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“Among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility with them and He put love and mercy between your (hearts) : verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” [30:21]
I suppose if you go into marriage knowing the sequences of it and life, it becomes easier to manage it. Besides, love conquers all (and should), so it becomes easier to tolerate the shortcomings and differences of your partner, esp when you know differences are bound to happen. That is what marriage is all about.
May the Qur'an intercede for us and be a means of our Jannah. Ameen.
But what does it really mean to tolerate shortcomings?
You spend the day with your friends, have a laugh and go out and about but you don’t live with them so it’s easier to tolerate them.
Your spouse is your like your clothes - close, intimate and personal. You witness the good, bad and the ugly 24/7 so it’s harder to tolerate someone so deep inside your personal space.
A husband and wife are two different people, with a different upbringing and different perspectives on several things.
So what does it really mean to tolerate shortcomings?
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
But what does it really mean to tolerate shortcomings?
You spend the day with your friends, have a laugh and go out and about but you don’t live with them so it’s easier to tolerate them.
Your spouse is your like your clothes - close, intimate and personal. You witness the good, bad and the ugly 24/7 so it’s harder to tolerate someone so deep inside your personal space.
A husband and wife are two different people, with a different upbringing and different perspectives on several things.
So what does it really mean to tolerate shortcomings?
Tolerating shortcomings is accepting that its part of the entire package of the person you chose to marry (if you was able to choose) and reminding yourself that you most definitely have your own shortcomings and are in absolutely no way perfect.
(I don't mean if it is violent or abusive etc you should in no way tolerate that)
You need COMMUNICATION if you find that something "ticks you off" instead of holding it in and letting it rub you the wrong way untill the point of insanity, discuss it with your spouse tell them how its making you feel, how its annoying you, they may not know it is bothering you & is just a habit of theirs, and work with them to come up with a solution or even a compromise.. !!!COMMUNICATION!!!!
People tend to go running off to their parents or friends to moan & cuss their spouses instead of just talking to them and letting them know a solution or comprimise is needed for certain issues, all this does is put your spouse in a bad light, giving people the wrong idea of your spouse and leads to pre-judging assumptions.
(There is a difference between asking for advice and just straight out moaning/cussing your spouse
Changing how you speak to your spouse e.g instead of "i hate the way you do that its driving me crazy" to " habibi/habib/wife/husband/muffin/boo/shorty (whatever nickname you have for them) the way you do this it bothers me could you please do it this way or another way.
What im trying to say is to speak to your spouse about whatever issue you have in a way that you yourself would want to be spoken to by your spouse. To remember while you may dislike something about them they may be tolerating many things you do that they dislike but they put up with it as they love you.
Arguments will happen no doubt but once its over, apologies are said, get over it and move on and if you don't feel like you can then tell your spouse that you need more time instead of "pretending" to be ok when your not then more arguments erupt because you didn't communicate properly !
Marriage doesnt just happen, it takes time effort trust communication empathy. Some days your spouse may want more alone time than usual just like you so be understanding just how you would like to be understood by your spouse.
Above all put your trust in Allah & make dua for help and ease
Marriage is not easy but when you remind yourself its not just about you anymore, it becomes easier in sha Allah.
Narrated Jubair ibn Mut’im: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W), said: "He is not one us who calls for `Asabiyah, (nationalism/tribalism) or who fights for `Asabiyah or who dies for `Asabiyah." [Sunan Abu Dawud (Vol. 2, pg. 753) No. 5121]
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