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Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

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    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

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    For me, having no interest in Islam would be a real off-putting aspect in a wife, as would, naturally, me having no attraction to her.

    So, what are your main off-putting factors?

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?



    Smoking
    NO beard
    No attraction
    No sign of being a good father for my chidren
    A general history of Haraam relationships with other women
    Short-temperedness (If I can identify it obviously or from information given by reliable sources).....
    inter alia

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    i think id reject a sister if,

    she doesnt wear the FULL covering hijab,
    if she wears hijab but wears the modern type of hijab if you know what i mean
    shes not interested in islam
    she only wears hijab coz her parents forced her too
    im not 100% attracted to her, obviously this factor isnt as important her deen but it does matter abit, i dont mean to be shallow or anything
    If shes not a good cook then sorry no marriage! lol just joking
    She doesnt have a good character
    swears alot etc

    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    Ittaqullah haythu ma kount!

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    No interest in Islam and not attractive (to me), not respecting parents, arrogance.
    Last edited by Güven; 06-12-2009 at 05:28 PM. Reason: added more reasons.
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?


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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?



    and how do you reject them? what words will you use?

    I'm already married... and i can't remember if i've ever given the choice. lol
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?



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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    Quote Originally Posted by syilla View Post

    and how do you reject them? what words will you use?
    "Next!"

    But yeah, it's near impossible to answer a question like this. First of all, there's so many different aspects of a person to take into consideration. And secondly, until it really happens and you meet the specific person, you can't know for sure. For example, if I say I don't want to marry a brother who doesn't have a beard. Then a potential who is absolutely perfect in all ways arrives- without a beard. Perhaps he doesn't know it is obligatory? Perhaps he is just struggling with this one particular thing? Perhaps he can't grow a beard?
    So we may say something now, and end up with someone totally different to who we anticipated, but even more awesome perhaps.
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    alhamdullilah.

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    Doing everything against Islam and no respect towards people and my parents who have raised me to me.May Allah allow them in Heaven! Ameen!

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?



    There are a lot of religious sisters (with the whole package, piety, modesty, beauty etc) out there and it's not hard to find them. However, two things need to be taken into account:
    1) In terms of deen, not everyone's at the same level, so I would want her to be at my level (ideally), or a little higher (preferably) or a little lower (with motivation but just needs support, no problem w/ that). But not with someone when our understanding of the religion doesn't match, in terms of how she views sisters' roles, brother's roles, raising children, etc.
    2) We need to be on the same page in terms of short-term/long-term life planning, does she want kids, how many, is she ok with travelling to seek knowledge, that kind of thing etc.

    So a reason for rejecting would be if our understanding of the deen didn't match, or we have different plans for our future - the kind of things that aren't neccasarily problems at the moment, but can become problems in the long-term.
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    chauvinistic....
    No charisma
    No mental Connection
    Obsessive
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?


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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    Quote Originally Posted by crayon View Post
    "Next!"

    But yeah, it's near impossible to answer a question like this. First of all, there's so many different aspects of a person to take into consideration. And secondly, until it really happens and you meet the specific person, you can't know for sure. For example, if I say I don't want to marry a brother who doesn't have a beard. Then a potential who is absolutely perfect in all ways arrives- without a beard. Perhaps he doesn't know it is obligatory? Perhaps he is just struggling with this one particular thing? Perhaps he can't grow a beard?
    So we may say something now, and end up with someone totally different to who we anticipated, but even more awesome perhaps.
    So true!...You said it perfectly.

    Generally speaking though, I don't think I would "click" with someone who is...shy and calm. I have alot of ambitions and love joking around,so someone who isn't very talkative or always serious I couldn't spend the rest of my life with...

    As for him being religious or not; if he made mistakes in the past and wishes to become a better muslim, then I'd marry him on the condition that he has the right intention to change and better himself...you'd get so much ajr and it would be an amazing accomplishment... it's a risk to take but I think someone find their way to the right path is worth it. So I wouldn't refuse a man who wasn't as religious as me.

    What else...if there's no attraction that's obvious, most people mentioned that.

    Arrogance is also a HUGE put-off; I hate it.(note there's a difference between "confidence" and arrogance


    and how do you reject them? what words will you use?
    There's no Naseeb. Or...I'm still studying:|.LOL.Kidding now, "I'm still studying" might actually be a genuine reason as to someone refusing a marriage proposal.


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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    Quote Originally Posted by crayon View Post
    "Next!"
    I know it has become an internet cliche, but that really did make me laugh out loud




    To the OP, I guess eight little words work just fine.

    "I really just like you as a friend"

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    If shes good looking and pious, she'd be wife material.

    If shes bad looking and pious, she'd be friend material.

    Simple right?

    Though if she's the airhead type of desi.... that is an utter complete 100% turnoff.
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    Even Satan believes in Allah.

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    I would reject someone if my istikhara came out as a no, even though he fit many of the requirements for a "potential"....

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    theres a few but 2 come to mind: pre-marital flirting and lack of manners.
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?



    i can say what i looked for before i found my wife, who alhamdulillah fit my criteria.

    1. my first was to establish whether a husband or wife is upon the correct aqeedah and manhaj, fiqh not being important on this level.

    even if someone is not of the correct aqeedah and manhaj is this due to ignorance or misguidance?

    i.e if a husband or wife says Allah is everywhere, meaning no where or without a place and you explain in the marriage negotiations that they are incorrect and give the daleel and they change their position and they just didnt know better themselves.

    you can ask this by asking them certain questions, such as where is Allah? then having follow up questions. like 'what would you say if i told you imam abu hanifa held Allah be above his throne, would you say you are still correct or imam abu hanifa was correct in his understanding? also giving one or two of the ayats where Allah says he rose over his throne.

    2. next, is a yearning for the deen.

    that is a love for Allah and his Rasool (saws), for practicing and promoting islam, you can establish this by asking them questions about hijrah or jihad, a true believer who has entered into islam wholeheartedly will yearn for such things, others will panic and run a mile at such suggestions only wanting a comfortable life here in the uk as they do not want to make sacrifices for Allah.

    this is because to me and in my advice to others i tell them it is better to have a sister who practices as best she can, but maybe even new to practicing but has this yearning for the deen than a sister who covers fully, reads Quran daily but doesnt ever want to go further than this, the first sister you can help bring her up in knowledge, the 2nd is harder and most likely as you develop in the deen you might end up having to leave her behind.

    3. good character

    does she have good character, if not entirely then what are the flaws and can you realistically live with them? dont think you can change these, yes it might be possible but it isnt always so if you cant live with them explain you think your characters are not compatable and walk away.

    4. everything else.

    according to your own desires for a wife with beauty, intelligence, etc etc.
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    Abu Abdillah

    Submitting to none but Allah

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?


    i.e if a husband or wife says Allah is everywhere, meaning no where or without a place and you explain in the marriage negotiations that they are incorrect and give the daleel and they change their position and they just didnt know better themselves.
    interesting...but how would you know that they would change their opinion for the sake of getting married, and not because they truly see the truth get me? how do you deal with that?
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    ...desperate for husnul-khitaam...


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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    Disrespectful to parents - this says a LOT.
    Lack of taqwa - a man who has lots of knowledge but does not act upon it is a no-go in my opinion
    Lack of desire to learn - someone who does not wish to better themselves is unlikely to want to help you do so
    Rudeness/arrogance/swearing like a pirate!

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed View Post


    interesting...but how would you know that they would change their opinion for the sake of getting married, and not because they truly see the truth get me? how do you deal with that?
    because i've only just met them, there is no emotional attachment yet.
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    Abu Abdillah

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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    First, its hard to find someone perfect and fulfulling all charactaristic you look for. But the more is the better I guess

    For me, the rejection reasons can be:

    - not being religious, well...at least to the level I want him to be in
    - NOT respecting HIS parent...because if he does not respect them I will not have a hope that he will respect me or my parent
    - being one of my relatives (cousins...etc) because I am not a fan of relatives marriage
    - smoking



    Quote Originally Posted by syilla View Post


    and how do you reject them? what words will you use?
    telling my parent: "No, I dont want to marry someone like that"
    and it happened with me...end of story!
    Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

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    7oor El 3ayn's Avatar
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    Re: Honestly, for what reasons would you reject a potential spouse?

    The turnoffs (in no particular order):

    1. Lack of Deen would be #1 reason to reject someone

    2. No respect for his own parents....if he cant respect his own parents, how will he be able to respect mine?!

    3. No character/self-respect

    4. Uses foul language

    5. Childish behavior/not finished being breastfed by his mother

    6. talks to opposite gender/flirts

    7. Arrogance

    8. Jobless

    9. dresses like or imitates the non-believers (baggy pants, corn rows, jewelry, etc)

    10. Listens to Music

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