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anonymous
01-28-2008, 02:58 PM
salam

is it natural to feel a bit of envy? and can a guy prefer two girls at the same time or can he only consider one girl no matter how interesting another girl appears to be? my potential spouse admitted that he really wants to marry me but i always get this feeling he might be interesting in another sister slightly...it could all just be in my head.
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جوري
01-28-2008, 10:52 PM
I don't know if is natural-- perhaps it is. but it is certainly not an admirable nor a useful trait to hold on to or to feed.
I think change comes from within, thus I can't tell you how to feel or behave or what to want, but wish for you to feel complete as a woman.. you are not completed by a marriage. You are an accomplished individual coming into a partnership.
From observation of the women around, especially in my family whether or not they have a full time job, those who busy themselves with interest in their free time don't obsess so much over every little thing their husband does or says, and that has got to make for a healthy marriage as every human being is entitled to their space even in a marriage.
I had a great aunt who unfortunately passed away this last Ramadan, and she was a simple lady, but I wish to use her as to not create an image so far from reach of everyday women. She was married to a handsome man, whom I am told had many admirerers. He used to want to initiate Jealousy in her but she was truly a remarkable woman.. and a caring one. she took in her care an orphan from our extended family, aside from raising her own kids, she used to pickle food for people in her neighborhood, enjoyed raising ducks and rabbits and growing her own veggies.. she always had something to do, was a busy lady. I can also think of another one who is so suspicious that I want to divorce her because her mere presence in family gatherings is such a heavy thing, she is always suspicious of her husband and everyone, she is so jealous of anything, could be a cockroach walking she'll find something to be enviousand jealous of, maybe its free food or shiny brown color.. she is a very unhappy woman and people in her presence are unhappy with her.. it is really not a good way to live..

I guess what I am trying to say is, love your husband and hope he reciprocates, but don't smother him and don't waste your time on detrimental and very damaging emotions..

:w:
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Ninth_Scribe
01-29-2008, 11:03 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
salam

is it natural to feel a bit of envy? and can a guy prefer two girls at the same time or can he only consider one girl no matter how interesting another girl appears to be? my potential spouse admitted that he really wants to marry me but i always get this feeling he might be interesting in another sister slightly...it could all just be in my head.
Envy means you feel the other girl is better than you are. It's just insecurity and it's common when you're young. But as you get older, you can appreciate other people more and spend less time on trying to appreciate yourself. So, when your husband wants to take another wife, you realise that you've gained a husband... and a sister. :sunny:

The Ninth Scribe
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ummsara1108
01-30-2008, 06:23 AM
Take another wife?

Koran states you may marry upto 4 only if you can treat them equally, but seeing you can not, only take one.

True or not? if yes then why do men take more than 1?

Is he marrying you because he loves you or simply for what you might be able to offer him? hmmm
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ummsara1108
01-30-2008, 06:28 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
salam

is it natural to feel a bit of envy? and can a guy prefer two girls at the same time or can he only consider one girl no matter how interesting another girl appears to be? my potential spouse admitted that he really wants to marry me but i always get this feeling he might be interesting in another sister slightly...it could all just be in my head.

Please don't stress to much about it, i'm sure he wants to be with you or he wouldn't of said he wanted to marry you, it is just an insecurity thing, i think all women have especially before marriage, it can make your mind spin in a million directions, but once it's over your free to enjoy it, and over time when you become more and more secure, it will be like floating on a cloud, bless you sister..we all get/got through it....lol
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mimian
01-31-2008, 06:32 PM
salam yes i know it says in the qoran man are aloud to have 4 wifes ,but i think the first wife has to accept the second wife for the husband to get married with the second?is that right?
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