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mohsen1985
01-12-2008, 11:32 AM
:sl: to all brothers and sisters

Does the holy Qur'an or the prophet (pbuh) say anything about age difference in marriage?

It's usually the man that's always a couple of years older or in some cases 4, or 5 years older than the woman. Sometimes they're the same age. But what if the woman is older?

I know that the prophet's wife (khadija) was a lot older than him.

I'm asking because I've met someone whom I think I can spend the rest of my life with her, the only problem is that she's a couple of years older than me. I'm 100% sure that my family will have a problem with that.

What do I do?:cry:
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Insecured soul
01-15-2008, 10:44 AM
salam

check this tread bro http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...der-woman.html
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AnonymousPoster
01-15-2008, 10:56 AM
:w::sl:

i am 5 years elder than my husband. ( married aged 26 - hubby 21 )
age aint nothing but a number, and if it is love and your compatible, there is nothing stopping you getting married.

The biggest problem you may face however is ignorance from your family, they may make the age difference an issue. i was lucky, my husbands family were more than happy with our Nikkah and seen it as a blessing. ( culture shouldnt make any difference either. i am english my hubby is pakistani )

inshaAllah i wish you the very best and hope you have a loving and understanding family.
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mohsen1985
01-15-2008, 11:14 AM
That's exactly my point, when two people love each other what does age matter? :cry:

I've told me mother about this (not my dad, dad's are hard to talk to :D) she started going on and on about her being too old for me, she's no good, blah blah blah, women reach puberty 6 years before men do, so the man should be 4, 5 years older so they'd be at the same intellectual level. This is the reply I get from my mom.

There's this huge generation gap between us, she doesn't understand :cry: How do I make her see it's the love that matters? Also family is very important in Islam and in our culture. I cannot simply ignore them.

I don't know what to do:cry:
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AnonymousPoster
01-15-2008, 11:28 AM
how old are you both?

if your both in your 20's then your mothers arguement is flawed. The ideal age for a woman to conceive is between 18-34, and puberty really isnt a factor if your in your 20's. If your both mature enough then the issue is 'why not?'

Family is very important.. but when it comes to the 'age factors' some people can be so ignorant. There is nothing wrong with your parents choosing a partner for you, but at the same time they shouldnt dissmiss 'your choice' either.

Is there any way you could have your mother meet this girl so maybe they could establish some sort of understanding of each other. I thnk if your mother could have contact with this girl maybe she can see she has 'good values' etc Ask her to give 'your choice' a chance and that you will be happy to 'follow' her advice once she has met this girl etc. You might find she loves the girl and then takes over and begins to 'pre-arrange' the marriage to 'her liking'

i flew out to pakistan without even meeting my husbands family and i stayed in their home and got married there, with their blessing. They did tell me they had concerns because i was english and thought i would have 'no values' and that age could have been a problem. But once they got to know me they were arranging the marriage ( maybe more than i liked but i was happy i got their support )

But you should also realise that having a 'gf' is not good in islam, so being in a room alone etc until you are married should be avoided. I had no visual contact ( we met through internet )with my hubby up until 4 weeks befor i got married to him ( even though i knew him for 4 years online )
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Qurratul Ayn
01-15-2008, 12:10 PM
:salamext:

Make Du'a to Allaah Ta'ala and whatever happens is for the best and will happen for a good reason.

Probably you Mother is thinking about her reputation and what people would say of her son marrying an older woman and with the background cultural up-bringing it is hard to persuade many parents of a man marrying a older woman despite our Prophet (SAW) marrying an older woman.

Make Du'a and whatever happens accept it and don't do anything rash.

:salamext:
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crayon
01-15-2008, 12:29 PM
My mom is 3 years older than my dad.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it, and it's definitely not haram.

Pray istikharah and see what happens.
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anonymous
01-15-2008, 01:17 PM
If you dont have a problem with the age difference then whats the prob?? Personally, i would never marry a man whos younger then me, NO WAY HOSAY ( IS IT NO WAY HOSAY OR NO WAY JOSAY LOL), my future partner is 3 years older then me and I think that way too much!! Personally, I would have liked him to have been my age or one year older. max 2 years- but everyones got differering views, everyones different. You the only one that can say whether you would be comfortable with an older/younger man or woman. I saw in the paper the other day: In some foreign country, an ELEVEN YEAR OLD got married to this WEL OLD man, 80 plus. Now DAT is :uuh::uuh::uuh::uuh::uuh::uuh::uuh:
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afriend2
01-15-2008, 01:21 PM
Assalamu Alaikum,
^^ Yeah I was told about that. No comment :omg:

Personally...I think age shouldn't come into it :sunny: I wish you all the best brother.
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AnonymousPoster
01-15-2008, 01:22 PM
:sl:

You shouldn't have a problem with it inshaAllah. Make duaah and pray your istikhaarah ad if all works out well for you then it's khair. If not then qadarAllaah.

I think age isn't much of a problem really, although I'd prefer My future spouse to be older (men mature pretty late..eh :hiding: ).. But hey, that's not always the case.
My Step-father's is more than 10 years younger than my mother and they're a happy couple, walhamdulillaah. :)

Tawakkal 'alal-Allaah, Hope all goes well for you.
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adeeb
01-15-2008, 01:47 PM
islam has no problem with it... it just you and your family...

May Allah makes u easy to get married, insha Allah...
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Ayesha Rana
01-15-2008, 02:23 PM
Sis crayon is right bro-do Istikhara (the du'a for guidance) and insha'Allah if it is good for u Allah Most High will make it happen in the best way :statisfie
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mohsen1985
01-15-2008, 02:41 PM
Well, I do pray a lot. I'm afraid of them meeting each other. I'm still living with my parents and cannot get married yet, hopefully in 2 years. I've never been in a room alone with her, we're keeping everything within the Islamic limitations. She is also very religious. I don't know, I guess time will heal all. Maybe after the two years I can be independent enough to get married, and they'll just have to accept that.

Thanks for your support everyone, pray for me:cry:
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Woodrow
01-15-2008, 02:56 PM
Age is just a number, and a not very accurate one at that. Yes, we can establish a chronological number based upon the number of cycles the Earth has circumnavigated the Sun. But, that is not age, that is simply the duration a person has enjoyed the trip.

Age is based upon many things.

My age is a specific number. My body is a total wreck. But I have a friend who has been on Earth nearly 20 years longer than I have been and his body is considerably younger than mine. He is very active and seems to be in the prime of his life, instead of his twilight years.

My point being, a woman may be years older than her husband chronologically, but physically she could very well be younger than him. The opposite is also true.

Age should not be a factor in marriage and it makes no difference as to who is the older. The criteria should be Spiritual, Emotional, Physical compatibility. Those things can not me measured by the number of pages a person has seen torn off of a calender.

As been pointed out in the earlier replies there is nothing Haram about chronological age differences. There is no reason it should even fit into the equation for marriage.
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Qurratul Ayn
01-18-2008, 09:35 AM
Originally Posted by mohsen1985
Well, I do pray a lot. I'm afraid of them meeting each other. I'm still living with my parents and cannot get married yet, hopefully in 2 years. I've never been in a room alone with her, we're keeping everything within the Islamic limitations. She is also very religious. I don't know, I guess time will heal all. Maybe after the two years I can be independent enough to get married, and they'll just have to accept that.

Thanks for your support everyone, pray for me:cry:
:salamext:

At least, you are staying within the Islamic limitations. Insha'Allaah, whatever happens it will be for the best.

I can make Du'a for you but I can't pray for you, you have to pray for yourself to Allaah Ta'ala.

:salamext:
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mohsen1985
01-18-2008, 06:22 PM
:D That's what I mean by pray, Du'a
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truemuslim
01-18-2008, 06:26 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
If you dont have a problem with the age difference then whats the prob?? Personally, i would never marry a man whos younger then me, NO WAY HOSAY ( IS IT NO WAY HOSAY OR NO WAY JOSAY LOL), my future partner is 3 years older then me and I think that way too much!! Personally, I would have liked him to have been my age or one year older. max 2 years- but everyones got differering views, everyones different. You the only one that can say whether you would be comfortable with an older/younger man or woman. I saw in the paper the other day: In some foreign country, an ELEVEN YEAR OLD got married to this WEL OLD man, 80 plus. Now DAT is :uuh::uuh::uuh::uuh::uuh::uuh::uuh:


lol the man must have been rich..some parents are just...:muddlehea
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