I need some guidance.

[nazeeh]

:sl:
This is my first time on these boards, and I am honored to be here. Thank you for having such a great place.

I write to you asking for guidance in a specific matter that actually poses a more global question in my life that I struggle with often.

I was born in the USA and hence have the citizenship. My younger brother though was not born here due to the fact that my dad decided to go back to our home country (Egypt). My dad has ever since then lived in a form of guilt over not giving my brother what he gave me. That's background info though.

My wife is currently pregnant. So is my brother's wife. Both are due in May with a two week difference between them. With due dates being + or - 2 weeks, they could actually give birth at the same time. My brother had this idea of sending his wife and my mom to stay with us here a month before she's due. This way she can have the baby here in USA and the baby would get the U.S. citizenship. With the baby having it, all sons/daughters from that point on would have it too. Almost like giving it to an entire upcoming generation. Having the U.S passport is generally a good thing in that it opens up the world to a person. He knows that because he suffers from not having one now. Even when you live in Egypt, you get better treatment just for having it. And it's good to know that if things go bad (in whatever way) in Egypt, there's a way out.

The problem I am facing now is what to do about this. This would mean that his wife and my mom would be at my house. My pregnant wife is not happy about this since it puts a lot of pressure on her so close to her due date. And when the babies are born, it puts even further pressure on her to be around another new born. Her mom/dad would be here as well to attend her delivery. So the house would be packed. Assuming all other logistics for delivering my brother's baby work (which is not even guaranteed), we would be facing a house full of people with my wife extremely tired with a new baby - as well as my current 2 year old son.

I can see that this is tough on my wife. My mother of course stressed that she would take care of everything around the house and not make my wife lift a finger. My question is though... is this something reasonable to ask from my wife? What is Islam's take on my responsibility towards my parents/brothers/etc vs to my own family? I would be asking my wife to be under some considerable stress because of this. But at the same time, I would be giving my brother something very big. Something that will last for generations.

My wife is extremely stressed out over this right now. I understand what she's saying but at the same time don't know what to do. Would I turn around and say no to my own brother? Would I be the reason he couldn't secure something like this for his child? Am I putting my brother's well being ahead of my own wife's and family?

This brings me to the global question I mentioned earlier. I tend to run into situations like this often enough. Where I feel that to make one side happy, the other has to be upset or forced to accept something they don't want. What is Islam's stand on the responsibilities of a man to his wife/family and to his parents/siblings?

I really do appreciate any guidance I can get in this matter. I don't know what to do. More importantly, I don't want to pick a choice that would upset God...

Thank you for your time.

[UmmSqueakster]

Have you looked into the visa issues? All these issues may be moot, in that it may be impossible to get your SIL a visitor's visa while she's pregnant.

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice on the other areas.

[nazeeh]

She has a visa already. I don't know what will happen when she does travel though. Still a lot of details to go through I know :(

I am just trying to figure out what to do if all those details check out somehow...

[☆•♥°ąყ℮Տիმ°♥•☆]

:sl:
im sorry to hear about your predicament.. and gosh its a difficult one... im still learning about islam so cant give advice on that sideof things..
but regarding your wife.. as you said she is allready stressed and not happy about this arrangement, being pregnant this could have some negative effects on her and the baby and you should try and make it as easy as possible for her you also need to look at how this could effect your wife and could it do any damage to your marriage?

How long would they intend on staying? If its a matter of months then maybe you could try and persuade your wife that its only short term and emphasise you also have a responsibility to your brother...

inshaAllah i really hope you find a way that is good for everyone...

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[UmmSqueakster]

Dur, that means no easy answers :heated:

Would it be possible to rent an apartment for them near your house? That way everyone could have their own personal space. If you have a guest room, move the furniture into the new place, find donations from the masjid or a thrift store, or find one that's furnished. I definately feel for your wife and would have a coniption fit if anyone moved in around the time I gave birth aside from my MIL, who's planning to come to help out inshaAllah (not that we're planning any kids anytime soon).

How are they going to pay for it, cuz as I'm sure you know, it's expensive to have a baby here. If they're expecting the government to help, isn't it unislamic to take services when you don't pay taxes for them?


In relation to the religious stuff, this is definately something you should write a scholar about. What kind of sheikh would your family listen to?

[sur]

:sl:
This is my first time on these boards, and I am honored to be here. Thank you for having such a great place.

I write to you asking for guidance in a specific matter that actually poses a more global question in my life that I struggle with often.

I read Hadees talking bad of "who migrated for marrying a woman"
But don't know what'd be decree on "Who married for migration"

ur issue is NOT "marrying" though, so it's kind of irrelevant.

Since Islam is Religion of common sense, so use it. I would say there's nothing bad in trying to get her baby US citizenship.

[sabah]

:sl:

Brother, me and my family have just been in the same situation. My brother brought his wife over, and his 3 kids to have his 4th baby. However it was kind of stressful for my mam as there was 8 of us living in a small house. My advise would be to go with your gut feeling, if you dont feel your wife can handle it then surely the well-being of your wife and baby is more important than gaining citizenship for your brothers baby. Have a talk with her inshallah. Allah knows best.

:w:

[syilla]

:salamext:

Your airlines accept a pregnant lady? wow... :uuh:

or probably she wore big jilbab / abaya so no one can see it... hmm...i should do that too... lol

why don't you try to find a cheaper place to rent for your mother and your sister in law...probably a room that'll be better. InshaAllah.

[nazeeh]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I had a long talk about this with my wife, and yeah...she's stressing over it. She said had she not been pregnant herself, she still would have thought it's not the best idea due to the large number of variables and what-ifs involved, but she would have been ok with them coming anyway. It's the fact that she would be pregnant at the same time is making her very uncomfortable with this.

I do realize there are many many factors involved. The more I think about it, the more factors I come up with. I honestly don't know what to do other than to fully research this subject and hopefully come up with a realistic view of things that would just not make sense for my brother to do this. But then I ask myself... why am I seeking a way to make it not happen... am I a bad brother?