Role of parents towards their children in a society that does not help in raising children properly
A very common problem seen in youth in western countries is that their parents allow them to indulge in some form of haram in the hope that that will stop them from committing worse haram. An example of this is that parents will say that they allow their children to indulge in music in the hope that that will stop them from going out with bad people or leaving their home all together. Parents are afraid that if they enforce the law of Allah in their homes, that their children will leave. What is Islam’s position on this sort of compromise? Some parents also say that they only have the duty to tell their children something is haram, and then their children have to choose for themselves because they are already young adults (i.e. 13 -18 yrs old and unmarried, living at home). Don’t the parents have to forbid haram by all means, or do they just say that is haram and then leave them be? To what extent do parents have to go to forbid their children from haram? Parents also believe that once their children reach the age of puberty they are no longer responsible for their sins or actions, and so say they will have no sin if they advise their children something is haram and then leave them. Is this true? Or do parents always have the responsibility of forbidding their children from haram, and will they be responsible if they see their children doing haram and just leave them after advising them?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The success or failure of the Muslim in raising his children depends on a variety of factors, which undoubtedly includes the environment in which they live, which plays a major role in the success or failure of that upbringing.
Please see the answer to question no. 52893.
Secondly:
The parents have to understand that Allaah has given them responsibility over their children, and they have to fulfil the trust as Allaah has enjoined in the Qur’aan. The Sunnah also confirms this command in many saheeh ahaadeeth. The texts of the Revelation also warn the one who does not look after his flock sincerely and who neglects the trust with which Allaah has entrusted him.
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar al-Muzani said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no person whom Allaah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he is insincere to his subjects, but Allaah will forbid Paradise to him.”
According to another report: “… and he is insincere towards them, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6731) and Muslim (142).
See the answer to question no. 20064.
Thirdly:
Allaah has enjoined those who are in charge of children to raise them from when they are very small to obey Allaah and love Islam. Even though they are not accountable because they have not reached puberty, one should not wait until puberty to teach them, guide them and tell them to obey Allaah, because in most cases at that age (i.e. puberty) they will not respond unless they have been brought up in this manner and have learned it from their families since a young age. Hence parents are enjoined to teach young children how to pray from the age of seven and to smack them if they do not pray when they are ten. The Sahaabah used to make their young children fast, so as to get them used to loving Islam and its rituals, so that it would be easy for them to follow its commands and keep away from the things it forbids when they grow up.
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them if they do not do so when they are ten, and separate them in their beds.” Abu Dawood (495), classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
It was narrated that al-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh ibn ‘Afra’ said: On the morning of ‘Ashoora’, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent word to the villages of the Ansaar around Madeenah, saying: “Whoever started the day fasting, let him complete his fast, and whoever started the day not fasting, let him complete the rest of the day (without food).”
After that, we used to fast on this day, and we would make our children fast too, even the little ones in sha Allaah. We would make them toys out of wool, and if one of them cried for food, we would give (that toy) to him until it was time to break the fast.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1960) and Muslim (1136).
Just as they raise them to do acts of worship, they should also prevent them from doing haraam things. If the child does an act of worship, the reward will be for him and for the one who taught him and encouraged him to do it. As for doing acts of disobedience or sins, the minor does not sin, rather the one who enabled him to do it and left the door open for him to do it and did not close it, is sinning. As for the one who tells him to do it, he is like the one who did it.
Hence it is not something extreme at all if a Muslim raises his children to obey Allaah and prevents them from doing haraam things, such as males wearing gold or silk, or females wearing male clothing, or lying, stealing, swearing and other sins. Similarly, it is not something extreme if a Muslim raises his daughter to be modest and chaste and not to mix, because if a person gets used to something when he is young, there is the fear that he may persist in it.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Even though the child is not accountable, his guardian is, and it is not permissible for him to enable him to do something haraam, for he will get used to it and it will be difficult to wean him from it.
Tuhfat al-Mawdood bi Ahkaam al-Mawlood (p. 162).
And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The one who neglects to teach his child that which will benefit him and leaves him with no care has done a very bad deed. The corruption of most children is due to their parents and their neglect of (their children), because they neglect to teach them the obligations and Sunnahs of Islam. So they neglected them when they were small, and (the children) turned out unable to benefit themselves or to benefit their parents when they are old.
Tuhfat al-Mawdood, p. 229
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
With regard to my small children, should I teach them the etiquette of Islam and make the young girls wear Islamic clothes, or this regarded as extremism? If my doing this is correct, what is the evidence for it from the Qur’aan and Sunnah?
They replied:
What you have mentioned about making girls wear loose and concealing clothing and making them get used to that from a young age is not extremism, rather you are doing the right thing in giving them an Islamic upbringing.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (25/285, 286).
In his book Majmoo’ah As’ilah Tuhimm al-Usrah al-Muslimah, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The scholars say that it is haraam to dress a child in clothes that it is haraam for an adult to wear. Clothing on which there are images is haraam for an adult to wear, so it is also haraam for a child to wear it.
What the Muslims should do is to boycott such clothes and shoes so that those who want to spread evil and corruption will not be able to reach us by these means. If they are boycotted they will never find a way to make them reach this land.
After that, he was asked:
Is it permissible for male children to wear things that are only for females, such as gold and silk, etc, and vice versa?
He replied:
This is to be understood from the first answer. I said that the scholars say that it is haraam to dress a child in clothes that it is haraam for an adult to wear. Based on this, it is haraam to dress male children in that which is only for females, and vice versa.
After that, he was asked:
Does this include isbaal or making clothes come below the ankles for male children?
Role of parents towards their children in a society that does not help in raising children properly
A very common problem seen in youth in western countries is that their parents allow them to indulge in some form of haram in the hope that that will stop them from committing worse haram. An example of this is that parents will say that they allow their children to indulge in music in the hope that that will stop them from going out with bad people or leaving their home all together. Parents are afraid that if they enforce the law of Allah in their homes, that their children will leave. What is Islam’s position on this sort of compromise? Some parents also say that they only have the duty to tell their children something is haram, and then their children have to choose for themselves because they are already young adults (i.e. 13 -18 yrs old and unmarried, living at home). Don’t the parents have to forbid haram by all means, or do they just say that is haram and then leave them be? To what extent do parents have to go to forbid their children from haram? Parents also believe that once their children reach the age of puberty they are no longer responsible for their sins or actions, and so say they will have no sin if they advise their children something is haram and then leave them. Is this true? Or do parents always have the responsibility of forbidding their children from haram, and will they be responsible if they see their children doing haram and just leave them after advising them?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The success or failure of the Muslim in raising his children depends on a variety of factors, which undoubtedly includes the environment in which they live, which plays a major role in the success or failure of that upbringing.
Please see the answer to question no. 52893.
Secondly:
The parents have to understand that Allaah has given them responsibility over their children, and they have to fulfil the trust as Allaah has enjoined in the Qur’aan. The Sunnah also confirms this command in many saheeh ahaadeeth. The texts of the Revelation also warn the one who does not look after his flock sincerely and who neglects the trust with which Allaah has entrusted him.
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar al-Muzani said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no person whom Allaah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he is insincere to his subjects, but Allaah will forbid Paradise to him.”
According to another report: “… and he is insincere towards them, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6731) and Muslim (142).
See the answer to question no. 20064.
Thirdly:
Allaah has enjoined those who are in charge of children to raise them from when they are very small to obey Allaah and love Islam. Even though they are not accountable because they have not reached puberty, one should not wait until puberty to teach them, guide them and tell them to obey Allaah, because in most cases at that age (i.e. puberty) they will not respond unless they have been brought up in this manner and have learned it from their families since a young age. Hence parents are enjoined to teach young children how to pray from the age of seven and to smack them if they do not pray when they are ten. The Sahaabah used to make their young children fast, so as to get them used to loving Islam and its rituals, so that it would be easy for them to follow its commands and keep away from the things it forbids when they grow up.
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them if they do not do so when they are ten, and separate them in their beds.” Abu Dawood (495), classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
It was narrated that al-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh ibn ‘Afra’ said: On the morning of ‘Ashoora’, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent word to the villages of the Ansaar around Madeenah, saying: “Whoever started the day fasting, let him complete his fast, and whoever started the day not fasting, let him complete the rest of the day (without food).”
After that, we used to fast on this day, and we would make our children fast too, even the little ones in sha Allaah. We would make them toys out of wool, and if one of them cried for food, we would give (that toy) to him until it was time to break the fast.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1960) and Muslim (1136).
Just as they raise them to do acts of worship, they should also prevent them from doing haraam things. If the child does an act of worship, the reward will be for him and for the one who taught him and encouraged him to do it. As for doing acts of disobedience or sins, the minor does not sin, rather the one who enabled him to do it and left the door open for him to do it and did not close it, is sinning. As for the one who tells him to do it, he is like the one who did it.
Hence it is not something extreme at all if a Muslim raises his children to obey Allaah and prevents them from doing haraam things, such as males wearing gold or silk, or females wearing male clothing, or lying, stealing, swearing and other sins. Similarly, it is not something extreme if a Muslim raises his daughter to be modest and chaste and not to mix, because if a person gets used to something when he is young, there is the fear that he may persist in it.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Even though the child is not accountable, his guardian is, and it is not permissible for him to enable him to do something haraam, for he will get used to it and it will be difficult to wean him from it.
Tuhfat al-Mawdood bi Ahkaam al-Mawlood (p. 162).
And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The one who neglects to teach his child that which will benefit him and leaves him with no care has done a very bad deed. The corruption of most children is due to their parents and their neglect of (their children), because they neglect to teach them the obligations and Sunnahs of Islam. So they neglected them when they were small, and (the children) turned out unable to benefit themselves or to benefit their parents when they are old.
Tuhfat al-Mawdood, p. 229
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
With regard to my small children, should I teach them the etiquette of Islam and make the young girls wear Islamic clothes, or this regarded as extremism? If my doing this is correct, what is the evidence for it from the Qur’aan and Sunnah?
They replied:
What you have mentioned about making girls wear loose and concealing clothing and making them get used to that from a young age is not extremism, rather you are doing the right thing in giving them an Islamic upbringing.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (25/285, 286).
In his book Majmoo’ah As’ilah Tuhimm al-Usrah al-Muslimah, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The scholars say that it is haraam to dress a child in clothes that it is haraam for an adult to wear. Clothing on which there are images is haraam for an adult to wear, so it is also haraam for a child to wear it.
What the Muslims should do is to boycott such clothes and shoes so that those who want to spread evil and corruption will not be able to reach us by these means. If they are boycotted they will never find a way to make them reach this land.
After that, he was asked:
Is it permissible for male children to wear things that are only for females, such as gold and silk, etc, and vice versa?
He replied:
This is to be understood from the first answer. I said that the scholars say that it is haraam to dress a child in clothes that it is haraam for an adult to wear. Based on this, it is haraam to dress male children in that which is only for females, and vice versa.
After that, he was asked:
Does this include isbaal or making clothes come below the ankles for male children?
mashaala shukran for the knowledge.i have a 7 months old son n i didint know its haram to dress a child in something that its haram for an adult to wear.il remove all his shirts that r printed images n put them in the bin inshallah.
wat about colours,r there some colours that r forbidden for a male to wear?n clothes with names on like cute baby or i love my mummy!r they haram to dress them?
otherwise May Allah give u more knowledge to share!
the strange practice is that alot of the parents send their kids to islaamic schoools hoping that they adopt all the good characters but at home the parents behave completely unislaamic. Afterwards they are astonished by their childs behaviour and start ranting why is this child so corrupt?? Parents are the biggest role model for thier children because they want to be just like their mum and dad . . .
the strange practice is that alot of the parents send their kids to islaamic schoools hoping that they adopt all the good characters but at home the parents behave completely unislaamic. Afterwards they are astonished by their childs behaviour and start ranting why is this child so corrupt?? Parents are the biggest role model for thier children because they want to be just like their mum and dad . . .
I have seen that as well as the opposite too, while at home all practices are in place, but the moment they are leaving for school or party with friends it's like everything done at home went out the window. I feel it's really important for parents to explain why certain things can and cannot be done, and not just say "do this, don't do this" without any reasoning or examples from Prophet (saw) sunnah. This needs to be instilled at an early age and not just thrown at them when they hit puberty or something.
I hear saying which goes like this " children are like a tree growing if at the begining the tree is straight when it is small then it will be straight but if isn't then it will be too late to make it straight" so basically if the parent educate their children when they are young and become good role model for them then they will become good kid.
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