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chosen
01-27-2008, 11:16 PM
I have a question...and this is directed at everyone..no matter what faith you practice..What would you do if an adult child of yours..son or daughter came to you and said they were going to change their religion..convert from the religion they were raised in...they are not thinking about it..they have already decided..
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MartyrX
01-28-2008, 12:16 AM
It would depend on the religion I guess. I would never force my beliefs on my children but some religions I would be concerned about if they were joining. In all reality though I would listen give my two cents and talk with them through whatever decision they made.
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thirdwatch512
01-28-2008, 12:23 AM
As long as my kids were happy, then so would I be!!

My philosophy is happiness. If I ever have kids, I want them to be happy. I don't care if being a garbage man is what they want to do.. As long as they are happy!
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ummsara1108
01-28-2008, 12:51 PM
I'd have to agree with jeffx
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------
01-28-2008, 01:00 PM
:salamext:

Talk things through with them, ask why they have decided that.

Then whether I'd accept their decision or disown them would be dependant on the situation.
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Gator
01-28-2008, 02:15 PM
To the OP.

Say, that's great and I hope you are happy.

Thanks.

(Assuming we're talking the regular religions and not some crazy cult or something. In that case I'd throw them in a van and subject them to daytime television and processed foods.)
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AvarAllahNoor
01-28-2008, 02:19 PM
As long as it's not a cult, JH, LD etc etc. I'd be fine, but then I am a Sikh, the I'd expect them to follow my Religion.
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Whatsthepoint
01-28-2008, 02:26 PM
I'd have a thorough discussion with them, not to convince them not to convert but to help them realise wheter this is really what they want and if not, what are the alternatives...
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tomtomsmom
01-28-2008, 02:32 PM
I would be concerned. If it were a cult type thing I would be more concerned. But I wouldn't disown them. My children's choice in religion does nothing to change the fact that they are my children and I love them. I would seek knowledge and try to understand their choice. I think that parents who disown their children because they don't agree about religion are selfish and should look in their own hearts and see what is wrong with them, not their children.
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AvarAllahNoor
01-28-2008, 02:32 PM
Originally Posted by Whatsthepoint
I'd have a thorough discussion with them, not to convince them not to convert but to help them realise wheter this is really what they want and if not, what are the alternatives...
Or is it brainwashing, or out of personal choice.
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Whatsthepoint
01-28-2008, 02:48 PM
Originally Posted by AvarAllahNoor
Or is it brainwashing, or out of personal choice.
Could be, unintentional though. As I wouldn't want my kid to screw their life by becoming a Greenpeace activist, I wouldn't want them to screw their life by joining a certain religion or a cult.
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chosen
01-28-2008, 02:50 PM
wow...I am very impressed by your answers....I guess I didnt have to ask you to keep it civil..very cicilized answers..my adult daughter has decided to convert..not to a cult but to another faith...my only concern is that she is doing it for the man "she loves"....lol..I guess there comes a point when you just have to step back and allow them to make their own decisions/mistakes....I wish her well but I am not going to turn her room into a den yet..I have a feeling she will be needing it again...
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IbnAbdulHakim
01-28-2008, 02:52 PM
Edit
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tomtomsmom
01-28-2008, 02:58 PM
Originally Posted by chosen
wow...I am very impressed by your answers....I guess I didnt have to ask you to keep it civil..very cicilized answers..my adult daughter has decided to convert..not to a cult but to another faith...my only concern is that she is doing it for the man "she loves"....lol..I guess there comes a point when you just have to step back and allow them to make their own decisions/mistakes....I wish her well but I am not going to turn her room into a den yet..I have a feeling she will be needing it again...


Being in love can cloud your judgement or make you see things you never did before. Does her choice make a difference in the way you feel for her? It doesn't sound as if it does. Although I am sure it is painful for you to watch, this is all part of growing up. Just keep loving her and everything will work out.
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Whatsthepoint
01-28-2008, 03:02 PM
Originally Posted by chosen
wow...I am very impressed by your answers....I guess I didnt have to ask you to keep it civil..very cicilized answers..my adult daughter has decided to convert..not to a cult but to another faith...my only concern is that she is doing it for the man "she loves"....lol..I guess there comes a point when you just have to step back and allow them to make their own decisions/mistakes....I wish her well but I am not going to turn her room into a den yet..I have a feeling she will be needing it again...
Which religion? Islam?
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chosen
01-28-2008, 03:08 PM
No...not islam....would rather not state anymore than that...My daughter is a very smart girl...very strong and very opinionated..(thank god)...the boy she is marrying is a good man..educated, works hard...treats her like gold...the problem is I am worried about what will happen when the children start comming....children have a way of making people re-examine their religious beliefs..they magnify everything..I have a distinct feeling I will be bailing her out of a bad situation..
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MartyrX
01-28-2008, 03:14 PM
You as her parent have every right to be concerned for her. If it's a cult and not an actual religion than maybe you should sit down and talk to her about it.
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Jayda
01-28-2008, 03:22 PM
Originally Posted by chosen
I have a question...and this is directed at everyone..no matter what faith you practice..What would you do if an adult child of yours..son or daughter came to you and said they were going to change their religion..convert from the religion they were raised in...they are not thinking about it..they have already decided..
hola

i would talk to them about their reasons to find out what is causing it and talk to them about why those reasons are not good. i would also bring their priest so that we could all talk together... then i would just take it one step at a time after that... it would be devastating.

que Dios te bendiga
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AvarAllahNoor
01-28-2008, 03:29 PM
Originally Posted by chosen
No...not islam....would rather not state anymore than that...My daughter is a very smart girl...very strong and very opinionated..(thank god)...the boy she is marrying is a good man..educated, works hard...treats her like gold...the problem is I am worried about what will happen when the children start comming....children have a way of making people re-examine their religious beliefs..they magnify everything..I have a distinct feeling I will be bailing her out of a bad situation..
As long as the children are loved and have a caring home does it matter what religion they are born into? Yes, perhaps they too will follow this particular religion, or they may not.

You also say it's because she's in love. Have a chit-chat (like parents do) and ask her if she's doing it from the heart, then it's fine, but if she's doing it because it's required of her, then she should have a preety good think before she does. Saying that, it's not like she's signing a pact with the Devil (unless she's fallen for a Satanist... :P) She can always revert back should things not workout as planned.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh (Pure Ones Belong To God, Victory To God)
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ummsara1108
01-28-2008, 06:15 PM
cults are devil societies, defenately not and option....lol....
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chosen
01-28-2008, 06:46 PM
it is not a cult that she is converting to....and quite frankly I do not consider it a conversion..I told her it takes years of study to understand a religion enough to convert to it...This is why I am worried about her..I can not tell her not to get married..she is an adult..I can tell her I wish for her to wait..I can tell her I have concerns..and as aalways I can tell her I will always love and support her...but the ultimate decision is hers
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Mishko
01-29-2008, 07:19 AM
Originally Posted by chosen
No...not islam....would rather not state anymore than that...My daughter is a very smart girl...very strong and very opinionated..(thank god)...the boy she is marrying is a good man..educated, works hard...treats her like gold...the problem is I am worried about what will happen when the children start comming....children have a way of making people re-examine their religious beliefs..they magnify everything..I have a distinct feeling I will be bailing her out of a bad situation..
I'm really impressed with your approach! I think it is the attitude and engagement in any religion that is more important than the religious label itself. But you are right that the arrival of kids may bring up more issues around it.

I'm not even a parent so I can't comment much, but I hope to bring my kids up with a humble, respecting attitude towards God and an interest and appreciation in various religions.

My only advice would be to approach it positively and not just hide your fears. You will have a very important role not just to your daughter and son inlaw, but your grandkids too. It would be great if this could be a uniting, encouraging role rather than a divisive one (I'm sure it will be - the former I mean). :)
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snakelegs
01-29-2008, 08:02 AM
this just seems to belong here:

"And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."

- khalil gibran
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