Marriage Counseling--Should people have it before getting married?

**forevermm** · 10-22-2010

The other day my husband said something that has been on my mind for a while. He told me that if he had known me better before we got married he would not have married me...now I know some people might be shocked at this because it appears as unkind words but let me put it in context. I am a bit OCD, all the counters must get wiped down after dinner (even if they are clean already), cups and dishes have a set order that if they aren't in I redo--so I am aware that to someone who never noticed that it is easier to get to the small cups if they are in front versus the large ones in front and the short in the back some of my habits might seem overly much.

Yet as Muslim most couples do not get to know each other's habits...until after they get married...and I have seen many people fight and have a rough patch which has hindered their growth as married individuals and in their faith.

I suppose what i'm asking now that I have a background set is what are peoples thoughts on marriage counseling before and after and what are Islamic rulings which would be related to such a practice if any.

There are a lot of cultural practices where elders of a family gather to "help" the young but I'm talking about actual trained professionals.

I also do apologize if this topic has been discussed before I'm new on this forum and I'm learning the ways.

**mht** · 11-19-2010

Many masjids in USA is actually offering "Muslim Marriage Counseling", before they do the nikka. As an Shikh of a masjid said "we no longer do 'drive-by' nikka".. This guy is actually a genius, for he have added 1+1 and came to an conclusion, that people in our Muslim society really don't get the Islamic definition of Marriage; hence when things get little bad, the couples makes the lawyer happy.

matter of fact, you and your husband can get counselling rite now, so that you can be ready for future fitna.

**tigerkhan** · 11-19-2010

Originally Posted by forevermm

if he had known me better before we got married he would not have married me...

i am 100% sure he is wrong in saying this, how i tell u with my weak english but in urdu we say it "angoor khatay han". mean when ppl cannot cover/cope something in good way, they use to blame others for this. i blv its not this mistake that he didn't know u b4, but if he had meet u b4 marrige, surely this meeting cannot resolve this pbm of mutual understanding btw u.
bcz if marriage conselling b4 marriage is solution to this pbm, then how u answer y most of the love marriages fails ??? the pbm is due to lack of sifats/qualities and ahlaq.