Losing A Loved one plsz help

[AnonymousPoster]

:cry:

:cry: :sl:

someone realy close to me has lost their sister, she was young has young children now she is gone. i feel helpless and useless. i do pray and try read quraan for her and hope that her family get patience n sabar but i just dont know what to say to my close friend. what do i say once they have just been buried. my close friend consoles in me and tells me but i dont know what to say and my friend just cries and i get upset i dont know what to do. i keep repeating myself to my friend and im scared i might say somethinng which will get her more upset. after they have buried, what should i say? how should i conolse my friend? whats things could i say to make them feel a bit more at ease?

alsoo, how should the childrn be informed? they kp asing for theirr mom, what can b done.

i said stuff lyk tht allah grants her paradise inshalaah and giv her family sabaar, but what else that could make them feel better? :'( imsad :cry:

please reply back soon, as it i need help to help my close friend in this time of need

please do dua also for the loss and to make sure her family get throguh this inshalaah

[anonymous]

:w:

Ina lila'hi wa ilayhi rajiyoon.Allah yer7ama.

Not long ago,I lost a family member(allah yer7amo),so I think I could help you out.

To start off,I'd like to let you know that there's nothing "specifically" you can say to automatically make your friend feel better.There's no magic word or phrase that will cheer her up all of a sudden...what you have been saying is nearly the only thing you can say in these types of situation.Tell your friend that this was her sister's time,that this was what Allah(SWT) had planned for her since she was born...and that there's nothing that could've been done to stop it.

Also,let your friend know that you'll be there for them,being there to listen is much more important then saying the right thing.Tell you friend to read surat; Al-Mulk,Yaseen and Al-Fatiha(i believe,If I am wrong,someone please correct me),as these are good for the deceased.

Remind your friend that Allah(SWT) created us,and to him we shall return...and insh'allah she will be granted jannah.

As for the children,I am truly sorry for them...I think,if they are really young,the father should tell them that "mommy returned to Allah(SWT)",no need to get into details if their young...either way,the dad should tell them,IMO.

Wish you,your friend,and their family,the best,may Allah(SWT) give them sabr.

:sl:

[MartyrX]

The best thing you can do is just be there for your friend. If they need to talk just listen. Sometimes not saying something and just listening is the best way to help that person get over their loss.

[syilla]

:salamext:

try watching this show

http://www.thedeenshow.com/shows_44.htm

http://www.islamicboard.com/miscella...-our-life.html

DEATH IS A DELIGHT FOR BELIEVERS

Hadrat Malik Ibn Maghool R.A. says that the first thing which a believer will embrace is death when he witnesses the Divine Benevolence.
(Ibn. Abidduniya)

Maharib ibn Wisar says that Hadrat Khasima asked him if the thought of death delighted him. He replied in the negative. Then he said that as far as he knew death does not please only those who see flaws in their good deeds or faith.
(Ibn. Mubarak)

Hadrat Rabi ibn Khaisam R.A. says that death is better than all those mysterious things in life which a believer waits for.

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[Maimunah]

salaam.

ave already posted this in the sisters section but since u posted here aswell this might help.


"Try not to despair at her loss, and hope for goodness for her and reward from Allaah. You should think and ponder and study the word of Allaah and the Sunnah of His Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), for therein you will find comfort and peace of mind which will bring tranquillity and ease to those hope for the great reward which Allaah bestows upon the one who is patient, accepts (Allaah’s decree) and seeks reward. If the one who is faced with calamity compares what has been taken from him with what he has been given of reward, he will find that what he has been given of reward is far, far greater than that which he has lost. All of that is in accordance with His wisdom.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As‑ Saabiroon (the patient).

156. Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: “Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.”

157. They are those on whom are the Salawaat (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones”

[al-Baqarah 2:155-157]

Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (917) that Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no person who is afflicted with a calamity and says, ‘Verily to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allaah, reward me for my affliction and compensate me with something better’ – but Allaah will reward him for his affliction and compensate him with something better.” She said: When Abu Salamah died, I said: Who is better than Abu Salamah, the companion of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? Then Allaah caused me to say it and I said it. She said: Then I married the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

We also present to you these following words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to console the one who has sent on one of his children before him, whose child died during his lifetime, and to give him the glad tidings of the mercy of Allaah and His favour upon him. May Allaah encompass us and you therein, and bestow His pardon and forgiveness upon us.

Al-Tirmidhi (2399) narrated and classed as hasan: “Calamity will continue to befall the believer, male of female in himself, his child and his wealth, until he meets Allaah with no sin on him.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 5815.

It is narrated in the hadeeth that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man’s child dies, Allaah, may He be exalted, says to His angels: ‘Have you taken the soul of the child of My slave?’ They say, ‘Yes.’ He says, although He knows best, ‘Have you taken the apple of his eye?’ They say, ‘Yes.’ He says: ‘What did My slave say?” They say: ‘He praised You and said Inna Lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon (Verily to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return).’ Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, says: ‘Build a house for My slave in Paradise and call it the house of praise.’” Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi (1021); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah.

These are glad tidings that he would die in faith, because if Allaah commands that a house be built for one of His slaves, that slave must be going to live in that house one day… Imam Ahmad (3/436) narrated from the hadeeth of Mu’aawiyah ibn Qurrah from his father, which al-Haakim (1/541) classed as saheeh, that a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he had a son of his with him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you love him?” He said: “O Messenger of Allaah, may Allaah love you as I love him.” Then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) noticed that he was missing and he said: “What happened to the son of So and so?” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah, he has died.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to his father: “Would you not like to come to one of the gates of Paradise and find him there waiting for you?” The man said: “O Messenger of Allaah, is it just for me or for all of us?” He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No, it is for all of you.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, no. 1756.

With regard to what you can do for your freind, there are several things:

1 – Sincerely praying (du’aa’) for mercy and forgiveness. It was narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no Muslim who prays for his brother in his absence but the angel says: And you shall have likewise.” Narrated by Muslim, 2732.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The best that one can do for the deceased is say du’aa’. (Liqa’ al-baab il-Maftooh, 1/205)

2 – Give charity on her behalf, especially ongoing charity (sadaqah jaariyah). Al-Nawawi said: Charity reaches the deceased and he benefits from it, and there is no difference of opinion among the Muslims concerning that. (Sharh al-Nawawi ‘ala Saheeh Muslim, vol. 1, p. 89).

There is no saheeh evidence that charity given in Ramadaan receives a greater reward than at other times, rather what is narrated is that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was the most generous of people and he was at his most generous in Ramadaan, when Jibreel met with him. He would meet with him every night in Ramadaan and review the Qur’aan with him. And the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was generous like the wind in doing good. Al-Bukhaari (6), Muslim (2308).

Al-Nawawi said: This hadeeth teaches us several things, one of which is how generous the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was, and that it is mustahabb to be generous in Ramadaan. End quote. Sharh al-Nawawi ‘ala Saheeh Muslim, vol. 15, p. 69.

From the book Fadl man maata lahu min al-Awlaad by al-Suyooti and a lecture entitled Kashf al-Kurbah by Shaykh ‘Ali al-Qarani, and the book Ahkaam al-Janaa’iz by al-Albaani.

source: islamqa

hope that helps ukhty.

[جوري]

be there for your friend.. I know when people lose a loved one they want to be left alone, because words are so heavy and useless... but, I am so grateful for the times a friend just crawled with me on the floor and helped me through my grief.. there are no words really necessary.. there is just comfort in holding someone and letting them express their memories or grief, it is a day at a time thing.. there will be bad days and worse days, some good days, but just be there in all of them..
May Allah yelhim your friend as'sabr wa silwan, wa yer7am amwat almoslmeen...
May she be received in janat ilfirdaws and only know of happiness from now on
Ameen

:w:

[Woodrow]

The best thing you can do is just be there for your friend. If they need to talk just listen. Sometimes not saying something and just listening is the best way to help that person get over their loss.

That is very good advice. I am at an age where the loss of loved ones is becoming a frequent event. To be honest at those times words from others are very incoherent and not understood. The silent presence and doing small things without being asked, are better than words. Some things you can do, when you visit your friend, bring a lunch or snack for them. Your friend is probably not even aware of not eating. be certain to bring enough for the children. Bring some small gifts for the children. something very small as it is intended to just be a temporary distraction and not a significant replacement for the loss.

Clean up any messes you see in your friends house. Do not point them out, just do so nonchalantly. Wash the dishes, sweep floors etc.

Remember your words are not important at this time, but your presence is.

Make Du'a for your friend that your friend will soon pass through this trial of grief.