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  1. #1
    AHMED PATEL's Avatar
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    the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

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    this seems too common unfortunately

    parenting is a skill,it needs to be learnt
    it takes humility,knowledge,input
    compassion,patience,and more learning

    reactive and guilt tripping your children is too easy

    im nearly 50,and have brought up my children through very difficult circumstances

    my thoughts

    let children be children,good parenting doesnt mean giving them money then sending them out
    .good parenting is to spend time with them,even with awkward and moody teenagers
    take them to the countryside,for walks,go shopping together.eat together sit together at least once a day
    .ask them about college,school etc
    .have a weekly family meeting where they can even criticize your parenting without any fear.
    listen to them .dont be toxic manipulating parents.
    dont always be telling them"im your father,im your mother",they already know that
    .teenage is a tough time,you were there once
    .be understanding of how the world has changed that you must adapt too.
    your children have it tough so be the support and parent they need.
    dont put the fear of god or hell in them .

    teach them the love of god and love of mankind
    .love them and they will learn love .
    if you emotionally manipulate them and make them feel worthless and small you will be destroying your own child.
    THEN YOU ARE STUPID.


    dads.. spend time with your daughters too not just your sons.

    dont be ashamed to go shopping and for walks with them.
    remember there will be a day when they will leave you.to be with their husband
    value your time and opportunities with them.


    great parenting takes time and energy and thought too

    if they dont want to sit with you,ask yourself why
    if they dont want to eat with you ask yourself why

    be honest about your failings and mistakes too..as a parent

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    Roha Shama's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    This is a great example for my parents they had so many problems themselves that they forgot to give me a proper upbringing,they instead thought beating me up might fix the problem but it didn't it made it worse,my father married a demon in 2013 who demands a house of her own and she basically came for his money,she also does black magic i remember when she first got married to my dad our lives went into hell!she also sent jinns to torture my eldest sister and my mother,my father was the main person who like an idiot married another woman and got himself in trouble as well she is very demanding and wants to kill us..sadly most women in my country are gold diggers,my father besides spending time with us spends it with that woman's little girl and with her and still tortures my mom even though they are divorced....
    Last edited by Roha Shama; 09-28-2016 at 03:19 PM.
    | Likes YBD liked this post

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    noraina's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    So true, subhanAllah.

    This relationship has weakened so much in recent times, like parents and children are trying to stay out of each other's way as much as possible - many times I've seen parents who don't understand their children, and then children who don't even know their parents. This is really common.

    Or a lot I see the parents can get so busy in their friends or careers that they almost forget their own children, families start eating in their bedrooms despite being together in the house....my mother was very firm we eat together as a family lol, it's something we all make an effort for.

    These days it's not parents giving the tarbiyah to their children, they're letting the outside world give them their tarbiyah, and then paying for the consequences afterwards. Then they wonder what went wrong.
    the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, Thabbit Qalbi Ala Deenik
    Oh turner of the Hearts make my heart firm on Your Deen


    islamb 1 - the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children




  5. #4
    Born_Believer's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    Man, do my parents need to see this.
    | Likes AnnaK, Muslimah inshal liked this post

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    AHMED PATEL's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    humble parenting is a lot more difficult and time consuming than... angry ,here take some money and go away parenting.

    those videos in malham... i have many with my kids alhamdulillah

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    AHMED PATEL's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    the toxic parent is a master manipulator..the muslim toxic parent will come out with hadith and aayah about mothers rights,totally forgetting hadith and aayah about childrens rights.
    this manipulator will not let go,no matter how old the children are.
    but oddly enough some children can do no wrong.so she is only toxic with the one scapegoat or black sheep.
    the chosen one or golden child or children only benefit hence will ignore the toxic mother,after all they only benefit from it,who cares if an older sibling is constantly derided,we have it all house cars respect in the community,sympathy.

    the scapegoat must not be allowed to get anywhere in life,or reveal the truth.if he tries the golden children plus toxic mom will formulate plans to silence him.he must be kept silent.

    the air of respect and normalcy must be kept alive.we are all good they say.the black sheep is the bad guy because he is a bad guy.

    wealth ,cars ,time, positive statements and support all belong to the golden child or children
    the black sheep must remain out in the wilderness to suffer and starve,thats where he belongs.

    shame on toxic parents and on silent golden/favoured children

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    AHMED PATEL's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    to be fair in an unfair world is a challenge
    to be impartial and non partisan in a biased world is an achievement

  10. #8
    AHMED PATEL's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    still very few talks and discussions about this subject matter in our mosques.

    then children go astray,
    i believe a lot of advice posts on this forum and elsewhere stem from parenting issues

  11. #9
    Arfa's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    Assalamualaikum,

    Nowadays the subject needs to be addressed so much honestly! As we as a family unit are under constant danger of falling into technology addiction. A five year old child today has access to iPhones and iPads therefore it is much easier for him to spend time with technology than really connecting with parents. Parents need to realise the importance of time over money, love and support over gifts and achievements.

    Parents who have personality disorders themselves some times compete with their children and treat them un fairly.

    A child who wants to bond with his parents but finds lack of emotional support from parents ends up with a lot of anxiety. So, yes this subject is super important for parents to understand. Sadly, life span passes and parents don't change and children are left to deal with issues themselves in order to heal.

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    AHMED PATEL's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    so many advice requests seem to be regarding bad parenting,
    some posters may have noticed i haven,t posted in a while
    i will try to help more inshallah.

    but in reality i need to talk to the parents

  14. #11
    AHMED PATEL's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    for the youth on this forum,if i can help
    i also communicate about many other issues on facebook.

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    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    Quote Originally Posted by AHMED PATEL View Post
    this seems too common unfortunately

    parenting is a skill,it needs to be learnt
    it takes humility,knowledge,input
    compassion,patience,and more learning

    reactive and guilt tripping your children is too easy

    im nearly 50,and have brought up my children through very difficult circumstances

    my thoughts

    let children be children,good parenting doesnt mean giving them money then sending them out
    .good parenting is to spend time with them,even with awkward and moody teenagers
    take them to the countryside,for walks,go shopping together.eat together sit together at least once a day
    .ask them about college,school etc
    .have a weekly family meeting where they can even criticize your parenting without any fear.
    listen to them .dont be toxic manipulating parents.
    dont always be telling them"im your father,im your mother",they already know that
    .teenage is a tough time,you were there once
    .be understanding of how the world has changed that you must adapt too.
    your children have it tough so be the support and parent they need.
    dont put the fear of god or hell in them .

    teach them the love of god and love of mankind
    .love them and they will learn love .
    if you emotionally manipulate them and make them feel worthless and small you will be destroying your own child.
    THEN YOU ARE STUPID.


    dads.. spend time with your daughters too not just your sons.

    dont be ashamed to go shopping and for walks with them.
    remember there will be a day when they will leave you.to be with their husband
    value your time and opportunities with them.


    great parenting takes time and energy and thought too

    if they dont want to sit with you,ask yourself why
    if they dont want to eat with you ask yourself why

    be honest about your failings and mistakes too..as a parent
    AAAAH! I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

    I laughed so hard when you said "THEN YOU ARE STUPID" I couldn't stop laughing. As parents you suppose to make sure your children get the best social, emotional, loving, etc, etc at max. Yes, let them criticize you once in a while..let me them be themselves.....because they are you lineage...you are genetic and social life will move on through them ones you die out. You destroy that you have destroyed your heritage in your own hands. Pretty much no different than taking a knife and cutting your throat. As you lie there dying a very painful and horrible death you ask yourself, "Uh, what just happened?"
    Last edited by xboxisdead; 03-14-2018 at 12:09 AM.
    | Likes AHMED PATEL liked this post

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    AHMED PATEL's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    thanks,jazakallah

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    AHMED PATEL's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    An interview i did with Words Heal The World. They are looking for student volunteers.I highly recommend the initiative . Contact Beatriz if interested ,on the website.

    http://www.wordshealtheworld.com/wor...h-ahmed-patel/


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    Islami.mu'min's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    This is a beautiful post. I hope to follow this one day. Unfortunately a lot of parents really just feel like they are the masters. Then if they were to see this post, they would be confused because would deny that they are wrong in any way.

    This is the reason why a lot of the youth are falling and straying from Islam.

    Especially with the fitna now, parents really need to be there for their children

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    AHMED PATEL's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    Jazakallah for responding.

  21. #17
    Studentofdeed's Avatar
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    Re: the issue of toxic parenting as opposed to loving and understanding your children

    Quote Originally Posted by AHMED PATEL View Post
    An interview i did with Words Heal The World. They are looking for student volunteers.I highly recommend the initiative . Contact Beatriz if interested ,on the website.

    http://www.wordshealtheworld.com/wor...h-ahmed-patel/

    In terms of what information are they looking for in a volunteer


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