i am of the opinion (as are alot of other people) that if a guy/girl have a love-marriage (i.e talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage) , then the chances are that later on down the marriage (if they do end up getting married) one is going to cheat on the other, simply because there is not fear of allah there in the first place. i.e if they he/she didnt fear Allah the first time round, then there isnt really going to be anything to stop them from committing the same sin twice, right? (i mean if they dont repent and fix their ways, etc)
your thoughts?
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
I dont want to get arranged marriage. My parents marriage was based on Love and they have been married for 16 years. I have nothing agaisnt people who want to get arranged married but it isnt for me. I want to be able to choose my own husband because in the end of the day it will be me not my parents who would have to live with this person for the rest of my life. Also, assuming that all love marriage is a failure and based on haraam acts is very ignorent of you.
i am of the opinion (as are alot of other people) that if a guy/girl have a love-marriage (i.e talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage) , then the chances are that later on down the marriage (if they do end up getting married) one is going to cheat on the other, simply because there is not fear of allah there in the first place. i.e if they he/she didnt fear Allah the first time round, then there isnt really going to be anything to stop them from committing the same sin twice, right? (i mean if they dont repent and fix their ways, etc)
your thoughts?
Having a love marriage doesn't have to entail that the two parties in love have done all that you mentioned to have fallen in love: "talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage". Love marriages can occur easily without any of that.
And if a couple gets married because they were in love from before marriage, I don't think it means they'll end up cheating later on or that there will be greater chances of them cheating. I think you're oversimplifying it.
“Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl
My friend who takes Psychology was saying the other day that statistically, arranged marriages are more successful (i.e. less divorce) than 'love' marriages (like the OP said... flirting etc. before marriage).
‘Say: If the ocean were ink wherewith to write out the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted, even if We added another ocean like it.’~Al Qu'raan (18:109)
Having a love marriage doesn't have to entail that the two parties in love have done all that you mentioned to have fallen in love: "talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage". Love marriages can occur easily without any of that.
And if a couple gets married because they were in love from before marriage, I don't think it means they'll end up cheating later on or that there will be greater chances of them cheating. I think you're oversimplifying it.
I think Umm -ul Shaheed was trying to get at the fact that whether or not marriages where you have a relationship before hand is different to a marriage Islamically, or 'arranged' where you don't have all of that. That's not to suggest that the latter type of marriage doesn't have love. "Love Marriage is just the term used to mean the normal type of marriage in the west.
Last edited by Banu_Hashim; 01-16-2009 at 05:13 PM.
‘Say: If the ocean were ink wherewith to write out the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted, even if We added another ocean like it.’~Al Qu'raan (18:109)
If it's done halal it's cooote. I think I prefer love marriage over arranged if I'm in love with someone...get me. Or else I prefer arranged marriage over love marriage, but it's sad that some cases of 'arranged marriages' are actually forced marriages, astaghfirullah!
"Whoever lives amongst you will see much differing, so adhere to my Sunnah" Muhammad (صلّى الله عليه و سلم)
If it's done halal it's cooote. I think I prefer love marriage over arranged if I'm in love with someone...get me. Or else I prefer arranged marriage over love marriage, but it's sad that some cases of 'arranged marriages' are actually forced marriages, astaghfirullah!
Unfortunately, in some areas of the world that's true. Although there's a difference between arranged and forced. I'd prefer the term Islamically and Non-islamically.
‘Say: If the ocean were ink wherewith to write out the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted, even if We added another ocean like it.’~Al Qu'raan (18:109)
I think Umm -ul Shaheed was trying to get at the fact that whether or not marriages where you have a relationship before hand is different to a marriage Islamically, or 'arranged' where you don't have all of that. That's not to suggest that the latter type of marriage doesn't have love. "Love Marriage is just the term used to mean the normal type of marriage in the west.
You don't have to previously be in a relationship with the person to have a love marriage, c'mon, loadsa people have love marriages are you saying they're all flirts? I dunno anyone out of all those who had a love marriage that went through the haraam to get to the halal, it can SO be avoided. And if it isn't avoided, well they both deserve each other.
"Whoever lives amongst you will see much differing, so adhere to my Sunnah" Muhammad (صلّى الله عليه و سلم)
Unfortunately, in some areas of the world that's true. Although there's a difference between arranged and forced. I'd prefer the term Islamically and Non-islamically.
Some Muslims force there kids to get married, do Non-Muslims force their kids to get married? Maybe some, is it impossible for non-Muslims to arrange a marriage for their children? Nu uh..so I prefer to use the terms I did.
"Whoever lives amongst you will see much differing, so adhere to my Sunnah" Muhammad (صلّى الله عليه و سلم)
You don't have to previously be in a relationship with the person to have a love marriage, c'mon, loadsa people have love marriages are you saying they're all flirts? I dunno anyone out of all those who had a love marriage that went through the haraam to get to the halal, it can SO be avoided. And if it isn't avoided, well they both deserve each other.
Yep. That's exactly what I was saying. There is a halal way to get married without doing the haraam, and still have love in the marriage.
‘Say: If the ocean were ink wherewith to write out the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted, even if We added another ocean like it.’~Al Qu'raan (18:109)
Some Muslims force there kids to get married, do Non-Muslims force their kids to get married? Maybe some, is it impossible for non-Muslims to arrange a marriage for their children? Nu uh..so I prefer to use the terms I did.
I have a hindu friend who said that they have 'arranged' marriages in their culture.
Last edited by Banu_Hashim; 01-16-2009 at 05:55 PM.
‘Say: If the ocean were ink wherewith to write out the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted, even if We added another ocean like it.’~Al Qu'raan (18:109)
Yep. That's exactly what I was saying. There is a halal way to get married without doing the haraam, and still have love in the marriage.
Yes exactly, but the love comes after the marriage... i am going to be completly blunt and say that real, true love before marriage is nearly impossible. You can definetly be interested/attracted to someone before marrying them for various reasons...their strong iman, their looks, their personality...I believe when people refer to "love marriages" they refer to this,and knowing these things can be found out in a halal way IMO, like..if both families introduce the two(this would be considered "arranged", right? or in an arranged marriage, it is directly engagement?)or if a man approache's a woman's wali and then the families meet up and talk from there...
I don't see anything wrong with that. I mean you are committing yourself 100% to this man/woman.
Real "love" is developed with time and experiences. It is only after enduring joyful moments and hardships with a person, and having that person stand by you no matter what, that you can grow to truly love them.
i am of the opinion (as are alot of other people) that if a guy/girl have a love-marriage (i.e talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage) , then the chances are that later on down the marriage (if they do end up getting married) one is going to cheat on the other, simply because there is not fear of allah there in the first place. i.e if they he/she didnt fear Allah the first time round, then there isnt really going to be anything to stop them from committing the same sin twice, right? (i mean if they dont repent and fix their ways, etc)
What you're tryna put across makes sense, but I dont know where you got that conclusion from. Yeh it might be true that we cant expect something rooted in haram to bear ripe fruits....but surely if they love another before they'll continue to do so insha'Allah rather than cheat on one another?
I'd think it'd be the other way round...an arranged marriage or rather a forced marriage may end in such a way but....Allahu A'lam as always.
i dont get it... how can it not be wrong to have a love marriage? surely to end up being in love with someone requires unnecessary communication between the two non-mahrams no? in any case, being in love with someone would totally cloud ur judgement n take over ur emotions... the heart has no common sense.
allah says in the qur'an...
"And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Sûrah Rûm: 21]
so how can u compare pre-marital "love" to the love that allah az-zawajal himself puts in the hearts of the spouses? subhanallah.
ps. i dont believe in arranged marriage either.... islamic marriage all the way!
ps. i dont believe in arranged marriage either.... islamic marriage all the way!
Ditto!
‘Say: If the ocean were ink wherewith to write out the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted, even if We added another ocean like it.’~Al Qu'raan (18:109)
i dont get it... how can it not be wrong to have a love marriage? surely to end up being in love with someone requires unnecessary communication between the two non-mahrams no? in any case, being in love with someone would totally cloud ur judgement n take over ur emotions... the heart has no common sense.
allah says in the qur'an...
"And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Sûrah Rûm: 21]
so how can u compare pre-marital "love" to the love that allah az-zawajal himself puts in the hearts of the spouses? subhanallah.
ps. i dont believe in arranged marriage either.... islamic marriage all the way!
Counter question: how can it be wrong to have a love marriage?
You have to understand that people don't control love, you cannot control it. Once it develops, it's there, and people that fall into it sometimes don't even know how they fell into it. And really, this isn't something that can be explained, it needs to be experienced. Once this man came up to Umar r.a. and said that he was in love with a woman, Umar r.a.'s reply was: “It’s not in your hands, what can I do for you?”
The greatest proof that I can give you about the permissibility of having a love marriage is the hadeeth of the Prophet (salalahu 'alayhi wa sallam) where he said: “For those who love each other, nothing has proven as good as marriage.” Sunan Ibn Majah. You can understand from the hadeeth that, i) People can fall in love before marriage, ii) For those that have fallen into it, marriage is the best course of action for them because that will lead to their love growing stronger.
I understand your rhetoric in using that verse, and I agree that real deep love comes with marriage, but that verse doesn't negate that love can happen before marriage nor does it say that love marriages are haram.
format_quote Originally Posted by Banu_Hashim
I think Umm -ul Shaheed was trying to get at the fact that whether or not marriages where you have a relationship before hand is different to a marriage Islamically, or 'arranged' where you don't have all of that. That's not to suggest that the latter type of marriage doesn't have love. "Love Marriage is just the term used to mean the normal type of marriage in the west.
Are you equating 'Islamic' marriages to arranged marriages? Can you clarify what you mean by both terms?
format_quote Originally Posted by Pk_#2
You don't have to previously be in a relationship with the person to have a love marriage, c'mon, loadsa people have love marriages are you saying they're all flirts? I dunno anyone out of all those who had a love marriage that went through the haraam to get to the halal, it can SO be avoided. And if it isn't avoided, well they both deserve each other.
I agree.
“Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl
Are you equating 'Islamic' marriages to arranged marriages? Can you clarify what you mean by both terms?
Sorry bro, I meant Islamic marriages without any physical contact with your future spouse until after marriage. I think I was getting it confused with arranged. But, in way arn't you kind of arranging your own marriage by doing the research, looking for certain qualities according to Islam, and ultimately deciding whose compatible with you? But I do understand the whole thing regarding 'arranged marriages' which is different to Islamic marriages.
‘Say: If the ocean were ink wherewith to write out the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted, even if We added another ocean like it.’~Al Qu'raan (18:109)
Having a love marriage doesn't have to entail that the two parties in love have done all that you mentioned to have fallen in love: "talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage".
i get that bit, but what i meant by "love marriage" when the two parties fall in love due to haram actions which aren't allowed for non-mahrams to do... such as flirting, etc...
Love marriages can occur easily without any of that.
can you elaborate more on how? because to be honest when people say they are in love, the first thing that alot of people would think (including myself) is that something haram has occurred.
format_quote Originally Posted by Pk_#2
You don't have to previously be in a relationship with the person to have a love marriage, c'mon, loadsa people have love marriages are you saying they're all flirts?
and you too explain to me how that happens ...i wudda thought (in 99% of the time) that they would have fallen in love in a haram way. i mean so veery few times that ive heard someone has fallen in love, that it has been done in a halal way..
format_quote Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
What you're tryna put across makes sense, but I dont know where you got that conclusion from. Yeh it might be true that we cant expect something rooted in haram to bear ripe fruits....but surely if they love another before they'll continue to do so insha'Allah rather than cheat on one another?
not necessarily...ive heard so many cases where a love marriage (a haram one i mean) has occurred only for it to fall short because he/she has cheated and i do strongly believe it to be because it was based on the haram to begin with
I'd think it'd be the other way round...an arranged marriage or rather a forced marriage may end in such a way but....Allahu A'lam as always.
maybe forced marriage yeah, but not an arranged one--->an arranged one here meaning girl/guy see/talk each other in front of mahrams, etc and at the end of the day THEY decide if they want to marry each other. not "oh this is your husband/wife put up and shut up" lol
format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
if done in a halaal way, A MASSIVE THUMBS UP FOR LOVE MARRIAGES
agreed!
format_quote Originally Posted by ajnabee
ps. i dont believe in arranged marriage either.... islamic marriage all the way!
wa alaykum us-Salaam
i believe in arranged marriages, so along nothing is forced. arranged meaning as i explained above
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
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...i wudda thought (in 99% of the time) that they would have fallen in love in a haram way. i mean so veery few times that ive heard someone has fallen in love, that it has been done in a halal way..
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