PDA

View Full Version : ((What should I dO!!??))



Rukayat
12-26-2005, 10:59 AM
:sl: Brothers and Sisters

I'm a reverter to Islam, Alhamdulillah it's been 6 months since I have a deep interest in Islam. I have a question regarding love. Is it permissionable to fall in love in Islam? to have a boyfriend? And what if you had one before and you break up with him just because you've been awakened and you find out that Islam doesn't allows it....so if i repent to ALLAH for what I've done....will ALLAH(SWT) forgive me?......I'm very scared......:scared:

Please help me!!

Peace
Reply

Login/Register to hide ads. Scroll down for more posts
Sanobar
12-26-2005, 11:07 AM
salam!
You should bear in mind that intermingling of the sexes before marriage is completely haram. If you wish to have peace of mind and lead a clean Islamic life, then it would be necessary for you to follow the dictates of the Shari’ah and break off all ties with Ghayr Mahram males.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
ma'salamah
Reply

Sanobar
12-26-2005, 11:09 AM
salam!
thisis waht i found onthe net.....


Q: Can one have a boyfriend or girl friend?

A:It is Haraam (strictly prohibited) for a boy to have a girlfriend and for a girl to have a boyfriend.

Any type of contact including dating between a Ghayr Mahram (not prohibited in marriage) male and female without a valid Shar’ee excuse falls in the category of Zina (adultery) which is a major sin and incurs the wrath and anger of Allah Ta’ala upon the individual.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Reply

Rukayat
12-26-2005, 11:11 AM
Originally Posted by sanobar
salam!
thisis waht i found onthe net.....


Q: Can one have a boyfriend or girl friend?

A:It is Haraam (strictly prohibited) for a boy to have a girlfriend and for a girl to have a boyfriend.

Any type of contact including dating between a Ghayr Mahram (not prohibited in marriage) male and female without a valid Shar’ee excuse falls in the category of Zina (adultery) which is a major sin and incurs the wrath and anger of Allah Ta’ala upon the individual.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
:sl:
:eek: Thanks alot for the info sis.....can you gimme some suggestions what should be done now....
Reply

Welcome, Guest!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
akulion
12-26-2005, 11:13 AM
Walikum Salam sis

The moment you reverted to Islam ALL your previous sins were forgiven by Allah.

IF you continued on with any sin which you did not know was a sin, then the day you discover is the day you should repent and stop it - remember Allah swt is all merciful.

As far as having boyfriends/girlfriends in Islam that is prohibited completely.
If you want to get to know one another then it is best to have a wali (guardian / Chaperon) present amongst you and you can talk to the opposite person in respectable manner with no body contact of any sort.

In the end if you decide their personality and character is sound you can choose to marry them insha'Allah :)
Reply

Rukayat
12-26-2005, 11:15 AM
Originally Posted by sanobar
salam!
You should bear in mind that intermingling of the sexes before marriage is completely haram. If you wish to have peace of mind and lead a clean Islamic life, then it would be necessary for you to follow the dictates of the Shari’ah and break off all ties with Ghayr Mahram males.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
ma'salamah
Can you tell me the dictates of the Shari'ah??.......I've already cleared everything with him......and I also told him the reason why I was breaking up with him.....he seemed to mind and he said he doubt that Islam doesn't allows love ....

Peace.
Reply

Rukayat
12-26-2005, 11:19 AM
Originally Posted by akulion
Walikum Salam sis

The moment you reverted to Islam ALL your previous sins were forgiven by Allah.

IF you continued on with any sin which you did not know was a sin, then the day you discover is the day you should repent and stop it - remember Allah swt is all merciful.

As far as having boyfriends/girlfriends in Islam that is prohibited completely.
If you want to get to know one another then it is best to have a wali (guardian / Chaperon) present amongst you and you can talk to the opposite person in respectable manner with no body contact of any sort.

In the end if you decide their personality and character is sound you can choose to marry them insha'Allah :)
:sl: Brother........

Well.....I kinda knew that its not allowed but I had been tempted by shaytaan but after a few days of having that relationship with him I was awakened and I told him the reason......
I really don't know what to do.........I always repent but i'm still scared .......very scared.........i'm only worried about my hereafter

Peace.
Reply

akulion
12-26-2005, 11:25 AM
walikum salam

Allah swt knows that people can fall in love with one another before marriage. That is why he has commanded marriage.

Is your love TRUE? So that you can get married?

Or is it just "love for sex" or "love for the enjoyment" ? So in that case is this love not true enough that the 2 people would be willing to dedicate their lives to live together?

Some things for you to think about sis!

We often say "I love you" but how true is it?
The truth is only shown through marriage in Islam - not through words alone!

After all - a man could tell his wife I love you 100 times a day and then sleep with other women and commit adultry...would his love still be true?

So give it thought and discuss with this man this issue...that if he truly loves you then he will honor you by making you his wife and loving you within the guidelines set by Allah insha'Allah
Reply

Rukayat
12-26-2005, 12:17 PM
Originally Posted by akulion
walikum salam

Allah swt knows that people can fall in love with one another before marriage. That is why he has commanded marriage.

Is your love TRUE? So that you can get married?

Or is it just "love for sex" or "love for the enjoyment" ? So in that case is this love not true enough that the 2 people would be willing to dedicate their lives to live together?

Some things for you to think about sis!

We often say "I love you" but how true is it?
The truth is only shown through marriage in Islam - not through words alone!

After all - a man could tell his wife I love you 100 times a day and then sleep with other women and commit adultry...would his love still be true?

So give it thought and discuss with this man this issue...that if he truly loves you then he will honor you by making you his wife and loving you within the guidelines set by Allah insha'Allah
AsalamuAlaikum Brother

My love was neither for sex or enjoyment...in fact i had no feeling for that love because it wasn't me for the moment....I've always doubt his love and have always told him that I'm very scared and days passed by when I realized that I was doing something VERY WRONG.....he used to say love is blind and I can do anything for you blindly .... and this is why I always had doubt his love..........he also said that he loved me like the love between a husband and wife and not in any ilegal way. but I've never trusted him so just yesterday I told him that islam doesn't allows it and I also told him that my family is never gonna allow love marriage and I want an arranged marriage....i bet i was only tempted by shaytaan because this is the only feeling i have since I broke up....I've never loved any non-mahram before .... whoever asked me out i only answered that I don't wanna have a boyfriend as Islam doesn't allows......so till now what i can only say is that i was tempted by shaytaan really bad .... he got me trapped but as I always pray to ALLAH ( The Everlasting) I came to realize that I was doing something which I shouldn't be doing....
This is all what happened..........I'm 15 years old almost 16 and i sometimes find myself not mature enough and give up really quickly.....i dunno what should be done now so thats why I started this thread to get some help from my brothers and sisters

(( the relationship lasted for about 14 days when i realised i was doing something very wrong))

I don't talk to him anymore....he started everything and i ended everything......i don't know what he's thinking of me but whatever he is thinking i don't care because I dont wanna miss this chance to study my religion and follow it with my true heart...

Peace.
Reply

Halima
12-26-2005, 03:28 PM
Salaaam Sister.

Masha'Allah you are a revert to Islam. Indeed that is fantastic news, and I am very pleased to hear such good news. Evidently, you are anxious to tell your story about coming back to Islam. You can post your story here

http://www.islamicboard.com/comparat...ours-here.html

and you can delightfully read other stories about other reverts aswell. :)


Wasalaam.
Reply

akulion
12-26-2005, 08:52 PM
Walikum Salam wr wb sister
Good to hear that you have cut the relationship off, it is for the best insha'Allah.

Islam does not prohibit love, but it does prohibit relationships outside of wedlock.

Let me give you one example:
One Canadian sister I knew used to be part of a group of 2 brothers and 4 sisters who used to go to the mosque together on Friday. Everyfriday after prayer they would have tea and discuss many Islamic things. In this course of affairs the sister fell deeply in love with one brother but was too shy to tell him. One day she asked a brother what to do and he told the other brother and well they got married :D A love marriage :D what she didnt know was that the brother also had feelings for her :D

But u see what made the difference was instead of "dating" they did the right thing of Marrying and fulfilling their obligation towards Allah to follow the right path Alhamdolillah :D
Reply

Muhammad
12-26-2005, 09:50 PM
:sl: Sister,

Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on coming to Islam and finding the truth, Alhamdulillah. It is the greatest gift that anyone can receive: the gift if Islam.

Regarding sinning; everyone is tempted by Shaytaan to do evil things and sometimes people fall into traps or they make mistakes, which they regret afterwards. Allaah has told us in His glorious book, the Qur'an:

[39:53] Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

[4.106] And ask forgiveness of Allah; surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

[4.110] And whoever does evil or acts unjustly to his soul, then asks forgiveness of Allah, he shall find Allah Forgiving, Merciful.

[3:132] And obey Allah and the Messenger. that ye may obtain mercy.
3:133 Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a Garden whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth, prepared for the righteous,-
[3:134] Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men;- for Allah loves those who do good;-
[3:135] And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring Allah to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins,- and who can forgive sins except Allah.- and are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done.
[3:136] For such the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath,- an eternal dwelling: How excellent a recompense for those who work (and strive)!

Therefore do not lose hope in the mercy of Allaah, since Allaah has prescribed mercy for Himself and is waiting for His servants to seek His forgiveness while its doors remain open.

The very fact that you are worried about the hereafter and regret your actions are the key to seeking forgiveness and will Insha'Allaah protect you from making the same mistakes in future.

Regarding the issue of having a boyfriend, I have provided links to questions and answers that will Insha'Allaah help you to understand the situation:

Friendship and love between a man and a woman

She has committed haraam actions with her fiancé

She has repented from an illicit relationship but she wants to contact him in order to get married to him

What is the ruling on girls corresponding with boys?

I hope you have found this useful Insha'Allaah, and may Allaah forgive ,protect and help you in your situation, Aameen.

:w:
Reply

- Qatada -
12-26-2005, 10:51 PM
:wasalamex


masha Allaah its really good you reverted to islam.. this is a really strong sign that Allaah the Most Beneficial loves you, and wants you to be successful in this life, and the afterlife - so you can enter jannah insha Allaah (God willing.)


-----

Loves a really strange thing, and it cant even be explained - its a feeling that involves; joy, sadness, anger, weakness, strength.. the list goes on and on.

How can one word really describe all them emotions?

'Okay' you say to yourself.. i dno how to explain love, but you have to ask yourself; am i really prepared for it? You tell yourself its hit you - but even if it has - are you really prepared to live with it?


Most people, before experiencing it hear/read/see that love is just like a fairy tale, and that once you've fallen into it - you live 'happily ever after.'

But once it hits a person - its shocking because its already affected the person before they've realised it.. Its like a drug; you dont know its consequences because you've never experimented with it before, but once you take it - you want more and more.. when gradually - you cant survive without it. You'll do anything to get it back, even though you know it will keep hurting you.

This usually happens when its a love outside marriage, a haraam love - and it has the effects of a illegal drug/a haraam drug.


-------

Now referring back to what i said before - your 15 now.. Would you really be prepared to live with the guy for the rest of your life? Would you be 100% sure that he wouldn't cheat? How do you know how long your relationship would last for?


Would he be able to give you the same respect/treatment as a muslim husband?

Please read how:

Islam Encourages Love and Equality within Marriage.
http://www.islamicboard.com/83896-post73.html


I'm just trying to emphasise on the above points because its some things you should think about.. it may even help you think positive insha Allaah, and make it easier for you to fight against satans temptations.


------


Regarding what he said about islam not allowing love - islam totally prohibits love outside of marriage and having sex outside of marriage is a major sin, and whoever does that without repenting in this life will get double the punishment on the day of judgement.


Those who invoke not, with God, any other god, nor slay such life as God has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit fornication; - and any that does this (not only) meets punishment.


(But) the Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in shame,-

Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for God will change the evil of such persons into good, and God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful


And whoever repents and does good has truly turned to God with an (acceptable) conversion;-


[25:68 - 71]


This is how serious fornification (sex outside of marriage) in islam is, its strictly prohibited and totally haraam, in the qur'an, Allaah Almighty says:


And go not nigh to fornication; surely it is an indecency and an evil way. (17:32)


Allaah Almighty says that dont even go near adultery, nevermind even doing it, thats how much it is hated in islam.

Theirs alot of reasons why its not allowed in islam, one of the reasons is
because it destroys families, without certainty whos child it may be, it even creates worser crimes such as rape, which can lead to diseases like aids, HIV, etc.

you can read more about that from this link insha Allaah:
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503548032


to help on that situation; Allaah the Most Merciful says:

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty, that will make for greater purity for them...Say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty...O you believers! Turn you all together towards Allah that you may attain success" (24:30,31)


more info to help on that insha Allaah:
http://www.jannah.org/articles/gazelow.html



Its also really important to hang out with the right crowd - because they influence you on what you do, and what you dont do, so try to make really good, muslimah friends insha Allaah.


Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him and his beloved family) really emphasised on how your friends affect what kind of person you are:

“The example of a good companion and a bad one is the bearer of musk and the worker on the bellows. A bearer of musk would give you some, you might buy some from him, or you might enjoy the fragrance of his musk. The worker on the bellows, on the other hand, might spoil your clothes with sparks from his bellows, or you get a bad smell from him.”
(Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim, this version being Muslim’s)you can read the explanation of the above hadith from the following link insha Allaah:

http://www.islamonline.net/English/H...05/03/01.shtml


so to simplify the hadith (saying of our beloved Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi
waSalam) up; is to say that the people a person hangs out with; affects that person.

the example used is of a musk seller and a furnace blower. so by being with the musk seller, he may give you some musk so you may smell nice and people will like you for that.

whereas if you be with the furnace blower - he may even burn your clothes or you may get a bad smell from him. so you may get hurt while hanging out with the wrong crowd and you may get a bad reputation due to the acts of the bad people you hang around with.


Once you start making more muslimah (female muslims) your friends - you'll realise they'll have a better influence to you insha Allaah, because they will have the same aim as you - to become a better muslim, and will try to commit as less sins insha Allaah.

Even if you cant make alot of mates, maybe because of where you live - its important you stay in a more islamic environment, so maybe even the forum could be that environment insha Allaah. (God willing.)


If you start focusing more on wanting to become a really good muslimah - Allaah the Most Merciful will know your intention - that you do want to do good, and practice islam in your life (because islam is a way of life) and Allaah the Most Beneficial will help you through that insha Allaah.


You probably still feel really guilty because of what has happened in the past, but its really important to remember that Allaah the Most Merciful's forgiveness is so great, greater than you can imagine..

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him and his beloved family) narrated that Allaah the Most Merciful said:



O son (or daughter) of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son (or daughter) of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son (or daughter) of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it.

(Hadith Qudsi - 34)


Now do you see how Merciful our Lord is? you have to remember that as long as you are living, you still have time to ask for forgiveness and to repent, but you also have to keep in mind that you dont know how long your going to live - so make sure you do repent fast and make it sincere so you dont try to commit that sin no more.

After you've asked for this forgiveness sincerely.. our Most Merciful Lord tells us:


...Allaah will change the evil of such persons into good, and God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (25:70)


Now how lucky is that! :eek:



..and Allaah is the Source of All Strength.


:wasalamex
Reply

Rukayat
12-27-2005, 08:50 AM
:sl:
:phew :phew :phew :phew :phew :phew :phew
JazakAllah for all the replies:loving:
I'm very thankful to all those brothers and sisters who have replied :)
InshaAllah I'll always try to stay away from evil deeds just like before ..... All I need is little prayers from you people and I myself inshaAllah will always pray to Allah(subhanahu wa ta'ala) to protect us from evil and guide us to what right (Ameen)

Peace:coolsis:
Reply

Rukayat
12-27-2005, 10:19 AM
:sl:

Thx alot for the website bro...

Peace.
Reply

shudnt_have
01-03-2006, 06:12 AM
Loves a really strange thing, and it cant even be explained - its a feeling that involves; joy, sadness, anger, weakness, strength.. the list goes on and on.

How can one word really describe all them emotions?

'Okay' you say to yourself.. i dno how to explain love, but you have to ask yourself; am i really prepared for it? You tell yourself its hit you - but even if it has - are you really prepared to live with it?
:faints: love is a killer drug, there is no CURE for it:grumbling
Reply

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

IslamicBoard

Experience a richer experience on our mobile app!