I am a young impressionable girl who has just turned 20, and in my early stages of life, I am noticing amongst myself, my friends and family a lot of discrimination occurring on the basis of physical looks amongst our wealthy prominent Muslim homes which is stemming from the elders. Parents would much rather have their children become involved with drug addicts and people with low morals rather than have their daughters settle down with someone who has all the good qualities but may not be so aesthetically pleasing. Muslim parents discourage and forbid their children to marry a decent boy but are overjoyed to throw their daughters away to a "high flyer" that looks good and dresses well.
As a young girl I always believed it was the Deen, piety and character of a suitor that matter more than his weight, physical appearance or complexion. I have seen many of my friends from prominent Muslim homes as well as family members who have succumbed to the pressure of their parents and who are unhappy and suffering today. They may have all the luxury yet they are suffering in silence having to deal with husbands coming home late, intoxicated after the ‘night out’. I do not want this life for myself.
No marriage is perfect and in every marriage there are unforeseeable problems and circumstances which arise. I am not naive to that fact, marriage is not a perpetual honeymoon. But if your parents are trying to `predict´ your future to discourage you to be with someone due to their physical appearance, what should one do? I as well as many of my friends am in the same predicament, yet our parents are overjoyed to let us marry someone who is wayward and indulging in haram. What do we do in this situation? I do not want to be one of those girls that sit every day at the house of their parents while the husband does his own thing or the wife sitting by her mother 24/7 unable to take care of her home and her marriage. Please advise me. (letter edited)
Answer
It is imperative for parents to carry out their responsibility correctly. Marriage is an important decision and cannot be allowed to be affected by insensitive behaviour. Whilst we would like to believe that every parent has the best interest of their child at heart, your observations are cause for concern. Young children look up to their parents for guidance and advice and if the parent is not advising his/her child correctly, then this is a serious problem. Such a situation creates uncertainty in the home environment and puts the child in a predicament.
Making decisions for marriage solely on the basis of appearance, wealth and status alone is being shortsighted and contrary to the teachings of the Noble Quran and Sunnah. The child in this situation must avoid being disrespectful to parents but at the same time impress upon them the Islamic viewpoint. The imbalances in society that are prevalent today are largely due to people making wrong decisions on the basis of false values. True Islamic values like honesty, chastity, piety, good character, etc. must receive due priority and importance by parents and respective marriage partners alike. It is only then that Muslims can hope to build long lasting, blissful and happy marriages. Parents should not stifle and impede the progress of their children, especially when the children are on the path of righteousness.
Insightful Thread JazakAllah for posting.Actually this is a cause of concern in many societies today where false notions for marriage are spread.It creates confusion in minds of youth who are going to marry e.g nowadays too much importance is given to wealth so much so that those women or men who had idealistic notions of islam in mind that of piety and character are hesitant to accept proposals as mostly proposals have such false motives in mind.Islam says to choose Piousness out of wealth beauty and lineage as you will not b among losers .sadly most people prefer material objects than character traits.you can be content when you have good emotional connection with partner as marriage is not Buisness transaction its mutual understanding and hard work.
So many people base marriage solely on looks and money and this is arranged marriages I am talking about.. No account of Deen whatsoever.... Have we come this low?
I see this with my own eyes and it's a sad reality.. Marry someone with Deen and good character... I hereby declare you've secured your ticket to Jannah. In sha Allah khayr. (And of course someone you're attracted too - even the slightest of attraction matters I guess الحمد لله)
Last edited by ConcealedGem; 05-08-2016 at 03:49 PM.
format_quote Originally Posted by Khalid Saifullah
Question
I am a young impressionable girl who has just turned 20, and in my early stages of life, I am noticing amongst myself, my friends and family a lot of discrimination occurring on the basis of physical looks amongst our wealthy prominent Muslim homes which is stemming from the elders. Parents would much rather have their children become involved with drug addicts and people with low morals rather than have their daughters settle down with someone who has all the good qualities but may not be so aesthetically pleasing. Muslim parents discourage and forbid their children to marry a decent boy but are overjoyed to throw their daughters away to a "high flyer" that looks good and dresses well.
As a young girl I always believed it was the Deen, piety and character of a suitor that matter more than his weight, physical appearance or complexion. I have seen many of my friends from prominent Muslim homes as well as family members who have succumbed to the pressure of their parents and who are unhappy and suffering today. They may have all the luxury yet they are suffering in silence having to deal with husbands coming home late, intoxicated after the ‘night out’. I do not want this life for myself.
No marriage is perfect and in every marriage there are unforeseeable problems and circumstances which arise. I am not naive to that fact, marriage is not a perpetual honeymoon. But if your parents are trying to `predict´ your future to discourage you to be with someone due to their physical appearance, what should one do? I as well as many of my friends am in the same predicament, yet our parents are overjoyed to let us marry someone who is wayward and indulging in haram. What do we do in this situation? I do not want to be one of those girls that sit every day at the house of their parents while the husband does his own thing or the wife sitting by her mother 24/7 unable to take care of her home and her marriage. Please advise me. (letter edited)
Answer
It is imperative for parents to carry out their responsibility correctly. Marriage is an important decision and cannot be allowed to be affected by insensitive behaviour. Whilst we would like to believe that every parent has the best interest of their child at heart, your observations are cause for concern. Young children look up to their parents for guidance and advice and if the parent is not advising his/her child correctly, then this is a serious problem. Such a situation creates uncertainty in the home environment and puts the child in a predicament.
Making decisions for marriage solely on the basis of appearance, wealth and status alone is being shortsighted and contrary to the teachings of the Noble Quran and Sunnah. The child in this situation must avoid being disrespectful to parents but at the same time impress upon them the Islamic viewpoint. The imbalances in society that are prevalent today are largely due to people making wrong decisions on the basis of false values. True Islamic values like honesty, chastity, piety, good character, etc. must receive due priority and importance by parents and respective marriage partners alike. It is only then that Muslims can hope to build long lasting, blissful and happy marriages. Parents should not stifle and impede the progress of their children, especially when the children are on the path of righteousness.
Darul Ihsan Social Department
Not attractive men complaining they can't find a wife. Some things never change.
Men and women alike are allowed to choose a partner with good looks considering you're going to be spending the foreseeable future, if not the rest of your lives together.
A good looking man with a successful career and some nice wealth is obviously going to be more appealing than an overweight, unattractive, unemployed man. Perhaps he has a job that doesn't pay well so he can't support the family good enough. If you're not attractive or successful then it sucks for you. Get over it.
Not attractive men complaining they can't find a wife. Some things never change.
Men and women alike are allowed to choose a partner with good looks considering you're going to be spending the foreseeable future, if not the rest of your lives together.
A good looking man with a successful career and some nice wealth is obviously going to be more appealing than an overweight, unattractive, unemployed man. Perhaps he has a job that doesn't pay well so he can't support the family good enough. If you're not attractive or successful then it sucks for you. Get over it.
I think his trying to make a point and that is that marriages shouldn't be based SOLELY on looks and wealth..
Last edited by ConcealedGem; 05-08-2016 at 03:54 PM.
I think his trying to make a point and that is that marriages shouldn't be based SOLELY on looks and wealth..
Of course I agree. Personality is very important, is he fun and caring? Does he make you laugh and cherish you? Do you have things in common etc.
I have quite a few posts here and on ummah forum about men complaining that women are too picky. We're not too picky... We just don't want an overweight, unattractive man with little income to who still lives at his parents house... Then they have the cheek to complain that we don't accept them? wow.
There is a beautiful memory with my beloved late wife who passed away in 2013.
One Sunday when we were relax she told me. "In the past you were handsome. Many girls were attracted to you. But now?. You have turned into a fat man!". I smile and replied. "Aren't you who make me fat by your dish?". Then I continued with. "Okay, okay, I will diet and be handsome again". But my wife laugh. "No way! I want you stay fat!". Then she took the dish she just cooked, and we got lunch together.
Yes, I was a handsome guy, and was rich guy too since I inherit my father wealth who had passed away. That's why I didn't need to be bother to find a girl, because there's always girl who tried to approach me. But then I made many mistakes in business that made me lost mostly of my properties, and my business too. I fell into bankruptcy!. And stress made me ran to eating, became fat, and lost my handsomeness.
Alhamdulillah, I still had the most valuable thing in my life. My beloved wife. She was still loyal to me. Always gave me spirit that made me could raise my success again. She always loyal to me until Allah called her back return to him. I am so grateful because I've ever had her as my wife.
Yes, sisters. There's no guarantee that the rich handsome man who you know today will still rich and handsome few years later. And if he lose his wealth and handsomeness, could you still love him like my wife loved me?.
There is a beautiful memory with my beloved late wife who passed away in 2013.
One Sunday when we were relax she told me. "In the past you were handsome. Many girls were attracted to you. But now?. You have turned into a fat man!". I smile and replied. "Aren't you who make me fat by your dish?". Then I continued with. "Okay, okay, I will diet and be handsome again". But my wife laugh. "No way! I want you stay fat!". Then she took the dish she just cooked, and we got lunch together.
Yes, I was a handsome guy, and was rich guy too since I inherit my father wealth who had passed away. That's why I didn't need to be bother to find a girl, because there's always girl who tried to approach me. But then I made many mistakes in business that made me lost mostly of my properties, and my business too. I fell into bankruptcy!. And stress made me ran to eating, became fat, and lost my handsomeness.
Alhamdulillah, I still had the most valuable thing in my life. My beloved wife. She was still loyal to me. Always gave me spirit that made me could raise my success again. She always loyal to me until Allah called her back return to him. I am so grateful because I've ever had her as my wife.
Yes, sisters. There's no guarantee that the rich handsome man who you know today will still rich and handsome few years later. And if he lose his wealth and handsomeness, could you still love him like my wife loved me?.
سبحان الله
Such a sweet story, جزاك اللهُ خير for sharing.
May you be united with her in Jannah.
Wealth and handsomeness means nothing, only true love for the sake of Allah does and of course Deen..
Unfortunately many Muslims are looking solely for physical attractiveness and wealth. Just recently I heard that someone's son was saying he wants a wife who looks like Katrina Kaif. Khayr, being beautiful or handsome isn't anything negative, but it shouldn't be the *only* priority. Physical beauty will eventually fade one day, the only lasting beauty is the beauty of the heart, and a heart is beautified when it is filled with love for Allah SWT and His Messenger (pbuh).
Granted, someone who can provide for their spouse, and keeps themselves smart and clean, can be expected to a reasonable level, but the way both men and women will practically draw an entire portrait of the person they want, write an entire novel describing their appearance and lifestyle, doesn't make sense. Having such narrow mindedness may mean they miss a gem of a person, the one who would be with them in Jannah.
Brother
@ardianto
, that was such a beautiful memory of your wife you shared with us ma'sha'Allah, may Allah SWT reunite you in the highest station of Jannah.
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