Signs of an Abusive Man

My wife friend who was karateka ever married an engineer. He looked good in the beginning, but later he started to be abusive, beat his wife and also very rude to his daughter. In the beginning his wife tried to be patient, but later after her patient had reached the limit, she beat back her husband with karate. The husband knock out and asked divorce with reason "domestic violence by the wife to the husband".

How was that guy look like?. Small, wear thick glasses, and look weak. Very far from typical of rude man. Even actually he's type of man who is not dare to fight other men. He dare to do violence only toward his wife and children.

My wife friend didn't know that her first husband was abusive man because he looked good before getting married, polite and looked always fine to everyone.

Basically women do not want to marry abusive man. And if they get abusive husbands, usually it's because they didn't know before. Majority of abusive husbands are look good in people eyes because they look polite, look fine, look have good respect toward other people.

In another side I also know few husbands who muscular and look like 'street fighter' but they are very kind toward their wives and children.

So, do not judge a book by its cover.

I do agree with all the points except for #1 and #2. You said a man is being abusive when he's jealous when his wife meets her co-workers, but what if those co-workers were men? You're a woman, sitting hours at work and interacting with strangers (including men) and you don't think your husband should be worried? I'm not saying you would cheat on your husband. I'm pretty sure that every woman reading this is a practicing muslim, but really, get real. If a man doesn't feel jealousy for you then he doesn't value you, and he doesn't love you! "Geera" is very important and you should never marry a man without geera. For a western non-muslim man, his girlfriend is more like a toy than a human-being. That means in some cases it's very easy for him to lend his girlfriend to his friends, if you know what I mean. When a man is jealous for you, he's not trying to control you, it means he loves you.

However when it comes to female friends and your own family, I would agree with you, certainly. Co-workers though, you can't choose your co-workers and walking alone in the streets late at night every workday, that's nothing a true man would accept for his wife.

Regarding #2, "He controls finances, [...], and the activities you partake in.". You really sound like a feminist, not because you have bad intentions, but because you haven't given us the details. When you say that the man controls the finances, you should instead call it "being cheap" and not "controlling the finances" because that could mean anything. And regarding the activities that you participate in, again you should be more specific. Some activities are not okay, like mixture with men and women. A muslim man doesn't accept all activities, for good reasons. That's why you should at least give him a hint on where you're going before leaving to stay away for a longer period of time or if it's a routine to leave at a certain time then tell him. The world doesn't revolve around you, you're also living with a human-being who cares for you and is jealous for you, keeping him worried because you're a "strong independent woman" and you can do whatever you want is selfish.

The ideology of feminism is totally un-Islamic, and so is the abuse of women. Islam is all about fairness, the man has a responsibility to provide for the family and it is obligatory upon him to have geera for his mother, wives, sisters and daughters. The woman in the other hand should take care of the her children, her man and the home. The woman plays an important role in how the society looks like. Look at the black American society for instance, it's a failure, because their women are a failure, they have no honor whatsoever. It's a looooong story and many issues behind this, but you know what? At the end of the day it's the man's fault. Because he didn't have any geera, he didn't demand for faithfulness from his women, because all he wanted was sex, sex and more sex. Women apply to the demands of men, and those demands are nothing but total freedom as long as they're sexy. And the "not so smart" woman thinks that she is in the center of the universe but in reality she's nothing but a piece of meat ready to be consumed by the pigs. This is the society of the feminists and the kuffar. A selfish society where everybody cares for themselves only. We as muslims should be very very careful about the issues of geera, marriage and family-life. Family is the main component of any society, if that component is destroyed then the society will be corrupted.

{ وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ} (21) سورة الروم



Be gentle with womenfolk
Be Gentle to (your) Kinswomen
(رفقا بالقوارير)