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AnonymousPoster
01-14-2008, 01:29 AM
:sl:

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I am 22 years of age and I have a 5 year old child from a marriage which was arranged by my parents 6 years ago. I came out of this marriage 4 years ago & I got married of my choice 6 months ago. However the person whom I have married already has a wife and 2 children who are not aware of our marriage as well as his parents. My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married. My husband spends 2 nights every fortnight with me and comes to see me everyday. And every time I mention telling his family he says that I am interfering and that his family will disown him and tell him to leave me. He does not support me financially which is not a problem as alhamdolillah I earn myself to support me and my daughter. I am very scared of what I have let myself into as it is becoming very difficult I feel as if I am his dirty secret. Every time his brothers ask who I am he says I am a friend, which makes me feel ashamed and low. I cannot speak to my husband about this situation as I am afraid that it will push him away and he will leave me and I cannot put my parents through the shame of being divorced again. Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family and how can I make this situation better??

Jazakallah khair

May Allah guide us all unto the right path. The All-forgiving The Merciful. Ameen

:w:
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UmmSqueakster
01-14-2008, 06:14 PM
wa alaikum assalam,

In my (limited) understanding, for a marriage to be valid, it must be publicized. If his family does not know, then it isn't publicized.

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...EAskTheScholar

I must add another important point: There is no such thing as a secret marriage allowed in Islam. For marriages at all times ought to be publicized, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has clearly stated.

For more specific support related to polygany, might I suggest this yahoo group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/muslimahsinpolygyny/

There are many sisters in the group who are in polyganous situations, and a few who have dealt with "secret marriage" issues. inshaAllah they will be able to give you advice based on experience.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
01-15-2008, 03:01 AM
Jazakallah khair for the advice sis,

however many people are aware of our marriage this took place in my parents home and all the correct procedures were followed. It is just that his family are unaware of our marriage.

Wasalam
Reply

NoName55
01-15-2008, 03:07 AM
ye shall reap what you have sown. a Birmingham mullah took a second wife in secret few year back and eventually the saga ended with 2 murders and a lot of jailings

also following is worth considering too http://www.islamicboard.com/fiqh/517...tml#post848004
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Woodrow
01-15-2008, 03:09 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Jazakallah khair for the advice sis,

however many people are aware of our marriage this took place in my parents home and all the correct procedures were followed. It is just that his family are unaware of our marriage.

Wasalam
:sl:

apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I am 22 years of age and I have a 5 year old child from a marriage which was arranged by my parents 6 years ago. I came out of this marriage 4 years ago & I got married of my choice 6 months ago. However the person whom I have married already has a wife and 2 children who are not aware of our marriage as well as his parents. My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married. My husband spends 2 nights every fortnight with me and comes to see me everyday. And every time I mention telling his family he says that I am interfering and that his family will disown him and tell him to leave me. He does not support me financially which is not a problem as alhamdolillah I earn myself to support me and my daughter. I am very scared of what I have let myself into as it is becoming very difficult I feel as if I am his dirty secret. Every time his brothers ask who I am he says I am a friend, which makes me feel ashamed and low. I cannot speak to my husband about this situation as I am afraid that it will push him away and he will leave me and I cannot put my parents through the shame of being divorced again. Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family and how can I make this situation better??

Jazakallah khair

May Allah guide us all unto the right path. The All-forgiving The Merciful. Ameen

:w:
Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.
Reply

NoName55
01-15-2008, 03:13 AM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
:sl:

apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.



Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.
:sl:

I do not believe that you are wrong
Reply

sur
01-15-2008, 03:32 AM
Originally Posted by Janaan
wa alaikum assalam,

In my (limited) understanding, for a marriage to be valid, it must be publicized. If his family does not know, then it isn't publicized.
yes; BUT it can be anyone acting as witnesses. Not necessarily parents of husband. It can be family of bride or friends etc.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
01-15-2008, 03:34 AM
:sl:

Jazakallah khair for your advice,

I told my parents a few months after the marriage of this situation, but I also said I will stand by him as this marriage was of my own choice and [B]I[B] was aware of his 1st marriage at the time...(The reason for not telling my family at 1st was I thought they wouldnt agree to me being a 2nd wife). I am happy with my husband the only problem is he is not willing to tell his parents and wife.

Originally Posted by Woodrow
:sl:

apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.



Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.
Brother this is very worrying:confused:, do you know of any scholars whom I could ask in confidence as all the locals are pretty traditional & know my family etc........

Awaiting your reply...

Jazakallah khair
Reply

NoName55
01-15-2008, 03:38 AM
^^
http://www.chatislam.com/
http://www.justaskislam.com/

edit:
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:

Jazakallah khair for your advice,

I told my parents a few months after the marriage of this situation, but I also said I will stand by him as this marriage was of my own choice and [b]I[b] was aware of his 1st marriage at the time...(The reason for not telling my family at 1st was I thought they wouldnt agree to me being a 2nd wife). I am happy with my husband the only problem is he is not willing to tell his parents and wife.



Brother this is very worrying:confused:, do you know of any scholars whom I could ask in confidence as all the locals are pretty traditional & know my family etc........

Awaiting your reply...

Jazakallah khair
My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married.
:hmm: http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...tml#post897704
Reply

sur
01-15-2008, 03:41 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:
Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family and how can I make this situation better??
:w:
u r NOT wrong in asking him, BUT just be careful.

Talk to him politely when he's in good mood.

Don't confront him or push him too much, just try to make him understand ur point in well calculated words.

& for ur marriage to be valid u don't need to tell his parents as long as ur marriage was in front of witnesses, like ur own family.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
01-15-2008, 03:47 AM
Jazakallah brother for your advice I have tried explaining in many ways but he reckons im interfering with him & his family...........:confused: I did actually think of ringing his wife and telling her but I decided it might just make things worse!!!!!!


Originally Posted by Woodrow
:sl:

apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.



Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.

Could someone please clarify on the above asap as I am very worried.:nervous:

Jazakallah
Reply

NoName55
01-15-2008, 03:54 AM
Could someone please clarify on the above asap as I am very worried
Not me, I was going to try but now I am uncomfortable with the whole story.

my suspicions were first awoken after the sectarian thread you made and now I am afraid because of inconsistencies highlighted at http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...tml#post898380
Reply

sur
01-15-2008, 03:56 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

Could someone please clarify on the above asap as I am very worried.:nervous:

Jazakallah
as i said for ur marriage to be valid u only need 2 adult witnesses.
They can be from ur family or from spouse's family or ur friends or ur neighbours or anyone.

so ur marriage is valid. U don't need to tell anyone else. so don't feel compelled to tell his other wife. Just relax. There's no urgency to inform her.

I;ll try & post evidence from Quran & Ahadees. InshAllah.
Reply

NoName55
01-15-2008, 04:00 AM
Originally Posted by sur
as i said for ur marriage to be valid u only need 2 adult witnesses.
They can be from ur family or from spouse's family or ur friends or ur neighbours or anyone.

so ur marriage is valid. U don't need to tell anyone else. so don't feel compelled to tell his other wife. Just relax. There's no urgency to inform her.

I;ll try & post evidence from Quran & Ahadees. InshAllah.
would that be as good as the evidence you produced to make musical instruments halal?
Reply

rahma85
01-15-2008, 04:01 AM
Originally Posted by NoName55
Not me, I was going to try but now I am uncomfortable with the whole story.

my suspicions were first awoken after the sectarian thread you made and now I am afraid because of inconsistencies highlighted at http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...tml#post898380
My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married.

Sorry brother that should have

"My family are aware that we are married but they WERE not aware that he is already married."

I posted this very late at night therefore Im sorry for my error. Plz forgive inshallah.

Asalam
Reply

NoName55
01-15-2008, 04:05 AM
jazakilla khairan ukhti, I get a bit cranky sometimes I think I am turning into my dad. I apologize and request that that you visit Islam chat

http://www.chatislam.com/
http://www.justaskislam.com/
Reply

rahma85
01-15-2008, 04:09 AM
:sl:

Thats fine brother no problem,, & I was trying to be anon but posted my reply to you in such a rush that my user id has now been revealed:hiding:.. No problem Jazakallah for your advice....Inshallah I shall try the links you sent.

:w:
Reply

YusufNoor
01-15-2008, 04:25 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I am 22 years of age and I have a 5 year old child from a marriage which was arranged by my parents 6 years ago. I came out of this marriage 4 years ago & I got married of my choice 6 months ago. However the person whom I have married already has a wife and 2 children who are not aware of our marriage as well as his parents. My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married. My husband spends 2 nights every fortnight with me and comes to see me everyday.
and if you have children with him, will he still only spend 2 nights every 2 weeks? will that be fair to your kids? it's NOT fair to you!

And every time I mention telling his family he says that I am interfering and that his family will disown him and tell him to leave me. He does not support me financially which is not a problem as alhamdolillah I earn myself to support me and my daughter.

and if you have kids??

I am very scared of what I have let myself into as it is becoming very difficult I feel as if I am his dirty secret.

there is absolutely no reason for you to be in a situation like that!

Every time his brothers ask who I am he says I am a friend, which makes me feel ashamed and low.

there is absolutely no reason for you to be in a situation like that!

I cannot speak to my husband about this situation as I am afraid that it will push him away and he will leave me and I cannot put my parents through the shame of being divorced again.

why is there so much shame? IF you made a mistake, then you made a mistake. Seek Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala's help!

Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family

not from where i'm sitting!

and how can I make this situation better??

Jazakallah khair

May Allah guide us all unto the right path. The All-forgiving The Merciful. Ameen

AMEEN!

:w:
Assalamu Alaykum Sister,

don't forget that your daughter is watching! and i hope that your parents love enough to leave it at "i told you so!"

i can't give you scholarly advice but, maybe you should ask your parents for advice!

i can't see where you lose much if you lose him! Maybe Allah Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala will replace him with someone better! for you AND your daughter!

May Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala guide you and make it easy on you!

:w:
Reply

snakelegs
01-15-2008, 05:01 AM
wow - you are in a sticky situation!
not sure what country you live in, but if you live in the west and you married him "legally" then you have both broken the law of the land.
if you did not try to marry him according to law, then your marriage is invalid according to the law of the land and you have no protection.
my advice is to end this whole sad affair, no matter how painful or humiliating - it will not get better and can only get worse.
Reply

syilla
01-15-2008, 06:28 AM
:salamext:

I share one interesting story happened to one of our celebrity here in Malaysia.

She became famous because one of the reality talent show but nobody knows she already married.

But a few media came and interviewed her...and secretly stole her wedding pic and exposed about her secret marriage. (She is married to a 'datuk' - a title for anyone who contribute alot to the country)

It turns out however, she is so grateful with the media that now her marriage is exposed. She said she don't have to live secretly anymore...and she is so thankful for the one who expose it. She said she kept it secret because her husband told her not to tell anyone...

p/s:- maybe you can try this way too...but the risk is there. If you know one of your husband friend or family who knows the other wife and family...probably they can help you out.

But why now ukhtee?? why now only you worried about keeping it secret...
Reply

aamirsaab
01-15-2008, 12:38 PM
:sl:
The original poster asked for advice - not a debate!
Stop messing around.
Reply

UmmSqueakster
01-15-2008, 01:28 PM
Originally Posted by sur
as i said for ur marriage to be valid u only need 2 adult witnesses.
They can be from ur family or from spouse's family or ur friends or ur neighbours or anyone.

so ur marriage is valid. U don't need to tell anyone else. so don't feel compelled to tell his other wife. Just relax. There's no urgency to inform her.

I;ll try & post evidence from Quran & Ahadees. InshAllah.
The need for publicity (ishhar) is seperate from the need for two witnesses.

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503545764




And on a non scholarly note - think about the increadible disrespect this man has shown to his first wife. If he can do this to her, he can do this to you. How will you feel when you find out about secret wife #3?

And is he treating you fairly? Seriously, do you want him standing before Allah (swt) on the day of Judgment being questioned about his fairness between his wives?
Reply

rahma85
01-15-2008, 02:13 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Can I just clarify a couple of things:

1) Was your husband married when you met him?

2) Is his wife aware that the man has a second wife i.e you ( No I bet)

:uuh::uuh:

3) How old is your husband and is he looking for a third wife? LOLOLOLOLOLOL am messin, but sis how old is he?

Sounds like he is keeping you as his 'dirty little secret'

1) Yes sis he was married when I met him.... but sometimes your heart takes over your mind & I guess in my situation I thought it would be easy...:hmm:

2) Yes you are right his wife is not aware that I even EXIST :hiding:

3) He is 28... & I hope he isnt lookin 4 a 3rd wife!!!!!

At times I do feel as If he has the upper hand because he knows I am scared of him leaving me...& I do feel like Im his dirty little secret but when hes in front of me I cant see past him, his smile & tellin me everythings gonna be orite & that I will get used to it!!!!


:w:
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adeeb
01-15-2008, 02:33 PM
your marriage is valid and nothing to be worried about that.:)

secondly, just enjoy your marriage coz you deserve it..it's ure marriage and not other's marriage...

be grateful to Allah, and pray to Him and ask Him to keep ure marriage.
u are right, your marriage is VALID. :)

it just needs time for ure husband to tell the truth to his family...just be patient...

at the end everybody will know that ure a LEGAL SECOND WIFE..

:thumbs_up
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ummsara1108
01-15-2008, 03:53 PM
For the marriage to be valid doesn't he have to ask permission of the first wife?

also, it says in a surah, marry 1,2,3 or 4 if you can treat them equal but seeing you can not marry only 1?

After all, if you only see him 2 days a week and she get's 5 days a week, doesn't seem equal to me...good luck with this situation, may allah/god help you.
Reply

Khayal
01-15-2008, 11:19 PM
:sl:

First of all, what I say here, you may not like. ^o)

Ok, so I believe that your so-called husband is a cheater, because he married you without his wife's permission, and is using you. Your mistake is that you married a married man, and now are starting to regret it. Now think if you were the first wife, how would you feel in this situation? How would your kids feel? Especially since he did not get permission, or even tell her. Astaghfirullah..

If you are a good Muslim and fear Allah, then get a divorce from him, and marry a single man.

Seek refuge with Allah SWT, and tell the so called husband to also ask forgiveness from Allah SWT.


:w:
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I am 22 years of age and I have a 5 year old child from a marriage which was arranged by my parents 6 years ago. I came out of this marriage 4 years ago & I got married of my choice 6 months ago. However the person whom I have married already has a wife and 2 children who are not aware of our marriage as well as his parents. My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married. My husband spends 2 nights every fortnight with me and comes to see me everyday. And every time I mention telling his family he says that I am interfering and that his family will disown him and tell him to leave me. He does not support me financially which is not a problem as alhamdolillah I earn myself to support me and my daughter. I am very scared of what I have let myself into as it is becoming very difficult I feel as if I am his dirty secret. Every time his brothers ask who I am he says I am a friend, which makes me feel ashamed and low. I cannot speak to my husband about this situation as I am afraid that it will push him away and he will leave me and I cannot put my parents through the shame of being divorced again. Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family and how can I make this situation better??

Jazakallah khair

May Allah guide us all unto the right path. The All-forgiving The Merciful. Ameen

:w:
Reply

UmmSqueakster
01-16-2008, 01:11 AM
Originally Posted by sur
How much "Publicity" is enough.??? & for God sake change this word "Publicity"/"Publicize" like we have to advertise our wife. Huh.
You don't think the husband's family and his first wife should be included in the publicity? Those seem like pretty important people to tell. Dude, he's lying to his family. Who is this, oh your friend? She's his wife, not a secret!
Reply

Woodrow
01-16-2008, 01:21 AM
We all need to remember. We are not scholars. We need to point out that which is our personal opinions.

There are a number of posts here that could be deleted. i am hesitant to delete them as they would disrupt the flow of the thread and the original poster does deserve legitimate answers, not be a witness to WW17.

I believe sufficient information has been given for the thread starter to see that the best advice is to consult a scholar.

I just did a major clean-up on the thread. Some very good post were also removed as they either contributed to the argument, no longer apply, or lacked verification.

Please keep things calm. If something is your opinion. State so. If you are presenting something as the teaching of Islam state the EXACT source.
Thread reopened
Reply

Angelzz
01-17-2008, 12:35 AM
OK sis -- Im going to give this a shot and inshaAllah it will be of some assistance to you.

This is solely my opinion. unless I posted a source.

Sis from what I have read from your posts is this -- you were fully aware of his situation before you married him and I assume this also to be the fact that he hasnt told his first wife or wouldnt be telling his wife --- so you had full knowledge of this before you married him.

If this is correct -- then you pretty much knew what you were getting yourself into. It is better to be married as second wife than being single if this is all that was available to you.

see source below

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=11519&ln=eng

Unfortunately some ppl here are quick to judge a fellow brother in islam - astaghfiruallah - however the brother does not require the permission of his first wife to remarry.

Here is a quote from the source below

"no evidence appears neither in the Qur’an nor sunnah requiring the permission of the first wife if her husband wishes to marry another wife, and therefore he is not required to ask her permission. However, he needs to be judicious in taking this decision and to weigh it carefully with respect to benefits and drawbacks and to look with the eye of wisdom at all of the considerations pertaining to the matter, and he should strive all he can to conciliate, reassure, and satisfy his first wife, in order to ease and mitigate the effect of the matter upon her"

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?re...0second%20wife

Though the situation in the source is a little different to yours the main answer applies to you. He does NOT have to tell his first wife but it is preferred that he treats everyone fairly and does so --- this is up to him and not up to you -- especially considering you knew what you were getting yourself into.

Now whether or not his first wife knows about your marriage to him is irrelevant to YOU and your marriage --- its relevant to HER marriage cause she doesnt know and thats to be left between her and her husband for them to deal with and the consequences etc -- its got nothing to do with you.


What has got to do with you -- is how he performs his duty to you as your husband.

And this is where I feel he is letting you down and making you regret the marriage.

You and him are married therefore he must fulfill his obligations of supporting you in EVERY form -- that includes financially - even though you can support yourself. (unless you waived this right at the time of marriage --- so did you agree to this b4 you married him???)


It also includes the amount of time he spends with you and fulfilling his husband duties towards you to avoid you falling into fitnah -- which was the whole point of getting married in the first place.

So if he is NOT living up to his islamic obligations to you as a husband -- then i suggest you see a sheikh for some counselling for you and your husband.

Divorce is not reccommended in islam generally however IF he does not rectify his ISLAMIC duties to YOU and counselling with a sheikh is NOT helping you and your marriage.

THEN and only after you have tried all ISLAMIC avenues -- you should divorce as he would be clearly failing his duties towards you.

PLease understand your duties as a second wife in islam and his duties as a husband towards you sis --- noone said this will be easy thing to live with --- however that is a decision you already agreed with before you married him -- so now you must do what is right islamically also and try to fix islamically what is bothering YOUR marriage.

It is clearly the brothers right whether or not he chooses to tell his first wife and does not concern you.

However you dont have to hide your marriage -- do not be ashamed as you ARE islamically married - unfortunately however you should expect in this day n age where people who are known to him and his first wife will think the way they think about other wives --- However, it is not your problem and remember you get their good deeds if they talk about you and also they get the punishment for accusing a chaste or loyal wife/woman of wrong doing.

So to help in this regards i suggest you strengthen your eman and knowledge in our deen and also go speak with a sheikh about how you feel and how he is not living up to his duties and go from there inshaAllah.
Reply

syilla
01-17-2008, 01:03 AM
^^^Jazakallah khayr ukhtee for sharing...i agree with you :)
Reply

PersianPrince
01-18-2008, 12:12 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Jazakallah brother for your advice I have tried explaining in many ways but he reckons im interfering with him & his family...........:confused: I did actually think of ringing his wife and telling her but I decided it might just make things worse!!!!!!





Could someone please clarify on the above asap as I am very worried.:nervous:

Jazakallah

:sl: AnonymousGender,
What would you and your daughter like to do? What does your heart want? These aren't questions that you need to answer here. They are for you to think about, (between you and your daughter). Because of the fear and tension that has built up inside you, it appears that you're focus is on others. Think of yourself and your daughter. Also bare in mind, she may be a lot stronger (and wiser) than you realise, and she is the best person you (as a mother) can trust. (Please forgive me if I have said something wrong, no offence was intented).
Reply

rahma85
01-18-2008, 02:50 AM
Originally Posted by Angelzz
OK sis -- Im going to give this a shot and inshaAllah it will be of some assistance to you.

This is solely my opinion. unless I posted a source.

Sis from what I have read from your posts is this -- you were fully aware of his situation before you married him and I assume this also to be the fact that he hasnt told his first wife or wouldnt be telling his wife --- so you had full knowledge of this before you married him.

If this is correct -- then you pretty much knew what you were getting yourself into. It is better to be married as second wife than being single if this is all that was available to you.

see source below

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=11519&ln=eng

Unfortunately some ppl here are quick to judge a fellow brother in islam - astaghfiruallah - however the brother does not require the permission of his first wife to remarry.

Here is a quote from the source below

"no evidence appears neither in the Qur’an nor sunnah requiring the permission of the first wife if her husband wishes to marry another wife, and therefore he is not required to ask her permission. However, he needs to be judicious in taking this decision and to weigh it carefully with respect to benefits and drawbacks and to look with the eye of wisdom at all of the considerations pertaining to the matter, and he should strive all he can to conciliate, reassure, and satisfy his first wife, in order to ease and mitigate the effect of the matter upon her"

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?re...0second%20wife

Though the situation in the source is a little different to yours the main answer applies to you. He does NOT have to tell his first wife but it is preferred that he treats everyone fairly and does so --- this is up to him and not up to you -- especially considering you knew what you were getting yourself into.

Now whether or not his first wife knows about your marriage to him is irrelevant to YOU and your marriage --- its relevant to HER marriage cause she doesnt know and thats to be left between her and her husband for them to deal with and the consequences etc -- its got nothing to do with you.


What has got to do with you -- is how he performs his duty to you as your husband.

And this is where I feel he is letting you down and making you regret the marriage.

You and him are married therefore he must fulfill his obligations of supporting you in EVERY form -- that includes financially - even though you can support yourself. (unless you waived this right at the time of marriage --- so did you agree to this b4 you married him???)


It also includes the amount of time he spends with you and fulfilling his husband duties towards you to avoid you falling into fitnah -- which was the whole point of getting married in the first place.

So if he is NOT living up to his islamic obligations to you as a husband -- then i suggest you see a sheikh for some counselling for you and your husband.

Divorce is not reccommended in islam generally however IF he does not rectify his ISLAMIC duties to YOU and counselling with a sheikh is NOT helping you and your marriage.

THEN and only after you have tried all ISLAMIC avenues -- you should divorce as he would be clearly failing his duties towards you.

PLease understand your duties as a second wife in islam and his duties as a husband towards you sis --- noone said this will be easy thing to live with --- however that is a decision you already agreed with before you married him -- so now you must do what is right islamically also and try to fix islamically what is bothering YOUR marriage.

It is clearly the brothers right whether or not he chooses to tell his first wife and does not concern you.

However you dont have to hide your marriage -- do not be ashamed as you ARE islamically married - unfortunately however you should expect in this day n age where people who are known to him and his first wife will think the way they think about other wives --- However, it is not your problem and remember you get their good deeds if they talk about you and also they get the punishment for accusing a chaste or loyal wife/woman of wrong doing.

So to help in this regards i suggest you strengthen your eman and knowledge in our deen and also go speak with a sheikh about how you feel and how he is not living up to his duties and go from there inshaAllah.
Jazakallah khair 4 your advice sis u are right. I did know what I was letting myself into at the time, Inshallah please make dua that allah gives me sabr, and may allah do what is best for everyone.
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