Hello, I am a 18 year old guy, currently in college. I've been having a relationship with a white girl for a month or so. Recently, my mum who is an strong muslim has been suspecting things and gathered small amounts of evidence to confront me, punish me and tell me to stop.
My question is what do I do? I don't want to give up the relationship but I don't know how to explain it to my parents. My mum is also an Asian person with strong cultural beliefs. Everything she believes in says we shouldn't be but I can't help how I feel. Help?
I dont see the need for u to mention her skin colour? the real issue of concern is that bf gf relationships are forbidden in Islam. Ponder over this, everything that Allah made not permissable is to protect us from harm. Everything he made halal is to benefit is. SubhanaAllah!
Learn Patience from Asiyah, Loyalty from Khadijah, Sincerity from Aisha and Steadfastness from Fatima.
I think you should take out the “White Girl” part of your title. (some may take that the wrong way.) There are millions of white Muslim brothers and sisters. And it just doesn’t sound good. No offense.
We should be helping you on this forum and not condemning you for the relationship you’re involved in. Not to say anybody is insulting you, but the focus here is not just the problem at hand, it is you.
I think you should focus on your self first. I imagine that you are still in school and should be focusing on your studies not your future marital status. Second, focus on your faith, before and above all Allah comes first. I assume that you are Muslim so you know that what you are doing is strictly forbidden. Even in Christianity, that is forbidden. If you are strengthened in your faith you will know what God says about this. As you learn more about your faith the more you will understand what is right and what is wrong.
I am going to assume you and she have not engaged in any physical contact. Even meeting with a Woman alone is not ok; you should have male family members around at all times. (at least that’s how my family does it, and I did). You should already have approached her father first, I’m guessing you haven’t? If she is not willing to follow certain rules and or your mother’s requests, she’s not right for you. If you care for this girl so much marry her.
As for your mother, she should not have to find this out from others. Confess to your mother what is going on. Your mother is the most important woman you will ever know. None of us men can ever understand a mother’s love for her child. Your mother is not voicing her opinion to hurt you; she is doing this to help you because she loves you and wants the best for you. Listen to what she has to say. I’m not sure about your faith or strength in it, but it sounds like she might. Take what she says as a learning experience, take it to heart. Always remember you must honor thy mother and father.
You also need to keep in mind your family’s reputation. I know if I did this my family wouldn’t have been so nice about it. My cousin was dating a girl behind closed doors and when his father (my uncle) found out, they threw him out of the house. He wasn’t allowed back for a year until he left that girl. That may be an extreme example, and may not apply in all families. Some cultures are different in there treatment. Just keep in mind your family’s reputation, your own, and the girl.
It sounds like allot of weight on your back, i know. And it is! That’s why you should just break it off quietly or marry her.
Again;
1.) Faith, all praise to God
2.) Family, honor them
3.) Studies, get this done before you engage in a relationship, you need a good job to support your family, YOU are head of household no one else! (plus she may want that Pradda or Gucci hijab, at the store.lol)
4.) Honor your parents
Hope this helps at least a little. Keep praying God always provides.
Good things may come out of this. I'm guessing, that as you've posted here, you know that having a girlfriend is wrong but that u'd like to make it halaal if poss.
best think u can do as the brother advised before is to invite her to Islam. why dont u tel her about Islam or give her some stuff to read/websites...invite her here has she expressed any interest in Islam at all...does she ask about ur religion/culture.
I reverted because of a Muslim guy who invted me to Islam. I was never extremely friendly with him but alhamdululillah he initiated my acceptance of Islam. To this day we do not keep in touch but I am always grateful to him for bringing me to Islam.
Also, you need to stop any haramness.....girlfriendy/boyfriendy type activity inshAllah it will be in ur best interests too.
May Allah guide you and reward you for all that you do good inshAllah....ameen
I think the purpose of the OP to mention "White girl" was to show how his mom is "cultural" and believes that marriage to a "white" woman, even if shes a Muslim, is "bad". Since the OP mentioned hes "Asian," I am assuming he is a brown South Asian where Muslim people hold such kind of beliefs of not marrying a person from different skin color even if they are Muslims. A brown guy marrying a white girl is not considered normal among South Asians. Mind remind you of Imran Khan-Jamaimah marriage and the outburst in pakistan?
Anyways, STOP this relationship. Its funny how you mentioned that "you are seeing this white girl" assuming that we would flame your mom for having "narrow-minded" cultural beliefs and not you.
And ooh, I came across a couple in which Paksitani Muslim woman was married to a white non-Muslim guy. Happens, but only among the 'elites.'
3.) Studies, get this done before you engage in a relationship, you need a good job to support your family, YOU are head of household no one else! (plus she may want that Pradda or Gucci hijab, at the store.lol)
any way , brother all these advices may look harsh to you but understand .. the effort yu put in now will give you rewards later believe me
Owwhh mannn! I was looking forward to buying some when I start wearing hijab!
Yes, wise input from everyone although I do not agree with a few. What I personally think is the OP should concentrate on his studies. Relationship/love can wait.
This is why girls and boys should NEVER MIX!!!! XD
Okay your in a relationship with a girl who is not married to you, so it is clearly haraam. You need to end the relationship. Sorry but you should not be doing things in secrete behind your parents back and you need to be honest with them.
Focus on your studies!
you guys are all ----ing idiots. You should do what makes you happy and if you’re with someone who you truly love; you shouldn’t leave them just because it would upset your parents if you stayed with them. It is important to respect your parents; but they should not be allowed to have full control over your life and your future. It just isn’t fair for you to have to live your life in a way that only pleases them and what they believe in.
you guys are all ----ing idiots. You should do what makes you happy and if you’re with someone who you truly love; you shouldn’t leave them just because it would upset your parents if you stayed with them. It is important to respect your parents; but they should not be allowed to have full control over your life and your future. It just isn’t fair for you to have to live your life in a way that only pleases them and what they believe in.
Including drugs? What if injecting heroine makes me happy? Garbage liberal logic.
you guys are all ----ing idiots. You should do what makes you happy and if you’re with someone who you truly love; you shouldn’t leave them just because it would upset your parents if you stayed with them. It is important to respect your parents; but they should not be allowed to have full control over your life and your future. It just isn’t fair for you to have to live your life in a way that only pleases them and what they believe in.
I'm sorry but its not about the parents but what Islam says. You do not belive in islam but Allah says haram relationship are haram for a reason. Its so women and men do not get abused or used. In Islam you can marry whoever you want, but it has to be done through the right channels. These steps are there for protection. Please do your research before you start making assumptions. Know the difference between culture and religion.
you guys are all ----ing idiots. You should do what makes you happy and if you’re with someone who you truly love; you shouldn’t leave them just because it would upset your parents if you stayed with them. It is important to respect your parents; but they should not be allowed to have full control over your life and your future. It just isn’t fair for you to have to live your life in a way that only pleases them and what they believe in.
Right because teenagers find true love after just spending one month with each other. I feel sorry for our future generations...
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has she expressed any interest in Islam at all...does she ask about ur religion/culture.
These things were pretty open in renaissance Italia.
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