Marrying

Naive about what? I hold to that and I don't let peoples opinion get in my way. When I say things, I mean it Other than when I'm annoyed...

No need bro InshaAllah...may Allah(swt) ease your affairs, Ameen.

format_quote Originally Posted by youngsister

I dont fully agree with you.

Yes deen comes first. Yes personality is crucial. HOWEVER marriage is suppose to protect you from fitnah, many people can easily say that they dont care about looks but when it comes down to it i cant see many people marrying an obese bold man. (no offense)

So if you choose to refuse a religious man because you dont find him attractive then you are not pious?
I dont want to go into detail but you will have to spend the rest of your life with this person and have children with him.

I wouldnt refuse an average looking brother if he is pious but there has to be something there.

agreed. Its possible for some women that looks truly don't matter, Allahu 3alam I mean were not in their heads you can't say they're lying...

but I believe that for most women, looks play a part in marriage. Even if it plays a small part in your decision(like..5-10%?); it is still a relevant aspect. And I don't see anything wrong with that,as long as this aspect(beauty) does not overshadow your entire judgement of the guy who is looking to marry you.
And,like I mentioned before, you can actually become attracted to his physical beauty after getting to know him; sounds strange but it happens.

format_quote Originally Posted by nightstar

I fight with the mirror everyday, and i do feel no one will look at me for marriage.
my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

Why brother? Is it impossible for Allaah, the One who has absolute power over all things to give u a partner? He is the same Merciful and Compassionate Lord who has fulfilled the wishes of thousands and millions in the past. If He, the All Merciful provides for those of His slaves who don't obey Him, then He definitely provides better and something more special to those of his slaves who do obey Him and control their desires for His sake. Who are patient for His sake. Who endure pain for His sake. Who can go and easily give in to the shaytaan and fall into sin, but they restrain themselves for His sake. He has a special type of Mercy and love for those slaves, and He is the Most appreciative. Do not think that Allaah will waste you. Do not think Allaah will turn you away, for you are very special to Him. By Allaah, if u do not give up from asking Him and sincerly praying to Him with hope, He will definitely reward you for your patience and give u even better than what u desire. And when that day comes, I hope you remember my words.

Anon.

format_quote Originally Posted by nightstar

we brothers tend to want a beautiful wife , but we feel the sister should ignore our looks, it just how us guys are.

speak for yourself bro, i dont ask for wat i cant offer. if i want a beautiful wife, then naturally i'll do everything to make myself just as good

Depends if the poster wants a beautiful wife. No offence how many average looking girls do you see with really handsome husbands, not many,

i can think of quite a few

You could have the most beautiful wife in the world, but like most men, we will get bored of her looks.

again i completely disagree, and i have a very strong reason for doing so.
for me... the beauty will only increase, im sure!

my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

i like that mentality

i have it too! even if i get married and have kids, i wont rely on anyone else inshaAllah

girls back home do choose

ive heard of rejection cases.

format_quote Originally Posted by nightstar

we brothers tend to want a beautiful wife , but we feel the sister should ignore our looks, it just how us guys are.

Depends if the poster wants a beautiful wife. No offence how many average looking girls do you see with really handsome husbands, not many,

You could have the most beautiful wife in the world, but like most men, we will get bored of her looks.

I have this romanticised idea , when inshallah i get married, i will only have eyes for my wife, my gaze will not wonder, but im sure it will.

When i read this thread i smiled , because i couldve been the thread starter.
I fight with the mirror everyday, and i do feel no one will look at me for marriage.
my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

Sometimes we just need to stop thinking so much over our looks, and put our trust in Allaah. I guess it's something that can't be helped though..because of the society that we're living in which places so much emphasis on physical beauty. But realize that there's a beauty that comes naturally which varies from person to person and is perceived differently person to person, and there's also a beauty (which is physical too) that comes about from doing good, some of our Salaf used to say that praying Tahajjud brightens the face, and that sins darken the face. So honestly, just focus on your deeds and getting closer to Allaah, to the Qur'aan and there will be a natural light on your face that Allaah will bestow on you that will over sight anything else bi'idhnillah. This goes for everyone.

format_quote Originally Posted by houda~

agreed. Its possible for some women that looks truly don't matter, Allahu 3alam I mean were not in their heads you can't say they're lying...

but I believe that for most women, looks play a part in marriage. Even if it plays a small part in your decision(like..5-10%?); it is still a relevant aspect. And I don't see anything wrong with that,as long as this aspect(beauty) does not overshadow your entire judgement of the guy who is looking to marry you.
And,like I mentioned before, you can actually become attracted to his physical beauty after getting to know him; sounds strange but it happens.

There's nothing wrong with that. Sisters, you should make sure that you don't marry someone you're not attracted to. I.e. Make sure you're attracted to the person you'll marry, I mean you'll be sleeping with each other for the years to come, you want to make sure you at least like how the other person looks!

format_quote Originally Posted by amani

dont feel like that, im sure that tif you made a poll then you will see the majority of members have so problem with the way they look/weight anything. we see our own imperfections that other people looking at us may not notice.

Yes! This is so true.

format_quote Originally Posted by nightstar

so why are the girls back home different , guys just can pick and choose who they want over there without fear of rejection,

girls in the western countries, we cannot do that,'

Yeah i can go home and find a pretty wife, with no fear of rejection,
but its not about that, i want someone to marry me for me, and not for status


we cant pick and choose in the west, lol.

Of course you can. You just need to realize that there are a lot of good sisters out there in the West itself. You just need to put yourself out there, start getting involved in the community etc, volunteer and you'll no doubt find someone Insha'Allaah who'll want to marry you for you. And I personally think you should try to marry someone who has a similar background as you, similar past (like growing up in same place, etc) so that you can relate and be compatible. I firmly believe that marrying from back home is not that good of an idea..because of how different you two would have grown up.

format_quote Originally Posted by Abu Zayd

I firmly believe that marrying from back home is not that good of an idea..because of how different you two would have grown up.

I agree, people back home and people here think differently if you know what i mean.

I'm not really very handsome if you ask me, but my wife thinks otherwise. she also told me that when she gets angry at me, my looks start diminishing. this is the way female mind works.

Bro,There must be more that u can offer besides ur looks, there's just more to life besides that anyway.:sunny: