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  1. #1
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    Rejected for dark complexion (OP)


    Asalamwalekum,

    Today i wanted to share something thats been bothering me a lot lately.

    I am constantly reminded by all the suitors that I am not good enough coz I have brown/golden complexion.

    Although I am very similar to my elder sisters in terms of features but I am a little darker in complexion when compared to them. My sisters have never had any issue with proposals and have got married AlhamdulliAllah.

    So I have done my masters and I earn more than what most of the proposals ( through some marriage consultants )
    are sent. I am passionate about cooking and very particular cleanliness. Most important of all i offer namaz 5 times a day and read Quran (though my Arabic is not that great) .

    So the point I am trying to make is though I have got some qualities in me why is it that I am still not preferred by anyone. It makes me feel unwanted and not being worthy of any happiness.

    When i was in college a lot of other faith people walked up to me to compliment me . I was complimented for a pretty face and for looking a lot younger than my actual age.

    Now that my mom and brother have started looking for matches I am rejected almost all the time. Sometimes someone rejects by saying she is not fair and some reject by saying she is not tall enough. Once a lady rolled up her sleeves to tell my mom that she is looking for someone who is as fair as her arm. I felt humiliated in front of everyone.

    My question if Allah has chosen this body and complexion for me then why I am being insulted and humiliated . Nobody even tries to know the qualities that i have and rejects me just coz of my complexion.

    Allah says in Quran that we were made different so that we could be recognised then why all the difference.

    Sadly the only discrimination I see coming is from Muslims not people of other faith.

    I feel that I am not worthy of happiness and should give up on the idea of marriage (live all alone).
    | Likes aamirsaab, Shahi liked this post

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    Serinity's Avatar
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

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    Quote Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam View Post
    You've been gone for a while. How have you been?

    Tbh, I don’t know what to say about that. Physically, my skin hurts (it is very dry, gets cracks, hard to do wudhu - starting to just do Wudhu quick cuz water hurts my dry skin…. Maybe because of the cold weather, Allahu alam)

    It is time I seek cure with the Quran. Cuz I’ve been fighting the waswass for almost 6 months. Lol. Pathetic of me lol.
    I keep telling myself Islam is pure monotheism, worship only Allah, etc. Seems like I haven’t been cured yet.

    All that waswass has gotten to me.

    Anyways, I know what to do, In shaa' Allah, what about you?
    Rejected for dark complexion

    Meaning of Shirk according to The Qur'an
    " Worshipping anyone or anything besides Allah " or " distributing anything exclusive to Allah, to anyone or anything else "

    Meaning of Tawheed according to The Qur'an
    Worshipping none but Allah. Affirming whatever is exclusive to Him, Him alone.

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  4. #42
    Huzaifah ibn Adam's Avatar
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Serinity View Post
    Tbh, I don’t know what to say about that. Physically, my skin hurts (it is very dry, gets cracks, hard to do wudhu - starting to just do Wudhu quick cuz water hurts my dry skin…. Maybe because of the cold weather, Allahu alam)

    It is time I seek cure with the Quran. Cuz I’ve been fighting the waswass for almost 6 months. Lol. Pathetic of me lol.
    I keep telling myself Islam is pure monotheism, worship only Allah, etc. Seems like I haven’t been cured yet.

    All that waswass has gotten to me.

    Anyways, I know what to do, In shaa' Allah, what about you?

    May Allaah Ta`aala cure you completely from those Wasaawis and rid you of all problems and difficulties, Aameen.

    I'm always well, Alhamdulillaah.

    With regards to the Wasaawis issue, I was just reading an article of Maulana A.S. Desai (Musjlisul Ulama of South Africa) earlier wherein he mentions it.

    Here:

    ----------------

    Q. Many people coming to the Musjid have the bad habit of leaving their shoes scattered at the entrance although shoe racks are provided. This inconveniences other musallis who have to sometimes tramp on the shoes when entering. Please comment.

    A. Whilst this bad and Makrooh habit may appear insignificant, it in reality displays the anarchy within the hearts of Muslims. They have no care for others. It is haraam to unnecessary cause inconvenience to others. Kicking off their shoes and scattering it at the entrance, reveal that they were not taught Islamic morals at home by their parents. Thus, they are just too lazy and inconsiderate of others.

    It is NOT permissible to kick off one’s shoes at the entrance of the Musjid, especially when shoe racks are available. If the careless person who kicks off his shoes at the entrance is wearing expensive shoes, he will not act so carelessly and callously. He will place his shoes in the racks. The love of money constrains him to show consideration to his shoes. The shoes which are kicked off are cheap ones, cheap sandals, tongs and the like which no one will steal.

    They also show scant or no appreciation for the ni’mat of shoes provided by Allah Ta’ala.

    No matter how cheap the item may be, it is a ni’mat provided by Allah Ta’ala and has to be appreciated and treated with respect. These people have the same evil habit of scattering their clothes at home thereby pleasing shaitaan. Shaitaan loves dirty and lazy people. They are his fertile ground for his wasaawis and snares. A Muslim is required to be alert, tidy and clean at all times. Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:

    “Verily, Allah is clean, and He loves cleanliness. Therefore, keep clean (even) that section outside your home (despite it not being your property).”

    ----------

    So, some remedies of Wasaawis are:


    • Du`aa.
    • Being with Wudhoo at all times.
    • Avoiding dirtiness/untidiness of any kind, as far as possible. Being clean at all times.
    • Performing Salaah on time, with concentration.
    • Ignoring the Wasaawis


    So there are certain things which can actually cause Wasaawis, and so it is necessary to avoid those things. One thing mentioned in this article is that of dirtiness of any kind. Allaah Ta`aalaa loves cleanliness, Shaytaan loves dirtiness. Hence, you will find that satanists rub excreta on themselves and carry out filthy actions and rituals. No Saahir (magician/sorcerer) is able to carry out Sihr (magic/sorcery) without debasing himself and engaging in filthy actions such as that mentioned earlier (rubbing excreta on themselves), nudity, etc. Those are things beloved to Shaytaan. Apparently, the Kuffaar actors and actresses are said to be very filthy themselves. This is an extract from one article online:

    ---------------------------

    "Guess what? Celebrities are just as normal as everyone else and their reported hygiene habits prove it. Everyone has skipped a day or three of showering, has forgotten to brush their teeth or apply deodorant and has had less than stellar cleanliness routines. Well, celebrities are no different. While, some of their hygiene habits are downright nasty and not at all relatable, other hygiene habits are actually quite understandable. Although stars are associated with glitz and glamour, some of them do in fact suffer from bad hygiene. Here are ten dirty Hollywood stars that need to take a bath.

    10. Jessica Simpson has been very vocal about her hygiene habits. She’s admitted on The Ellen DeGeneres Show to not brushing her teeth very often because she doesn’t like the slippery feeling that they have after brushing. The pop star confessed she only scrubs her pearly whites three times a week. Instead, she uses Listerine and rubs them clean with her shirt – 0 out of 5 dentists recommend this hygiene habit. Reportedly, a housekeeper informed Star magazine that Simpson is also very messy and will leave her clothes and hair extensions all around the house.

    9. Robert Pattinson maintains his signature hair with his very own beauty secret – not washing it. In an interview with Extra, Pattinson admitted to not washing his hair for six weeks, because he really didn’t see the point in doing that. It appears Robert doesn’t care about his apartment’s hygiene either. Pattison noted, “It’s like, I don’t clean my apartment ’cause I don’t care. I have my apartment for sleeping in and I have my hair for just, you know, hanging out on my head. I don’t care if it’s clean or not.” Crew members on the set of the Twilight films reported that Robert Pattinson drove cast members crazy because he smelled so terrible. It looks like they were not Team Edward.

    8. Mattew McConaughey admitted to People magazine that he does not wear deodorant because he doesn’t want to smell like someone or something else. The forty-four year old actor hasn’t worn deodorant in more than 20 years. Co-star, Kate Hudson while filming, Fool’s Gold with Matthew back in 2008, reportedly begged him to wear deodorant and even offered her’s up because she couldn’t stand the smell. Free spirit, McConaughey declined Kate’s offer and informed her, “Women love my natural scent. I smell like a man. I smell like me.”

    7. Like Matthew McConaughey, Cameron Diaz has also admitted to not wearing deodorant for almost twenty years. According to Splash News, Cameron wears the same outfit for four days and then never wears it again. Diaz has also taken a clear stance on pubic hair recently, declaring that a woman’s lady parts should not be groomed, because it’s natural. The forty-one year old actress is also constantly photographed with stained clothes and sweaty pit stains. There just something about Cameron Diaz.

    6. Christina Aguilera seems to be taking her lyrics, ‘Wanna get dirty?’ a little too literally. In fact, the famous pop singer reportedly stinks. She’s been said to smell like hot dogs and dollar store perfume – weird. A bathroom attendant at LA Bar Belly allegedly witnessed Christina Aguilera using the restroom and then not washing her hands. She returned back to her table eating fried calamari with her filthy paws and shaking hands with unsuspecting fans that approached her table. That was so nice and so gross of her.

    5. America’s sweetheart, Julia Roberts is apparently not so sweet smelling. A former bodyguard revealed that Julia Roberts goes days without showering because she likes to save water, which is very green and very honorable of her. The bodyguard also added that Roberts smells like a total hippie – whatever that is. Julia has admitted to not wearing deodorant, rarely showering and being lazy when it comes to shaving. What happened to our Pretty Woman?

    4. The foxy, Megan Fox is apparently not so foxy. The twenty-seven year old actress confessed that she’s horrible to live with, mainly because she doesn’t clean, she forgets to flush the toilet and she leaves her clothes everywhere. Megan stated, “Friends will tell me, Megan you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.” That too much information, Megan.

    3. While chatting with Stacy London of TLC’s show, What Not To Wear on Anderson Live in 2012, Cooper revealed that he wasn’t into fashion at all. He actually confessed to the fashionista that he wears the same pair of jeans every day and doesn’t wash them for months on end. London tried offering up some hygiene advice, by telling Cooper he should wash his jeans more than once every six months and that he should wash it in cold water with no soap. Anderson Cooper didn’t quite understand that logic and informed Stacy that when he does wash his jeans, he wears them into the shower and soaps them up. Does that really sound crazy?

    2. Britney Spears reportedly removes her clothes and flings them on the floor when she arrives home – which many of us can definitely relate to. According to a housekeeper, half eaten burgers, cookies and fries have been found under the pop star’s bed – which is not as understandable. An ex-bodyguard reported that Spears picked her nose, broke wind, refused to shower for days, did not brush her teeth or hair and did not wear deodorant, while he was working for her – which is completely unjustifiable.

    1. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Star magazine got the inside scoop from a housekeeper who revealed that the couple lives like a couple of hobos. Pizza boxes are scattered across the floors, spoiled food is left out and crayon marks covers the walls from their children – sounds like a college house. Allegedly, the famous couple doesn’t bathe very often with a week or two separating shower times. It’s been reported, while on the set of Inglorious *******s, Brad Pitt’s smell was so bad, that costar Eli Roth taught him how to wash up with baby wipes. After all, what are coworkers for?"

    --------------------------

    Filthy Kuffaar. Yet, you find so many Muslims still being infatuated with these Kuffaar and their satanic lifestyles.

    The only life worth living is the life of Islaam. The only way of life is the Islaamic way of life. We have been given the Sunnah, the greatest way of life, and yet so many choose to throw it away and instead follow the ways of the Ahl-un-Naar.

    ...فإلى الله المشتكى
    Last edited by Huzaifah ibn Adam; 11-09-2016 at 06:36 PM.
    Rejected for dark complexion

    اللي مالوش حد له ربّنا

  5. #43
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    fight fight fight

    you will find someone so long as you don't stop fighting

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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Kiro View Post
    fight fight fight

    you will find someone so long as you don't stop fighting

    No need to fight in order to get someone. Just make Du`aa.

    An `Aalim one day was explaining the Aayah:

    الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ

    "Evil women are for evil men and evil men are for evil women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women..." [Soorah an-Noor, 26:16]

    He said that if a person inculcates Taqwaa, then they will not even have to make an effort to find a spouse. Allaah Ta`aalaa will grant that person a good spouse, without much effort on his/her part. The requirement is that you become a good person. If you become a person who has Taqwaa, good Akhlaaq, etc. then you will find yourself getting proposals from people who are also good. This applies whether you are a man or a woman.

    والله تعالى أعلم
    والسلام
    | Likes زهراء, phunkadelicfu liked this post
    Rejected for dark complexion

    اللي مالوش حد له ربّنا

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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam View Post
    No need to fight in order to get someone. Just make Du`aa.

    An `Aalim one day was explaining the Aayah:

    الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ

    "Evil women are for evil men and evil men are for evil women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women..." [Soorah an-Noor, 26:16]

    He said that if a person inculcates Taqwaa, then they will not even have to make an effort to find a spouse. Allaah Ta`aalaa will grant that person a good spouse, without much effort on his/her part. The requirement is that you become a good person. If you become a person who has Taqwaa, good Akhlaaq, etc. then you will find yourself getting proposals from people who are also good. This applies whether you are a man or a woman.

    والله تعالى أعلم
    والسلام
    it's a figure of speech...

    like fighting yourself internally, not to give up ya know
    | Likes Huzaifah ibn Adam liked this post

  9. #46
    Serinity's Avatar
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam View Post
    May Allaah Ta`aala cure you completely from those Wasaawis and rid you of all problems and difficulties, Aameen.

    I'm always well, Alhamdulillaah.

    With regards to the Wasaawis issue, I was just reading an article of Maulana A.S. Desai (Musjlisul Ulama of South Africa) earlier wherein he mentions it.

    Here:

    ----------------

    Q. Many people coming to the Musjid have the bad habit of leaving their shoes scattered at the entrance although shoe racks are provided. This inconveniences other musallis who have to sometimes tramp on the shoes when entering. Please comment.

    A. Whilst this bad and Makrooh habit may appear insignificant, it in reality displays the anarchy within the hearts of Muslims. They have no care for others. It is haraam to unnecessary cause inconvenience to others. Kicking off their shoes and scattering it at the entrance, reveal that they were not taught Islamic morals at home by their parents. Thus, they are just too lazy and inconsiderate of others.

    It is NOT permissible to kick off one’s shoes at the entrance of the Musjid, especially when shoe racks are available. If the careless person who kicks off his shoes at the entrance is wearing expensive shoes, he will not act so carelessly and callously. He will place his shoes in the racks. The love of money constrains him to show consideration to his shoes. The shoes which are kicked off are cheap ones, cheap sandals, tongs and the like which no one will steal.

    They also show scant or no appreciation for the ni’mat of shoes provided by Allah Ta’ala.

    No matter how cheap the item may be, it is a ni’mat provided by Allah Ta’ala and has to be appreciated and treated with respect. These people have the same evil habit of scattering their clothes at home thereby pleasing shaitaan. Shaitaan loves dirty and lazy people. They are his fertile ground for his wasaawis and snares. A Muslim is required to be alert, tidy and clean at all times. Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:

    “Verily, Allah is clean, and He loves cleanliness. Therefore, keep clean (even) that section outside your home (despite it not being your property).”

    ----------

    So, some remedies of Wasaawis are:


    • Du`aa.
    • Being with Wudhoo at all times.
    • Avoiding dirtiness/untidiness of any kind, as far as possible. Being clean at all times.
    • Performing Salaah on time, with concentration.
    • Ignoring the Wasaawis


    So there are certain things which can actually cause Wasaawis, and so it is necessary to avoid those things. One thing mentioned in this article is that of dirtiness of any kind. Allaah Ta`aalaa loves cleanliness, Shaytaan loves dirtiness. Hence, you will find that satanists rub excreta on themselves and carry out filthy actions and rituals. No Saahir (magician/sorcerer) is able to carry out Sihr (magic/sorcery) without debasing himself and engaging in filthy actions such as that mentioned earlier (rubbing excreta on themselves), nudity, etc. Those are things beloved to Shaytaan. Apparently, the Kuffaar actors and actresses are said to be very filthy themselves. This is an extract from one article online:

    ---------------------------

    "Guess what? Celebrities are just as normal as everyone else and their reported hygiene habits prove it. Everyone has skipped a day or three of showering, has forgotten to brush their teeth or apply deodorant and has had less than stellar cleanliness routines. Well, celebrities are no different. While, some of their hygiene habits are downright nasty and not at all relatable, other hygiene habits are actually quite understandable. Although stars are associated with glitz and glamour, some of them do in fact suffer from bad hygiene. Here are ten dirty Hollywood stars that need to take a bath.

    10. Jessica Simpson has been very vocal about her hygiene habits. She’s admitted on The Ellen DeGeneres Show to not brushing her teeth very often because she doesn’t like the slippery feeling that they have after brushing. The pop star confessed she only scrubs her pearly whites three times a week. Instead, she uses Listerine and rubs them clean with her shirt – 0 out of 5 dentists recommend this hygiene habit. Reportedly, a housekeeper informed Star magazine that Simpson is also very messy and will leave her clothes and hair extensions all around the house.

    9. Robert Pattinson maintains his signature hair with his very own beauty secret – not washing it. In an interview with Extra, Pattinson admitted to not washing his hair for six weeks, because he really didn’t see the point in doing that. It appears Robert doesn’t care about his apartment’s hygiene either. Pattison noted, “It’s like, I don’t clean my apartment ’cause I don’t care. I have my apartment for sleeping in and I have my hair for just, you know, hanging out on my head. I don’t care if it’s clean or not.” Crew members on the set of the Twilight films reported that Robert Pattinson drove cast members crazy because he smelled so terrible. It looks like they were not Team Edward.

    8. Mattew McConaughey admitted to People magazine that he does not wear deodorant because he doesn’t want to smell like someone or something else. The forty-four year old actor hasn’t worn deodorant in more than 20 years. Co-star, Kate Hudson while filming, Fool’s Gold with Matthew back in 2008, reportedly begged him to wear deodorant and even offered her’s up because she couldn’t stand the smell. Free spirit, McConaughey declined Kate’s offer and informed her, “Women love my natural scent. I smell like a man. I smell like me.”

    7. Like Matthew McConaughey, Cameron Diaz has also admitted to not wearing deodorant for almost twenty years. According to Splash News, Cameron wears the same outfit for four days and then never wears it again. Diaz has also taken a clear stance on pubic hair recently, declaring that a woman’s lady parts should not be groomed, because it’s natural. The forty-one year old actress is also constantly photographed with stained clothes and sweaty pit stains. There just something about Cameron Diaz.

    6. Christina Aguilera seems to be taking her lyrics, ‘Wanna get dirty?’ a little too literally. In fact, the famous pop singer reportedly stinks. She’s been said to smell like hot dogs and dollar store perfume – weird. A bathroom attendant at LA Bar Belly allegedly witnessed Christina Aguilera using the restroom and then not washing her hands. She returned back to her table eating fried calamari with her filthy paws and shaking hands with unsuspecting fans that approached her table. That was so nice and so gross of her.

    5. America’s sweetheart, Julia Roberts is apparently not so sweet smelling. A former bodyguard revealed that Julia Roberts goes days without showering because she likes to save water, which is very green and very honorable of her. The bodyguard also added that Roberts smells like a total hippie – whatever that is. Julia has admitted to not wearing deodorant, rarely showering and being lazy when it comes to shaving. What happened to our Pretty Woman?

    4. The foxy, Megan Fox is apparently not so foxy. The twenty-seven year old actress confessed that she’s horrible to live with, mainly because she doesn’t clean, she forgets to flush the toilet and she leaves her clothes everywhere. Megan stated, “Friends will tell me, Megan you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.” That too much information, Megan.

    3. While chatting with Stacy London of TLC’s show, What Not To Wear on Anderson Live in 2012, Cooper revealed that he wasn’t into fashion at all. He actually confessed to the fashionista that he wears the same pair of jeans every day and doesn’t wash them for months on end. London tried offering up some hygiene advice, by telling Cooper he should wash his jeans more than once every six months and that he should wash it in cold water with no soap. Anderson Cooper didn’t quite understand that logic and informed Stacy that when he does wash his jeans, he wears them into the shower and soaps them up. Does that really sound crazy?

    2. Britney Spears reportedly removes her clothes and flings them on the floor when she arrives home – which many of us can definitely relate to. According to a housekeeper, half eaten burgers, cookies and fries have been found under the pop star’s bed – which is not as understandable. An ex-bodyguard reported that Spears picked her nose, broke wind, refused to shower for days, did not brush her teeth or hair and did not wear deodorant, while he was working for her – which is completely unjustifiable.

    1. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Star magazine got the inside scoop from a housekeeper who revealed that the couple lives like a couple of hobos. Pizza boxes are scattered across the floors, spoiled food is left out and crayon marks covers the walls from their children – sounds like a college house. Allegedly, the famous couple doesn’t bathe very often with a week or two separating shower times. It’s been reported, while on the set of Inglorious *******s, Brad Pitt’s smell was so bad, that costar Eli Roth taught him how to wash up with baby wipes. After all, what are coworkers for?"

    --------------------------

    Filthy Kuffaar. Yet, you find so many Muslims still being infatuated with these Kuffaar and their satanic lifestyles.

    The only life worth living is the life of Islaam. The only way of life is the Islaamic way of life. We have been given the Sunnah, the greatest way of life, and yet so many choose to throw it away and instead follow the ways of the Ahl-un-Naar.

    ...فإلى الله المشتكى
    In order to be a Muslim, one has to believe and accept Islam in its entirety, no 40%, or 90%, or even 99,9%, one has to believe and accept it 100%. The Sunnah and the Qur'aan.

    Correct?

    As for cleanliness- my body is clean, but I admit, my room is not always top notch clean.

    I always have waswass about worship. The Islamic way is Pure tawheed, and that can be none other than submitting and worshipping Allah alone, in everything we do. Be it reading Qur'aan - make it an ibadah - school, college, work. etc.

    I don't find anything worthy of devoting one's life to in this world. Complete devotion is only for Allah.

    As for those stars, they sound like complete nutcases. Not anyone I'd ever look up to. I don't like music, or trends. They all sound boring to me. I'd rather be in Jannah with the King of Kings - Allah.

    And Allah knows best.
    | Likes Huzaifah ibn Adam, Anam Amrin liked this post
    Rejected for dark complexion

    Meaning of Shirk according to The Qur'an
    " Worshipping anyone or anything besides Allah " or " distributing anything exclusive to Allah, to anyone or anything else "

    Meaning of Tawheed according to The Qur'an
    Worshipping none but Allah. Affirming whatever is exclusive to Him, Him alone.

  10. #47
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Serinity View Post
    In order to be a Muslim, one has to believe and accept Islam in its entirety, no 40%, or 90%, or even 99,9%, one has to believe and accept it 100%. The Sunnah and the Qur'aan.

    Correct?

    As for cleanliness- my body is clean, but I admit, my room is not always top notch clean.

    I always have waswass about worship. The Islamic way is Pure tawheed, and that can be none other than submitting and worshipping Allah alone, in everything we do. Be it reading Qur'aan - make it an ibadah - school, college, work. etc.

    I don't find anything worthy of devoting one's life to in this world. Complete devotion is only for Allah.

    As for those stars, they sound like complete nutcases. Not anyone I'd ever look up to. I don't like music, or trends. They all sound boring to me. I'd rather be in Jannah with the King of Kings - Allah.

    And Allah knows best.
    http://www.ka.org.za/content/wasaawis-thoughts

    http://www.thejamiat.co.za/index.php...eous&Itemid=37

    Maulana Yunus Patel رحمة الله عليه wrote a Kitaab which deals with the issue of Wasaawis. You can download it here:

    http://yunuspatel.co.za/downloads/Wh...Shaytaan_2.pdf
    Rejected for dark complexion

    اللي مالوش حد له ربّنا

  11. #48
    kritikvernunft's Avatar
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Serinity View Post
    In order to be a Muslim, one has to believe and accept Islam in its entirety, no 40%, or 90%, or even 99,9%, one has to believe and accept it 100%. The Sunnah and the Qur'aan.
    I have been asked the greatest sacrifice possible. I have now even accepted that Jesus was allowed to perform miracles. People said that I would never believe this. Isn't this impossibly large sacrifice, full proof of my faith?

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    Ali12344's Avatar
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Born_Believer View Post
    People have different views on beauty, it's all very subjective. However, if a potential suitor of his relatives do not like you or they way you look, it's exceptionally rude for them to broadcast that view so openly. I doubt you would ever want to marry into a family like that.

    At the end of the day, keep doing what you're doing and Allah will give you a match better than you can imagine even now, inshallah.

    In terms of the whole complexion issue, you have to understand that the vast majority of the muslim world, from Africa through the middle east to Asia was ruled by Europeans. Mainly the British, the French and the Dutch. They perpetuated this idea that white is beautiful and dark/brown/black is not. it's an idea that was so embedded into the minds of the colonial subjects that it still endures to this day and not just in the Muslim community. It's stupid imo but hey, that's the way it is and as Muslims, we should all be optimistic about where our life will take us.
    I don't think so

    Pashtuns werent ruled by Europeans and even beat them at all wars yet Pashtuns like white skin also

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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin View Post
    Thank you for your kind words it really helps me to feel good about myself. I do understand that there are preferences when it comes to selecting a partner but the problem is that the preference starts and ends with complexion. I live in India where most of the people are brown complexioned but people still prefer white over brown, our community being the most discriminating.

    The proposals don't go beyond the pictures and if they do then the mothers of the suitors who come to my place make me feel as if i am some sort of spot which should be erased altogether.

    The problem is so deep rooted that even a dark complexioned guy wants a snow white as a partner and sadly the mothers encourage their behaviour.

    I am disheartened coz I have to go through this humiliation each time someone comes with a proposal. It's like i am some dummy doll who has no feelings or emotions and somehow people have got the rights to judge or humiliate me.
    In india most marriage ads say wheat skin not white skin. Fair as in Indian type of fair skin not pale European girl. I know most Indian guys just want a girl lighter than they arw but not pale white at all. Like bollywood types which show women as mostly light olive and men as dark olive but still lighter than most Indian people and good features too. However skin tone bias exist in many parts of the world. Even in arab lands its common but in the past it wasnt, in the past, the southern Arabs were a proud people who said white skin was for the slaves and same way they did to rh3 black skins also.

    After European rise they started to see white as superior but in the past the bedouin arabs look down on the white skin slav races and the turks/persians too

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    Ali12344's Avatar
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by kritikvernunft View Post
    You could look outside India? For example, in my case, my father is European/white and my mother is African/black, the reverse of Obama's ancestry. I am ok with any type of complexion. My brother and my sister are married to African/black. I am the only one who isn't. My siblings found them more suitable for the purpose of marriage. I married a Southeast Asian wife.

    I am sure quite a few men outside India will think that you are attractive. I am quite convinced that if I saw your picture, I would also think that you are attractive. Why not?

    Concerning "So I have done my masters and I earn more than ...", I must admit that I would also feel intimidated if you happened to make more than me. It would certainly be a show stopper. Furthermore, a master's degree is not a requirement. Making lots of money isn't either. A white skin isn't either. I would have no qualms at all with dark black skin, like for example in Tamil Nadu or so. In fact, I feel like I should start taking in second-wife applications from darker-skinned ladies having difficulties with silly male light-skin preferences! ;-)
    most men are not as color obsessed as people make out go be. They just want decent looking women who are in shape. However almost most guys I know want women they can tell to work in the house all day

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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Go marry a white muslim and never bring your kids around when you have them.

    The negativity is always reaching for its fingertips to grasp onto our lives..

    Dont deceive yourself by letting it come from your own tongue.

    ..the others? Sincere actors, but dont ask them if they live in an eastenders side plot or they might get offended.


    Dont take my post at face value or your doing your education a disservice..

    A loose analogy of marriage.. you would rather end up with twice as much of something than half.. not talking bout money necessarily.

    Plan as well as you can, I dont know in which of our actions god plans against us.
    Last edited by M.I.A.; 1 Week Ago at 04:22 PM.

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    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin View Post
    Asalamwalekum,

    Today i wanted to share something thats been bothering me a lot lately.

    I am constantly reminded by all the suitors that I am not good enough coz I have brown/golden complexion.

    Although I am very similar to my elder sisters in terms of features but I am a little darker in complexion when compared to them. My sisters have never had any issue with proposals and have got married AlhamdulliAllah.

    So I have done my masters and I earn more than what most of the proposals ( through some marriage consultants )
    are sent. I am passionate about cooking and very particular cleanliness. Most important of all i offer namaz 5 times a day and read Quran (though my Arabic is not that great) .

    So the point I am trying to make is though I have got some qualities in me why is it that I am still not preferred by anyone. It makes me feel unwanted and not being worthy of any happiness.

    When i was in college a lot of other faith people walked up to me to compliment me . I was complimented for a pretty face and for looking a lot younger than my actual age.

    Now that my mom and brother have started looking for matches I am rejected almost all the time. Sometimes someone rejects by saying she is not fair and some reject by saying she is not tall enough. Once a lady rolled up her sleeves to tell my mom that she is looking for someone who is as fair as her arm. I felt humiliated in front of everyone.

    My question if Allah has chosen this body and complexion for me then why I am being insulted and humiliated . Nobody even tries to know the qualities that i have and rejects me just coz of my complexion.

    Allah says in Quran that we were made different so that we could be recognised then why all the difference.

    Sadly the only discrimination I see coming is from Muslims not people of other faith.

    I feel that I am not worthy of happiness and should give up on the idea of marriage (live all alone).
    This my dear sister is a result of two things. 1. the general uneducated ignorant nature of our South Asian elder generation and 2, light brown does happen to be the colour most people like (blacks use bleach to make themselves lighter and whites tan their skin), but it's the ignorance that leads to rude behaviour such as that woman pulling up her sleeve and saying 'I want this colour'

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    Ali12344's Avatar
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by M.I.A. View Post
    Go marry a white muslim and never bring your kids around when you have them.

    The negativity is always reaching for its fingertips to grasp onto our lives..

    Dont deceive yourself by letting it come from your own tongue.

    ..the others? Sincere actors, but dont ask them if they live in an eastenders side plot or they might get offended.


    Dont take my post at face value or your doing your education a disservice..

    A loose analogy of marriage.. you would rather end up with twice as much of something than half.. not talking bout money necessarily.

    Plan as well as you can, I dont know in which of our actions god plans against us.
    Whites are 98% nonMuslims and also marrying converts is illegal because just going for the opposite gender outside of marriage is haram. Also most men just want decent skin tones not pale girls anyways.

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    eesa the kiwi's Avatar
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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Marrying converts is illegal that's a new one. Guess no one told the sahabah radiallaho anhum that
    Rejected for dark complexion

    The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
    Marrying converts is illegal that's a new one. Guess no one told the sahabah radiallaho anhum that
    in a world like this, even the trolls are nice apparently.. if only it was always this easy.

    but he has a point, better to lie to ourselves than to have to actually make socially unacceptable choices..

    but who wants to find the line between getting out of hand or finding out whos been holding you back all this time?

    ..id settle for a fast car, no doubt someones already talking about it.


    i cant be doing with this first thing in the morning.. command me to be well, why dont you.


    its a joke because the future is written on good company and good conversation.. you really dont want to marry an unbeliever..

    beware of the one that threatens you with poverty and beckons you towards abomination, he is the evil one..

    not necessarily talking bout money here.
    Last edited by M.I.A.; 1 Week Ago at 01:10 PM. Reason: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50kr23cMUBc

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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Ali12344 View Post
    Whites are 98% nonMuslims and also marrying converts is illegal because just going for the opposite gender outside of marriage is haram. Also most men just want decent skin tones not pale girls anyways.
    Brother Allah hasn't made it illegal to marry converts so we shouldn't either

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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmed. View Post
    Brother Allah hasn't made it illegal to marry converts so we shouldn't either
    Allah(SWT) has made premarital relationships behind your parents back illegal which is the only way any of these relationships take place. Many people convert for the benefit of the doubt. This is why Muslims can marry nonMuslim women but not the other way around. This age with media today, to marry a convert with illicit relationships online without arrange parent approval was very different from bedouin arab ways.

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    Re: Rejected for dark complexion

    I understand what you are saying. You are right is so many ways but it is probably not the right way to say it. I wrote a post on this topic few weeks ago, link is below and hope that will help to explain Islamic narrative on marrying Ahal al Kitab.
    On Marriage between Muslims and non Muslims.

    On Marriage between Muslims and non Muslims.
    Salaam I thought this was a settled question, some would like to change it. Embedded Tweet...


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