I am thinking about converting to Islam, but I am scared.

Welcome north to the forum.

If you feel converting to Islam is the right thing to do because you believe in it then you shouldn't worry how others react

My own family reacted badly when I converted but alhamdulilah (All thanks and praise belong to Allah) they soon saw a huge change in me and these days love I'm on Islam despite their disdain for the religion

Your family wont be with you in your grave nor will they be able to grant you paradise or save you from the fire so while you have to treat them kindly and behave towards them with excellence be aware one day you will leave them to continue your journey back to the One who created you.

Have a look at this site www.islamreligion.com they have a bunch of good articles about Islam and a live chat q&a for you to ask questions about Islam in general or any issues you may face converting

Alhamdulillah you are guided to Islam and now you are considering to accept it.

I am a revert and I hope you will be one as well. Like you, I had fear and worries about accepting Islam, for different reasons, but I can relate to your story.
What I can say about fear and worries, is that a lot of times they are not based on facts.
They are based on what you know, who you know, what you have experienced in the past be it distant or recent past.
There is nothing wrong with that, we humans can only do our best based on what we know any given time.
But this earth we live in is spacious - and like everything and everyone you know and you don't know - belongs to Allah. And He is Most Knowing All Knowing.

We are created by Him, and we will return to Him. Make Him priority and do not delay accepting Islam, because only through this religion,
you will experience the Truth, including truth of what life in this dunya is all about.
Once you experience that, you will not want to live any other way but the Islamic way - what other people do to you or about you, will no longer be relevant.
Yet you will be more observant of yourself, of your deeds to others and yourself - because in Islam, we believe in Judgement Day.

You are held accountable of your deeds and I of mine.
So don't worry if parents and society will not accept you because you have become a muslim.
Just focus on yourself and your deeds. They are held accountable of their deeds as well.
You can't change anyone but yourself.
There are always people looking down on you, because of your religion, your skin color etc.
But who you are, is not determined by other people. Allah Knows who you are as He is the Creator of everyone and everything.
Your life in this dunya is temporary. How do you want to live this life, will determine how your life in the Hereafter, which is Eternal, be.
So I ask you, How do you want to live this life?

Greetings north,
These are great replies above, MashaAllah. So there's no need for me to tell you about family issue but I just wanted to make you aware of something.i.e., your relationship to that guy. Really glad to know that he taught you so much about islam, Alhamdulillah. But i just think something is wrong here.. I mean, he is a muslim yet in a premarital relationship. Don't get me wrong but it's just that premarital relationships are very much wrong in islam. And i had a revert friend who was in same situation as you, the guy appeared pious before marriage but right after that,he changed,he showed his real character. I don't want the history to repeat itself. Just be careful whatever step you take after reverting. Make decisions in a way you don't have to regret them afterwards. Just check everything first,then go ahead. Good luck
- - - Updated - - -
Do tell us when you revert,we would be glad to know

format_quote Originally Posted by North

Thank you so much. I have felt really weird all day. I´m trying to find a way to talk to God but somehow I feel like a liar because I love someone I´m not even married to right now. I will go against my parents wish. Does not Islam say that you always have to listen to your mother. I am confused. What she wants, I don´t want. I find myself wishing I would be born in another country, another culture, into a family that are muslims. Guess I am in some kind of prosess.

Greeting sister,

Surely God is guiding you to the right path and this is why you are feeling yourself drawn to Islam. This is a true blessing as there is nothing better than having true untainted faith in the oneness of God and of the finality and seal of his Prophets and Messengers - the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & blessings be upon him). He does not guide everyone only those whom he chooses. He says in the Qur'an that if he wanted he can guide the whole of mankind and even forcibly incline their hearts to Islam. However that goes against the purpose of life in that we are given freewill and are being tested and there are many who know deep down that Islam is the truth but other factors prevent them from accepting like you mentioned regarding what will others think and say. This is nothing but doubts that satan whispers into the ears so divert a person from accepting the truth. However many others are prevented due to arrogance in their hearts.

There is no doubt there will always be many challenge's for those who are considering reverting to Islam. These are different from challenges born Muslims go through. However know that there are rewards without measure for those Muslims who overcome trials, hurdles and hardships.

Allah tells us in the Qur'an that we will not just be left on the Earth to say "we accept faith" and that we will just be left alone. The purpose of this life is that we are meant to go through many types of trials and hardships but those who patiently persevere will be rewarded without measure. Remember also that a person who accepts Islam then all of their previous sins are forgiven and wiped out as if they were a new born baby.

Family are of course very important and Islam gives a lot of importance to parents, siblings and family especially in terms of maintaining ties of kinship and honourable treatment of parents. However know that there is no obedience to parents or family if they order you to do something that goes against Islam. Your parents will always have the right over you for you to honour and respect them regardless of their objections against your reversion but you do not have to obey them if they prevent you from practicing your faith or marrying an upright Muslim.

It can be very difficult for parents and family to accept reversion to a faith that is alien to them. A faith whose image has been completely tarnished by media lies and propoganda. Do the majority of people are ignorant to what Islam is truly about. They only know about it from what the media portrays in relation to terrorism, barbarism, archaic ways etc. However those who do look into Islam are completely shocked when they realise that in reality Islam is nothing like what they thought it was and that it is actually a beautiful way of life which makes complete sense. Muslims can also give a wrong and bad impression of Islam but we must realise that Muslims are just people with the same flaws and weaknesses as everyone else. So we must not judge Islam based purely on the behaviour of certain "ignorant Muslims".

So be patient with your family as they may react badly at first as it will come as a shock to them but this time s completely normal. When they see a change in your for the better they will eventually accept that Islam has changed you for the better and they will eventually come around inshaAllah. Also many reverts have eventually managed to convince certain family members to accept Islam especially when they see the positive effect it has upon them. So give them time to come around. Friends, colleagues etc will also similarly be shocked but again when they see the positive changes within you then this is the best Dawah (Inviting to Islam) to non Muslims.

Also know that your parents being non Muslims do not have the same status as a Muslim parent when it comes to gaining permission from them in order for you to marry a Muslim with regards to the requirement of a Wali (Male Guardian) from amongst the Male members of your immediate family.

So you do not need their permission in order to marry a Muslim man. However consult with them and try to get them to accept it but if they don't then it is irrelevant as you can still marry a Muslim man via a Wali being appointed for you in the form of an Islamic Judge (Qadhi), if not then Imaam or at least a knowledgeable and pious person at your local Islamic centre or Mosque. The only other requirement is to have two sane Male witnesses. This is something they can also arrange or they can be from your husband's side.

Islam is growing in the West. People will always be ignorant towards minorities but again this is the test of this life. Allah wants to see which of his servants choose him and priorities wanting to solely please him over anyone else. Look we can spend our entire lives trying to please family, friends, society just so that we can feel "accepted" but we will never be pleased or satisfied because the reality is that humans will always let us down. However our creator will never let us down. He loves us 70 times more than our own Mother's love us. We cannot comprehend his love for us. He wants to guide us and for us to be successful in this life and the next. It will not benefit him for he does not need us but we need him and out of his love for us he wants us to be closer to him and for his to devote ourselves fully for him and to remember and glorify him abundantly - that is where the secret to contentment of the heart comes from. The hearts devoid of his remembrance will always feel a void.

I understand that these will be nervous times for you especially knowing how your family, friends, colleagues and the community may react to your reversion but know that nothing else is more important than the one who created us and has given us everything we have and is continuing to provide and sustain us. Whose happiness is then more important to us? Those who are lost and are then guidance are truly blessed. Allah chose you out of so many others to incline your heart towards him. What can be better than this? So do not allow anything or anyone to stop you from accepting the truth. Take each day as it comes. Satan is the enemy of mankind and he will continue to try and mess with your mind and to give you all sorts of doubts but you must be strong and ignore him. Open your heart to Allah by raising your hands and ask of him for guidance as he listens to all prayers.

I would also suggest that you contact your local Mosque's/Islamic centres or those in your region to request if there are any Muslim sisters you can get in touch with whom can help you. There are sisters circles especially for new reverts set up by many Mosques and Islamic centres in the west so call around and God willing you will find one because it is very important to have a network of support especially from those who have already been through or are also currently going through what you will go through soon rather than going through all this on your own.

Please be aware that there is a number of people who call themselves "Ahmediyya" Muslims in Norway and they also have a few Mosque's but it is unanimously agreed upon that they are NOT Muslim's due to their deviant beliefs. I did not want to go into this before you even reverted but it is very important to highlight this incase you get misled by any of these deviants. They have two known buildings of worship:

1. Noor Mosque in Oslo
2. Baitun Nasr Mosque also in Oslo.

They may have a few other Mosques around. Also stay away from Shia Mosques. Again they are a deviant sect. There's two in Oslo Tauheed Mosque and Islamic Centre Oslo.

Stick to Islamic cultural Centre Norway: https://www.islamic.no/

Regarding your reversion then please look at this thread:

Never Delay Reverting to Islam!

Finally regarding your partner then please urge him that if he is serious about wanting to be with you then he will inform his family immediately so you can arrange your Nikah as soon as possible. There is no blessing in continuing a relationship outside of marriage especially if you have already established that you want to be together for the rest of your lives. It is a sin upon him as he is Muslim and pre marital relationships are not allowed in Islam and for good reasons too especially to protect women from predatory men who prey upon their emotional side and give them dreams and hopes of a wonderful life together only for those women to be torn apart when they realise it was all an act and that they had been used, abused and discarded. This can truly tear apart and scar a woman. Islam wants to protect them from this because unfortunately once one becomes blinded by "love" then one easily ignores the signs and then it becomes difficult to leave even though that person may not be good for them. So a sign for how serious a man is about you is to confront them about pursuing marriage as soon as possible if they are serious about you. If they come up with all sorts of excuses and keep trying to delay it then that is a clear sign they are not serious about you.

So please do the right thing in this regard and you will find blessings in it. But do not allow him or any man to unnecessarily delay marriage with you as that is a sign that they are not serious about wanting to be with you and that they just want to fulfill their desires and use you. It doesn't necessarily mean you will end up with him as many revert sisters don't in the end that all depends upon destiny as it maybe that it is better for you both that you do not end up together as you may have a destructive marriage and when children get involved then it becomes far more difficult. So pray to Allah that he does what is best for you in this regard and whether he is the right person for you to marry and spend your life with.

I hope that helped inshaAllah. Please let us know if you need any further help, advice or resources.

format_quote Originally Posted by North

Thank you so much, these answers really has helped me!

I have tried talking to him about it and he says he wants to tell his parents at the right time so they have a good image of me. I think because now I have a work year where I am taking some classes before I start my studies.. I want him to tell them and have asked for it for over a year but it has not happened. I do not know what to say when I talk about my worries and he says I just have to trust him. I do not know completely where the issue lies and everytime I think about it I do get scared. I just want everything to be honest and open I don´t want to hide anything and I never wanted to, I don´t think its right to hide it. The thing is he says his parents are against him getting married before he is done with his studies, so he wants us to get married when he is done in about a year..

I think I will try to talk to him about it again with what you said Hamza Asadullah. I am scared that his parents wont accept me but that is also why I wanted him to tell them from the beginning. I would not know what to do then.

If this guy is really serious about wanting to marry you then he would tell his parents about his desire to marry a white revert so that at least you can establish that firstly he's serious and secondly that they will accept the both of you marrying.

However do not just go by his words as many guys lie to try and deceive girls into believing that they are genuine about marrying them. So ask to speak to his Mum. If his parents do agree that they want you both to marry after his studies then you must push for a Nikah then you can do the marriage ceremony and dinner later on.

A Nikah is all that is required in order to be Islamically married and that way you are both legitimate for one another and there is no guilt in meeting up etc. However if he insists that he does not want to do anything right now then you should say to him that you do not want to be in touch with him until he is ready for marriage.

Look you have to protect yourself. You do not want to put yourself in a vulnerable situation whereby you can get hurt. This is the best way to approach this situation otherwise you risk pursuing a relationship by which he can easily continue to lead you on and get what he wants and when it comes time to marry he can come out with excuses like "my parents want me to marry from my own culture or they are not accepting you" etc.

So protect yourself. Do not worry if things don't work out with him in the end. Allah is the matchmaker. Put your faith and trust in him. He joins two souls and he will do what is best for you if you go about this in a way that pleases him . So ask of him for guidance in this and regarding your family situation. When you have God on your side then he is sufficient for everyone of us as a protector and guide.

format_quote Originally Posted by North

But is it not bad of me to treathen him with that I don´t want to be in touch if he does not do it. I dont want to manipulate him, I love him. I just want to be with him in the right way. I feel scared now

Your not threatening him your giving him an ultimatum and seeing how serious he really is about marrying you. Surely you want to protect yourself from getting used and discarded as many men unfortunately do with women in pre marital relationships especially when it comes to Muslim men with Non Muslim women.

If you continue to fall for his saying "after studies" then what guarantee is there that he will actually marry you after an entire year and that his parents will accept you? Imagine wasting all that time and being terribly hurt and scarred in the process.

So you must take these steps to ensure that firstly he is serious about wanting to marry you to see if they are not just words but that he proves to you by action that he will marry you by informing his parents and you speaking to them then arranging to get the Nikah done as the wedding ceremony can always be later on. An engagement is not binding but a Nikah is.

If you don't take any action and just take his word for it then there is no certainty and you will leave yourself vulnerable to hurt and getting terribly scarred and wasting a lot of time as surely this life is short and our time is precious and we want to use our time to benefit ourselves in this life and the next.

OP, not to rush you, but I hope you will see the many benefits of accepting Islam and then accept it sooner than later.
It will not only benefit your own hereafter (life after death) but life in this world.
It may actually help strengthen your relationship with this muslim man and then to his family.
Since he is a muslim, most likely his parents are more accepting of you if you are also a muslimah, even if you still have to wait another year to marry.
Islam is not only in the heart and tongue, but also acts of the limbs. Its beneficial for you and the muslim family, you can practice Islam together.
Even things dont go as you hope it will, you still have Islam and as long as you practice it, you will benefit
There is so much blessings through Islam and Islam itself is already a blessing.

Narrated Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim,
even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that." (Sahih al Bukhari)