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  1. #1
    leena_muslimah's Avatar
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    Women living on her own?

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    I want to first start out with I have done my research and have not yet come across a hadith or ayah from the quran the forbids a women from living on her own before marriage. This post is just to tell people that and to ask how to approach my parents in allowing me to dorm for college . I also would like to say whatever college I do choose to attend is ranked in the top 25 meaning most students are very serious about their education especially me which means that partying and all that stuff is kept at minimum. I'm still a virgin I have never touched drugs and I have been present with oppurtunity too. My parents are very close-minded about this particular subject. I don't understand why they are so okay with their son moving out but not their daughter. We are no different in fact men are more prone to fitnah and drugs according to science and even Islam. So why embedd trust within him but not me? That's quite sexist and it mainly comes from the backward mentality of our culture. I don't know how to talk to them but I find it quite selfish that they would allow me to turn down to attending an ivy league school because of worries and our culture. They should be proud of their daughter not embarrassed because I am 'rebellious' and not following tradition. I don't follow a tradition that degrades me. They've made me hate Islam because everything they say was haram is because im a girl. But then I realized it Is not islam. Islam gives women and men equal rights therefore if he can move out I can too. Ive always felt as if i was born with a curse because of my gender. So sad.
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    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: Women living on her own?

    Quote Originally Posted by leena_muslimah View Post
    I also would like to say whatever college I do choose to attend is ranked in the top 25 meaning most students are very serious about their education especially me which means that partying and all that stuff is kept at minimum.
    This is not true. I had the opportunity to attend one of the top 8 universities in the US. It's notorious for being a "party school" and alcoholic drinking. But I digress..

    I think mashallah it's great that you have not done anything morally wrong and it's sad that your parents are treating you differently than your brother, but just as you said, its not due to Islam but rather culture. Many of us come from cultures where parents are overprotective of their daughters but give more freedom to the sons.

    However, I don't think you should move away from Islam just because your parents have been using it to control you. If anything, you should learn the proper teachings and teach them about it because what they told you is probably what they grew up getting told too. It also could just be that they are simply not ready to let you live on your own, and that is completely understandable, and you may not understand it at all right now. Whatever the reason may be, you have to stop thinking so negatively of your parents and instead be patient with them and help them. That's the best course of action. You will butt heads, and argue, and some times you may even hate them but they will always be there for you and I wouldn't hesitate for a second in thinking that they would die for you too. So with all of their love and affection it may come out as something you don't like such as over-protectiveness or close mindedness. But be patient with them and find ways to compromise. Also never hesitate to pray and make du'a...These are tools at your leisure and they are so powerful in changing your situation.
    3 | Likes Zeal, Grandad, Sarahx liked this post
    Women living on her own?

    Someone asked Hassan Al Basri: "What is the secret of your piety?"
    He replied: I understood 4 things:


    I understood that my rizq cannot be taken by anyone, so my heart became content.
    I understood that no one can do my actions (worship) for me, so I started doing them myself.
    I understood that Allah is watching me, so I became ashamed to do wrong.
    I understood that death is waiting for me, so I started to prepare for my meeting with Allah.

  4. #3
    piXie's Avatar
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    Re: Women living on her own?

    Quote Originally Posted by leena_muslimah View Post
    I want to first start out with I have done my research and have not yet come across a hadith or ayah from the quran the forbids a women from living on her own before marriage. This post is just to tell people that and to ask how to approach my parents in allowing me to dorm for college . I also would like to say whatever college I do choose to attend is ranked in the top 25 meaning most students are very serious about their education especially me which means that partying and all that stuff is kept at minimum. I'm still a virgin I have never touched drugs and I have been present with oppurtunity too. My parents are very close-minded about this particular subject. I don't understand why they are so okay with their son moving out but not their daughter. We are no different in fact men are more prone to fitnah and drugs according to science and even Islam. So why embedd trust within him but not me? That's quite sexist and it mainly comes from the backward mentality of our culture. I don't know how to talk to them but I find it quite selfish that they would allow me to turn down to attending an ivy league school because of worries and our culture. They should be proud of their daughter not embarrassed because I am 'rebellious' and not following tradition. I don't follow a tradition that degrades me. They've made me hate Islam because everything they say was haram is because im a girl. But then I realized it Is not islam. Islam gives women and men equal rights therefore if he can move out I can too. Ive always felt as if i was born with a curse because of my gender. So sad.


    Islam doesn't give men and women equal rights - if your brother is given a 50 kg bag to carry, you will not be given an equally heavy 50 kg bag to carry too - because this wouldn't be fair and Islam is fair to both. You need to stop comparing yourself to your brother. A man is not protected the way a woman is. Man and women have biological and psychological differences and depending upon their roles and responsibilities, one will be more protected than the other and this is something very understandable.

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    leena_muslimah's Avatar
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    Re: Women living on her own?

    Quote Originally Posted by piXie View Post


    Islam doesn't give men and women equal rights - if your brother is given a 50 kg bag to carry, you will not be given an equally heavy 50 kg bag to carry too - because this wouldn't be fair and Islam is fair to both. You need to stop comparing yourself to your brother. A man is not protected the way a woman is. Man and women have biological and psychological differences and depending upon their roles and responsibilities, one will be more protected than the other and this is something very understandable.
    You're wrong when it comes to living on our own its the Same for both
    1 | Likes Sarahx liked this post

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    Mrciful_Servant's Avatar
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    Re: Women living on her own?

    Quote Originally Posted by piXie View Post


    Islam doesn't give men and women equal rights - if your brother is given a 50 kg bag to carry, you will not be given an equally heavy 50 kg bag to carry too - because this wouldn't be fair and Islam is fair to both. You need to stop comparing yourself to your brother. A man is not protected the way a woman is. Man and women have biological and psychological differences and depending upon their roles and responsibilities, one will be more protected than the other and this is something very understandable.
    I believe that doubt is haraam in Islam ...they have raised both their daughter and their son ..so trusting one and not the other is considered injustice...

    And as you were talking about the difference in women and men ...sorry to say but you are very wrong the difference lie in power and not rights ...and in property not in anything else ...do you suggest that Islam says that women should not be educated and men should be...?or Islam says give her little food and give him more...there is no such thing

    Sorry but you are giving the wrong example in the wrong place....

    The difference lies in power...that Allah (swt) has created man more powerful than woman....and we all believe it ...

    As we all believe that hazrat khadijah (RA) was a businesswoman...and she was having a life of her own...so it all set an example for us that women can be educated and can have her own life and career....

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    Re: Women living on her own?

    Dear ...sister....be patient Allah will make out a way for for you....just pray to him ....and remember him a lot....and do zikr a lot Women living on her own?
    1 | Likes Muslimah inshal liked this post

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    piXie's Avatar
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    Re: Women living on her own?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrciful_Servant View Post
    I believe that doubt is haraam in Islam ...they have raised both their daughter and their son ..so trusting one and not the other is considered injustice...
    It would be a misunderstanding to believe this is about doubt and mistrust. What's this got to do with doubt n mistrust?

    The difference lies in power...that Allah (swt) has created man more powerful than woman....and we all believe it ...
    This is what I said. The difference also lies in emotions and hormones and depending upon this - they both have different responsibilities and roles in society.

    As we all believe that hazrat khadijah (RA) was a businesswoman...and she was having a life of her own...so it all set an example for us that women can be educated and can have her own life and career....
    If the women of today really followed the example of Khadija (RA) , they would understand their roles in society and there would be peace outside the home as well as inside the home. But unfortunately, that's not the case.
    Last edited by piXie; 03-17-2017 at 06:21 PM.
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    Simple_Person's Avatar
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    Re: Women living on her own?

    As a brother thrown myself in to a all sisters discussion..please don't tear me apart..leave that for the lions :P.

    If you in the end manage to live on your own, my advice to you is..DO NOT GO OUTSIDE ALONE and don't open the door after it is dark. Also it is a HUGE fitna. You might think..of knowledge great..but living on your own..your TRUE nature reveals it self.

    I myself have been living alone for some time. As a born Muslim-->Atheist-->Muslim by choice..i live mostly a solitary life. I live in the west, but have not that many family members living here. As i have reached just the 30 life changes and people don't hang out that often anymore, which is even a good thin especially in these times. Not many people can handle a solitary life. Especially women as they are way more social than men.

    By observing many women here in the west, they can't handle it. They need the emotional satisfaction while men only seek the satisfaction of their carnal desires. So are you able to conquer a solitary life style and conquer your emotional satisfaction? About a solitary life style, this i have learned alhamdulillah through out the years. From the age 9 coming to the west without parents by the age 14 being on your own till becoming an adult. So now, if i would not even speak any one for weeks..i do not feel any desire to want to have personal human social interaction. If there is personal human social interaction, i am just as social as anyone there.

    So believe me sister, don't take it lightly. You are too focused on your study while you may forget the truck going to hit you..are you able to escape from it?
    2 | Likes Umm Abed, Muslimah inshal liked this post

  11. #9
    noor grant's Avatar
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    Re: Women living on her own?

    why are you complaining about the advantage of being allowed to live at home as an adult???
    Lots of women in the west are not lucky like you to have a pampered lifestyle by their parents and they are forced to live alone by the order of their parents!
    Your brother is not lucky! he has to cook, clean, shop for food and things all alone. he has to do all the work alone with pampering that your parents offer you.
    I am sorry, but your post just makes you sound spoiled not oppressed..
    when you get out in the real world and are forced to live alone by necessity (no parents to protect you) then you will appreciate what your parents are offering you.
    salaam alaykum.
    4 | Likes Zeal, Supernova, Simple_Person, 00001001 liked this post

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