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AnonymousPoster
01-18-2008, 09:04 PM
:w::sl:

i would like to know ( as a survivor ) what islam says about peadaphillia, by means of this i will clarify.
I was subjected to child abuse by my father when i was aged 8 and 9 years old.
I have not had contact with him since.
I have had counselling and after 16 years forgiven him.
I just want to know what islam says about the whole subject, sharia, punishment and also in the afterlife for those who commit such crimes against their daughters..

When i converted i changed my complete name, i have since read that changing the surname is Haraam, and would seem 'ungratefull' as the surname is a 'blessing'. and 'cursed is she/he who changes it'.
I wont lie to say that i was HAPPY to get rid of the name which made me feel dirty with full INTENTION of forgetting and having nothing more associated with him.

Have i commited sin by changing my last name to that of my husbands, considering i dont have a 'father'.
Am i cursed for doing this?

Information and advice much appriciated.
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noorseeker
01-19-2008, 05:49 AM
Ive never heard of that before,
I really respect that after something major like that you have found it in your heatr to forgive him,may Allah shower you with forgiveness
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Ebtisweetsam
01-19-2008, 05:57 AM
I agree, i did not hear that it is haraam to change your name.... maybe you should double -check that...
In regards to what happened to you, it is a really serious offence in Islam, especially if the person does not repent.
May Allah keep you patient in this matter.
:w:
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adeeb
01-19-2008, 06:05 AM
Originally Posted by Ebtisweetsam
I agree, i did not hear that it is haraam to change your name.... maybe you should double -check that...
the thread maker wants to change her surname by delete her father's name and change it with her husbands..

i think thats OK, but u have to realize that u have a father,..

try to forgive him, i know this wont be easy but just try ...
pray to Allah to forgive him as well...
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mohsen1985
01-19-2008, 06:27 AM
It's not haraam to change your name (first or lastname). It's just recommended not to do so. Somewhat makrooh.
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mohsen1985
01-19-2008, 06:34 AM
I guess I was wrong . . .

In hadiths it is reported that on judgement day you will be called by your family name. It is forbidden in Islam to take the name of someone who is not your father. Even when you adopt a child you would not change the childs name to yours.

Quran 33:5 and also Dawud hadiths speak of changing the name..


Sahih Muslim Book 031, Number 5956
"We were in the habit of calling Zaid B. Harith as Zaid B.Muhammad until it was revealed in the Quran;" Call them by the names of their fathers. This is more equitable with Allah"


The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever calls himself by other than his father’s name (or attributes himself to someone other than his father), will be cursed by Allaah, the angels and all the people." (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 2599; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6104).

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah has cursed the one who claims to belong to someone other than his father." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad and others).
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sevgi
01-19-2008, 06:46 AM
Originally Posted by mohsen1985
I guess I was wrong . . .
salams...

the qoute below is quite clear, but how about wen u get married,...u change it from ur fathers...?

any clarity on that plz anyone?

w/s
Reply

Ebtisweetsam
01-19-2008, 06:46 AM
I just asked about this (the hadiths on name-changing) and was told this only relates to males changing their surname, not females...
Allahu a'lam
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جوري
01-19-2008, 07:02 AM
I am very sorry for your hardship and your troubles dear sister..
May I suggest you consult with a scholar?
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S.../FatwaCounselE

May Allah grant you peace, happiness here and in the hereafter
ameen
:w:
Reply

AnonymousPoster
01-19-2008, 09:08 PM
Originally Posted by adeeb
the thread maker wants to change her surname by delete her father's name and change it with her husbands..

i think thats OK, but u have to realize that u have a father,..

try to forgive him, i know this wont be easy but just try ...
pray to Allah to forgive him as well...
i have already changed my name. its not a matter of want.

if you had read what i wrote originally you would have seen it took me 16 years to forgive him.

And regardless of what you say he is NOT my father. He gave up that right when he commited the crime. Could you realize the fact you had a father when he had raped you?

------------------------

He is a non-muslim.
I have allready done the process of court. This went on for 3 years.
He pleaded guilty to the lesser offence of molestation. Kick in the teeth really. If he had any remorse he would have admitted rape agasint a child.
The jury found him guilty of the molestation charges as they could not prove rape due to the fact the incident happend a long time ago.
For all the years i had suffered i got a lousy 200 hours community service back.
But ive moved on. Yea i will always be bitter. but who wouldnt be? But ive got a life to live, and im not a victim anymore im a survivor.

i somewhat feel comfort knowing that if he had commited this crime in an islamic country he would have had a fitting punishment. Rape is punished by stoning right? Or does child sex abuse not count as rape?

I also wanted to know what happens to someone like this who commits many crimes on judgment day, would they spend an eternity in hell? ( he didnt just ruin my life - there were others )

And the name change, well that really hurt me even more. I feel proud as a muslim, but do not feel good if i am going to be punished on judgement day because i changed my last name in order to "move on" and not be associated with a peadaphille.

Thank you to those who gave advice and i will be sure to check out that website PurestAmbrosia, inshaAllah a scholar can answer my questions. If anyone with more knowledge on this is able to post here then please do so.
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AnonymousPoster
02-19-2008, 04:37 PM
Ok, this took some weeks to resolve. And to all those who were quick to jump in and say it was not permitted ( also on other threads ) CHANGING THE NAME IS NOT HARRAM.

But also thankyou to those who took the time to reply to my thread.

Here is the email i wrote and reply i recieved.

WWW.ISLAMTODAY.COM - English Fatwa Department

Fatwa Number: 44683

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sender: Anon Female.

Assalamu Allikum, I hope inshaAllah someone may be able to answer my very sensitive question and put my mind at rest.

Have i commited sin by changing my last name to that of my husbands, considering i dont have a 'father'. Am i cursed for doing this? When i converted i changed my complete name, i have since read that changing the surname is Haraam, and would seem 'ungratefull' as the surname is a 'blessing'. and 'cursed is she/he who changes it'.

Qoute: "In hadiths it is reported that on judgement day you will be called by your family name. It is forbidden in Islam to take the name of someone who is not your father. Even when you adopt a child you would not change the childs name to yours.

Quran 33:5 and also Dawud hadiths speak of changing the name..


Sahih Muslim Book 031, Number 5956
"We were in the habit of calling Zaid B. Harith as Zaid B.Muhammad until it was revealed in the Quran;" Call them by the names of their fathers. This is more equitable with Allah"


The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever calls himself by other than his father’s name (or attributes himself to someone other than his father), will be cursed by Allaah, the angels and all the people." (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 2599; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6104).

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah has cursed the one who claims to belong to someone other than his father." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad and others). "
I wont lie to say that i was HAPPY to get rid of the name which made me feel dirty with full INTENTION of forgetting and having nothing more associated with him.
I was subjected to child abuse by my father when i was aged 8 and 9 years old.
I have not had contact with him since.
I have had counselling and after 16 years forgiven him, but this does not mean i want to re-establish any lineage.
I feel proud as a muslim, but do not feel good if i am going to be punished on judgement day because i changed my last name in order to "move on" and not be associated with a peadaphille.

On Judgment day will i really be called upon as " ______ daughter of ______ ( fathers name ) the convicted peadaphille ?

I know i cant make the rules but surely in all due respect my lineage lies on my mothers side ( and unfortunatly her maiden name is un-islamic ) so hence i took on my husbands surname, this doesnt mean i see his father as my father, i simply see myself as father-less. Information and advice much appriciated. Waalikum Assalam.


Answer: Dear questioner:



Al-Salâm `Alaykum wa Rahmah Allah wa Barakâtuh.



There cannot possibly be a hadîth that curses someone for changing his or her "surname". This is because the very idea of a "surname" is something that came much later in history. There were no last names at the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and for centuries later.



The names like "al-Shâfi`î"or "al-Bukhârî" "al-Samarqnadî" and the like may seem to us like surnames. However, in truth they were added on to a person's name as en extra identifying term. Sometimes they indicated a person's tribe or clan. But more often they indicated his country, region, town of origin, or profession. Such names were not necessarily passed down from generation to generation.



As for the person's name, it was given as so-and-so the son of so-and-so the son of so-and-so…



This does not mean we should adopt this system today. Especially since tacking on such attributes will be misunderstood in a modern context. What matters is that we attribute ourselves to our true lineage according to the customs in the country which are understood in that country. The important thing is that the child is properly attributed to his or her father’s family. You should follow the local custom in this matter.



The surname is how lineage is indicated today. Therefore, you should keep your father's name if you were born in wedlock or if your father otherwise claimed paternity. Otherwise, you should retain your mother's family name.



As for your mother's maiden name being "un-Islamic", this is not a problem. The Prophet declared: "I am the son of `Abd al-Muttalib" referring to his grandfather. That name in and of itself is "un-Islamic" as a Muslim's name, since it attributes servitude to other than one of Allah's names. Nevertheless, it was the true lineage of the Prophet (peace be upon him). Un-Islamic names should not be our personal names. They can be our family names. Please also know that a name is only "un-Islamic" if it has a bad meaning. It has nothing to do with the language or ethnic background of the name.



In any event, if you have already legally changed your name, it is not necessary to go back and change it back again on paper. keep your name as it is if you like. What matters, however, is that you do not deny your true lineage or deny your parentage. The worst thing is to deny your parentage or lie about it and claim to be the child of someone you are not. You cannot deny the biological fact of your lineage through which Allah created you.



The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever attributes his lineage to other than his father or claims other than his master as his master, then he has upon him the curse of Allah, His angels, and all humanity.” [Sunan Abî Dâwûd (5115) from Anas and Sunan Ibn Mâjah (2609) from Sa`îd b. Jubayr – the wording is that of Ibn Mâjah]



The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever claims as his father other than his father knowingly, then Paradise is forbidden him.” [Sunan Abî Dâwûd (5113)]



As for the mere customary use of a name on official paperwork, this is not really that important, especially if changing your name all over again will cause you administrative difficulties or emotional pain.



And Allah knows best.



Fatwâ Department Research Committee of IslamToday Chaired by Sheikh `Abd al-Wahhâb al-Turayrî
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------
02-19-2008, 04:57 PM
:salamext:

Erm hello?

CHANGING THE NAME IS NOT HARRAM.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever claims as his father other than his father knowingly, then Paradise is forbidden him.” [Sunan Abî Dâwûd (5113)]
????
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anonymous
02-19-2008, 05:11 PM
:wasalamex

I think you have misunderstood sister AhLAAM, because she is not claiming anyone else as her father.
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AnonymousPoster
02-19-2008, 05:28 PM
Claiming or Changing?

Claiming someone else to be your father is not permitted.
I am not claming anyone other than the one who made me biologically to be my father.

Changing the name has nothing to do with it.

Read the complete answer.
In the time of the prophet may peace be upon him, they didnt even have surnames.


In any event, if you have already legally changed your name, it is not necessary to go back and change it back again on paper. keep your name as it is if you like. What matters, however, is that you do not deny your true lineage or deny your parentage.
I do not deny who created me. Name is a different matter.

Allah knows best.
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youngsister
02-20-2008, 07:51 PM
salam, sis u be in my dua
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true believer
02-20-2008, 11:26 PM
B]salam
i am sorry to hear about what
happened to u. .all i can say is well done for puting da past
behind u and learning to fogive,accepting dat wat happened has happened and dat it was meant to be. Manshalla on reverting, and may Allah grant u happyness and peace cos u deserve it. ameen.![/B][/QUOTE]
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