Don’t say that it doesn’t because it does. And there’s nothing that can you say to change that.
Don’t say I’m being picky. Don’t say I’m not trusting in Allah.
Don’t say I only have so much time so I better get hitched before I run out of options.
It matters.
It matters if he has a temper. It matters if he doesn’t have a job or a sound education-deenwise and otherwise. It matters if he thinks 4:34 gives him license to beat me silly. It matters if he’s threatened by me for whatever silly reason. It matters if he thinks all Muslims who aren’t like him are deviant. It matters if the main words in his vocabulary are bid’a, kufar and munafiq. It matters if he sees Islam more as a political movement rather than the truth that will save him from the fire whose fuel is men and stones.
Attraction on a spiritual and physical level matters. Piety matters. Making sure that he prays 5 times a day, everyday, matters. Compatiblity matters. Humor, love of children and family life matter. Love of Allah and His Messenger matter and it has to be more than lip service. He can’t just spit Arablish and say I’m a Muslim. He must have some of that good old fashioned Muhammadan virtue. Sallalahu alayhi wa salaam!
It matters. Brothers and sisters, it matters!
Be picky!
Marriage ain’t just about home-cooked meals and a warm body to sleep next to. It ain’t just a means to keep you from fornicating. It’s not just a status symbol or proof that you’re desirable. It’s purpose isn’t to prove that you’re beautiful or that somehow you’re better than those who are single, widowed or divorced. It’s not a thing to lord over others because the blessings of God are given and taken at His will. And it sure ain’t a license to oppress, dominate or control the one you claim to love.
It is…half your religion. Do you understand!? Half your deen will be judged according to how you treated your spouse. Half your deen ain’t even about you…it’s about him. It’s about her.
Did you tell her you love her? Did you tell your sister-friends about his bad habits? Did you complain about her fading looks to your friends? Did you withhold your affections because he refused you something that you really didn’t need? Did you, oh-so-gently, threaten her with polygamy to keep her in line? Did you, unabashedly, tell him that other brothers check you out and you could just as easily get married again?
All the games and sexual politics that destroy what God has built–all that, will be displayed before you in your book of deeds on the Day of Judgment.
Yeah, it’s that serious!
So, do you see why I proceed with caution? Do you see why I don’t believe in the Astagfirullah, Bismillah, Just Do It method of nikah?
Marriage takes maturity, patience, kindness, compassion, mercy, tolerance, sabr, sabr, SABR and mega doses of taqwa and iman. Marriage means letting things slide and sometimes, giving up your rights so that your spouse can be happy. Sometimes that means understanding that she’s not in the mood. Sometimes that means understanding that he is in the mood. Sometimes that means he really doesn’t want to hear you ranting for 30 minutes about your day after he’s spent all day hard at work. Sometimes, you just need to tell her she’s beautiful (and sisters, don’t act like it ain’t important and that you don’t melt everytime you hear it!)
Compromise, compromise, compromise.
Your spouse is your garment. But this is garment that you don’t throw out. Over the years, you’ll see the lining wear thin and the appearance of holes. The colors will fade, buttons will go missing and changes will affect how it wears on you. But this is the garment you love–like your favorite shirt, sweater or jacket. And you don’t throw it out when you notice a problem. You patch it up and keep on wearing it.
So I want the garment that will last for a lifetime. I want the garment that will get me to Jennah or I don’t want it at all.
It is…half your religion. Do you understand!? Half your deen will be judged according to how you treated your spouse. Half your deen ain’t even about you…it’s about him. It’s about her.
my sister adds to that, she says:
"its how you deal with your wife, her in-laws and her affairs, you no longer are taking care of yourself and supporting your family, now your supporting two families... and the sacrifice has just doubled"
subhaNAllah
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My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
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Your spouse is your garment. But this is garment that you don’t throw out. Over the years, you’ll see the lining wear thin and the appearance of holes. The colors will fade, buttons will go missing and changes will affect how it wears on you. But this is the garment you love–like your favorite shirt, sweater or jacket. And you don’t throw it out when you notice a problem. You patch it up and keep on wearing it.
So I want the garment that will last for a lifetime. I want the garment that will get me to Jennah or I don’t want it at all.
Looove it, mashaAllah! Best part of the whole article (which is a brilliant article, btw).
^ he is the child of LI! Stop trying to get him married brother najm!!
cool post i must say.
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu
Uhkti im trying to make it easy for him. lol i think his left hints all over LI lol
OP: i love it, but i must say due to cultural reasons, our parents assume some whos got money, PhD and high status can treat their spouses right. It burns me up!!!
lol i guess i hate cultural stuff. I want everything done Islamically from A to Z
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