I Need Help :(

[Muslima_82]

:sl:brothers and sisters.

I come for advice in great distress. I simply don't know what to do and I kindly ask for a dua or a surah from the Holy Quran to help me cope the difficult situation I am facing :cry:

About a year a go my husband left me because of another woman. This came as a shock to me as we had a very loving and understanding relationship, his sudden decision ruined my whole life. I loved him still and a part from being my significant other he was my every thing. With no choice, i left him with a heavy heart. That was almost a year ago. Since he is no longer my mehram I have no choice but to move one, but my heart wont let me. I have turned to family and friends for comfort and support, yet everyones assurances on that "time will heal all wounds" have fallen short.

I can't seem to forget about him, and a year prior to the incident my wounds are still fresh and hurting...another problem is I cant seem to cut him out of my life...and i feel weak and desperate. We are no longer living like husband and wife, naturally...but i wish to never see him again. Yet i feel my own weakness will never let me.

Help me...please :cry:

[PersianPrince]

:sl:

I am very upset to hear about your situation. I don't think anyone can truly understand your feelings. Only you know them. So be very careful of those who push you to forget and move on. It will only irritate you more.

I know some may disagree with me, but I believe that our feelings define who we are. Your feelings are a part of you and define you. And from that, I would say you are a wonderful person.

Remember, you should only do things when "you" feel you are ready. I understand that you can't just pull the plug on your feelings just because of what has happened. I am a little confused though. Is he still around you? This is probably one of the things that is making it difficult for you.

In terms of a Surah to read, I'm afraid I'm not sure of anything specific, but I would recommend keeping up with your prayers. Say all your prayers from your heart. Insha'Allah Allah will hear your prayers and you can seek his guidance and support through your difficult times.

And remember, there's no rush for anything. Before I exit, I was thinking perhaps you could pull out an old childhood hobby or something. Something that gets your mind ticking. It might help you a little bit.

I really hope and pray that you feel better. You cannot ignore your feelings though. They are part of you. You are human, not machine.

[Nasir666]

:sl:brothers and sisters.

I come for advice in great distress. I simply don't know what to do and I kindly ask for a dua or a surah from the Holy Quran to help me cope the difficult situation I am facing :cry:

About a year a go my husband left me because of another woman. This came as a shock to me as we had a very loving and understanding relationship, his sudden decision ruined my whole life. I loved him still and a part from being my significant other he was my every thing. With no choice, i left him with a heavy heart. That was almost a year ago. Since he is no longer my mehram I have no choice but to move one, but my heart wont let me. I have turned to family and friends for comfort and support, yet everyones assurances on that "time will heal all wounds" have fallen short.

I can't seem to forget about him, and a year prior to the incident my wounds are still fresh and hurting...another problem is I cant seem to cut him out of my life...and i feel weak and desperate. We are no longer living like husband and wife, naturally...but i wish to never see him again. Yet i feel my own weakness will never let me.

Help me...please :cry:

:w:

You know what your problem is sister? you are holding on to the past and thinking that "time will heal all wounds"...that will never happen, as long as you hold on to the past nothing will change.Pray to Allah for guidence,throw out all the stuff which reminds you of that man,do stuff that makes you happy and find another man if you can.

I'll pray for you my sister.

[syilla]

sis...why don't you come to muslimmomscafe and share with the other wives...

some of them have the same experience...and InshaAllah it'll lessen the pain.

this lady too having the same problem as you.

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-break-up.html

Love can't be forced ukhtee...no one can force your hubby...and no one can force you from missing your hubby.

Just remember the love to Allah subhanahuwata'ala will last forever and much more beneficial.

You'll be in my dua sis...Please hang on there and stay strong.

From this thread... http://www.islamicboard.com/miscella...fiqh-love.html

5. The ruling of Love in Islam

Love is not in our hands. What proves this is what Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said when he used to distribute provision for his wives, he'd say, "O Allah, this is my distribution for what I have control of, but please don't hold me accountable for something I cannot control (his love for A'isha.)" In the Qur'an, Allah says, "It has been adorned for mankind (esp. for men) the love for shahawaat (desires) from the women, (and vice versa)" (Surah Al'Imran, 3: 14) In Ibn Qayyim's, al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, he says, "As for loving women, there is no blame on a person who has love for them.

On the contrary, it is part of his perfection (as a human being) for Allah says, 'wa min ayaatihi an khalqa lakum min anfusakum azwaajal li taskunu ilayha wa ja'ala bainakum mawaddatuwn wa Rahmah' (Quran, Surah ArRum.)" In Ibn Jawzee's book titled "Dhaamul Hawaa'," he criticizes al ishq. He set a difference between the two types of love. He said that there are those who have kindness in their hearts, and then there are those who don't love (and their hearts are hard as rocks - "if you haven't loved passionately or known the meaning of desire then get up and eat hay for you are nothing but a donkey" and "you and the hard rock are equal.") Ibn Qayyim: "when we speak of rulings of love, we must describe two things.

One is optional and one is not. The optional love is what leads to love (eyesight, association, etc.) and this is the love that you have to beware of (for it may lead to unlawful acts.) The non optional love, if it happens by the sudden look, or natural passions that develop, you cannot be blamed for it, but it's how you react to it that Allah will hold you to accountable for.

Intro II: Falling in Love

The Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam was telling his uncle Al Abaas the story of Mugheeth and Bareerah, he said: "O Abbas! Isn't it amazing how much Mugheeth loves Bareerah and how much Bareerah loves/hates? Mugheeth?"

Bareerah was a female slave and A'isha was interested in buying her. She was married to Mugheer, and Ai'sha freed her (they were married in slavery); a free woman cannot marry a slave man, so after she became free, she had the choice to keep this marriage or to ask for the dissolvent of the marriage. She said, "Alhamdulillah, I'm tired of this marriage, I'm going to get out." Mugheer loved her so much, sincerely and honestly. After she left him, he couldn't take it, so he went in public weeping, chasing her, asking her "Ya Bareera just look at me or talk to me." He went to sahaba and said, "Please talk to her for me (to Abu Bakr and Umar and at the end, even to the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wassalam) to ask him to intercede. So Prophet (peace be upon him) (as the mercy for mankind) felt sorry for him, and he said he'd do it. When he went to Bareerah, she asked, "Are you commanding me or are you just interceding?" The Prophet said, "I'm interceding." She replied, "If this is the case, then I don't want him", and since all else failed, he spent his life chasing after her and crying for her.

What to gain from the hadith:

Excessive love sometimes causes the forgetfulness of shyness. Just like in his example, he could not hide his love for Bareerah, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) didn't chastise him for it (becuse it wasn't in his hands.) He wouldn't have been chastised for it unless he totally crossed the limits. Imam Ibn Hajr said that it is permissible if it's out of someone's hands. If a man is engaged to a lady and the family decides to break off their engagement, he may get really frustrated, and out of excessive love for her, he may act out. We can't do much for that person, so it's okay. In the story above, Mugeeth even went to the extent that he asked the Prohet to intercede for him. Mugheeth loved her so much that the Prophet didn't deny that love, and he didn't say, "You can't because she's not your wife anymore."

*Love is a secret and it's an amazing secret from Allah (Subhanaw wa Ta'Ala!)*

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:salamext:

Do you have children?

[Muslima_82]

:sl:

I am very upset to hear about your situation. I don't think anyone can truly understand your feelings. Only you know them. So be very careful of those who push you to forget and move on. It will only irritate you more.

I know some may disagree with me, but I believe that our feelings define who we are. Your feelings are a part of you and define you. And from that, I would say you are a wonderful person.

Remember, you should only do things when "you" feel you are ready. I understand that you can't just pull the plug on your feelings just because of what has happened. I am a little confused though. Is he still around you? This is probably one of the things that is making it difficult for you.

In terms of a Surah to read, I'm afraid I'm not sure of anything specific, but I would recommend keeping up with your prayers. Say all your prayers from your heart. Insha'Allah Allah will hear your prayers and you can seek his guidance and support through your difficult times.

And remember, there's no rush for anything. Before I exit, I was thinking perhaps you could pull out an old childhood hobby or something. Something that gets your mind ticking. It might help you a little bit.

I really hope and pray that you feel better. You cannot ignore your feelings though. They are part of you. You are human, not machine.

Thank you for your concern brother, i really appreciate it.

After a year of constant complaining i can understand that people want me to forget and move on, but you are right...no one can understand what i am going through...and i wouldn't wish for anyone to ever go through what i am. But after struggling with this, i myself am tired...physically and emotionally. There is no solving this. Being Muslim we can't reconcile, he divorced me and there is no other way than to move on for me. But my heart has no peace...sadly.

Making a rash decision he did regret after a while...he isn't even with the woman he initially left me for...and every now and than he come to play with my mind making things even worse. I miss him and our life together, and after all he put me through i do still love him...with all my heart. But what good does that do? He is still in my life...because he wanted to be friends, but that is no option since i can't put what has happened behind me. We had a huge fight 1 week ago, and I haven't talked to him since...mainly because he ignored me. I think with Strength from the all mighty i will try to make it through this, I am young and my whole life seems like a big long journey...an unbearable journey...I hope i find peace. Ameen.

[Muslima_82]

:w:

You know what your problem is sister? you are holding on to the past and thinking that "time will heal all wounds"...that will never happen, as long as you hold on to the past nothing will change.Pray to Allah for guidence,throw out all the stuff which reminds you of that man,do stuff that makes you happy and find another man if you can.

I'll pray for you my sister.

Thank you for the prayer brother :)

You are right, I do make myself miserable because there isn't a moment when he doesn't enter my thoughts. After how bad he ended up treating me, i almost despise myself for still loving him...

Its not easy for me to let go, and knowing there is no fixing this....crushes my spirit for ever finding happiness again...I will try, right now i just want to focus on cutting this man out of my life and thoughts.

[Muslima_82]

sis...why don't you come to muslimmomscafe and share with the other wives...

some of them have the same experience...and InshaAllah it'll lessen the pain.

this lady too having the same problem as you.

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-break-up.html

Love can't be forced ukhtee...no one can force your hubby...and no one can force you from missing your hubby.

Just remember the love to Allah subhanahuwata'ala will last forever and much more beneficial.

You'll be in my dua sis...Please hang on there and stay strong.

From this thread... http://www.islamicboard.com/miscella...fiqh-love.html

Thank you, i will read up on the links you sent me :)

It wasn't meant to last forever...it wasn't even a perfect marriage because his intentions weren't always good. We were married 3 years, and even though i felt he loved and cared for me...there was always a part of him that would wander if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. My friends always said i deserved much better than him. But for me he was my husband...and no problem could make me turn away from him...i always struggled to make it work. Now 3 years of my life with him seem like a waste. I'm stuck with pain and memories from a man who was mine, but never really was...and never will be again...

[Muslima_82]

:salamext:

Do you have children?

I thank God that i don't...even though i wanted to...things came to a sudden end before we could start a family together.

[Pure Imaan]

Assalamualaikum sister

When I finished reading your thread, I felt really sad for you, such a difficult your in sis, I read what our bro/z and sisz have posted and mashallah it is good advice, I agree with bro PersianPrince when he says that you should do things when you feel you are ready inshallah...I hope that Allah (swt) helps you to move on and remain steadfast inshallah.....this life is full of tests and tribulations, this dunya is contaminated and the Hereafter is pure where no depression will engulf you, no sadness will touch you and so forth...I can see reading from your post that your love for him was pure, what he did was not in accordance with morality, goodness, truth etc, you deserve much more and you shouldn't waste your feelings and time over someone that does not treat you right....im sorry if I am saying harsh words sis, I have no idea how your feeling, but I pray Allah (swt) helps you to move on INSHALLAH, i will pray for you my sister, even though it has been a year your wounds are still fresh, what I am saying is that, be persistant in your prayers inshallah, keep making dua, becuase dua is our weapon against evil, problems etc....try your best to keep yourself busy, like bro Persian Prince sed, carry out a childhood hobby or a new one, talk about your feelings to someone, don't supress your emotions, it will make you ill, ok, make sure you let your feelings out, I have hope that with dua you will have moved on INSHALLAH...and left him in the past where it should be ok...try your best sis, you BEST in your own time of course, take things gradually, but becuase he is in your past try your upmost to not let him interfere with your present...I pray Allah (swt) helps, guides and protects you and helps you to move on and be happy in the future, ameen.

[anonymous]

I thank God that i don't...even though i wanted to...things came to a sudden end before we could start a family together.

sister how old are you if you dont mind me asking?

Im sorry to hear about your marriage break up but like you said, you are still young, you can still get marriedagain and inshaAllah one day have children with someone you can 100000% rely on. I know it may be hard for you to trust another man again, but everything happens for a reason. I pray that Allah (swt) makes it easy for you

[Omari]

Assalamualaikum Sister,
Peace be with you.

Allah gives happiness to see if his servants will be thankful, likewise allah gives sadness to see how his servants will react. And the best of muslims are those who are patient, those who will not give up the way of allah for any reason, in any situation.
And when a muslim is patient thorough their distress, then surely allah will reward them in the hereafter.

I am infact saddened after reading your thread, but my sister you should not give up. Everything that happens, happens by the will of god.

The best advice for you is to pray, or continue praying and read the Quran.
Mine, and surely everyone else in LI board, prayers are with you sister..

Peace be with you
Omari

[qassy!]

Sister

Im praying 4 u, just please dont harm your self pray to Allah and Inshallah you will find someone 110% better, inshallah sister you will have children.

Inshallah

Allah Hafiz!

[Nasir666]

Thank you for the prayer brother :)

You are right, I do make myself miserable because there isn't a moment when he doesn't enter my thoughts. After how bad he ended up treating me, i almost despise myself for still loving him...

Its not easy for me to let go, and knowing there is no fixing this....crushes my spirit for ever finding happiness again...I will try, right now i just want to focus on cutting this man out of my life and thoughts.

Devils job is to make people miserable,crush there spirit and make people feel like crap ,he gets pleasure out of this.Whenever you are feeling down,think happy thoughs...think about all the good things that happend to you and inshallah all the good things that will happen to you in the future...it has always worked for me and i am sure this will help you too. :happy:

[Omari]

Devils job is to make people miserable,crush there spirit and make people feel like crap ,he gets pleasure out of this.

And not only pleasure, Muslima1, but followers. You see, some give up on Allah when faced with distress, but those who stay and pray. Allah will bestow upon them his infinite mercy. [Allah Willing][Only he knows best]

peace be with you sister,
and nasir
Omari

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

About a year a go my husband left me because of another woman.

u 2 are officially divorced or he just left u ??? Which country do u live in ? Is it possible for ur husband to take 2nd wife without divorcing u ?? If yes , then u can think of that possibility instead of divorcing if u still love him.

If not , then u may think of remarry. Do Isthekhara & take a decision . InshaAllah , everything will be ok soon. May Allah reward u for all the pain u went through , Ameen.

[Muslima_82]

Assalamualaikum sister

When I finished reading your thread, I felt really sad for you, such a difficult your in sis, I read what our bro/z and sisz have posted and mashallah it is good advice, I agree with bro PersianPrince when he says that you should do things when you feel you are ready inshallah...I hope that Allah (swt) helps you to move on and remain steadfast inshallah.....this life is full of tests and tribulations, this dunya is contaminated and the Hereafter is pure where no depression will engulf you, no sadness will touch you and so forth...I can see reading from your post that your love for him was pure, what he did was not in accordance with morality, goodness, truth etc, you deserve much more and you shouldn't waste your feelings and time over someone that does not treat you right....im sorry if I am saying harsh words sis, I have no idea how your feeling, but I pray Allah (swt) helps you to move on INSHALLAH, i will pray for you my sister, even though it has been a year your wounds are still fresh, what I am saying is that, be persistant in your prayers inshallah, keep making dua, becuase dua is our weapon against evil, problems etc....try your best to keep yourself busy, like bro Persian Prince sed, carry out a childhood hobby or a new one, talk about your feelings to someone, don't supress your emotions, it will make you ill, ok, make sure you let your feelings out, I have hope that with dua you will have moved on INSHALLAH...and left him in the past where it should be ok...try your best sis, you BEST in your own time of course, take things gradually, but becuase he is in your past try your upmost to not let him interfere with your present...I pray Allah (swt) helps, guides and protects you and helps you to move on and be happy in the future, ameen.

Thank you for the prayers, i really need them...

Days like today are really hard...This Tuesday, 15th will mark exactly one year of our break-up...I've carried a heavy aching heart in my chest for a whole year...not to mark it as an event, but i hoped that one year after i would be feeling better...but i don't...right now i just feel like crying imsad

[Muslima_82]

sister how old are you if you dont mind me asking?

Im sorry to hear about your marriage break up but like you said, you are still young, you can still get marriedagain and inshaAllah one day have children with someone you can 100000% rely on. I know it may be hard for you to trust another man again, but everything happens for a reason. I pray that Allah (swt) makes it easy for you

I will be 26 in some months...

Thank you for the concern and prayers. Right now I just want to focus on getting over this unbearable pain and depression. Even though many say that the only way to forget is by remarrying. But right now i just don't feel ready :cry:

[Muslima_82]

Assalamualaikum Sister,
Peace be with you.

Allah gives happiness to see if his servants will be thankful, likewise allah gives sadness to see how his servants will react. And the best of muslims are those who are patient, those who will not give up the way of allah for any reason, in any situation.
And when a muslim is patient thorough their distress, then surely allah will reward them in the hereafter.

I am infact saddened after reading your thread, but my sister you should not give up. Everything that happens, happens by the will of god.

The best advice for you is to pray, or continue praying and read the Quran.
Mine, and surely everyone else in LI board, prayers are with you sister..

Peace be with you
Omari

W/assalam.

This incidence hasn't weakened my faith in Allah. I accept how he keeps me; sady; Happy...all as He wills and has written for me. I don't blame God for what has happened, but I pray that he takes me out of this. Ameen.

[Muslima_82]

Sister

Im praying 4 u, just please dont harm your self pray to Allah and Inshallah you will find someone 110% better, inshallah sister you will have children.

Inshallah

Allah Hafiz!

Thank you and Nasri :)

[anonymous]

I will be 26 in some months...

Thank you for the concern and prayers. Right now I just want to focus on getting over this unbearable pain and depression. Even though many say that the only way to forget is by remarrying. But right now i just don't feel ready :cry:

aww sister you makin me upset now :(

I pray everythin works out for you

[Muslima_82]

:sl:




u 2 are officially divorced or he just left u ??? Which country do u live in ? Is it possible for ur husband to take 2nd wife without divorcing u ?? If yes , then u can think of that possibility instead of divorcing if u still love him.

If not , then u may think of remarry. Do Isthekhara & take a decision . InshaAllah , everything will be ok soon. May Allah reward u for all the pain u went through , Ameen.

Yes, we are officially divorced. The only "solution" to this is performing a Helala; me marrying another man, getting divorced and remarrying my first husband. What did I do sister? My fault is that i loved and stood by my husband? That I was faithful to him despite him cheating on me systematically through our marriage? Why should i be punished to something like an helala only to return to a man...who might hurt me again. My problem isn't me wanting to reconcile with him. My problem is my heart...which can't stop loving a man who doesn't deserve my love :cry:

[Muslima_82]

aww sister you makin me upset now :(

I pray everythin works out for you

I don't mean to upset you. I just need to let this out :( The pain is slowly killing me :(

[anonymous]

Salam sis,

Alright,im going to get right down to the point:

You've admitted that this man cheated on you,he treated you badly,he left you for another woman(sorry for having to point them out once more,)you need to see things clearly and from an objective point of you:

You need to put YOURSELF first in all of this.Stop letting him hurt you,he's NOT worth it,trust me on this one.You,on the other hand,ARE worth it!You deserve better,Im sure you know that,

...am I right?

When someone puts themselves first,they won't tolerate anyone hurting them or pushing them down..You need to be strong sis,and know that this guy has brought you much pain,and that you,as a deserving,respectable young woman,won't tolerate that,and that you deserve better then someone who cheats on you and doesn't give you the respect that you deserve!

If he was blind enough not to see how kind and faithful you were,then he doesn't and didn't deserve you.

Remember that everything happens for a reason;who knows,maybe this is better for you.

Maybe you already know all of this and im not helping,maybe intellectually you acknowledge all of this...but you can't help the way you feel.

You might love him and he might be dreadful to you;remember to love yourself more....Know that you are strong enough to overcome this love,no matter what,because no man who hurts a woman like he's hurt you deserves your love.In this world,you've got to be tough sometimes and overcome emotions,hardaches,diseases,whatever life throws at you,and know that Insh'ALLAH,Allah(SWT) will reward you.

All the best sis,

:w:

p.s:sorry if I was a little rough :),it's out of love for a muslim sis. ;)

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

Yes, we are officially divorced. The only "solution" to this is performing a Helala; :cry:

sis , u r wrong ...there is nothing is Islam called Halala....this concept is Haram. To marry one person intentionally just for 1 night & get divorced & go back to previous husband ....sadly this nasty thing is seen in some places. We all must raise our voices against this .


U were divorced only for once ....so u 2 can remarry now.

If u 2 again get divorced & again remarry & the divorce takes place for the 3rd time , then marrying same husband is not allowed unless u marry another person & live with him & divorce * not the pre-planned one---takes place naturally.

This law was introduced to save women from those husbands who cheated them , treated them badly , but never freed them & always threatned them that we will divorce u , remarry u , divorce u etc.

PL. talk to a learned Imam if u want to go back to ur ex husband. But if he cheated u , then should u trust him again ??


anyway life is a great test sis for the hereafter . So , have patience & faith. InshaAllah , Allah will compensate u with better .

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Muslima_82; I am so sorry to hear of your pain, but there is always hope, always persevere with love.

Recently I went on a bereavement training course and one of the things that had meaning for me was the process of grieving after the death of a loved one. In a way you are also suffering from the death of a loved one, but it may seem worse because you still have contact with him.

Grieving is coming to terms with a loss and can be a process of denial, anger and eventually acceptance that everything is over. Grief was explained that however much time each day you spent with your loved one, you must try and replace that time with doing something else that has meaning for you. If you do not replace this time doing something you may sit around being sad and having all kinds of negative thoughts. In some ways grief stops you doing things because it almost seems more comforting to sit and be sad.

If you are able to help others in some way like the sick, elderly, disabled, it can help you to share other people’s problems. Over time this will help you come to terms with your grief, you have less spare time and you will feel you are doing something useful for another person.

Something similar but different happened to me about thirty years ago and it is possible to love again.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace

Eric
.

[Muslima_82]

Salam sis,

Alright,im going to get right down to the point:

You've admitted that this man cheated on you,he treated you badly,he left you for another woman(sorry for having to point them out once more,)you need to see things clearly and from an objective point of you:

You need to put YOURSELF first in all of this.Stop letting him hurt you,he's NOT worth it,trust me on this one.You,on the other hand,ARE worth it!You deserve better,Im sure you know that,

...am I right?

When someone puts themselves first,they won't tolerate anyone hurting them or pushing them down..You need to be strong sis,and know that this guy has brought you much pain,and that you,as a deserving,respectable young woman,won't tolerate that,and that you deserve better then someone who cheats on you and doesn't give you the respect that you deserve!

If he was blind enough not to see how kind and faithful you were,then he doesn't and didn't deserve you.

Remember that everything happens for a reason;who knows,maybe this is better for you.

Maybe you already know all of this and im not helping,maybe intellectually you acknowledge all of this...but you can't help the way you feel.

You might love him and he might be dreadful to you;remember to love yourself more....Know that you are strong enough to overcome this love,no matter what,because no man who hurts a woman like he's hurt you deserves your love.In this world,you've got to be tough sometimes and overcome emotions,hardaches,diseases,whatever life throws at you,and know that Insh'ALLAH,Allah(SWT) will reward you.

All the best sis,

:w:

p.s:sorry if I was a little rough :),it's out of love for a muslim sis. ;)

There is nothing you can possibly say to make me hurt more than i am :) I've heard what you have written multiple times...from multiple people. You are right, i do realize all what you have said and more intellectually....but i feel as though i am stuck emotionally. I think my problem is facing the rejection i got from him....i loved him a lot, i guess i wanted him to love me at least as much back. I wanted to be his everything, having a husband with so many flaws i never could...and still can't think of another man. Believe me...its with great modesty i say i don't lack anything a good wife shouldn't have. Yet....my spirit has been totally crushed by the hands of a man who has me feeling as dull as a pile of dirt.

[Muslima_82]

:sl:





sis , u r wrong ...there is nothing is Islam called Halala....this concept is Haram. To marry one person intentionally just for 1 night & get divorced & go back to previous husband ....sadly this nasty thing is seen in some places. We all must raise our voices against this .


U were divorced only for once ....so u 2 can remarry now.

If u 2 again get divorced & again remarry & the divorce takes place for the 3rd time , then marrying same husband is not allowed unless u marry another person & live with him & divorce * not the pre-planned one---takes place naturally.

This law was introduced to save women from those husbands who cheated them , treated them badly , but never freed them & always threatned them that we will divorce u , remarry u , divorce u etc.

PL. talk to a learned Imam if u want to go back to ur ex husband. But if he cheated u , then should u trust him again ??


anyway life is a great test sis for the hereafter . So , have patience & faith. InshaAllah , Allah will compensate u with better .

I didn't know that..i thought a Helala was the only option :-\

But sister for me a life with him is really no option, even though subconsciously i want him back my logic says its best to let him go completely.

I don't know if i said that about a week a go me and him had a BIG fight, and i haven't spoken to him since...and he has also not contacted me....The fight was about him leading me on sexually...he has done so previously too...and my reaction is always out of great frustration and anger. I consider it very wrong and i won't ever to something like that out of respect to myself and my belief :cry:

I just feel so disrespected and hurt by him. I'm not planning on contacting him...but it still doesn't help the fact that i miss him a lot.

[Muslima_82]

Greetings and peace be with you Muslima_82; I am so sorry to hear of your pain, but there is always hope, always persevere with love.

Recently I went on a bereavement training course and one of the things that had meaning for me was the process of grieving after the death of a loved one. In a way you are also suffering from the death of a loved one, but it may seem worse because you still have contact with him.

Grieving is coming to terms with a loss and can be a process of denial, anger and eventually acceptance that everything is over. Grief was explained that however much time each day you spent with your loved one, you must try and replace that time with doing something else that has meaning for you. If you do not replace this time doing something you may sit around being sad and having all kinds of negative thoughts. In some ways grief stops you doing things because it almost seems more comforting to sit and be sad.

If you are able to help others in some way like the sick, elderly, disabled, it can help you to share other people’s problems. Over time this will help you come to terms with your grief, you have less spare time and you will feel you are doing something useful for another person.

Something similar but different happened to me about thirty years ago and it is possible to love again.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace

Eric
.

I can sooooo relate to what you wrote brother,

Days after the divorce i was a total basket case. I couldn't stop crying. And i really felt that i had lost my husband in a tragic accident. One moment he was there and the next he wasn't.

A lot has improved in a year, but for my account the improvement just seems very slow...i'm just sad about that it feels i have a long way to go still...i'm working on it :-\ i just hope this feeling ends soon.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

every heart belongs to Allah, have patience, everything happens with good reason, you may dislike something though Allaah knows its good for you.

Maybe its better right now for you to not get over this pain, a time will come when ease will cover the hardship, for now have patience.


Assalamu alaikum

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Muslima_82;

my reaction is always out of great frustration and anger

It is easy giving advice because the people who give advice don’t have to pay the price, so please ignore this post if it sounds harsh and wrong for you at this time.

Your ex husband controls your mind whether you like it or not, if you are to have feelings of anger then you must use that anger in a positive way. Do not be angry with your husband but rather start feeling angry with yourself for not being in control of your own mind and letting your husband be in control.

Nobody on this Earth has the right to control your mind, you need to start feeling angry with yourself for being so weak. The fighting talk you may have with yourself is how can you do this and still remain a loving and kind person.

Life is a journey always one day at a time, it is finding the strength to get out of bed one more day and strive to be close to Allah. You can only fight your way through today, tomorrow will bring its own problems and those you must leave in the hands of God.

In the spirit of searching for an inner peace.

Eric

[Muslima_82]

every heart belongs to Allah, have patience, everything happens with good reason, you may dislike something though Allaah knows its good for you.

Maybe its better right now for you to not get over this pain, a time will come when ease will cover the hardship, for now have patience.


Assalamu alaikum

I hope so...I know what i am suppose to do, and believe me for my own sake, self worth and dignity i try not to seem weak and pathetic in front of him...but i always manage to do so. This past week has been very liberating for me aswell. Hopefully a start of staying away from him forever?

I hope it is, and with time everything will be ok...ameen.

[Muslima_82]

Greetings and peace be with you Muslima_82;

It is easy giving advice because the people who give advice don’t have to pay the price, so please ignore this post if it sounds harsh and wrong for you at this time.

Your ex husband controls your mind whether you like it or not, if you are to have feelings of anger then you must use that anger in a positive way. Do not be angry with your husband but rather start feeling angry with yourself for not being in control of your own mind and letting your husband be in control.

Nobody on this Earth has the right to control your mind, you need to start feeling angry with yourself for being so weak. The fighting talk you may have with yourself is how can you do this and still remain a loving and kind person.

Life is a journey always one day at a time, it is finding the strength to get out of bed one more day and strive to be close to Allah. You can only fight your way through today, tomorrow will bring its own problems and those you must leave in the hands of God.

In the spirit of searching for an inner peace.

Eric

I am here for advice and support bother :) don't worry about that harsh words will hurt my feelings. I think i need to hear it like it is...

You are right he does control me, because he knows my love for him makes me weak...and willingly or willingly he knows he has the strong hold...and of course it gives him an advantage and feeds his ego...he is only human...and so am i...

My anger towards him comes because i feel he treats my like an object of his desire...he subjects me for his sexual remarks and innuendo...and it hurts my feelings that he doesn't respect me more than that. How can i give in to his desires when we aren't married anymore? He should know me better than that...it just breaks my heart....

The bickering, nagging and moping...i could never hide it...and i'm tired cos i wanted to give him the impression that i was stronger than that....

[MaiCarInMtl]

While some people heal and get over things faster, others take longer, and there is nothign wrong with that. Not only did he betray you, but he also seems to have majorly damaged your own self-esteem and self-confidence, and that takes a very, very long-time to rebuild.

Just take it one step at a time and eventually, the time will come when you don't feel liek this anymore. I just wish I could tell you when (as the waiting and not knowing how long part sometimes seems to be one of the hardest things).

I highly suggest you cut him out of your life. If he calls, do not answer; if he knows at your door, don't answer; if you see him in public, just walk in the other direction or straight out ignore him. It's not easy, but he knows he can play with your emotions. Just cut him out, that's one of the main things you have to do (it may not be easy).

As always, ask God to help you through this, to guide you, remember to pray, read the Qur'an, and try to keep a positive outlook. It's not easy, it won't be easy, but someday it will pass. Have faith.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

.....
I don't know if i said that about a week a go me and him had a BIG fight,....The fight was about him leading me on sexually

oh sis , if u 2 are divorced , u must not stay with him alone as this is not allowed anymore . If u need to talk to him , u have to do it in presence of someone else to avoid the temptation of Satan. Don't let him touch u again as it's haram.


Pl. offer Ishthekhara prayer & take a decision. Talk to any professional marriage counsellor . Online free help is also availabe .. i guess.

feel free to pm/ email me if u need to talk to me.

may Allah make it easy for u , Ameen.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:




Sis , where are ur parents ? May be u should visit them & spend some time with relatives & friends ? OR invite ur close friend / cousin to stay with u .



Loneliness is making u sad …I guess.



Is mosque nearby ? U may visit mosque & take active part in women’s groups or in some volunteer works.


U may try to fast each alternate day , recite Quran more , don't miss any compulsory prayer , also try to offer some extra ....InshaAllah u will be able to calm down :)

may Allah help u , Ameen

[Khayal]

:sl:

First of all be happy that you are now safe from that cheater. Make yourself busy with Islamic volunteering and stuff to keep your mind off of your predicament, and instead on Allah SWT . Keep this up until you find someone pious, which is when you can live happily ever after, InshaAllaah.

:sl:brothers and sisters.

I come for advice in great distress. I simply don't know what to do and I kindly ask for a dua or a surah from the Holy Quran to help me cope the difficult situation I am facing :cry:

About a year a go my husband left me because of another woman. This came as a shock to me as we had a very loving and understanding relationship, his sudden decision ruined my whole life. I loved him still and a part from being my significant other he was my every thing. With no choice, i left him with a heavy heart. That was almost a year ago. Since he is no longer my mehram I have no choice but to move one, but my heart wont let me. I have turned to family and friends for comfort and support, yet everyones assurances on that "time will heal all wounds" have fallen short.

I can't seem to forget about him, and a year prior to the incident my wounds are still fresh and hurting...another problem is I cant seem to cut him out of my life...and i feel weak and desperate. We are no longer living like husband and wife, naturally...but i wish to never see him again. Yet i feel my own weakness will never let me.

Help me...please :cry:

[Pure Imaan]

I pray you are feeling better sis, I wanted to say that if you want to talk then PM me, honestly, anytime sis...anytime inshallah

[anonymous]

Sister I hope you are feeling much better InshaAllah. Do you currently live with your parents??

[Muslima_82]

While some people heal and get over things faster, others take longer, and there is nothign wrong with that. Not only did he betray you, but he also seems to have majorly damaged your own self-esteem and self-confidence, and that takes a very, very long-time to rebuild.

Just take it one step at a time and eventually, the time will come when you don't feel liek this anymore. I just wish I could tell you when (as the waiting and not knowing how long part sometimes seems to be one of the hardest things).

I highly suggest you cut him out of your life. If he calls, do not answer; if he knows at your door, don't answer; if you see him in public, just walk in the other direction or straight out ignore him. It's not easy, but he knows he can play with your emotions. Just cut him out, that's one of the main things you have to do (it may not be easy).

As always, ask God to help you through this, to guide you, remember to pray, read the Qur'an, and try to keep a positive outlook. It's not easy, it won't be easy, but someday it will pass. Have faith.

Its been a year already...i hope this feeling doesn't last forever...all though how can i completely forget? He will always be in my thoughts one way or the other...i just wish it could have worked out...and i guess the bitterness is holding me back...

I could never ignore him...but it seems for now he is ignoring me...maybe because he knows i will never give inn for what he wants, and he has realised there is nothing more to gain? What ever it is it is working. he hasn't contacted me, i wont contact him...If it lasts time passing itself will put a gap between us which wont be easy to break. Lets hope that's how it goes...for my sake...

[Muslima_82]

:sl:



oh sis , if u 2 are divorced , u must not stay with him alone as this is not allowed anymore . If u need to talk to him , u have to do it in presence of someone else to avoid the temptation of Satan. Don't let him touch u again as it's haram.


Pl. offer Ishthekhara prayer & take a decision. Talk to any professional marriage counsellor . Online free help is also availabe .. i guess.

feel free to pm/ email me if u need to talk to me.

may Allah make it easy for u , Ameen.

Thank you sister :) I haven't done anything unlawful, nor will I. I have made it clear that he cant push the line that is between us now...and i think this time he finally got it. I haven't heard from him in a while now.

[Muslima_82]

I am trying to keep busy, but it is hard. I study so school keeps me a little busy, but ever since the break up my mood and concentration has been low...i cant get out of this gloomy depression.

I have family with me, I am living with them. I do have their love and support...but a part of me just died or went missing when this relationship ended. There is a void there i feel no one can fill....

[Angelzz]

Im sorry to hear of what your going through sis.

Sis all I can say is this --- Under no circumstances let him back in your life -- no contact is the best thing -- because its over yes but also cause too much time has passed, words have been said, tears have been shed, and love and trust broken. You cant go back to how it was as it will never be that way again.

Im sorry if this is harsh on you but it something that took me ages to realise myself. I always always held out hope that things will go back to how it used to be. But it just can't --- its better to cut contact and drift apart. You can cut him out of your immediately but cutting him from your thoughts will take time.

And thats what they mean by time heals wounds --- with time you think less and less about him. Now is the time to grieve sis (if you havent already) -- yes you gotta say goodbye to that part of your life and day by day rediscover yourself and gain a deeper connection with allah and your self.

Increase your worship and fInd out what it is that excites you interests you and explore them. You might surprise yourself and be capable of doing things you never thought you could.

Just remember sis its hard but a step and day at a time -- pick up your life and start moving forwards inshaAllah. This is "ME" time sis -- so make the most of it grieve, heal, rediscover, reenergise and inshaAllah when time is right you will be able to marry again and be able to be there emotionally.

And sis, the doctor is always there for chat too --- doctors arent just there for your physical health but your mental and emotional health too -- go speak to your doc sis inshaallah they can also help--- its time like these I wish there was a professional islamic counselling service, Inshaallah with time.

Anyways sis --- ive developed a thing for long posts lol i gotta stop -- if you need a chat im here inshaAllah.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Muslima_82;

Is it possible to forgive your husband and pray for him, that Allah may also forgive him for all the wrongs he has done you.

I believe that we can understand more fully how God can forgive us our sins if we also forgive them. If we cannot forgive them, how can we understand and accept that God will forgive them and us.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace

Eric

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Muslima_82;

How are you today,

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace

Eric

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

sis , how r u ....ok ???