christian wants to know why muslims can't have sex outside marriage

**noahs_arc** · 09-05-2007

and honestly i was speechless at what to say

**Abdul Fattah** · 09-09-2007

Selam aleykum sister
When a non-muslim asks you questions about religious rules, the obvious answer to these kinds of questions are "Because Allah subhana wa ta'ala forbade us to." That should be the primary reason for following a rule, any rule. Islam is a religion after all. After making that cristalclear, you can add something among the lines off: if we examin that rule however, we do see a lot of practical benefits in them. It fends the community from problems like teenage mothers, sexually transmittable diseases, chaotic dating, questionable fathership, insecure relationships, break ups, insincere "lovers", and so on...

B.t.w, doesn't Christianity have the same rule?

**snakelegs** · 09-09-2007

many christians are not supposed to have sex outside marriage either.

**glo** · 09-09-2007

True - the Bible is pretty clear on forbidding any extra-marital sex, and that includes premarital sex.

**noahs_arc** · 09-09-2007

christian only by name - and we had this disucssion in the sisters section too - we concluded reasons such as to keep a legitmate heir, to prevent std's (back in the days) etc etc.

i know it's haram and forbidden but i just wanted to know if there was an islamic reason - like any sunnah or anything. thanks wasalam

**Malaikah** · 09-09-2007

Back in the day? Sis, STD's are probably a bigger issue now than they ever were!

It is really socially destructive.

**islamic** · 09-09-2007

that Christian who wants to know about this, should tell us WHY to have sex outside marriage! And after telling this, I will answer him/her.

**guyabano** · 09-09-2007

Hummm, I'm born christian, but refuse any religion. Despite of that, I can tell you, that most couples in the west, before they marry, make for a few years a 'test-run' to see, if they really match together. They live together, sleep together, well, they live as a couple. After this, you have bigger chances to success your marriage. People who marry without any contact before marriage are much more vulnerable to divorce, if in case, they don't match together.

**glo** · 09-09-2007

Originally Posted by guyabano

Hummm, I'm born christian, but refuse any religion. Despite of that, I can tell you, that most couples in the west, before they marry, make for a few years a 'test-run' to see, if they really match together. They live together, sleep together, well, they live as a couple. After this, you have bigger chances to success your marriage. People who marry without any contact before marriage are much more vulnerable to divorce, if in case, they don't match together.

I have always wondered about this, guyabano.

Do you know of any research that would suggest that cohabiting couples, or those who cohabited prior to getting married emd up more successful in their marriage?

It may be difficult to demonstrate either way, since longevity of marriage may not necessarily be a measure of how happy a relationship it is ...

Peace

**Woodrow** · 09-09-2007

Originally Posted by noahs_arc

and honestly i was speechless at what to say

The Burden is not upon you to prove that sex outside of marriage is forbidden. The burden is for him to show proof that any religion promotes it. Then from there you can take steps to show why it is halal and acceptable in marriage in Islam. It is pointless to try to show why something is forbidden, it makes much more sense to show what is permitted.

**guyabano** · 09-09-2007

Originally Posted by glo

I have always wondered about this, guyabano.

Do you know of any research that would suggest that cohabiting couples, or those who cohabited prior to getting married emd up more successful in their marriage?

It may be difficult to demonstrate either way, since longevity of marriage may not necessarily be a measure of how happy a relationship it is ...

Peace

Well, if there do exist polls or surveys about that, dunno ! But fact is, if people get the chance to meet each other before wedding, be able to see and study each others habits, having sexual relation, partners can much easier find out, if they want to stay with this partner in an longterm relationship, or prefer more to see for somebody else.
I did it that way, and I have absolutely no regrets, coz the first girlfriend was not the right one. The second was. So if I would have married immediately, well, I would already have a divorce behind me.

**guyabano** · 09-09-2007

Originally Posted by glo

It may be difficult to demonstrate either way, since longevity of marriage may not necessarily be a measure of how happy a relationship it is ...

Peace

So true ! And there are a lot of 'married unhappy' couples out there

**Michael** · 09-09-2007

Surveys have actually shown that couples who cohabit before marriage and engage in sexual intercourse outside of marriage are much more likely to divorce.

**glo** · 09-09-2007

Originally Posted by guyabano

Well, if there do exist polls or surveys about that, dunno ! But fact is, if people get the chance to meet each other before wedding, be able to see and study each others habits, having sexual relation, partners can much easier find out, if they want to stay with this partner in an longterm relationship, or prefer more to see for somebody else.
I did it that way, and I have absolutely no regrets, coz the first girlfriend was not the right one. The second was. So if I would have married immediately, well, I would already have a divorce behind me.

Let me tell you that my now-husband and I lived together for 13 (!) years before we finally got married (although that was before I became a Christian) ... so I know where you are coming from.

But let me ask you this:
If you had had the opportunity to get to know your girlfriend in every way except for having sex with her (I mean in terms of her personality, her lifestyle, her likes/dislikes, her views on life, her sexuality on a 'theoretical level', her beliefs, her fears, her dreams, etc, etc) - do you think you would have known her well enough to get married to her?
Do you think you would have been likely to click sexually too?
Or do you think being sexually incompatible in any way would be enough of a problem to rock an otherwise harmonious realtionship?

Peace

**glo** · 09-09-2007

Originally Posted by Michael

Surveys have actually shown that couples who cohabit before marriage and engage in sexual intercourse outside of marriage are much more likely to divorce.

Michael, if you can find links to such surveys, I would be interested to read them.
Thanks!

**guyabano** · 09-09-2007

Originally Posted by glo

Let me tell you that my now-husband and I lived together for 13 (!) years before we finally got married (although that was before I became a Christian) ... so I know where you are coming from.

But let me ask you this:
If you had had the opportunity to get to know your girlfriend in every way except for having sex with her (I mean in terms of her personality, her lifestyle, her likes/dislikes, her views on life, her sexuality on a 'theoretical level', her beliefs, her fears, her dreams, etc, etc) - do you think you would have known her well enough to get married to her?
Do you think you would have been likely to click sexually too?
Or do you think being sexually incompatible in any way would be enough of a problem to rock an otherwise harmonious realtionship?

Peace

Well, I think NO ! I would still insist of this 'try-first' relationship. A good marriage is not only a matter of same thinking, peace love and harmony, but also compatibility in sexual pleasures. I don't like to go further in this topic due to the rules of the forum, but I'm pretty sure, you get what I mean

**guyabano** · 09-09-2007

Originally Posted by Michael

Surveys have actually shown that couples who cohabit before marriage and engage in sexual intercourse outside of marriage are much more likely to divorce.

I would like to see that also. Can you provide a link please?

**nevesirth** · 09-09-2007

silly, rethorical and ignorant question. the best answer to such questions is silence. if that person was really a christian as he or she claims then that question will not be asked in the first place. is christianity not also against pre-marital sex? the person in question was just being silly period.

**Md Mashud** · 09-09-2007

Originally Posted by guyabano

Hummm, I'm born christian, but refuse any religion. Despite of that, I can tell you, that most couples in the west, before they marry, make for a few years a 'test-run' to see, if they really match together. They live together, sleep together, well, they live as a couple. After this, you have bigger chances to success your marriage. People who marry without any contact before marriage are much more vulnerable to divorce, if in case, they don't match together.

This is, far from the truth according to what really happens!

...

Also, cohabiting relationships have damaging side effects, from mild to extremely serious.

Usually, pre-maritual sex/relationships usually make one less compromising in relationships (compromising/understanding is the glue to a marriage), more likely to call it off then rather work on it and just generally have much more fights and arguements- due to past freedom of experience. I would definatly, from observations and reading, have to agree that people will find it harder to settle if they had previous relationships, especially those which went wrong.

Im not saying its impossible to make one work, but I think it makes it harder for the future... I guess its one of those things you really have to study or experience in real life, to see the effect on them, which may not be so clear.

silly, rethorical and ignorant question. the best answer to such questions is silence. if that person was really a christian as he or she claims then that question will not be asked in the first place. is christianity not also against pre-marital sex? the person in question was just being silly period.

Yep, even though christians should oppose it, we come to a day, when people compromise religion to a great amount. Alot of churches are already allowing homosexuality - which is a big no according to christianity. Apparently this book isn't made for our times, that we need to update it. My question to them is, if this book is not matching to our times, ditch it, why are you following it at all!

**Grace Seeker** · 09-10-2007

Originally Posted by guyabano

Hummm, I'm born christian, but refuse any religion. Despite of that, I can tell you, that most couples in the west, before they marry, make for a few years a 'test-run' to see, if they really match together. They live together, sleep together, well, they live as a couple. After this, you have bigger chances to success your marriage. People who marry without any contact before marriage are much more vulnerable to divorce, if in case, they don't match together.

You know I hear this from people all the time. People think it makes logical sense. But guess what. It doesn't actually work out that way. The incidence of people who live together before marriage divorcing is actually higher than those who do not live together before marraige (at least in the United States). There might be reasons connected to this beyond just living together, for instance, people who are more religious and respect their religion's moral guidelines against livinig together before marraige, might also be more likely to try to work out a struggling marriage, whereas those who have no compulsion just decide to get a divorce as the easy way to deal with their problems, rather than actually working on. But anyway, according to many different surveys, those folks who live together before marriage are more not less likely to have failed marriages than those that wait till marriage.

Oh, and just in case people were not aware of it, Christianity teaches the same as Islam that couples should not engage in sex before marriage. That people go ahead and do so anyway is a testimony to how little many people are willing to actually practice their religion rather than just doing what they want to do simply because they want to do it. But it isn't part of Christian teaching at all. Thus, any Christain who questions why someone else (of whatever religion) would wait to have sex until married, doesn't understand his/her own faith very well.