Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

**Frijj** · 06-11-2009

For me, having no interest in Islam would be a real off-putting aspect in a wife, as would, naturally, me having no attraction to her.

So, what are your main off-putting factors?

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 06-14-2009

Originally Posted by Dawud_uk

because i've only just met them, there is no emotional attachment yet.

i don't see how that's relevant though

some people would just go with the flow because they see a potential (whether there is a emotional attachment or not) and therefore may change their preferences...i hope that makes sense...

**shock_proof** · 06-14-2009

I'd never consider marrying anyone if they were:
Rude
Arrogant
Not open minded
Treat me as lower than them
Racist
Right wing
Disrepectful

And other qualities which havent popped into my head straigt away.

**innerawareness** · 06-14-2009

arrogance

**Sahabiyaat** · 06-14-2009

# 1 lack of deen.

flirting with the opposite gender, in other words no sense of shame or haya.(this is the most worst thing for me next to lack of deen)

plus most of the aforementioned such as no respect for others, bad manners etc...

but its amazing how much of a show some people can put on to impress you.

i advise brothers JUST BE YOURSELF! a fake attitude to impress can be smelt a mile off and is a major turn off!

dont change ur voice, mannersim, body language, nothing. just behave as you normally would, otherwise u r just decieving yourself and the other person into believeing u r somebody u r not!

anger.
i can smell a short fuse 20 miles off.
you can be mr perfect with the one fault of being an angry person, and you can say goodbye.

**aadil77** · 06-14-2009

I've told my mum why I'd never marry any of my potential cousins:

-they don't dress islamically
-for them islam is just something you learn about when you're young: only quran and salah.
-they don't have the looks, maybe if they kept themselves covered and preserved Allah may have given them more natural beauty

But most of this is due to pakistani upbringing and the environment in the islamic republic of Pakistan. But my mum says you can change them once you get married, I said well its not my problem they're old enough to make their own choices and I shouldn't have to worry about others faults

I also told my mum not to try and change them herself over the phone lol, so no cousin mariages for me, brapp!

**7oor El 3ayn** · 06-14-2009

Originally Posted by aadil77

I also told my mum not to try and change them herself over the phone lol, so no cousin mariages for me, brapp!

LOOOOOL Mothers! ya gotta love 'em!!

As the saying goes: you cannot change a man unless hes in diapers!

same applies here...a person must be willing to change themselves FOR themselves....*smiles*

**Banu_Hashim** · 06-14-2009

- If she had no modesty or islamic ettiquette what so ever
- Arrogance
- An unwillingness to want to learn more about Islam and knowledge in general
- If I'm not feeling it, chemistry wise...
- Being kind of an air head...
- Dislike for kids lol (obvious)

**The Ruler** · 06-14-2009

Ugliness.

**redblackmask** · 06-14-2009

I personally would reject someone based on their personality and appearance. I don't want someone who is a nasty person AND looks bad.

My golden rule is: Make sure you know the person in ALL aspects of life before you get involved in those aspects in life with them.

**Muezzin** · 06-15-2009

Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

1) Zero interest in (or worse, negative attitude to) Islam.

2) She looks like a he.

3) She is a he.

4) She smokes like a chimney.

5) She's an alcoholic.

6) She has no sense of humour (or it is incompatible with mine).

7) She's 'loose'.

8) She's incapable of having an intelligent conversation.

**Ansariyah** · 06-15-2009

Some of the reblys here are jst hillerious!

Comedy!

**Snowflake** · 06-15-2009

1. No love for Allah, His rasul (saw) & deen.

2.
a) Picks his nose in public.
b) Picks his nose anywhere and thinks it's ok to eat/feed you without washing his hands.

3. Has gum disease and fails to acknowledge that a cure exists.

P.S. We wouldn't know a lot of the things we've said until after marriage. :eek:

**youngsister** · 06-15-2009

If he is not practising
No physical attraction
No connection
No sense of humour
Jobless
Not compatible, this could be for example if he wants to take on a second wife..or not want me to work at all. Didnt want to make hijra etc..

**convert** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by Dawud_uk

i can say what i looked for before i found my wife, who alhamdulillah fit my criteria.

1. my first was to establish whether a husband or wife is upon the correct aqeedah and manhaj, fiqh not being important on this level.

even if someone is not of the correct aqeedah and manhaj is this due to ignorance or misguidance?

i.e if a husband or wife says Allah is everywhere, meaning no where or without a place and you explain in the marriage negotiations that they are incorrect and give the daleel and they change their position and they just didnt know better themselves.

you can ask this by asking them certain questions, such as where is Allah? then having follow up questions. like 'what would you say if i told you imam abu hanifa held Allah be above his throne, would you say you are still correct or imam abu hanifa was correct in his understanding? also giving one or two of the ayats where Allah says he rose over his throne.

this is honestly laughable. i have heard stories of people who had potentials write essays as to what tawheed means to them.

so far as manhaj questions? lolol really?

look, ask their family and friends what islamic activities they attend and ask them who they have studied under and whose lectures they watch. these direct questions like this are lame.

i dont have a lot of nullifiers to be honest. mostly with regards to how the family will treat me, what her concept of family life is, and generally making sure shes not of the cult of the modernist muslim.

but you can be indirect in finding this stuff out. why make an already almost unbearably awkward situation more awkward by making them take a deen test?

**nocturne** · 06-16-2009

Sorry to side-track abit. How do you actually learn more about a prospective girl?

As of now, we can only rely on our parents/siblings to talk with the girl and relay us the information. Obviously, dating is a no-no, but what other options are there??

**S_87** · 06-19-2009

Originally Posted by youngsister

If he is not practising
No physical attraction
No connection
No sense of humour
Jobless
Not compatible,

pretty much that, plus if not taller than me

**Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн** · 06-19-2009

1. No beard
2. Arrogance
3. Not practising
4.No manners
5. Disrespect to his parents or elders
6. How he treats women - How he treats and speaks to the women in his family will show how he will treat me.
7. Smokers/drinkers
8. Attraction

Looks aren't a huge issue for me...as long as im attracted, even if its not a huge amount. I can live with it. What I find attractive others will find unattractive. What I find unattractive, others will find attractive...so really no one is UGLY and we shouldnt call them that.

**Frijj** · 06-19-2009

Originally Posted by Light of Heaven

1. No beard
2. Arrogance
3. Not practising
4.No manners
5. Disrespect to his parents or elders
6. How he treats women - How he treats and speaks to the women in his family will show how he will treat me.
7. Smokers/drinkers
8. Attraction

Looks aren't a huge issue for me...as long as im attracted, even if its not a huge amount. I can live with it. What I find attractive others will find unattractive. What I find unattractive, others will find attractive...so really no one is UGLY and we shouldnt call them that.

You'd rejecta guy for being attracted to him? That is a first.

**Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн** · 06-19-2009

^^Huh?
Sorry that wasnt meant to be numbered...people were talking about attraction so i put it down and then gave a brief statement on it, in my opinion.

lol