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Am I evil?

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    Am I evil? (OP)




    I am making this thread cuz I really feel like I am evil, and no I am not attention seeking.

    Firstly let me give a bit of background:

    Before I was a practicing Muslim, I was a calm shy person with decent manners. I was patient, but I could become annoyed easily. Allah SWT saved me from various sins, and showered me with mercy. I started praying and becoming pracitcing, not knowing much of Islam, but only that it enjoins good and forbids evil.

    So before practicing Islam, there was this kafir who always bullied / mocked me. I got angry once and hit him once, I hit my one of my relatives. It made me guilty, and I cried, I cry very easily sometimes.

    So now when I practiced Islam I always thought good etc. And then, Allah SWT tested me once again with this kafir, and I didn't hurt him, I was very patient etc. and he continued, so I called my teacher and told her how it was, etc. So we established a meeting where she reprimanded this kafir (she is herself a kafir) but she was kind, etc. So I thought, he did much wrong to me, he hit me, and stuff. So I thought of what The Prophet SAW would do, without knowing much except that he SAW was moral.

    So I thought " I know this is hard, I hate what he did, but I'll choose to forgive him" as to follow the Prophet Muhammad SAW's example.

    I could demand justice, but rather I forgave, I became guilty of all the bad I've done, etc. and repented to Allah SWT. Without demanding anything from anyone for the hurt they've done to me.

    So it went good, and I thought to not hate others, it never passed my mind to do so, as Allah SWT knows best their state, etc.

    Now, 1 year ahead, and I learnt more about Islam, I felt myself becoming more regular with prayers. But one thing seemed to happen.. my good character seemed to fade, the more knowledge I got, the more confused I became, I began to doubt myself, Islam, etc.

    I read the Quran and I liked it.. And then I chatted with someone and they told me a harsh Islam, etc. I couldn't take this harsh harsh Islam, so I ignored the thoughts, but they built, and I tried to stay good, but the doubts came.

    And then the verses stuck with me, the verses that makes me feel harsh, rude, and stuff like that. I began to dislike my character.

    So I did a self-analysis on myself and asked myself "would you convert to Islam if serinity did dawah to you?" the reply was "no". and this is confirmed by my brother who says:

    "you do not represent Islam very well, looking at you, I wouldn't even want to start."

    So I thought "why do people even come to Islam, what attracts them? What attracted me?" the reply was "good character".

    So what do I do wrong?? I know, I am harsh, rude, self-righteous, bigoted, hateful, etc. I knew I was wrong.. But The ayats kept me from becoming good, although I knew that The Quran says the Prophet Muhammad SAW is the best of creation with high esteemed character.

    I know Islam says to repel evil with good, and I did, but then verses came, and I indulged myself in issues of Jihad, Al wala wal bara..

    And I started to think "does becoming righteous mean becoming isolated, hateful, and unapproachable?" I know I was wrong.. But I couldn't get these thoughts out of my head..

    So I started to think "I rather be moral, and be a sinner, than be righteous and harsh." It hurt me, to think like this, but no matter what, the verses kept coming to me, although there are verses speaking of good and to be good, so I thought it is out of context..

    So I started to be good again, but whenever I tried to intent good, the verses came to me, and it made me guilty, and I felt imprisoned..

    I feel self-righteous, bigoted, hateful, imprisoned etc. I kept saying "I know I am interpreting Islam wrong, for how come people find it beautiful and not me?!"

    I couldn't see the mercy, peace, and serenity in Islam anymore. But I know Allah SWT is Merciful, The source of all Peace, etc. But something made me think Islam is a cult-like religion. Be harsh to kuffar, be merciful to the muslims..

    But I know I am wrong, cause this is all out of context..

    So I ask, what do I do? How do I escape this cycle of trying to become good, but being smashed down because of this? It pains me.

    This is painful, and I know I am getting something wrong - but I can't seem to puzzle this together.

    I try to be wise and moral, and use my logic, but whenever I do, The ayats come and I get stuck! I thought of blaming Islam - But I know this is wrong.

    So I blamed myself - but this feels like cutting and stabbing my own heart.

    I really don't want to give up, so how do I puzzle this together? I want to love Allah SWT, but something is preventing me from loving Him SWT more than I do now.

    And Allah SWT knows best.
    Last edited by Serinity; 05-28-2016 at 05:09 PM.
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    Re: Am I evil?

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    Kaafirs can be your colleagues.
    Respected colleagues even.

    But they aren't your brothers.
    Our goal is Jannah, and their entire world view is dunya.
    They may give you sincere advice, but it might not be the advice which is best for your Imaan and could even be detrimental to it.
    (For example in terms of relationships and healing from heartbream, a nonbeliever might tell you to start dating people , whereas a Mu'min knows that zinaa is impermissible and would advise turning to Allah instead)
    It is important to remember to keep view of this distinction.
    They can be 'friends' but not Awliyah. They are not your 'brothers'
    There will always be a distance but stay respectful InshaaAllah.

    Anyway this thread just reminded me of Surah Al An'am.


    Follow, [O Muhammad], what has been revealed to you from your Lord - there is no deity except Him - and turn away from those who associate others with Allah .
    6:106

    But if Allah had willed, they would not have associated. And We have not appointed you over them as a guardian, nor are you a manager over them.
    6:107


    And do not insult those they invoke other than Allah , lest they insult Allah in enmity without knowledge. Thus We have made pleasing to every community their deeds. Then to their Lord is their return, and He will inform them about what they used to do.
    6:108

    And they swear by Allah their strongest oaths that if a sign came to them, they would surely believe in it. Say, "The signs are only with Allah ." And what will make you perceive that even if a sign came, they would not believe
    6:109




    And We will turn away their hearts and their eyes just as they refused to believe in it the first time. And We will leave them in their transgression, wandering blindly.
    6:110

    And even if We had sent down to them the angels [with the message] and the dead spoke to them [of it] and We gathered together every [created] thing in front of them, they would not believe unless Allah should will. But most of them, [of that], are ignorant.
    6:111


    And thus We have made for every prophet an enemy - devils from mankind and jinn, inspiring to one another decorative speech in delusion. But if your Lord had willed, they would not have done it, so leave them and that which they invent.
    6:112
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    Re: Am I evil?

    I understand that a kafir and a Muslim are not compatible. If th kafir advices the Muslim on morals or what to do, etc. The advice will be dunya oriented, and may be haram

    Of course. I distance myself from their kufr. I hate their kufr, but them as a person? How can I hate someone I don't know. (by the way, I do have natural hatred and dislike for their kufr, and I dislike it very much, but as human beings, they can be good, and nothing wrong in liking someone as a human being right?)

    Anyways. I know, I will never love the kuffar as I love my brothers in deen. That is fact.

    I am probably thinking of this in its extreme form lol. Of course you have to show good character, be kind etc. and of course I have a dislike for kufr and hatred.

    my friendship with kafirs are dunya-based. I will just use wisdom for every situation.

    I guess I am confusing this. Like I have this "extreme or the other extreme" lol. xD

    I will try to keep a balance. JazakAllah khayr. I am not into being friends friends, as I dislike and hate to go out in the night and sin and stuff like that.

    But surely I can keep healthy relationship or someone to talk... I think I am thinking of extremes. I am thinking "ok you have to be wary -- no contact at all!" Lol.

    I think I just need to try to balance it, if I feel and find myself being drawn to sinning and kufr, I will stop. or If I feel uncomfortable being around a person. Dw tho, I have always felt way more comfortable and liking the company of Muslims, and I will always do (except for some cases, those with bad character - which further empathizes how character is good.
    Last edited by Serinity; 05-28-2016 at 10:25 AM.
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    Re: Am I evil?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Regrets1 View Post
    Walaikum salaam.


    Brother your not evil, trying your best to be on the right path MashAllah. Youv made many improvements..Islam is all about peace..

    I think your not receiving the right advice and answers regarding Islam, your not getting information from best of people. Read Quran and Hadith, and when you don't understand something then ask the scholars..Islam doesn't teach hate and you know it..you should try your best and be at best behaviour when around people Muslims and non Muslim..if Islam was about hating the kafirs then there won't be no kafirs left we all would be killing them..but it's not like that..so don't think Islam is the reason for your hatred towards kafirs..

    Version of Islam?? There's only one version of Islam brother and that's all about peace. Don't follow what people say, follow the Quran..your still young and learning don't overthink..all you should know is Islam does not teach hate and if people tell you otherwise then ask for proof and when they provide it make sure Youv read whole ayah to understand the meaning.

    Lets say your talking to someone and they say Islam says we must hate kafirs and kill them..you ask for proof and they just make you read the bit where it says "kill them" you won't go hating and killing people would u? Obviously no..so reading and understanding the ayah is must.

    May Allah swt help you. Ameen.
    Tbh, of course I won't go and kill, and before meeting those people who take one ayat and says "kill, kill, kill, kill" before meeting those people, I already knew how some Muslims twist ayats to suit THEIR desires, even if it means to kill. So I've always been at conflict with this whole allowance of killing, which is prohibited in Islam obv.

    They've taken some ayats which are stuck in my head. I guess I will have to ignore them lol. and I know it is taken out of context, as it is stunting my character.

    Which Islam doesn't yeah? Anyways, it is mentally exhausting for a Muslim to hate everyone. And before this whole thing, I thought a Muslim was someone educated, who controls his anger, and doesn't succumb into the games of hatred and arguing.

    Someone who hates and loves what Allah SWT hates and loves, but not to the extreme. Not hating the person, etc.

    Cause Allah SWT has a right, you can't take. If Allah SWT says about punishing kuffar, we don't go out and punish them, and feel arrogant, yeah? no we try to advice them and bring them to Islam to avoid punishment.

    we've mixed the rights of Allah SWT with ours.. I think (somewhat) There are things Allah SWT can do, we can't.
    Last edited by Serinity; 05-28-2016 at 10:32 AM.
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    Re: Am I evil?

    Guys, I find it a wonder that I am still Muslim after all that hardship tbh. Cuz I knew this can't be Islam, I think. Idk how I didn't collapse up on till now.

    I've had insane thoughts, etc.

    anyways, I have 1 question. Which is bothering me.

    So here it is>

    Islam says to keep ties, family-ties, etc. But you can cut them if they have negative influence and you can not repel it yeah?

    So, I read a verse that says something like this>

    You will not find a people who believe in Allah and the Last Day having affection for those who oppose Allah and His Messenger, even if they were their fathers or their sons or their brothers or their kindred. Those - He has decreed within their hearts faith and supported them with spirit from Him. And We will admit them to gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide eternally. Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him - those are the party of Allah . Unquestionably, the party of Allah - they are the successful. 58:22

    So if my parents and blood-brothers were kafirs, I could not love them? Not every kafir oppose Allah SWT, yeah?

    So if I can't show affection, that doesn't mean I have to hate, right? What will hating them personally help in them turning to Islam?

    Does this verse say to have complete Bara and no contact? I dont think so, cuz The Prophet SAW showed affection to his SAW uncle, Ibn talib or Abu talib, right?

    So when Allah SWT says something like do not show affection, or hate them. (Allah SWT surely doesn't say to hate people yah)

    Does not showing affection mean hating them? I think not, why? Cuz hatred that prevents you from communicating and feeling at peace, is futile.

    And I can't have this harsh heart. I feel natural compassion towards those who are more unfortunate than me, is that bad?

    I feel sad for my parents who proclaim themselves Muslims but do not pray, can I not love them ? is not praying opposing Allah SWT and His messenger SAW? in some way, yeah it is.

    So I can't love my parents? But I can't live with hate. Surely that isn't what Allah SWT says?

    For me hatred is this:

    Something that poisons your heart, something that makes you unstable, angry and narrowminded.
    Last edited by Serinity; 05-28-2016 at 12:36 PM.
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    Re: Am I evil?

    I feel the same and yet am a lot older.

    It would seem only the heedless and without thought are victorious.

    The flip side is that you can still remember what they did yesterday.

    Two choices.. get a life..

    Or get better.
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    Re: Am I evil?

    Is this mindset wrong;

    "when I read the Quran saying do not love, I assume we should do the opposite - hate them." Which is an extreme, yeah?

    There are 2 extremes> Loving the Kuffar like you love the Muslims, cause what then would prevent you from falling astray? and there is the other, hating kuffar, and what will that bring except enmity, and it won't bring anyone to Islam.
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    Re: Am I evil?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity View Post
    Guys, I find it a wonder that I am still Muslim after all that hardship tbh. Cuz I knew this can't be Islam, I think. Idk how I didn't collapse up on till now.

    I've had insane thoughts, etc.

    anyways, I have 1 question. Which is bothering me.

    So here it is>

    Islam says to keep ties, family-ties, etc. But you can cut them if they have negative influence and you can not repel it yeah?

    So, I read a verse that says something like this>

    You will not find a people who believe in Allah and the Last Day having affection for those who oppose Allah and His Messenger, even if they were their fathers or their sons or their brothers or their kindred. Those - He has decreed within their hearts faith and supported them with spirit from Him. And We will admit them to gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide eternally. Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him - those are the party of Allah . Unquestionably, the party of Allah - they are the successful. 58:22

    So if my parents and blood-brothers were kafirs, I could not love them? Not every kafir oppose Allah SWT, yeah?

    So if I can't show affection, that doesn't mean I have to hate, right? What will hating them personally help in them turning to Islam?

    Does this verse say to have complete Bara and no contact? I dont think so, cuz The Prophet SAW showed affection to his SAW uncle, Ibn talib or Abu talib, right?

    So when Allah SWT says something like do not show affection, or hate them. (Allah SWT surely doesn't say to hate people yah)

    Does not showing affection mean hating them? I think not, why? Cuz hatred that prevents you from communicating and feeling at peace, is futile.

    And I can't have this harsh heart. I feel natural compassion towards those who are more unfortunate than me, is that bad?
    Brother, even if your family arent muslim you still have to treat them properly with respect and so on, when it comes to parents, we must still obey them UNLESS it is something that goes against Allah and his deen.
    So for example im the only muslim in my entire family, i still have to listen and respect my parents, but if they tell me to do something that is against the deen i refuse and say no
    Ie being told to go out without my niqab.
    Ofcourse you can still love your family and your parents, you dont hate them as a person, you hate their sins, their bad deeds, thier beliefs... but you do not hate that person.

    When you hate a person, it shows in your character towards them, which will push them further away from you and islam.
    Imagine if your character was so beautiful, and your family through your character and kindness towards them decided to become muslim because of that.
    They might not understand about islam, they could be brainwashed by the media or by meeting other muslims who arent so kind in their nature i.e they just hate all non-muslims, but how does this behaviour invite people to islam, how does it show the true beauty of islam.
    Remember brother people are attracted to someones character and how they are treated or made to feel by that person

    "And [mention, O Muhammad], when Luqman said to his son while he was instructing him, "O my son, do not associate [anything] with Allah . Indeed, association [with him] is great injustice." [31:13]

    "And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination." [31:14]

    "But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do." [31:15]
    Am I evil?

    Narrated Jubair ibn Mut’im: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W), said: "He is not one us who calls for `Asabiyah, (nationalism/tribalism) or who fights for `Asabiyah or who dies for `Asabiyah." [Sunan Abu Dawud (Vol. 2, pg. 753) No. 5121]
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    Re: Am I evil?

    Ah, of course!! Good character is what brings people to Islam, it is what determines whether you put Islam as harsh and unapproachable, or beautiful.

    anyways, I will work on myself.

    Be harsh towards those who are harsh, nice towards those who are nice. yeah? But I don't like harshness, I don't like to play those games.

    But this is mere repaying back. and personally I don't like harshness, I rather deal with harsh people in a way that doesn't poison my Imaan.

    If someone is harsh to me I just say peace, I've no time or energy to bicker. I rather pardon and overlook, and deal with them, in a better way than they do with me..

    But when it comes to people ridiculing Islam, I can't take that. And IF I know debating with them will just end in bickering and hating and stuff. I rather just distance myself. And seek refuge within Allah SWT from their ignorance.

    May Allah SWT forgive me if I am wrong. Ameen.
    Last edited by Serinity; 05-28-2016 at 01:29 PM.
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    Re: Am I evil?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity View Post
    Ah, of course!! Good character is what brings people to Islam, it is what determines whether you put Islam as harsh and unapproachable, or beautiful.

    anyways, I will work on myself.

    Be harsh towards those who are harsh, nice towards those who are nice. yeah? But I don't like harshness, I don't like to play those games.

    If someone is harsh to me I just say peace, I've no time or energy to bicker. I rather pardon and overlook, and deal with them, in a better way than they do with me..

    But when it comes to people ridiculing Islam, I can't take that. And IF I know debating with them will just end in bickering and hating and stuff. I rather just distance myself. And seek refuge within Allah SWT from their ignorance.

    May Allah SWT forgive me if I am wrong. Ameen.
    There will always be people who will insult us, insult our religion, obviously we are human and get angry but that's what they want, they want a reaction, so they can say "oh look at the angry muslim not peaceful at all etc)
    You dont have to be harsh back, but be firm not rude or insulting.
    Sometimes you can debate or have a conversation with them and try your best to refute their claims in the best of ways and manners, sometimes its best to just ignore them.... you have to be able to judge what is best on how to handle each situation as they are all different.

    Some people genuinely dont know about islam and are brainwashed, or never met a muslim so go by what other people say about us, untill they meet a muslim who kindly answers their questions, who debates without insulting even if they insult you, their insults will come back to bite them on thier butts on the day of judgement and they will regret everything they said or done against muslims, its their sins to carry not yours.

    Our character matters just as much as our actions.
    There are many diseases of the heart and having just a atoms weight of arrogance or pride Allah will throw you into jahanumm

    The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah the Almighty said, ‘Pride is My cloak and greatness is My robe, and he who competes with Me in respect of either of them, I shall cast into the Hell Fire.’”
    [Sunan Abu Dawud - Classed as Sahih by Shaykh al-Albaani]


    It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas’ood (radi Allahu anhu) that the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “No one who has an atom’s-weight of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise.” A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, what if a man likes his clothes and his shoes to look good?” He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah is Beautiful and loves beauty. Arrogance means rejecting the truth and looking down on people.” [Sahih Muslim]

    It was narrated from ‘Amr ibn Shu’ayb via his father and grandfather that the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “On the Day of Resurrection, the arrogant will be gathered like ants in the form of men. Humiliation will overwhelm them from all sides. They will be driven to a prison in Hell called Bawlas, with the hottest fire rising over them, and they will be given to drink of the juice of the inhabitants of Hell, which is teenat al-khabaal.” [Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2492 - Classed as Hasan by al-Albaani in Sahih al-Tirmidhi, 2025]
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    Am I evil?

    Narrated Jubair ibn Mut’im: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W), said: "He is not one us who calls for `Asabiyah, (nationalism/tribalism) or who fights for `Asabiyah or who dies for `Asabiyah." [Sunan Abu Dawud (Vol. 2, pg. 753) No. 5121]
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  14. #50
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    Re: Am I evil?

    format_quote Originally Posted by popsthebuilder View Post
    In my humble opinion; you need to step back...when your anger comes. Recognize it. Find the source. It is not Islam friend. Islam speaks of mercy ultimately in all situations. This refers to self as well. You may know fragments of your own direction that bring this anger or hatred up. You are deceiving yourself somehow or not making a change you know you are to make.

    It is okay...be patient...study in solitude with humility, even towards yourself. The emotion of anger, though perhaps towards others, is an indicator that you yourself are off somewhere. Do you hold shame? Regret? Know that your knowledge of these things is first. Your building anger becoming intolerable could very well be you needing a real change. Not only must we catch our flaws, but we must find peace too. How else is this done but through knowing change?

    Your peace towards others will come regardless of there actions, when you find your own peace, through introspection and honesty and hope in GOD.

    Have faith and hope, patience and perseverance.

    Relinquish pride and personal want from all thought processes.

    Just an opinion and admittedly an assuming one. I am sorry and mean no malice. I can relate in ways is all.

    Peace
    This whole anger and hate didn't just happen or start over night. I know I am the problem, I have destroyed myself. It is time I use my judgment again, even if I feel defiant.

    Cause tbh, Allah SWT gave a brain, so I use it. Use logic and reason, cause Allah SWT is logical and reasonable yeah? And to assume or think that you shouldn't think is not good.

    I shouldn't fear using my own judgment. But i always get this constant fear of going against The Quran. But I know Allah SWT is All-Just, the Source of peace.

    One of the names of Allah SWT is:

    As-Salam (السلام)

    So how can Islam, the Religion of Allah SWT, be any other than peaceful, when Allah SWT Himself is The Source of all peace?

    When I read the 99 names of Allah SWT, I think of a Kind, protecting, caring, Righteous Teacher, who wants the best from Humanity.

    So how can Islam be any other than peaceful and Just?

    I have to work on myself. And btw, I know that I am wrong, I am the problem. If I see everyone as evil or whatever, or I see problems arise in my life ALWAYS, etc. Perhaps I should question myself, what am I doing wrong that Allah SWT shows me all types of injustice, rudeness, and evil talk?

    I know, Allah SWT is testing me, but I should not sit idle and blame others and think lowly of others when they do wrong - cause that is just reflecting my own laziness!
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  15. #51
    Serinity's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Am I evil?

    format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B View Post
    There will always be people who will insult us, insult our religion, obviously we are human and get angry but that's what they want, they want a reaction, so they can say "oh look at the angry muslim not peaceful at all etc)
    You dont have to be harsh back, but be firm not rude or insulting.
    Sometimes you can debate or have a conversation with them and try your best to refute their claims in the best of ways and manners, sometimes its best to just ignore them.... you have to be able to judge what is best on how to handle each situation as they are all different.

    Some people genuinely dont know about islam and are brainwashed, or never met a muslim so go by what other people say about us, untill they meet a muslim who kindly answers their questions, who debates without insulting even if they insult you, their insults will come back to bite them on thier butts on the day of judgement and they will regret everything they said or done against muslims, its their sins to carry not yours.

    Our character matters just as much as our actions.
    There are many diseases of the heart and having just a atoms weight of arrogance or pride Allah will throw you into jahanumm

    The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah the Almighty said, ‘Pride is My cloak and greatness is My robe, and he who competes with Me in respect of either of them, I shall cast into the Hell Fire.’”
    [Sunan Abu Dawud - Classed as Sahih by Shaykh al-Albaani]


    It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas’ood (radi Allahu anhu) that the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “No one who has an atom’s-weight of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise.” A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, what if a man likes his clothes and his shoes to look good?” He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah is Beautiful and loves beauty. Arrogance means rejecting the truth and looking down on people.” [Sahih Muslim]

    It was narrated from ‘Amr ibn Shu’ayb via his father and grandfather that the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “On the Day of Resurrection, the arrogant will be gathered like ants in the form of men. Humiliation will overwhelm them from all sides. They will be driven to a prison in Hell called Bawlas, with the hottest fire rising over them, and they will be given to drink of the juice of the inhabitants of Hell, which is teenat al-khabaal.” [Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2492 - Classed as Hasan by al-Albaani in Sahih al-Tirmidhi, 2025]
    I can use fair judgment, and I do have the ability, and I am able.

    This hatred and rudeness I've been taught to be 'Islam'. Has ruined me. But I know this is not Islam, so I will start over, even if I feel myself defiant of Allah SWT, as that is NOT what I am trying to do. I am just trying to find meaning, The Justice in Islam, etc.

    Cause the way I've been taught Islam, it was not peaceful, it was harsh, etc. Which instill arrogance in me, and I hate it. I know this isn't Islam tho. Alhamdulillah, as I knew and felt it was very very wrong!

    I have a Non-praciticing Muslim family, and I from an early age saw my Grandpa very humble etc. and he prayed all prayers! But yet he was VERY calm and very nice! he never hit me when I accidentally did something wrong.
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    Re: Am I evil?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity View Post
    This whole anger and hate didn't just happen or start over night. I know I am the problem, I have destroyed myself. It is time I use my judgment again, even if I feel defiant.

    Cause tbh, Allah SWT gave a brain, so I use it. Use logic and reason, cause Allah SWT is logical and reasonable yeah? And to assume or think that you shouldn't think is not good.

    I shouldn't fear using my own judgment. But i always get this constant fear of going against The Quran. But I know Allah SWT is All-Just, the Source of peace.

    One of the names of Allah SWT is:

    As-Salam (السلام)

    So how can Islam, the Religion of Allah SWT, be any other than peaceful, when Allah SWT Himself is The Source of all peace?

    When I read the 99 names of Allah SWT, I think of a Kind, protecting, caring, Righteous Teacher, who wants the best from Humanity.

    So how can Islam be any other than peaceful and Just?

    I have to work on myself. And btw, I know that I am wrong, I am the problem. If I see everyone as evil or whatever, or I see problems arise in my life ALWAYS, etc. Perhaps I should question myself, what am I doing wrong that Allah SWT shows me all types of injustice, rudeness, and evil talk?

    I know, Allah SWT is testing me, but I should not sit idle and blame others and think lowly of others when they do wrong - cause that is just reflecting my own laziness!
    In my opinion Islam cannot be anything but submissive to GOD. Being merciful and peaceable in all teachings examples and rebuking. If it isn't of that fashion then it isn't based on unbiased interpretation of the Qur'an, but the work of those still imbued with greed, pride, and or fear.

    I wish you the best.

    All praise and thanks is to GOD with supplication and humility.

    Peace
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  17. #53
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    Re: Am I evil?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity View Post
    I can use fair judgment, and I do have the ability, and I am able.

    This hatred and rudeness I've been taught to be 'Islam'. Has ruined me. But I know this is not Islam, so I will start over, even if I feel myself defiant of Allah SWT, as that is NOT what I am trying to do. I am just trying to find meaning, The Justice in Islam, etc.

    Cause the way I've been taught Islam, it was not peaceful, it was harsh, etc. Which instill arrogance in me, and I hate it. I know this isn't Islam tho. Alhamdulillah, as I knew and felt it was very very wrong!

    I have a Non-praciticing Muslim family, and I from an early age saw my Grandpa very humble etc. and he prayed all prayers! But yet he was VERY calm and very nice! he never hit me when I accidentally did something wrong.
    Exactly brother, some muslims twist things as to how they want to see or view things, their actions may be good (pray, fast etc) but their character of looking down on other muslims thinking they are lesser than him as they dont believe all non-belivers are enemys like them, the list goes on with diseases of the heart, which alot of people over-look saying "well in doing all my obligations i dont need to do anything else" this is also arrogance not taking advice when clear evidences where brought foward etc.

    By you in sha Allah improving your understanding of the deen, and character you could bring your family to be practising, sometimes it just takes someones kind caring understanding nature to help guide someone back to islam or even guide them to islam.

    Justice will never truly take place in this dunya, that is what judgement day is for, every affair will be set straight by Allahs judgement, Allah will be in controll of deciding who was in the wrong and right, any quarrels will be handled by Allah.
    And we all should want our affairs to be handled by Allah as we know that whatever happens will be fair and just, and Allah will never rong a soul
    Am I evil?

    Narrated Jubair ibn Mut’im: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W), said: "He is not one us who calls for `Asabiyah, (nationalism/tribalism) or who fights for `Asabiyah or who dies for `Asabiyah." [Sunan Abu Dawud (Vol. 2, pg. 753) No. 5121]
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  18. #54
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    Re: Am I evil?

    I find myself prideful and arrogant, although I don't see it.

    How can I have time judging others when I am Muslim granted guidance by Allah SWT? I should be more worried about myself than to judge others!

    In fact, I reason, that I, as Muslim am in more danger of going to a worse Jahannam, than a kafir - cause I know, and yet still disobey!

    my faults should keep me from judging others.. I do recognize the wrong in others, but shouldn't I ask for Allah SWT to guide them rather than saying "pft, those kuffar, they know nothing!"

    But know what? years ago I didn't either, so how do I have the audacity or time to judge others when I can die any moment, and even be blind to my own state?
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    Re: Am I evil?

    When Islam enters a heart, it bring peace to it, not harshness or anything.

    InshaAllah, we must all strive to bring our iman to such a state where it is not affected or shaken by things either fellow believers may say or do or those who don't believe say or do.

    I understand, when you are young and finding yourself, sometimes you forget to use your own reasoning and allow other people to preach to you an Islam of hate and intolerance - when as you said the Prophet (saw) was so gentle that even the non-believers were drawn to his perfect character. I think when you are finding yourself and your deen you are very vulnerable, and you feel so defensive and passionate about Islam that energy can be channelled unintentionally into hate or frustration, especially if certain people latch onto that vulnerability. I was in a similar situation myself once.

    As Muslims we should follow the example of the Prophet (saw), who was so gentle, yet was also firm in his beliefs and uncompromisingly put forward the message of Islam - without insulting others or being harsh towards them when it wasn't necessary.

    To answer your question, you're not evil. No-one is evil, for our fitrah is one of perfection and submission to Allah swt - circumstance can cause us to deviate from this state we were created in, but right until we die we can always turn back to Him and so no-one is inherently evil.

    Just focus on yourself, as Muslims we should focus primarily on building our iman, purifying our hearts - and it so happens that whenever we beautify what is inside, this is reflected on the outside, in our words and actions, and people see this in your interactions with them.
    | Likes Serinity, muslimah_B liked this post
    Am I evil?

    Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, Thabbit Qalbi Ala Deenik
    Oh turner of the Hearts make my heart firm on Your Deen


    islamb 1 - Am I evil?



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  21. #56
    Serinity's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Am I evil?

    I recognize my own hypocrisy right now. I demanded others (in my head) to be moral, etc. yet I didn't see how judgmental and angry and hateful I was..

    I whole-heartedly feel like a hypocrite atm. But In shaa' Allah soon I will be able to do what pleases Allah SWT with love and a want for Allah SWT's pleasure, and not with harshness and stuff.

    I have no good character, I just feel soo bad.
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  22. #57
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    Re: Am I evil?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity View Post
    I find myself prideful and arrogant, although I don't see it.

    How can I have time judging others when I am Muslim granted guidance by Allah SWT? I should be more worried about myself than to judge others!

    In fact, I reason, that I, as Muslim am in more danger of going to a worse Jahannam, than a kafir - cause I know, and yet still disobey!

    my faults should keep me from judging others.. I do recognize the wrong in others, but shouldn't I ask for Allah SWT to guide them rather than saying "pft, those kuffar, they know nothing!"

    But know what? years ago I didn't either, so how do I have the audacity or time to judge others when I can die any moment, and even be blind to my own state?
    Exactly

    Thats why we have to check ourselves and should never judge anyone that is for Allah to do.

    Ofcourse we have a obligation as a muslim if we see someone commiting a sin or doing wrong, we MUST stop them or advice them in the best of ways and manners, which again goes back to your character, if you tell somebody kindly about something wrong they are doing theyre more likely to accept the advice and work on it, rather than someone who is harsh and judgemental is will push them further away.

    Even the worst of muslims are still better than kaffir, as you believe in Allah, a believer no matter how sinfull they are can never be on the same level as a kaffir because of believing in Allah. But why would anybody want to JUST be above a kaffir.
    We ALL are/should be trying to improve ourselves for the sake of Allah, if you find things hard, do them slowly then slowly keep building on it, then it will become normal and you wont burn out or loose motivation
    E.g
    Not praying all 5 a day, slowly build up on it, keep improving it, once your at 5 a day, improve it try praying on time not later on then, try doing witr, once there, try adding the sunnahs slowly untill it becomes normal, then add tahajjud then add naffil, try praying every single salah in the masjid etc etc
    Keep building up slowly untill these things become so accustomed to you, its like 2nd nature.
    There is always more every single one of us could/should be doing, working on our characters, our obligations, learning more about the deen
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    Am I evil?

    Narrated Jubair ibn Mut’im: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W), said: "He is not one us who calls for `Asabiyah, (nationalism/tribalism) or who fights for `Asabiyah or who dies for `Asabiyah." [Sunan Abu Dawud (Vol. 2, pg. 753) No. 5121]
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    Re: Am I evil?

    You do have good character, which is why you are so concerned about the state of your heart, as we all should be.

    For us, we should be concerned about the state of the world of course. But tbh, when we have so much to improve about ourselves, to be too concerned about how others should be improving would I believe obstruct our own self-development.

    The essential thing here is not to judge people from our limited perspective - we don't know their past nor their future nor their circumstance. Give dawah, and advise gently, but to feel anger or hatred towards them would be unfair and may only distance them further.
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    Am I evil?

    Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, Thabbit Qalbi Ala Deenik
    Oh turner of the Hearts make my heart firm on Your Deen


    islamb 1 - Am I evil?



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    Re: Am I evil?

    Ok, JazakAllah khayr. From now on I will start working on my character. I will take a step back and work on myself.

    I will find my own wise self which I have supressed for so long. But some Quran verses are still stuck to my head.

    Prob out of context. But some Ayats makes me feel guilty of being good. I have to work on this. I will kindly one by one ask scholars about the verses, in shaa' Allah.

    For now, I work on being good.
    Last edited by Serinity; 05-28-2016 at 02:25 PM.
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    Re: Am I evil?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity View Post
    I recognize my own hypocrisy right now. I demanded others (in my head) to be moral, etc. yet I didn't see how judgmental and angry and hateful I was..

    I whole-heartedly feel like a hypocrite atm. But In shaa' Allah soon I will be able to do what pleases Allah SWT with love and a want for Allah SWT's pleasure, and not with harshness and stuff.



    I have no good character, I just feel soo bad.
    The whole problem is that you have alot of doubts, self-doubts. Dont let this stop you from conveying the message of Islam. You have shown excellent character on here and do continue to do so. Also, you have never been harsh on here, nothing of that sort. Your advices are great masha'allah, and dont stop giving them.

    Just remember, to be a good muslim, continuous self-inspection is needed in order to keep on the straight path. May Allah keep you guided and firm on Iman and give you Jannatul Firdaus ameen!
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