Wondering how compatible I am with Islam...

format_quote Originally Posted by Сердце

I've been trying to learn about Islam for some months now. In the beginning, I had my heart set on converting (reverting?), but after further study developed doubts. There are a few things about Islam that I can't quite get past, and I want help trying to reconcile these things with my own beliefs.



These are my concerns, from least to greatest:

Greetings..

1. I have a dog. She lives inside; she sleeps indoors. I would never get rid of her or make her sleep outside. Is this a big deal?

You'll need to ask a scholar about this.. I know a few Muslims who have dogs but they also have farms..

2. Although all the Muslims I have met that live in my area (California) are wonderful, kind people, sometimes when I watch Muslim programming or go on internet forums, I see a lot of (not pointing any fingers) anger, harshness, and putting down of others that I find discouraging. If God is merciful, forgiving, and compassionate, why do so many of those that believe in him seem exactly the opposite?

I don't know.. but folks who experience hardship in life at times find it hard not to be embittered!

3. I'm a biology student (pre-med), and I do believe in evolution. I know this is being heavily debated in other threads, so I don't want to discuss it in detail. I'm just wondering if my believing that evolution and creationism are compatible would disqualify me as a Muslim, if I were one. Keeping in mind, I still believe in Adam and that he was the first man.

There is a difference between micro and macro evolution to give you the gist what is scientifically verifiable and observable such as adaptation is correct.. what isn't along the lines of 'speciation' isn't.. ether way.. Allah swt didn't let us on his formula for creation:
مَا أَشْهَدتُّهُمْ خَلْقَ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَلَا خَلْقَ أَنفُسِهِمْ وَمَا كُنتُ مُتَّخِذَ الْمُضِلِّينَ عَضُدًا {51}
[Pickthal 18:51] I made them not to witness the creation of the heavens and the earth, nor their own creation; nor choose I misleaders for (My) helpers.

thus we only conjecture!

4. My main concern regarding Islam revolves around boy-girl relations and marriage. I can't really fathom not being in love and knowing someone completely before marrying them. I think that's silly. At this point, I think I've already met a man that I would like to marry, but not until I'm done with school (2 years). Because dating, being alone together, and almost any contact between males and females is looked down upon, I'm not sure what I would be expected to do in such a situation. How would this play out exactly if I were Muslim?

Al-Khansaa’ bint Khidaam complained to the Prophet that her father wanted her to marry someone she didn’t want, saying “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.” The Prophet said, “Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” Al-Khansaa’ said, “I have actually accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters” (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fath Al-Barî Ibn Hajr, Sunan Ibn Mâjah)


all the best..

format_quote Originally Posted by glo

Hi Cердце
The Shahadah doesn't say "I bear witness that there is no god except for God (Allah), and Muhammad is the messenger of God, and I promise to give up my dog"
or "I bear witness that there is no god except for God (Allah), and Muhammad is the messenger of God, and I will stop believing in evolution"
or "I bear witness that there is no god except for God (Allah), and Muhammad is the messenger of God, and I promise to marry somebody I have not met before".

Marrying someone you have not met before, is not a part of Islam, and, as such putting this statement in implies to someone that perhaps they would be expected to marry someone they had not met before, whereas this is not a part of Islamic belief.

Therefore questions such as these are best left to Muslims to answer.

format_quote Originally Posted by glo

It simply says this: "I bear witness that there is no god except for God (Allah), and Muhammad is the messenger of God."
No more, no less.

That does not mean that you can say the shahadah and then do what you like. When you accept Allah as the One True God, and accept Muhammad as the Messenger of God, and bear witness to Islam being the truth, then you have to, by default accept all that comes along with the package. Simply believing is not enough.

Islam means submission to the will of Allah. Submitting ourselves to Him, means also submitting and accepting the way of life which He has prescribed for us. Islam is based not just on belief, but good deeds have to accompany it. Which is why, in the Qur'an, it says so many times, "Indeed those who believe and do good deeds....".

Islam is not just a religion, nor just a private matter of faith, but a complete code of conduct and way of life, which governs how we talk, eat, dress, interact, worship, marry, and bury our dead etc. Allah is All-Wise. Each law has a Divine wisdom behind it, but we may not always understand that wisdom.

Everything that is forbidden, then any pathway that might lead to that sin is also forbidden. Islam doesn't believe in only trying to mend the evils in society after they have occurred, but to prevent them in the first place.

What sets Islam apart is the fact that the laws Allah has decreed, are for all people, all times, and all places.

This is a quote from another post:

Originally posted by Qatadah
First, it would be best for you to fulfill the 5 pillars of Islam. These pillars are;
1 - To declare the shahadah [testimony of faith].
2 - To Establish the 5 daily prayers.
3 - To give Zakah/Charity [2.5% of your wealth per every lunar year.]
4 - To fast in the month of Ramadan.
5 - To Perform Hajj to the Holy House in Makkah, if you are able - atleast once in your lifetime.

1) To believe in your heart is not sufficient, but you have to show that through profession on the tongue, and through your limbs.

2) So you are ordered to pray, because trust me - you will be misguided if you don't stop to ask Allah to guide you. This is FACT. A soul cannot be nourished on a personal prayer alone. Many times we would forget personal prayers, but the obligated prayer makes you feel disciplined, and keeps you aware that you will stand infront of God later in the day, aswell as a continuous reminder that you WILL stand infront of Him on Judgment Day to answer for your actions.

3) Zakah literally means to 'purify' your wealth. This is your share of charity, and Allah's right upon you. If you were to say that you would give in optional charity anyway, then know that Allah rewards more for the obligations we fulfill than the optional ones we complete.

4) A person who fasts is disciplined. You learn patience, inner strength, and you overcome your desires. This in effect makes you a powerful human, since nothing can really sway you of desire. If a person is unable to fast, they have to feed one poor person every fast they miss [Fidyah], and they have to catch it up later if they are able to.

5) If you are able to financially and physically perform the Hajj in Makkah, it is an obligation to perform this once in your lifetime. This reminds you of Judgment Day, but it also reminds you of the unity of Muslims. An experience which inspires many, and even makes you richer as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said.

You should work on them 5 pillars, that is the best starting point for you as a Muslim. After that, the other issues can be taken as they come.

I notice that your main concern is about dating and being alone together, both of which aren't allowed in Islam. However, you are not expected to marry a complete stranger, somebody you do not know and have never met, and are not pleased with. A forced marriage is not a valid marriage in Islam.

May I ask, what is the view of the man you wish to marry on Islam? Is he interested, or is it just you at the moment?

If you were both to become Muslim, you could marry Islamically, but defer living toegther til later, say til after you finished school. You could then see each other in your free time exactly as you pleased.

Sister τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ has answered point three adequately.

Point two, well you get anger and harshness amongst all types of people, not just Muslims. We are supposed to be, as far as possible in our dealings with others, kind and compassionate, as our fellow human beings have rights over us. But remember we are humans and I don't know anyone that has never become angry on occasion.

Point one. Generally it is forbidden to keep dogs in the house. Dogs may be kept for hunting, guarding livestock and guarding crops and guarding rural properties. One who keeps dogs without reason loses some reward of his/her good deeds each day. Dog's saliva is also regarded as impure.

However, if you sincerely believe that Allah is the one true God, and that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is his final messenger, then do say the shahadah, having it in your mind that you're slowly and steadily going to try and become a better Muslim.

May Allah guide you further and make things easy for you. Ameen.

Peace.

format_quote Originally Posted by Сердце

Yes, I understand that it is not enough to believe.

I'm comfortable with and accepting of the 5 pillars. I haven't quite mastered the prayers yet because it confuses me, but I am seeking guidance through the local Islamic Center. One more question though: How do I fulfill Zakah when I have no wealth or income? I'm poor. Haha. My school and living expenses are paid in part by financial aid and in part by my family. I literally have no money.



The man I'm interested in is Muslim. He is interested in me as well. At present we have a platonic relationship, but we did have a more intimate relationship in the recent past. We care for each other very much. Admittedly, it's very difficult to keep our distance for the sake of being lawful in regards to Islam, but we try.

Is it absolutely not allowed to be alone with anyone of the opposite sex? I can definitely understand the purpose behind this rule when it is two people that are physically attracted to each other, but I have a handful of male friends that I am on occasion alone with. Friends that I have no attraction to AT ALL that I've known for years. Or what about my lab partners and classmates from school that I study with alone? Or what about my math tutors that are, more often than not, male? And if I meet someone of the opposite sex in a public place, that wouldn't be considered alone... Correct? I'm not trying to make excuses. It's just that not being alone with anyone of the opposite sex ever seems impossible to me.



I'm want to say the shahadah, but I'm not sure that I have a great enough understanding yet. I'm getting closer everyday.

Peace Sergi,

To say the Shadah comes more from an inner feeling than external knowledge. I was very ignorant about Islam (Although I had excellent text-book knowledge of the academic view) when I said the Shahada. You are ready to say the Shahadah the minute you have sufficient knowledge to understand the Shahadah and say it with full conviction.

Zakat is based on what you own and earn. Many of your possessions are not subject to Zakat. Have know worry, simple fact if you can not afford to pay zakat you most likely do not have enough possessions to even be required to. Zakat is so minimal, that it can not cause any distress or hardship upon those subject to it and most gladly pay it and pay more in addition as voluntary charity. To those of us with few material goods, even a kind word or sincere smile is charity.

format_quote Originally Posted by Сердце

I've been trying to learn about Islam for some months now. In the beginning, I had my heart set on converting (reverting?), but after further study developed doubts. There are a few things about Islam that I can't quite get past, and I want help trying to reconcile these things with my own beliefs.

These are my concerns, from least to greatest:

1. I have a dog. She lives inside; she sleeps indoors. I would never get rid of her or make her sleep outside. Is this a big deal?

2. Although all the Muslims I have met that live in my area (California) are wonderful, kind people, sometimes when I watch Muslim programming or go on internet forums, I see a lot of (not pointing any fingers) anger, harshness, and putting down of others that I find discouraging. If God is merciful, forgiving, and compassionate, why do so many of those that believe in him seem exactly the opposite?

3. I'm a biology student (pre-med), and I do believe in evolution. I know this is being heavily debated in other threads, so I don't want to discuss it in detail. I'm just wondering if my believing that evolution and creationism are compatible would disqualify me as a Muslim, if I were one. Keeping in mind, I still believe in Adam and that he was the first man.

4. My main concern regarding Islam revolves around boy-girl relations and marriage. I can't really fathom not being in love and knowing someone completely before marrying them. I think that's silly. At this point, I think I've already met a man that I would like to marry, but not until I'm done with school (2 years). Because dating, being alone together, and almost any contact between males and females is looked down upon, I'm not sure what I would be expected to do in such a situation. How would this play out exactly if I were Muslim?

Everyone is compatible with islam, its the way Allah has made us, that none of His commands are too hard to accept.

The issues you have mentioned are minor at this point, the main thing is that if you accept the message of islam and its core beliefs you are a muslim.

1. Dogs - minor, people find solutions to this
2. Angry people/ harsh people - don't look to any people for the an impression of islam, our prophet Muhammad if you read about him he was the most calm, respectful and tolerent person on earth, same with all prophets
3. Evolution don't make sense anyway, it'll take you a minute to disprove it, just look at the complexity of Allahs creation, how everything seems to be designed in a way to benefit humans, no way science can prove all this happened by chance
4. Relationships out of marriage are forbidden, I'm sure you can see the dangers and harm in this - just look at your society and see how everythin is about lust and just temporary. You can get to the know the person in the presence of a wali (guardian/mediator) eg; your father, brother, uncle etc, I'm sure you know what can happen when you're both alone.

One thing to bear in mind, in islam muslim woman cannot marry non-muslim men

But again these are minor issues if you firmly accept islam then you should become muslim as soon as you can, we say this because death can come to us at any time and we wouldn't want someone on the verge of reverting to die in a state of disbelief.

Hope this helps, Keep praying sincerely to god and to god alone for help and guidence, If Allah wills He'll make it easier for you

format_quote Originally Posted by Сердце

One more question though: How do I fulfill Zakah when I have no wealth or income? I'm poor. Haha. My school and living expenses are paid in part by financial aid and in part by my family. I literally have no money..

Hello Сердце,

Zakat is the amount of money that every adult, mentally stable, free, and financially able Muslim, male and female, has to pay to support specific categories people.

From, what you say, it does not sound like zakat would be obligatory on you, and as such you don't need to worry about it yet. As a rough guide, zakat becomes obligatory when you have enough money to the value of 595 grams of pure silver, or 85 grams of pure gold, and you have to have had it for at least one lunar year. It is not payable on things you live in and use such as houses, cars etc. , but on money and silver and gold jewellery etc, on which you pay 2.5%.

Your local Islamic Centre will be able to give more details when the time comes.

Zakat is the compulsory charity on the finacially able, there is also voluntary charity called sadaqah. As Uncle Woodrow has pointed out, even a smile at a fellow sister, saying a kind word to someone, removing something harmfuil from someones way, all count as charity.

format_quote Originally Posted by Сердце

The man I'm interested in is Muslim.

It's good that he's a Muslim. Hence, Islamically, there is no hindrance on you marrying him. You don't even need to be financially be able to marry, Islamically he has to pay you a dower, according to what he can afford, Small if he's not too well off, and a larger dower if he is well off. But you will need your local Islamic Centre to get involved with this, as you will not have a Muslim male guardian who is a relative to oversee things for you.

format_quote Originally Posted by Сердце

Is it absolutely not allowed to be alone with anyone of the opposite sex? I can definitely understand the purpose behind this rule when it is two people that are physically attracted to each other, but I have a handful of male friends that I am on occasion alone with. Friends that I have no attraction to AT ALL that I've known for years. Or what about my lab partners and classmates from school that I study with alone? Or what about my math tutors that are, more often than not, male? And if I meet someone of the opposite sex in a public place, that wouldn't be considered alone... Correct? I'm not trying to make excuses. It's just that not being alone with anyone of the opposite sex ever seems impossible to me.

The short answer to this, is yes, it's not allowed. I completely understand your question. The straight answer is this. When a man and woman are alone together shaytaan (the devil) is the third one present. This applies regardless of whether there is any attraction or not. Many a time things have started in people where previously there was no attraction between them. Islam is a very preventative (i.e. believes that prevention of something is better than cure). So when something is forbidden in Islam, any avenue that might lead to that thing is also forbiddden. The best thing is to try, where possible to not be alone with a man. Eg if you need to see a teacher, can you take another girl with you, or can you see him when others are present in the class too? Is it absolutely necessary for you study alone with male classmates? Can you take another girl with you, or could you study by yourself? There may be situations where it suddenly happens and it is unavoidable, but you would best need to take any steps you could to avoid it. With regards to meeting someone of the opposite sex in a public place, I don't think that would count as being alone, but, as a Muslim girl, it might cause misunderstandings to people.

I know that you are not trying to make excuses and want to clarify the situation, because if you want to be a Muslim, you want to be a good one. That is commendable, and shows your love for the faith. Many people have taken the shahada on the basis of knowing there is one true God and that Muhammad is His Messenger, with the love of that belief alone, and then have slowly taken each issue as it comes.

format_quote Originally Posted by Сердце

I'm want to say the shahadah, but I'm not sure that I have a great enough understanding yet. I'm getting closer everyday.

Alhamdulilah, praise be to Allah.

I think that Uncle Woodrow's and brother Aadil's words on the shahadah are very wise.

I pray that Allah makes things easy for you. If you have any other questions, please do ask.

Peace.

1. I have a dog.

So do I

She lives inside; she sleeps indoors. I would never get rid of her or make her sleep outside. Is this a big deal?

There are differences of opinion, but I will be honest having a dog is an issue with praying.

2. Although all the Muslims I have met that live in my area (California) are wonderful, kind people, sometimes when I watch Muslim programming or go on internet forums, I see a lot of (not pointing any fingers) anger, harshness, and putting down of others that I find discouraging. If God is merciful, forgiving, and compassionate, why do so many of those that believe in him seem exactly the opposite?

Because most of them are born into it and still need a lot of understanding. Two things you should understand, firstly the Quran (meaning Islam) is something that if it was put on top of a mountain the mountain would crumble. The amanah(trust) is so great and not every Muslim realizes this. Secondly if someone believes in something it should not matter how many other do as well because they will not stand on the day of judgment and answer for you, only you will answer to god for what you have done. So we should be **** sure we do what is right.

3. I'm a biology student (pre-med), and I do believe in evolution. I know this is being heavily debated in other threads, so I don't want to discuss it in detail. I'm just wondering if my believing that evolution and creationism are compatible would disqualify me as a Muslim, if I were one. Keeping in mind, I still believe in Adam and that he was the first man.

I am of the opinion that evolution has some things right to say its all wrong is akin of saying that the earth is flat, but to the extent that its right I do not know. I do believe there are certain atheist influences on the theory that make it hard to judge. But all I will say is that there are scholars (who might not be terribly popular here but are Islamic scholars nevertheless) who have said that generally non human evolution is ok but in Human evolution its problematic. I prefer to refer to this position as the "creationist evolutionist" angle which has nothing to do with Intelligent design btw, basically saying that God is all powerful and he can create any way he wants, with nuke weapons or through evolution.

Btw a Muslim has to attribute all causes to Allah swt, so all of the "natural laws" are really Allah swt doing his thing, one can't say god did the big bang but evolution was outside of his area of power.

4. My main concern regarding Islam revolves around boy-girl relations and marriage. I can't really fathom not being in love and knowing someone completely before marrying them. I think that's silly. At this point, I think I've already met a man that I would like to marry, but not until I'm done with school (2 years). Because dating, being alone together, and almost any contact between males and females is looked down upon, I'm not sure what I would be expected to do in such a situation. How would this play out exactly if I were Muslim?

Generally the boy would go to the parents and ask for the girl's hand, then he would be grilled worse than what was done at bagram or gitmo lol then boy and girl would have time to talk over the next (however much time you need till marriage) but its strictly no touchy or feely or alone in the same space. Tell me do your Muslim friends in Cali interact with the opposite gender?

PS. Nice to see the slavic alphabet being used in use names.

You asked "Wondering how compatible I am with Islam.."

I asked "Wondering how I can become compatible I am with Islam.."

If you find Islam to be the truth, your question is irrelevant. It is no longer a question of compatibility, it is a question of seeking to grow.

format_quote Originally Posted by Сердце

I've been trying to learn about Islam for some months now. In the beginning, I had my heart set on converting (reverting?), but after further study developed doubts. There are a few things about Islam that I can't quite get past, and I want help trying to reconcile these things with my own beliefs.



These are my concerns, from least to greatest:

1. I have a dog. She lives inside; she sleeps indoors. I would never get rid of her or make her sleep outside. Is this a big deal?

2. Although all the Muslims I have met that live in my area (California) are wonderful, kind people, sometimes when I watch Muslim programming or go on internet forums, I see a lot of (not pointing any fingers) anger, harshness, and putting down of others that I find discouraging. If God is merciful, forgiving, and compassionate, why do so many of those that believe in him seem exactly the opposite?

3. I'm a biology student (pre-med), and I do believe in evolution. I know this is being heavily debated in other threads, so I don't want to discuss it in detail. I'm just wondering if my believing that evolution and creationism are compatible would disqualify me as a Muslim, if I were one. Keeping in mind, I still believe in Adam and that he was the first man.

4. My main concern regarding Islam revolves around boy-girl relations and marriage. I can't really fathom not being in love and knowing someone completely before marrying them. I think that's silly. At this point, I think I've already met a man that I would like to marry, but not until I'm done with school (2 years). Because dating, being alone together, and almost any contact between males and females is looked down upon, I'm not sure what I would be expected to do in such a situation. How would this play out exactly if I were Muslim?

Hello and may i offer you the warmest welcome to the forum. It is clear that God is wanting to guide you hence why you have an inclination to come towards Islam. Let us be honest the quesries you have can easily be worked around. Don't let Satan give you excuses why you should delay the Shahada rather give yourself excuses why you should NOT delay the Shahada. For if you know that God is one and there is no worthy of worship except him and that Muhammed is the final of the messengers and Prophets that God has sent to convey his message then you already believe in Islam. All of the other matters are trivial.

In regards to keeping a dog then know that the reason why we should not keep them as dogs is firstly because they are impure particularly their saliva and also because the bond between man and dog and grow very strongly that it becomes like one of their own children and when it dies because of the fact that in dog years a dog may die quite quickly then it can cause terrible heartache for a long time. Therefore the dog can only be kept for the following reasons:

“A dog can be owned for purposes such as the following:

1. A trained dog for hunting. Remember in Islam we are only allowed to hunt for food; there is no such thing as hunting for fun, for we are not allowed to kill or torture animals or drive them out of their habitats for the fun of it.

2. A trained dog as a guide. This would be the case if a person is blind and he/she has no choice but to keep a dog for essential services. In this case, it is permissible for him/her to keep a dog inside the house once it has been trained for service, but it is still recommended that the dog have its own sleeping arrangement.

3. A dog trained for police duties.

4. A guard dog to guard houses or property.

5. A dog used by farmers to shepherd cattle and sheep.

So make intention of keeping it as a guard dog and make for it a comfortable living space in the shed and not in the living quarters as angels do not approach those places where dogs are kept and therefore dogs should never be kept in the living quarters. Those living quarters where dogs are kept are not places where the blessingas of Allah descends. Therefore comprimises have to be made in life and implementing Islam into your life is the best possible change anyone can make because it is the way God wants us to live and because God created us he knows what is best for us and the best way that we should live every aspect of our lives.

In regards to your question about the harshness that you have seen apprent in some Muslims then realise that they are humans and as humans we all have flaws and we all may fall into error. Prophet Muhammed (Pbuh) came to perfect the character and he was the best example for mankind in regards to ettiquette, manners and morals. During his time there are countless examples of his flawless character in that people just by sitting with him, talking to him and seeing him reverted to Islam because of the fact that he was such an amazing human. You will also find many Muslims who try to be the best they can in regards to character, manners, morals and ettiquette but look past the errors that you see and realise that they are human like anyone else and if they fail to show the character and traits that a Muslim should show then it is only their own loss. We should always do our utmost to perfect our characters and this is an ongoing process.

In regards to the question about evolution then a respected scholar stated: know that Allah alone is Master of Existence. He alone causes all that is to be and not to be. Causes are without effect in themselves, but rather both cause and effect are created by Him. The causes and the effects of all processes, including those through which plant and animal species are individuated, are His work alone. To ascribe efficacy to anything but His action, whether believing that causes (a) bring about effects in and of themselves; or (b) bring about effects in and of themselves through a capacity Allah has placed in them, is to ascribe associates to Allah (shirk). Such beliefs seem to be entailed in the literal understanding of "natural selection" and "random mutation," and other evolutionary concepts, unless we understand these processes as figurative causes, while realizing that Allah alone is the agent. This is apart from the consideration of whether they are true or not.

As for claim that man has evolved from a non-human species, this is unbelief (kufr) no matter if we ascribe the process to Allah or to "nature," because it negates the truth of Adam's special creation that Allah has revealed in the Qur'an. Man is of special origin, attested to not only by revelation, but also by the divine secret within him, the knowledge of the Divine that he alone of all things possesses. By his God-given nature, man stands before a door opening onto infinitude that no other creature in the universe can aspire to. Man is something else.

In regards to your question about relationships and intermingling between the sexes then realise that the nature of men and women are completley different and man and woman have been created to be chemically attracted to one another. This is why there is no such thing as just a friendship between man and women as one time or another either the man or woman or both may feel attraction and lust and this has been attested by countless people who initially thought the same as you that a man and a women can be friends only but after their experiences they thought otherwise. Islam is about "prevention is better than cure". Most affairs even between married couples starts off from "innocent" friendships and then from there leads to more. it is because of the free intermingling of the sexes that so many married couples have affairs and according to statistics infidelity is the main reason for divorce and as you may know the divorce rate in the west is at an alarming rate of upto 50%.

Islam wants what is best for mankind and that is why it promotes segregation. It is not easy for someone who is bought upto be around the opposite sex to come to terms with this straight away but if you think about it deeply and properly it is definatley what is best for society and mankind.

In regards to pre-marital relationships then again it is not easy for you to fathom because of the fact that you have been bought up to only percieve marrying someone after having a long term relationship with them. This again is the cause of so much pain and anguish particularly because of the fact that when a couple has been together for so long and created a world of their own where they picture their life only with each other but when things go wrong and the bubble bursts it leaves the couple devastated. Pre-marital relationships is also the perfect excuse for a guy to use and lead on a women and there are countless women in particular who have been used and lead on by men who re-assure them that they will marry them just so that they can use them for their carnal desires and at the same time those men never had the intention of marrying them. This inevitabley leaves the women devastated and scarred for a very long time and if you ever visit the advice section in this forum you would realise what it does to a person to be lead on and used when that person never had any intention of marriage in the first place.

That is why in Islam there is no such thing as a pre-marital relationship for this reason because it protects women in particular from being used, abused and lead on and given false hopes and dreams. Marriage will ensure that only genuine men will ask for marriage and that is why marriage is done through the womens wali (guardian). This way there is no way the man can use and lead her on as the marriage is conducted by her guardian. Of course the couple can meet a few times and get to know each other in the presence of the girl and boys family. When one gets intimate before marriage then what is there to look forward to in marriage? Intimacy is only between a husband and wife whereas when one gets intimate with a premarital relationship partner then can one guarantee that one will marry that person?

A relationship is not a guarantee for marriage at all and most relationships fail because they are deviod of any blessings for they are the perfect excuse for a man to use and lead on a women as can be attested by countles women who have been hurt in a terrible way that can leave them scarred and even suicidal.

Thank you very much for reading and i apologise for the long responses. I hope you have a better understanding now of the issues you raised and i hope inshallah that Allah guides you towards Islam and that you proclaim the shahada as quickly as possible as life is uncertain and death will wait for no one.

If there is anything else you need or any materials or resources that you may want then please do not hesitate to ask as we will do our bst to help you. Thank you again.