending the rest of my life with him? Is cutting all contact with him really the best thing to do?

Sorry for the long post, I really would appreciate it if you could share your views

Jazakallah Hair.

[Intisar]

:w: Sis, pray istkahara and make lots of dua (you're in my duas). If you think the best solution is to get married to him, then have a sheikh come and talk to your parents and tell them that it's wrong for them to refuse him for you because he's from a different ''cast'' subhanallah. You should also get a brother to talk to him, and not you directly, and you should relay messages through him. If you really believe that you love him and could see yourself spending the rest of your lives together, then I would get married to him inshaAllah.

[Umm Hurairah]

Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,

Alhamdulillah it's great that you realize that what you did was wrong.

Is he a good Muslim? If he is then you need to pray istikhara A.S.A.P.

Istikhara is always right. If it is positive then Insha Allah you should introduce this guy to your parents and vice versa. If it is negative then Allah has better plans for you.

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"And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.)" [2:155]

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"And this life of the world is only amusement and play! Verily, the home of the Hereafter, that is the life indeed (i.e. the eternal life that will never end), if they but knew." [29:64]

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"O you who believe! seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient." [2:153]

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"O you who believe! be patient and excel in patience and remain steadfast, and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, that you may be successful." [3:200]

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"What is with you passes away and what is with Allah is enduring; and We will most certainly give to those who are patient their reward for the best of what they did." [16:96]

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[AnonymousPoster]

What about his parents? Will they agree to marrying their son to someone outside their cast.

You say your parents won't let you how do you know if you ain't even asked them.

You gotta speak to your parents, and the brother gotta speak to his. Than if they agree alhamdullaih marry the brother.

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[noorahmad]

Assalam walaikum
Islam doesnt judge some1 according to his/her cast; surat Al-Hujurat, (verse 13).
i dont blame you for anything, and i believe no one shud, one should ask why did you rebel, thats the source of all your probs

[LostSoul]

What about his parents? Will they agree to marrying their son to someone outside their cast. .

Yes, alhamdullila they don’t carry such narrow minded thoughts.

You say your parents won't let you how do you know if you ain't even asked them.

I haven’t asked my parents because I’ve already seen their reaction. My sister met a brother 3 years ago. She kept minimum contact with him because neither one of them believed in idol talk and so eventually when they knew enough about each other he had asked my father for her hand. My father was very impressed and was ready for the marriage to go ahead. However, when my mother came to know about this she flipped and said no way. One of the issues that concerned her and my grandma (father’s mother) was that although he was also Pakistani, he was not from the same ‘social status’. Everybody in my family except my dad are soo into the whole family honour thing, but what they don’t realise is in reality they are the worst. My grandma even said she’d prefer the fire of hell before she’d let anyone have a ‘love marriage’. But the sad part of it all is that my dad has no power whatsoever although being the man of the family, its like my dad should give the final verdict but nobody even wants to hear what he has to say. If my family can’t accept a pious brother (mashallah) who is also Pakistani, what chance do I have when the person I want to marry isn’t even Pakistani at all.

[------]

:salamext:

he was not from the same ‘social status’.

:mad:

[LostSoul]

:salamext:

:mad:

I know, it's sickening isn't it.

[------]

:salamext:

Pathetic, was the word I was thinking of!!

[LostSoul]

:w: have a sheikh come and talk to your parents and tell them that it's wrong for them to refuse him for you because he's from a different ''cast'' subhanallah.

I doubt that would work. My older sister had spoken to a sheikh about her marriage and all the problems she was facing. When my mother and other various family members came to know they came out with the most horrible accusations and didn’t go down too well at all.
I don’t think sheikhs are allowed to go to people’s houses for some various reason, although they are more than happy for the parents to go visit them but I know my mother would never.

[chacha_jalebi]

:sl: brothers and sisters,


Suddenly, out of the blue one night my sister (who is very different from the rest of the family, if it wasn’t for her I would have completely lost my faith, she has a very strong deen mashallah) comes home and says that her friend had seen me with a guy etc. I had been caught. Her friend had explained to her that she was 100% sure that it was me and even had pictures to prove it. I had to confess. We had a long chat and my sister believed that I was truly sorry and should pray for forgiveness because we all deserve a second chance.

woh blud, who needs private detectives when you got friends like that, takin photos and all that :mmokay:

anyway

sister if you truely truely TRUELY like each other then get married, im sure your parents would be more happy hearing from your mouth, that you like a guy, then someone tellin your parents they saw you with a guy!

you have repented, may Allah (swt) accept your repentance, but right now for the time bein jus decide whether you truely do want to marry the bro and if you do then tell your parents innit

all the best :D

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

One who seeks guidance from his Creator (i.e. doing isktikhara) and consults his fellow believers and then remains firm in his resolve does not regret for Allaah has said:

‘…and consult them in the affair. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allaah…”

The Messenger salalahu alaihiwassalam said:

“For those who love each other, nothing has proven as good as marriage.”

Sunan ibn Majah

He also said:

“If a man whose practice of the religion satisfies you, asks you for your daughter in marriage, you should marry them; otherwise there will be corruption in the land.”

Hasan - at-Tirmidhee

she’d prefer the fire of hell before she’d let anyone have a ‘love marriage’.

:muddlehea:uuh::-\:-\:-\

[------]

:salamext:

What's wrong with a love marriage? I hate that TYPICAL asian attitude - Arranged Marriage :-\

[chacha_jalebi]

lol who said the fire of hell over love marriage thin

you know not all love marriages are haraam, like people can just talk before marriage or somethin with a wali present ...

[anonymous]

sis u met dis guy only once? how u know he d 1 nways? And as 4 d paki attitude MAKES..ME...SIK... we al bin der

[chacha_jalebi]

what!!! lol you met the guy once and your thinkin of marriage

i heard of blind dates, but blind marriages :mmokay:

[LostSoul]

Well, I've known him for many, many months. The only reason I decided to see him was to see if he was genuine in person (btw I forgot to mention, I met him online) so you could see why. When I did meet him, I knew there was no need for further meets.