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Revolution!

  1. #1
    Cabdullahi's Avatar Full Member
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    Revolution!

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    9rn6sx 1 - Revolution!
    Fascists governments .. left over products from the nazi regiment...
    gully Americans and Europeans
    Dropping depleted uranium
    That leaves the cerebrum-
    malfunctioning
    Trapped in this perplexing junction
    between two roads Im torn-
    like a rosy couple glumly sat and gobsmacked in the maternity ward at the proclamation of a handicapped baby born
    This is mental warfare ....its truly on!!
    I have to stay righteous.. to god i verily belong
    the earth has turned ugly ..and gave birth to a so called 'liberated' s.l.u.tty ....satanic women! who go through the agony of wearing a dental floss of a thong
    im taunted for being mental
    because i simply chose not to believe in a masonic entity.. its detrimentally suicidal
    bogus christian monuments,and government buildings with symbolistic logo's that have six edges
    forget consigning to their pharaonic bullcrap..i make no pledges
    a soul saving loath
    to utter this Luciferian oath
    They are trying to put a black shade of concealing mascara to hide the massacres this is veracity!
    Families with no running water and electricity
    Total black out
    Zionist louts
    Food Blockades
    undernourished kids running for cover from the invariable air raid
    We have to stop this
    And close down the many modern day auschwitz’s
    My viable truth is so evident like the chicken coming home to roost...but nobody gets me
    Fake Christians arose since after Jesus’s last steps in the garden's of gethsemane
    for being god fearing they call us terrorists
    but as typical conformists
    we scream
    WE LOVE AMERICA! WE LOVE AMERICA!
    Until we suffer the next successions of hysteria
    Last edited by Cabdullahi; 12-11-2008 at 01:52 AM.
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  3. #2
    Cabdullahi's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!

    this is abit hardcore.. but nonetheless it....looks like i had a poetic reaction
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  4. #3
    Cabdullahi's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!

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  5. #4
    Soulja Girl's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!



    Niice... Though I never understood some words... Like erm "uranium" and "cerebrum"

    You wroted this yourself?

    Revolution!

    " Its sometimes better people don't get to know you..
    Cuz the more they know you, the less they understand & accept you..
    Alone is better, what say
    " - SRK
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    Cabdullahi's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!

    salam sister....uranium is a chemical used in weaponry
    and cerebrum is a section in our brains that controls movement
    and yeah sister i wrote it myself
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  8. #6
    Soulja Girl's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!



    ^Oh oki... Me likes...

    Revolution!

    " Its sometimes better people don't get to know you..
    Cuz the more they know you, the less they understand & accept you..
    Alone is better, what say
    " - SRK
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  9. #7
    Whatsthepoint's Avatar
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    Re: Revolution!

    It's got beat.
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  10. #8
    Cabdullahi's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!

    ^....its got beat?
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  11. #9
    Whatsthepoint's Avatar
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    Re: Revolution!

    format_quote Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R View Post
    ^....its got beat?
    I'm not sure how to put this. It floats nice, when you read it. Sounds revolutionary.
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    Cabdullahi's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!

    ^ its hard for me to believe what you said simply because ur a sarcastic fellow
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  14. #11
    Whatsthepoint's Avatar
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    Re: Revolution!

    format_quote Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R View Post
    ^ its hard for me to believe what you said simply because ur a sarcastic fellow
    I'm telling you I like it. I don't agree with everything it says but the poem itself is nice.
    Of course, I may be reading it in a wrong way, perhaps the version that you thought of doesn't have the beat.
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  15. #12
    Cabdullahi's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!

    format_quote Originally Posted by Whatsthepoint View Post
    I'm telling you I like it. I don't agree with everything it says but the poem itself is nice.
    Of course, I may be reading it in a wrong way, perhaps the version that you thought of doesn't have the beat.
    lol...then truly thanks brother for liking it!! ...brother it is not necessary for you to agree with everything ive said....my purpose is just to get people thinking and i am happy for an open minded discussion...
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  16. #13
    Whatsthepoint's Avatar
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    Re: Revolution!

    format_quote Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R View Post
    lol...then truly thanks brother for liking it!! ...brother it is not necessary for you to agree with everything ive said....my purpose is just to get people thinking and i am happy for an open minded discussion...
    That's exactly what poetry (and art in general) should do.
    Keep up the good work.
    And here's an advice, you don't have to listen to it, it's just my thoughts: beat/rhythm is more important than rhyme. It's better to have two lines that don't rhyme than have a forced rhyme that damages the rhythm.
    Last edited by Whatsthepoint; 12-10-2008 at 03:43 PM.
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    Cabdullahi's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!

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    czgibson's Avatar
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    Re: Revolution!

    Greetings,

    Whatsthepoint is right about avoiding forced rhymes. Rhythm is where it's at.

    What's this bit about?:

    because i simply chose not to believe in a masonic being that’s facially hexagonal
    Peace
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    Cabdullahi's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!

    how about now?....thanks for the constructive criticism
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  21. #17
    Re.TiReD's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Revolution!

    format_quote Originally Posted by czgibson View Post
    Greetings,

    Whatsthepoint is right about avoiding forced rhymes. Rhythm is where it's at.

    What's this bit about?:



    Peace
    Bush? That's who comes to mind. Dont know what the bro meant though.
    Revolution!








    s a b r
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