What would you ask a potential partner?

[~Taalibah~]

Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

Seeing that there are quite a few marriage threads around, i'll add one...

What questions would you ask a potential partner?

This question has been on my mind for a while, and i know that it will depend on the persons but, on the whole which are questions that will help you get a better understanding of the person and his/her likes or dislikes?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i wouldnt ask anything to be honest


i'd just joke with her


thats it




i'll let my parents do the asking and finding out lol



Assalamu Alaikum

[wildkat]

I would ask whether or not he would let me work.. That would tell alot about his attitude towards women huh??

[Sahabiyaat]

i wouldnt ask anything to be honest


i'd just joke with her


thats it




i'll let my parents do the asking and finding out lol



Assalamu Alaikum

joking is fine, but not having a single serious moment isnt really the attitude you want to put on trust me!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

I would ask whether or not he would let me work.. That would tell alot about his attitude towards women huh??

huh?


i dont want my wife to work, at the same time i wont stop her if she insists on working for say a school (primary not secondary or islamic) or something which requires no mixing with opp gender but i would insist when complications arise (helping family/pregnancy etc)


what does that tell you about my attitude towards women? seriously i wanna know



Assalamu ALaikum

[IbnAbdulHakim]

joking is fine, but not having a single serious moment isnt really the attitude you want to put on trust me!

i dont like serious, during such meetings people get sooo tense and awkward and then you wanna throw serious into that bag n mix it? no thanks

[chacha_jalebi]

What questions would you ask a potential partner?

isnt it obvious....

will you marry me

[wildkat]

Well maybe I have a very biased opinion because of my upbringing, where girls are expected to be housewives and nothing more, and thats what most of the men expect too! But honestly, if my potential partner expected that of me, I would refuse, since I want to be a nurse I cant years off work and go back when I want like teachers, I'd get kicked off the nursing register and never allowed back and thats something I dont want.

[crayon]

Oh, I can think of a question or two... Or several thousand.
I'll edit some into this post as I think of them.

-How many times a day does he pray at the masjid?
-How much quran does he know, is he willing to learn more?
-How important is travel to him?
-What role does he expect the woman to have in running a household? And the man?
-What does he think of my photography? (not whether he likes it or not, but how supportive he will be if i want to pursue a hobby/career in it)
-Does he have a temper?
-Where does he want to live, and for how long?
-Goals in life?
-When he makes a mistake, does he apologize?
-Does he smoke? (if yes, it's a definite no, unless he quits)
-Does he ever consider having more than one wife?
-I'll ask random subtle questions to try to figure out what comes first for him, culture or islam.
-Describe the person he wants to marry.
-Are the Jews behind everything bad that happens in the muslim/arab world?
-Are the Americans behind everything bad that happens in the muslim/arab world?


add more later..

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Well maybe I have a very biased opinion because of my upbringing, where girls are expected to be housewives and nothing more,.

subhanAllah you demean the position of wife and mother so much where our prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam raised their position so high by saying "he who is best to his wife is best of men" and "below the mothers feet lies jannah"...


"men are expected to work their asses off, nothing more" (bring home money n take care o stuff etc)


^ see how that sounds!




please try not to think like that inshAllah.


Assalamu Alaikum

[wildkat]

please try not to think like that inshAllah.

Easier said then done you know?

and thats another thing, i would wanna know what his mothers like, I know too many people who's lives are made miserable because of their mother-in-laws.. if his mums a cow, forget it lol!

[~Taalibah~]

i dont like serious, during such meetings people get sooo tense and awkward and then you wanna throw serious into that bag n mix it? no thanks

Sure ppl are tense, but you dnt have to be dead serious, you may be with the person for life why not try and see for yourself what they're like? I guess a joke or 2 would be fine but to only joke? Nah.

and thats another thing, i would wanna know what his mothers like, I know too many people who's lives are made miserable because of their mother-in-laws.. if his mums a cow, forget it lol!

Hey sis, i'm with you there. There are two sets of mom-inlaws the horrible kind and the nice. Girls here seem to worry about the inlaws than the boy!

[Re.TiReD]

1. What is your concept of marriage?
2. Have you been married before?
3. Are you married now?
4. What are you expectations of marriage?
5. What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
6. Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
7. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
8. Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
9. What is the role of religion in your life now?
10. Are you a spiritual person?
11. What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
12. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
13. What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
14. Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
15. What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
16. What is the role of the husband?
17. What is the role of the wife?
18. Do you want to practice polygamy?
19. What is your relationship with your family?
20. What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
21. What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
22. Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
23. Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
24. If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
25. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
26. How did you get to know them?
27. Why are they your friends?
28. What do you like most about them?
29. What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
30. Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
31. What is the level of your relationship with them now?
32. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
33. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
34. What are the things that you do in your free time?
35. Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
36. What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
37. What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
38. Do you travel?
39. How do you spend your vacations?
40. How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
41. Do you read?
42. What do you read?
43. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
44. After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
45. How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
46. How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
47. Do you like to write your feelings?
48. If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
49. If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
50. How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
51. How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
52. Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
53. Do your friends use foul language?
54. Does your family use foul language?
55. How do you express anger?
56. How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
57. What do you do when you are angry?
58. When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
59. When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
60. Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
61. What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
62. Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
63. Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
64. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
65. What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
66. How do you support your own health and nutrition?
67. What is you definition of wealth?
68. How do you spend money?
69. How do you save money?
70. How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
71. Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
72. Do you use credit cards?
73. Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
74. What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
75. What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
76. Do you support the idea of a working wife?
77. If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
78. Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
79. Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
80. Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
81. Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
82. To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
83. Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
84. Do you believe in abortion?
85. Do you have children now?
86. What is your relationship with your children now?
87. What is your relationship with their other parent?
88. What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
89. What is the best method(s) of raising children?
90. What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
91. How were you raised?
92. How were you disciplined?
93. Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
94. Do you believe in public school for your children?
95. Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
96. Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
97. What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
98. Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
99. What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
100. If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?

love the 3rd ques I havnt read em all btw

[aamirsaab]

You are female, right?

[Re.TiReD]

You are female, right?

^ yeah or I'd have a lil emphasis...

You are a dude....Right?

WassalamuAlaykum

[aamirsaab]

^ yeah or I'd have a lil emphasis...

You are a dude....Right?

WassalamuAlaykum

lol.

Seriously speaking I honestly don't know what I'd say. I'd feel uncomfortable if I went straight for the jugular: ''sup, wanna get hitched?''

But I wouldn't want to pussyfoot around it with: ''....yeah so you know, like I'm here, a male, sitting next to you...a female...''

I don't know - maybe I'd joke about the situation. Or ask her if she's pakistani. And then tease her if she says yes.

[Muezzin]

Please don't let this become some sort of repository for lame chat-up lines...

Anyway, my questions:

1) How many angels dance on the head of a pin?

2) How long is a piece of string?

3) Who would win if a pirate and ninja fought?

4) Do you like eggs?

5) What are your bank details?

If she fails to answer these questions because of shock, she has an incompatible sense of humour and must find someone else.

If she fails to answer these questions because of laughter, she is my mother.

If she answers these questions seriously, she has an incompatible senses of humour and must find someone else. After I have withdrawn £200 from her bank account.

If she answers these questions jokingly, but fails to make me laugh, she is incompatible and possibly my father.

If she answer these questions jokingly and makes me laugh, it is a practical joke.

[Re.TiReD]

Seriously speaking I honestly don't know what I'd say. I'd feel uncomfortable if I went straight for the jugular: ''sup, wanna get hitched?''

Its a potential partner, I'm assuming you'd have agreed on that by the time you got round to a meeting and asking Q's?

But I wouldn't want to pussyfoot around it with: ''....yeah so you know, like I'm here, a male, sitting next to you...a female...''

I don't know - maybe I'd joke about the situation. Or ask her if she's pakistani. And then tease her if she says yes.

Wouldnt you have found that out beforehand?

And whats rong with being Baaki? lol

[جوري]

you probably and most useful really is ask of their medical history.. especially in the middle east where AIDS is on the rise as is the quest for virgins

http://www.merip.org/mer/mer233/sufian.html

UNAIDS estimates that 75,000 people from the Middle East and North Africa were newly infected with HIV/AIDS in 2003 alone, while 24,000 adults and children died from the disease in the same year. Moreover, the quality of the available data is seriously lacking. No country in the Middle East and North Africa conducts systematic surveys of groups at high risk of infection. As a consequence, the UNAIDS estimate of the total number of HIV/AIDS cases in the region lies within a very broad range of possible cases, from 200,000 to 1.4 million people.[1] Only 5 percent of Middle Easterners and North Africans who need anti-retroviral treatment receive it.[2]

anyone can feign religiosity really..

and Allah swt knows best

[Danah]

honestly ........ I will ask the following in the same order:

1. how many times you pray in masjid?
2. do you like to fast nafl?
3. what is your family to you (parents & sibling)?
4. what is the most thing made u upset?
5. what do you expect from me?
6. what do you think I expect from you?
5. what is your perspective of the other religions
*since I have the interest on the other religions*
7. how much time during the day you like to use computer
*supposing by default that he will be a computer Geek as me *
8. what are the cultures that you like to know more?
*have the interest as well*

and thats all.........feel pity for him



Edit: OMG Amat al Wadud you will need a week to get answers to all those questions