A Muslim's Frustration: Religious me vs "modernist" friend

[AntiKarateKid]

Hey guys. I came here for advice from my brothers and sisters and for guidance before doing anything in anger. I have recently become religious and have sorted out my beliefs. I try to pray, observe Islamic manners, and keep myself from the sinful atmosphere ( I am in college.. go figure) i am surrounded by. But him, my "muslim" friend from high school, is my exact opposite. He doesnt pray, in fact he never read the Quran, does extremely poorly at school, and eats non kosher food. He violated the Muslim brotherhood/sisterhood we all share and dislikes a Muslim individual we know because his Kuffar friends don't like him. In fact, we got into an argument when some kids who claimed to be Muslim visted my dorm and then to my disgust started smoking pot outside with my "friend" talking beside themlike it's nothing. He even almost went to a strip club.


Bottomline, I tell him that what he is doing is sinful and he responds by telling me that I am trying to force a way of life that he doesn't like on him. I am thus painted almost like an extreme religious person when I am just observing what God told us. I am fed up and am this close to reffering to him from now on. Should I avoid him now? I am not his keeper so wshould I give up trying to advise him? It hasn't worked thus far and I feel like I have far better things to do than advise a kuffar.

To whoever generously took the time to read about my dilemma I thank you for any advice you may give!

[جوري]

I think you should leave him be.

فَذَكِّرْ إِنَّمَا أَنتَ مُذَكِّرٌ {21}
لَّسْتَ عَلَيْهِم بِمُصَيْطِرٍ {22}

(88:21) And so, exhort them; thy task is only to exhort:
(88:22) thou canst not compel them [to believe].*

:w:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

time is a great thing for contemplation and it looks like your friend will need plenty of it.


Allah guides whom he wills and when he wills good for a person he will give him understanding of the religion.



Assalamu Alaikum

[snakelegs]

i think you'll find that when you deepen your religious commitment a lot of your old friends will simply fall away because you will no longer have anything in common.
the only person you can change is you.
you will make new friends.

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[Malaikah]

:sl:

I personally think you should continue to be patient with him and try to guide him in the way that is best, and try not to lose your temper with him.

However, do not abandon him or give up on him- if you do, who else does he have to remind him of Islam and what is right or wrong?

However, if you find that knowing him is making you become a bad person, for example, his friendship means you end up going haram places or doing bad thing, in that it would be best to separate yourself from him.

Remember that not everyone is easy to guide, and don't feel disheartened just because he isn't listening to you now. Just look at the the Prophets time, there were people who actually lead armies against the Prophet and the Muslims, and even they, after over a decade, eventually become Muslim!

And don't forget that there are many different ways to give da'wah, and not all ways will work on everyone. You know your friend best, so you choose an approach that you think will be best for him, inshaallah.

All the best with it.:thumbs_up

[aqsakhan]

Assalam-o-alaikum dear sis
First of i really m glad tht u r doing wht each muslim had to do tht is u were giving ur frnd da'wah for good thing and have taken care of tht person for long time since thn....
Thats obligatory for every muslim as a meaning of a hadith is tht if u can thn stop a wrong doer by ur action if not thn by ur words and if u are not capable of tht also thn feel bad for tht work in ur heart and tht is the least level of faith (EEMAN) so with ALLAH's help u did ur best to save ur rnd from wrong way MASHAHALLAH
but giving hidayah is in ALLAH swt's hand so now just pray for him in ur dua's in ur prayers and pray for his hidayah and leave him in ALLAH swt's hand....ok?
take care dear sis.MAY ALLAH BLESS U

['Abd-al Latif]

asalamu 'alykum

My advice would be is to leave him because of the hadith;

Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man will follow the way of his close friends, so let one of you look to whom he takes as a close friend.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2378) and Abu Dawood (4833). Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.)

Do not take as a close friend anyone but one whose religious commitment and trustworthiness you are pleased with, for if you take him as a close friend, he will lead you to his religion and madhhab, so do not risk losing your religious commitment and expose yourself to danger by taking as a close friend one whose religious commitment and madhhab you are not pleased with.
(Al-‘Azlah (p. 141))


Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr (r.h) said:

What this means – and Allaah knows best – is that a man will get used to what he sees of his friend’s actions. Hence he is commanded to make friends only with those whose actions are only good and permissible.

What this means is that a person should not mix with those who will make him do and believe things that are not praiseworthy. As for one with whom there is no such danger, there is nothing wrong with making friends with him. End quote. Bahjat al-Majaalis (2/751).

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (r.h) narrated that Abu Yoosuf, the student of Abu Haneefah, said:

No one among Ahl al-Sunnah wa’l-Jamaa’ah should mix with anyone from among the people of whims and desires so that he makes friends with him and becomes his close confidante, lest he causes him to slip or causes others to slip because of this friendship.(Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (16/475))

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not keep company with anyone but a believer and do not let anyone eat your food but one who is pious.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2395)and Abu Dawood (4832); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.)

[AntiKarateKid]

Am I to break off relations with him? Today, I visited a friend's place to say hi but found them all basically wasted then my "muslim" friend brings in a flash drive with...porn on it... and gave it to the drunk girls while the others watched them watch it and laugh.

Is it true that we are supposed to not argue with our Muslim brothers and not BREAK OFF RELATIONS with them?

[snakelegs]

i think for the sake of your iman, you need to find new friends.

[SomeHowpossible]

:sl:

You have takes first step, now pray for him form GOD, if he is not the one on which allah is not blessing, because of his doings, your prayers might do because of your affiliations with GOD.
my experience say, pray does what acts cant do..... :)

______
sss

[noorseeker]

Brother when you get religious , things change big time. When i see friends , which is only in passing , i will stop and say hello, but i will not chill with them, it will be awkard to.

When you get religious, like me, for example you feel very lonely, because there are not many youngsters practising islam , and you do feel like the odd one out.

It best to find friends who follow the deen , but as you are in college , it might be hard but there will be some i suppose.

You cant change people , remember the time when you werent religious , taking me as an example , i didnt even think about religion , yes i was the guy who crossed the road when tablighi were coming my way. People dont like being preached to, so you can do your best for your friend , but if is not in his heart it will be very difficult.

[adeeb]

yes, i agree with some comments above...

just leave him and find new friends... find the good and religious friends...they are a lot..

Allah chooses persons to be good, not all of the people...be strong and proud that Allah has chosen you!! :smile::D

[aadil77]

Brother when you get religious , things change big time. When i see friends , which is only in passing , i will stop and say hello, but i will not chill with them, it will be awkard to.

When you get religious, like me, for example you feel very lonely, because there are not many youngsters practising islam , and you do feel like the odd one out.

It best to find friends who follow the deen , but as you are in college , it might be hard but there will be some i suppose.

You cant change people , remember the time when you werent religious , taking me as an example , i didnt even think about religion , yes i was the guy who crossed the road when tablighi were coming my way. People dont like being preached to, so you can do your best for your friend , but if is not in his heart it will be very difficult.

Thats good advice for you bro^

In islam you're supposed to choose your company wisely, now that Allah has guided you, you can't afford to weaken your iman by hanging around so called 'muslims' who act worse than some non-muslims. If they are not willing to listen, then atleast you've tried and fulfilled your duty.

Yh like the brother above, even I found it difficult to find practising muslim friends when i changed myself, but i still try to avoid my old mates but still keep good terms with them, so yh you've got to change your company if you want to remain steadfast