20 Most Common Questions about ISLAM

Hello Herostratos,

format_quote Originally Posted by Herostratos

As you have not denied that the FAQ has been using statistics in a very dishonest/ignorant way, I trust you will no longer recommend that site.

I haven't seen evidence that they have used statistics in a dishonest way. On the topic of polygamy, I would agree that it is not accurate to simply make the generalization of more women than men in the world, but a single inaccuracy in one article does not render all content on the entire website useless.

The point I tried to make - although I admit it was a little unclear - was this: Polygamy is practical in countries where women are very dependent on a husband to survive, and where women does not have enough independency to demand that the male shall devote himself to her. Typically because most other men are poor, I'd guess. These countries are typically poor and uncivilized. Civilized cultures will inevitably become so rich that women can demand monogamy.

You've made quite a few errneous generalizations. While I agree that polygamy is a more suitable arrangement in some situations, not necessarily all situations, that doesn't mean it is restricted to the "poor and uncivilized". I think we can be more open-minded by simply saying that it works better in some cases than others.

No, a marriage is none of the above

You didn't answer my argument at all. Even in western countries marriage is done through the government because once someone agrees to the marital contract they have assumed obligations and responsibilties towards their spouse which need to be protected. Cohabitation and marriage are not looked on as the same thing.

There is no logic behind this. Some men must be able to deal fairly with more than 4 women, right? Why restrict those at all, if marrying and taking care of many women are a good thing?

Because most people can't.

Or, if you have to restrict the upper limit because some people will abuse it, why have a limit of 4 at all?

Because beyond four, it becomes much more difficult. The point is there has to be a limit somewhere. Islam has placed that limit at four.

I were not talking about not having children, I were talking about having a limited number of them. Say, each man got two each, not unnormal for an industrialized country, and the women will then give birth to four children, which is certainly not unusual in many muslem countries.

You're talking about two husbands here, not four. Again, the problem is that the woman has to alternate between these two with her pregnancies to ensure a fair relationship, which relates to what you said here:

What if the men in question simply accepts to not get to "visit" their wifes so often?

Exactly. Sooner or later you have to acknowledge that because men and women are different a woman would not be able to sustain the same relationship with four husbands that a man can sustain with four wives. You've admitted that the intervals between her visits to her husbands will be larger than a polygynous husband's to his wives. Do you think a relationship that is interrupted by several month intervals will be a healthy relationship? Do you think a relationship that terminates and resumes ever few months will be positive? Obviously not. The woman ends up being with one husband at a time, so in reality she is not really polyandrous, she is just changing husbands every once in a while.

Are you serious? Your objection against polyandry is that the men in question would not get their desires satisfied???

My objection is that the relationship would not be sustainable if there is not adequate time spent together and mutual care between the individuals involved. And the desires a man has are fundamentally different from those that a woman has. A healthy relationship occurs when the needs of those involved are satisifed and they share mutual responsibilities.

And exactly why is it that such a family cannot function as one?

Becuase there is an uneven distribution of burden and obligations within the family. It is a fact that with each relationship comes obligations, responsibilities. You increase the relationships, you increase the obligations. The woman with four husbands has four times the obligations and responsibilities than the woman with a single husband. But the woman who gets pregnant will need support not increased obligations to maintain multiple relationships.