Salam o alikum,I am a Muslim girl,living with my parents in a Muslim country.I will be turning 33 in Feburary.I am still unmarried and my parents are searching a decent muslim guy for me.Some family friends suggested to search through online matrimonial sites.My parents do not have time to do this and to be honest with you,they do not know much about how these things work.Anyways,I tried searching online on muslim sites like MUSLIMA.COM ,SingleMuslim.Com etc but it seems that boys there do not care about following islamic ways and involve parents.I refused to date anyone,even chat after giving them basic details about me and my family,i even refused to send them my pictures and asked to link their parents with mine so my parents can handle everything.But no one agreed.I want to know what options a muslim girl has to find a practicing muslim husband for her?Are there any centres or any online forums or any ladies helping muslim parents in searching a muslim guy for their daughters? Please do not ignore my message and reply me.I really need guidance.Salam o alikum
There are no options, that is the case for most Muslim women nowadays.… Egypt has 12 million unmarried women over thirty, Saudi Arabia has 4 million and if you follow the countries it is staggering everywhere. In the west they proclaim that women simply like being single or they start their own matrimonial sites like eharmony or match.com or christian singles.. it is a global thing!.. you could have everything anyone could possibly desire in a mate .. this is the era of the Haram, and because Halal is so difficult Haram is rampant, this is the era of oppression and poverty and obsequiousness and deviance...
My advise to you is to keep with night prayer.. It is that giveth and that taketh away.. but certainly don't feel like there is something wrong with you or that you're singled out and keep with good patience!
As a Muslim brother, it is alarming that boys are asking for photos of you and trying to chat with you and not meet your parents. I must say, Masha'Allah for keeping strong and not giving in to any of their demands. Most men are, and take it from me, animals. They do not think about other women's well-being. Even if many claim to be Muslim, their actions say otherwise. They could be good in many other ways, but when it comes to women, they think they can be lax.
As for living in a Muslim country, what about a Mosque where there are general congregations? Perhaps your parents can make friends with people and find out if the Mosque is helping young people find suitable spouses for marriage. Your parents should see if they can be up front somehow and ask people directly. I have heard of parents doing this, especially from the women's side, who ask my mom about my brother and I. So being upfront is not a bad thing, it shows how serious you are about finding someone.
I don't know about websites you can use. To be honest, websites attract a lot of evil people, so my advice is to get a consensus from people who have used a particular website to find actual marriage partners that have successful stories. Maybe if you make a separate post, then you can ask about that specifically, and others on the forum can help you out in this way.
And please, please be careful of people in other families who might try to mislead you. Be suspicious if things seem too perfect about a man. No one is too good to be true, so always be very careful about the information people give to you about a man, and inquire about your suitors' personality. Many marriages break apart or are difficult for some women to bear if their spouse is not nice, is harsh and is too demanding. I have seen how men portray themselves in one way, then they are found to be completely different when they become married.
You have been going about things the right way so far, your parents do have to handle things because they have to contact the guy's parents so that you can meet with others around you. The same options which are available to girls are the same as well for guys - it is a two-way street. I won't lie to you, it will be difficult to find someone. So keep praying and ask Allah for signs about who is best for you. Perhaps He will give you a sign about someone or indicate who is right or you through a dream somehow. I have seen this happen on lots of occasions, so if anyone tells you otherwise, don't listen to them, because they don't know what they're talking about. I know, and the people who have shared their stories with me know as well.
sister i really feel for u. may Allah SWT make it easy for u. my heartily prayers r with u.
few point i wana say, first our purpose of life is not marrying a "decent" boy or girl yet its necessary step toward our purpose, completing our deen and pleasing Allah SWT. mostly ppl don't compromise on their top priority but they sacrifice other things for that. so if ur top priority is marriage then u will not compromise our req and demands. i am not judging u, just wanna say don't be very idealistic..like i think u probably are syed (i have very high respect for syeds) and most of time they are very particular about caste, which i think is not correct...they should not be very strict on that things cz many time i see the parent marry their daughter to totally incompatible guy just cz he is syed. so make bit flexibility in ur requirements regarding caste, finance, outlooks etc.
2nd i understand ur point, but they problems on marriage sites is no1 know each other..communication, sharing pic etc give the other person idea of ur personality and what u r. so i think without that its very unlikely some will involve parent in early stages cz i know ppl on online sites have many doubts and they don't proceed to next step until they have bit satisfaction about other person. so if u going through online sites, dont hide anything and good communication is key. i don't know if some ppl do use these sites for dating purpose but mostly ppl r there for marriage.
3rd, the best option is to use networking and friends etc and there is so harm/shame in this. tell ur cousins, friends etc if they know someone looking for wife, they can direct him to you. mostly in conservative society ( i assume u r from Muslim country so it might be a conservative society) this is most effective.
best of luck. May Allah SWT bless u with best in both worlds. ameen.
You're the exact type of woman I would want to marry when I'm older. One that practices her deen STRICTLY, one that encourages me to do good and reminds me if I forget to pray etc...
And these "muslim" men want to throw all of that away. Shame on all of them.
Salam i understand the feelings you are going through except my situation is much different i am 46 converted 2 years ago.. very religious and in an area that has no single muslim men around what so ever. All we can do is pray and put this in Allah's hands.. i have tried those sights you are speaking of and being honest with you the men that want to talk to you don't like to be honest with the women and only tell you what you want to hear. Or they think because i converted only 2 years ago that they can say things that are not true to the Quran and the teachings of Islam.. Sometimes i wonder if they just think i converted to Islam that i am not going to know what is right from wrong… Allah will send me a husband one day and if not its okay.. i would be nice to be a wife one day and have a husband actually do as they are suppose to do…but i figure it is just meant for me to work in this Dunya the only thing is the more i learn about Islam the more i feel this Dunya is a prison especially the western world and the more my heart is wanting to go back to the middle east live to wait out the rest of my life.
sister my brother found his wife from singlemuslim. yes it is very hard to find a good match from matrimonial sites and it took two years for my brother to find his match. you have to keep trying and i dont think anyone would take you seriously if they dont see you.
good luck sis and keep praying to Allah for your ideal husband.
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