Why women have to pay the price for men mistakes

format_quote Originally Posted by Lissa

I already wrote in this forum and some people took time to give me answer,which I appreciate. Thank you for youre time and energy.
So now I have a general question about the muslin religion, relating to the difference between men and women. I will try to explain myself trough exemples. I hope someone could give me an answer that makes sence.

Why is Islam more clement for men and more hard for women? Women pay for the weakness of the men. Always. Why?

Exemple 1 : As a women you have to wear the hijab to avoid bad look of men. As women don't give bad look to men (according to the religion...) , men don't have to wear hijab.

Exemple 2 : If a couple divorces and has a daughter (let's say the daughter is 13).If her mother marry again, the daughter must go to live with her father because the new husband of the mother might have bad look on the daughter.
Which means that the mother is deprived to live with her child, because of the potential weakness/bad behaviour of men (her new husband who might have a bad look). Also the daughter deprived to live with her mother...(both mother and daughter punished) Here again, all women are punished because of the potential bad attitude /weakness of some men.

Exemple 3 : My beloved husband was allowed to Mary - me lucky him

Greetings Lissa, you are more than welcome to ask us whatever you want and we will try our best to help you.

Firstly what we must realise is that our very creation whether Male or Female and everything that has been ordained upon us is a test for us. Allah has created us only to see which of us as his creations are best in conduct:

[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving (Qur'an 67:2)

So we must begin to view our own lives whether we are Male or Female as a test for us. This is so that we do not consider any aspect of our particular gender, roles or rights as being "detrimental" or a "burden" upon us. If everything in this world was what we may consider as "perfect" and we lived every aspect of our lives in accordance with our wants, needs and desires, then what would be the purpose of our creation in this World? Therefore the way we must view our own lives is that this life of ours regardless of our genders, is not meant to be perfect nor give us everything we want in accordance with our needs, wants and desires, however if patiently persevere throughout our lives until the very end by obeying the commands of Allah then surely we can enjoy an eternity of whatever we desire and far more than that:

They will have whatever they wish therein, and with Us is more.(Quran 50:35)

...And you will have therein whatever your souls desire, and you will have therein whatever you request [or wish].(Quran 41:31)

However our enemy Satan only wishes to put doubts in our minds and wants to make us feel as though we are restricted and everything that has been placed upon us as a "burden". He wants us to be "free" to follow our desires now, so that we receive less or even nothing in the Hereafter:

"So do not let the present life deceive you and do not let the great Deceiver (Satan) deceive you about God. Indeed, Satan is your enemy so treat him as such. He only invites his followers to the blazing Fire. Those who disbelieve will have severe torment; and those who believe and do righteous good deeds, will have forgiveness and a great reward." (Quran 35: 2-7)

However what is very apparent in this Worldly life is that those who choose to follow their desires in this world, tend to be the unhappiest people alive and you will find in such people that they are foremost when it comes to suffering from depression and committing suicide.

Modern day secularist Western society deems women who dress inappropriately or however they want to as "freedom", however in reality such women are certainly not free as they have immense pressure and shackles upon them to conform with the way society wants them to be and to conform to the latest fashion trends and to look and be in a certain way. Those who do not are essentially shunned and made to feel like outcasts. Many are also called fat and ugly and are put down in all sorts of very demeaning ways.

Many women end up comparing themselves to other women in terms of their physical appearance. They look up to certain "trend setters" as "role models" such as celebrities and social media models. However they end up feeling worse about themselves as they feel they can never look as good as them. They wish they had a better nose, buttocks, chest and looked like certain celebrities and social media trend setters. Hence why you have women flocking to change their physical appearance by paying huge sums of money to undergo various types of Aesthetic surgeries. You even get very young women nowadays who have absolutely nothing wrong with them but because their "role models" like celebrities and social media influencers push for women to look in a certain way then they are getting Botox injections, lip fillers and also sorts of other things that are considered "enhancements". However such treatments end up backfiring and making them look worse and even causing them to feel far as worse than before. This then becomes a vicious cycle of constantly getting various types of expensive unnecessary treatments and surgeries causing all sorts of medical complications. Is this freedom?

Then you have big corporations who use scantily clad women to attract and to sell products because they believe that "sex" sells. This misuse of the physical attributes of women is hugely detrimental, especially upon the younger generations who feel more and more pressure to "conform" to what is considered by men as physically attractive. Hence why depression, low self esteem and suicide is rapidly increasing, especially amongst the younger female generation.

On top of that many of these women feel that they are not looked at for who they are as people but the way they look and their physical attributes. When you ask many men about what they think of women when they first see them then the first thing they will mention is their chest or some other physical attribute. Is this freedom for women when they are essentially looked at as sex objects and not for who they are as people?

Hijaab is true freedom for women. It is freedom from having to feel that one must conform to the constantly changing fashion trends or having to physically conform to how society wants them to be. It is freedom from exploitation, dishonour and disrespect from those who wish to use them as objects of desire and to sell products for financial gain. It is freedom from feeling that one has to physically "look good" to be noticed and to increase ones self esteem. So many women who reverted to Islam feel this new found freedom. So for them it is not restrictive at all but freedom for the first time in their lives.

However when it comes to hijaab then women have been covering their heads and dressing appropriately and even conservatively for centuries up until the mid half of the last century. It was the norm especially for Christian and Jewish women to cover their heads. Many Hindu and even Sikh women still cover their heads today. So it is not something unique to only Muslim women. It is only when secularism took hold of Western society that women were told that they should not cover and to dressing less conservatively. To the point where we're at now where dressing scantily clad has be one the norm only to the detriment of women and to the benefit of those who want to use such women for their own desires and financial gain.

It is also a huge misconception that men do not have a hijaab. Men certainly do have hijaab and it is that to cover the awrah which is from the navel to the knees and also that they dress modestly and appropriately. It is also a hugely emphasised Sunnah that is compulsory according to many opinions that men grow their beards as this is in accordance with the natural inclination (fitrah) of man and was also a practice of the previous Prophets. It is also more emphasised upon men than even women to keep their gaze low which also includes TV and internet.

However when it comes to the rights of men and women then Allah says: “And for women are rights over men similar to those of men over women.” (Qur'an 2: 228)

Allah says, “Whoso does good whatever male or female, and is a believer, shall enter Paradise and they shall not be wronged a whit.” (Qur'an 4:125)

Men and Women are created equally in terms of status, but we have been created differently both emotionally and physically and so it only makes logical sense that our roles are different. However these roles compliment one another in order to work together to create the perfect equilibrium to support the family structure, which is being destroyed by Western ideals like "feminism". This is a very deceptive ideal which claims to support "women's rights" but in fact it is promoting the destruction of the family structure. It does not take into consideration the differences in our physical and emotional capabilities and how these differences perfectly compliment one another to build and support the family structure as a whole. This is why the family structure in the West is being gradually destroyed as women are told they should have same role's as men and so are having less children and marrying later, in order to concentrate on their careers and consequently leaving children to be brought up by child minders which has a hugely detrimental impact upon the psychological development of children. This ends up being a source of huge regret later on in life.

So when we weigh up the roles and rights that Islam gives both genders and out things into proper context then we will find that unlike western ideals and values which is actively destroying the equilibrium of the family structure, then Islam gives us the perfect balance in terms of the rights and roles of both men and women that creates a perfectly stable equilibrium in the family structure.

The ignorant and the enemies of Islam purposely try to deceive the masses into thinking that women do not have as many rights as men do and that they have it "harder" than men do which not only is totally false but also very deceptive as it is completely taking things out of context and not enabling us see the whole picture. For example in marriage a man must earn for his family and must take care of his wife and children financially as well as provide protection for them. However women who earn get to keep every penny and are not obligated to spend anything from their wealth.

In the pagan society of pre-Islamic Arabia as well as throughout Europe and Asia the status of women were like slaves who had no rights, honour, respect nor dignity. Women would not get share either from parents or spouse as inheritance. If they were on their period they would be separated from the home as they were considered as being dirty and unclean. Women were essentially considered subhuman across the globe at that time. In Europe especially women were treated worse than animals and many were considered witches for "seducing" men and so were killed in the worst of ways like being burnt at the stake. In many other cultures having a daughter was seen as a burden and even a curse and it was a custom to bury them alive. However when Islam came then it was the first to give equal status to women. When the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) was given Prophethood he destroyed all of these terrible rules and perceptions of women being subhuman. He gave women equal rights for the first time, far earlier than the west did which only started giving women proper rights from the 60's. However even now in the West, many see women like sex objects for the pleasure of men and their physical attributes are used not only to sell products but to restrict and destroy freedoms for women to have the honour, respect and self esteem they deserve. This is something the media is also pushing. Porn has now become the "norm" in society which promotes the subjection and objectification of women and you only have to analyse the types of lyrics in music to know how women are being considered. Unfortunately the youth are being brought up with these types of Music and are even singing these very demeaning lyrics. Singing about women being sex objects has become "normal" now. Can you imagine the dire and detrimental subconscious effects this is having on their minds? All of this promotion of the subjection and objectification of women in the various types of Media is one of the main reasons why sex crimes and rapes are rapidly increasing.

Many of the misconceptions of the rights of women stem from culture and not Islam. Islam upholds the rights, dignity, honour and status of women by ensuring gender equality and also equality of rights for both male and females in every area and aspect of human life. No other religion or society can claim to do that. In Islam a woman is completely free to be able to choose whether or not to enter into contract or can make a bequest in her own name. She has full freedom to select her husband. As the command of Islam to the men is to treat women with utmost respect, honour, dignity and compassion. A women as a Mother has the rights to be given 3 times more respect than even the Father for "Paradise is under the feet of a Mother". Islam also emphasises to have daughters as they are a true blessing and if they are brought up well then the reward is Paradise.

In terms of divorce. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) stated: "Divorce is the most hated of all lawful (halal) things in the sight of Allah." (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 2178)

In terms of custody of children after divorce then women have more right to custody of children than men do. This is because women are created to be more compassionate and kind, and in general they know better in terms of how to raise small children. They are also more patient in dealing with the difficulties involved in the upbringing of children. So the mother has more rights to custody of her child, whether it is a boy or a girl, as long as she does not re-marry and she meets the Islamic conditions of custody.

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: 'You are more rightful of the child as long as you don't marry." (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 2276 & Mustadrak al-Hakim, 2/207)

You can read more details on custody rights in Islam in the following link:

https://central-mosque.com/index.php...r-divorce.html

Even when it comes to custody rights, when we take away the emotional aspects of it then we will realise that as with every other right Islam gives both genders then it is perfectly balanced and considers only what is best for all parties involved especially the children.

If you need anything else then please do not hesitate to ask us.

OP, this isn't the first thing you should be researching about. Matter of islam starts with heart. First you believe, then you act. Understand the basics of islam. And you would eventually get the wisdom behind all of this.

Dear Lissa, I do not know what is wrong, he did hurt you because he left you, you married again?

Muslims respect woman. Maybe some tribal areas less.

Muslimahs were doctors 1400 years ago, jurists, professors, had the privilidge to be businesswonan (first wife of prophet ), had laws of inheritence, the alimentation law, all 1400 years ago and a lot more.

You know that despite inheritence, her businesses etc., men must pay and support everything?

Muslims must display love, mercy, kindness, support, protection towards woman.

Pleae read further:
https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/article...tyinislam.html

http://www.khotwacenter.com/female-j...lamic-history/

format_quote Originally Posted by Lissa

First, thank you for you're answer. Sorry I didn't answer before, but I don t have a notification in my email, so I did not see.
Thank you for the time and energy you took to reply.
I partly agree with you.Partly because I think, for exemple that the exemples you take are extrêmes. And because not all the exemple fit every cases.
I will try to answer to both posts in one. So :

... I would not be respectful to my daughter if I told to t her to "stay with someone who is not her father." But "stay with someone who is not you're mother" this is fine?
When my parents divorced, thanks god I could stay with my mother. Because my stepfather was very kind... My stepmother was not nice at all!
And I felt respected because I could choose. Thanks God my parents Dis not use a religious rule in this case.

Of course the sex objectification for women and comparison in social media is a disaster for young ladies. So if some of them can find in (any) religion to avoid these mistakes... Well why not. But for the other women... We are not sad, comparing each other or doi g weird stuff... We can be happy and peaceful without having the hijab.
I cometelx agree that porn is a big big problem for society... Your words in god ears

Dear Lissa, I feel you...

But, there's a huge difference between what Islam teaches us and what Muslims do.

If a Muslim follows Islam, fully, practices Islam fully, and takes care of one's ahlak (behaviour) - there wouldn't be divorces nor need for a divorce as everything would be very nice.

What you see and hear and read about is behavior of sinning Muslims with weak imaan.

We should very much care about each other, not just in family, but also everyone. Patience is something we are very much advised and even ordered. Pious Muslim should care about other Muslim feelings. And our Prophet SAWS said that the best ones are those who are the best to their wives. He, SAWS would sow, wash his clothes, cook and so much more.

There are so many hadith about rights of wife/women. Like those about wife being unhappy and the angels making dua for her.

On the other hand, according to Sunnah we have all rights to work, study, earn money, and our money is sadaqah (charity) if we give it to our husbands - meaning we can do with it whatever we want, but husbands have to financially care of their wives, etc...

So dear Lissa, don't look at Muslims as Muslims are sinners. Look at Islam.

Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "The believers who show the most perfect Faith are those who have the best behaviour, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives". [At-Tirmidhi, who categorized it as Hadith Hasan Sahih].