Hello, I am a 18 year old guy, currently in college. I've been having a relationship with a white girl for a month or so. Recently, my mum who is an strong muslim has been suspecting things and gathered small amounts of evidence to confront me, punish me and tell me to stop.
My question is what do I do? I don't want to give up the relationship but I don't know how to explain it to my parents. My mum is also an Asian person with strong cultural beliefs. Everything she believes in says we shouldn't be but I can't help how I feel. Help?
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Hmm... You can't have pre-marital relations though, bro.
You have two options at this point.
1. Convert her to Islam (without force) and marry her.
2. Have a girlfriend divorce. Whatever you call that.
Because you have 2 problems here. Firstly, you're not allowed to have pre-marital relations. And secondly, you have to be obedient to your parents.
May Allah Ta'ala make this easy for you, my dear brother.
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My brother, the most important thing is not to make your mom angry... our profit(pbuh) said told us to respect our mothers more than anything on this world... he said respect your mother, respect your mother, respect your mother... and the foruth time he said respect your father... another solution is to convert your to islam and marry her(if she really loves you, she'll do anything for you)... I hope this can help you bro... may Allah bless you.
Love your mother!!..........leave that girl
Good things may come out of this. I'm guessing, that as you've posted here, you know that having a girlfriend is wrong but that u'd like to make it halaal if poss.
best think u can do as the brother advised before is to invite her to Islam. why dont u tel her about Islam or give her some stuff to read/websites...invite her herehas she expressed any interest in Islam at all...does she ask about ur religion/culture.
I reverted because of a Muslim guy who invted me to Islam. I was never extremely friendly with him but alhamdululillah he initiated my acceptance of Islam. To this day we do not keep in touch but I am always grateful to him for bringing me to Islam.
Also, you need to stop any haramness.....girlfriendy/boyfriendy type activity inshAllah it will be in ur best interests too.
May Allah guide you and reward you for all that you do good inshAllah....ameen
^this. good advice sister victoria, I never knew...
brother conformed, it's a phase and will pass as you mature, not that feelings are not important, but maybe you should focus more on your studies etc?
This is why girls and boys should NEVER MIX!!!! XD
Okay your in a relationship with a girl who is not married to you, so it is clearly haraam. You need to end the relationship. Sorry but you should not be doing things in secrete behind your parents back and you need to be honest with them.
Focus on your studies!
Last edited by GuestFellow; 12-02-2009 at 03:43 PM.
This must be a joke, you come to an islamic forum telling us how you don't want to give up your haraam relationship, we don't offer unislamic advice on how to go against Allah and your parents, I mean what did you expect by coming here and informing us about your sins?
My advice is:
1. not keep secrets from you mum. Trust me that is not a good idea. They know everything.
2. Ask your girlfriend if she is intrested in Isalm
3. If you have to have a realtionship with her, keep it open and ask a neatal friend to come along when you see her so you two are not left alone.
your 18years and sexually activ so get married if you can afford it but not with a non muslim i mean do not tell HER to revert cos you wana marry her thats just insane
get her in touch with other sisters or tell her to join IB but if she has no interest in religion then leave her she is not worth it
and there is plenty of muslimah's around. she ain't the only girl in the world you know
You need to end this relationship and respect your parents' will this instant.
I hate this 'fad' going on in our culture that makes women "be better people" if they date and are really attracted tonon white guys, especially Arab or Muslim guys. That explains why I always see white girls at my school making out with Muslim guys. I guess it's "hip" and "cool" to be that way, huh kiddos?
Just saying, they only do it for show anyway. But you should follow your religion, respect your parents' authority and follow your/their cultural customs and way of life.
First off conformed, before you even think about inviting her to Islam, take a good look at yourself, your level of Islamic knowledge, your level of faith in Allah (swt) and the laws He has put forth and in Muhammad (pbuh) and his example.
Basically I'm saying is that you need to get yourself informed about your religion. Yeah everyone can tell you that boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are no-no's but I'm sure you want to know why. Go look at the Qur'an and see what Allah says about it and you will realize the severity of the situation. Learn about Allah, your creator and learn about the consequences of going against His rules. He's given you free will to do what you want, good or bad, but he also gave you a mind to seek knowledge and realize what's cool with him and what is not going to be tolerated. You can only do that by learning about Islam and you can only be able to effectively invite someone to Islam if you actually have a sound heart and mind only gained by LEARNING ABOUT Islam, reading the Qur'an, reading the Hadiths of the Prophet (pbuh) AND APPLYING THEM into your life. You want it to be more condensed then take note of these 3 steps:
1) Learn, 2) Understand, 3) APPLY. Simple as that.
Your best course of action right now: Dump her, avoid her and take some time out of your "busy" life and learn about the religion you were born into and participate in that three step program I put above.
Last edited by //-Asif-\\; 12-03-2009 at 03:25 AM.
format_quote Originally Posted by emir88
actually the most important matter is not to make Allah angry . As it's haram to have a close relationship with opposite sex without marriage , bro should end the illegal relationship right now.
Does not matter if parents approve the relationship or not , he must do it for the sake of Allah.
“…and do not come near Zina; indeed, it is an abomination and an evil way” (Al-Isra’: 32),
" ...come not nigh to indecent deeds. Whether open or secret;... "(6:151)
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.
( سورة النور , An-Noor, Chapter #24, Verse #30)
Last edited by Muslim Woman; 12-03-2009 at 04:19 AM.
Even my bible confirms that you should never involve yourself in pre-marital relations. Also to Honor your parents. So i have to agree with my Muslim Brothers and sisters here. If you feel so strongly about her...marry her, and make an honest woman of her. Oh yeah, you better do like i did and go to her father first before she even knows, or send your brother or uncle like i have to in my Italian family. God be with you.format_quote Originally Posted by conformed
Salaam/Peace
Muslims and Christians have so many things in common .format_quote Originally Posted by Italianguy
Most of our replies here is correct, we are quite understood it is common these days for teenagers illegally having relationship with girls.
One thing I want you to make sure you know "in pre-martial relations with girls" is PRACTICES sexually and using each other for no reasons. That's what most people do today that they didn't realize the double sins they did. Pre-martial relations is temporary and wasting your precious life.
My advice is to leave the girl that wouldn't sustain forever. It is practice, and wrong practice. Then if you wish to marry her, go ahead.
The road will be ahead difficult and rough for youif you don't listen to your own trustworthy mother, father and our members here based on our experiences.
Focus your school, improve grades, increase your deeds, and get higher to the mountains you will appreciated.
More that most are willing to admit.format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim WomanSalaam/Peace
Muslims and Christians have so many things in common .
format_quote Originally Posted by Italianguy
Could you provide verses from Bible? There are many pre-martial relations inside the Church while singing/praying (sit up and sit down). Even priests or pastors didn't even complain it.
Basically, I don't agree Christians and Muslims are many commons but just very fews. Judiasm and Muslims are common foundations, yes.
You must be Orthodox Catholic Christian, not western standard correct?
Regards.
Last edited by Humbler_359; 12-03-2009 at 06:16 AM.
I dont know what you mean with sitting and standing? Priests wouldn't complain about that?format_quote Originally Posted by Humbler_359
Could you provide verses from Bible? There are many pre-martial relations inside the Church while singing/praying (sit up and sit down). Even priests or pastors didn't even complain it.
Basically, I don't agree Christians and Muslims are many commons but just very fews. Judiasm and Muslims are common foundations, yes.
You must be Orthodox Catholic Christian, not western standard correct?
Regards.
No I am not Catholic most of my family is Roman Catholic. I am Protestant.
Here are some of the Bible verses you requested. If you need more let me know, the are plenty. God be with you.
The apostle Paul wrote these verses:
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (NIV, Galatians 5:19-21)
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (TNIV, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; (TNIV, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (English Standard Version, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (NIV, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
On matters of honoring our parents:
Ephesians 6:1-4 ESV Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), (3) “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (4) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:20 ESV Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Sorry, i don't know why this formatted the way it did.format_quote Originally Posted by Italianguy
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