katb al kitab

Alhamdulilah I met a good family and a good girl, and we decided to marry. We then entered into what i was told is "katb al kitab."

I was told that islamically we would be married, but we will wait for the wedding and then move in together after the wedding and postpone sexual intercourse. Fine. I was ready for this.

here is the problem:
1) no official mahr has been set. And what is worse, they talk about huge amounts, like 20,000 usd. "This is the normal amount for girls in our family. You can just pay it whenever you have the money."

2) I never saw a written contract, nor signed one.

3) The actual ceremony was just me saying some Arabic words before a sheikh and a bunch of the family's male friends. I was told the words meant that I was "accepting" the daughter from the father. The girl was not even in the room.

Now we have been spending lots of time together as if we are like "halaal dating." Hamdulilah, we are good and everything is good between us.

I believed them and I went along with it all. But the more that I talk to people about it, the more I have been getting opinions that I did not get married and that I need to force them to lower the mahr (I am a poor student). And when I understand what is necessary for marriage, I don't think we had it all.

What's up??? Am I haraam in being with her? Are we married? What is going on?