My wife don't want to wear the hijab. Divorce?

Wa alaykum assalam,

Brother, divorce is *utterly* a last resort and I personally don't believe that this reason alone is enough to justify divorcing her.

I am assuming when you married her she wasn't wearing the hijab, and the truth is you initially accepted her as she is but since then your faith has grown - which is good ma'sha'Allah. However you cannot expect her iman or understanding of Islam to increase at the same time as yours. Be patient and understanding with her. She might be confused as to why you suddenly wish for her to wear the hijab if you didn't make that clear before marriage.

More than that, she prays five times a day and observes Ramadan - so she does have a commitment to Islam which you can build on.

Hijab is certainly compulsory for Muslim women, so I'd recommend you continue to advise her *gently* on its importance in Islam, don't be pushy, maybe get her to visit the mosque or some Muslim sisters who can teach her about the rulings concerning the hijab. In'sha'Allah she'll be receptive to it once she has been given enough evidence and explanations. And make sure you lead by example as her husband.

If this is the only issue in your marriage, I wouldn't divorce on these grounds alone. May Allah swt guide us all to the correct understanding of our religion. Ameen.

Do not help shaytaan in turning her away from Islam, i.e. do not be idealistic. She knows it is an obligation, and she is sinning by not having Hijab on.

She is in a time of weakness right now. What she needs is the fear of Allah, and understanding of the deen. Alhamdulillah she prays 5 times a day.

Balance between hope and fear of Allah. Be gentle about it..

I honestly don't know how to make her wear Hijab, and I understand your frustrations.

Allahu alam.

Thank you for answering. Below answer to your questions:

Wearing the scarf is only part of hijab, does she adhere to other parts of hijab like loose clothing, staying away from men, carrying herself in a modest manner etc

She is improving to dress loose clothing. She dress jeans but most of the time she cover her behind, the same with covering her chest. Before it was the opposite. But she stays away from men and carry in a modest manner. She don’t drink alcohol and is not interested in parties. She have a good heart.

Another question would be, how are YOU doing as the imaam of your household? Do you understand why you pray 5 times per day, fast and why women should wear hijab? Are you leading by example? Are you kind and loving to her? There's alot more to your situation than what you may think. Not everyone follows rules simply because they are told to do things, ESPECIALLY not a hispanic woman

we are not the tamest of the female species. Conviction needs to come to her and she will blossom. You can either help her develop or help her turn away depending on your mannerism. You have alot to do with this.


Hamdolilah I am practicing the Islam as good as I can. Yes I understand why we pray and I pray daily, yes I understand why women have to dress hijab, I am aware that I have to give a good example otherwise its sinless. I know my wife like you said if I dedicate her good time and be kind and sweet she will be like a blossom. I am aware of that but I cannot be always like that and that’s the problem. When I have a bad mood it affect her also and the she can be really sensitive.

I am assuming when you married her she wasn't wearing the hijab, and the truth is you initially accepted her as she is but since then your faith has grown - which is good ma'sha'Allah. However you cannot expect her iman or understanding of Islam to increase at the same time as yours. Be patient and understanding with her. She might be confused as to why you suddenly wish for her to wear the hijab if you didn't make that clear before marriage.

Before we were going to marry we discussed many times about wearing a hijab. I knew it would be a problem but I accepted it. The reason why I accept it is because she converted to the Islam. I said to my self is early to talk about it. But I didn’t want to stay in a haram relationship and that’s why we married.
The next thing is that all due our fights and discussion I got really sensitive with her. There were some serious action from her like being stubborn that I couldn’t accept it from here. Now I am in a stadium that I lost my feelings from here. And I don’t know if to continue with her or not. I feel like I have to break myself emotionally before she improve a bit. I can’t follow like this. I want a peaceful relationship that both can work to pleasure Allah. Not that I have to spend and lose many time to convince someone about believe or other things. I have no energy for this anymore. Too much being stubborn is not a good behaviour.

Bismillah Ir-Rehman Ir-Raheem
(In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim89

Before we were going to marry we discussed many times about wearing a hijab. I knew it would be a problem but I accepted it. The reason why I accept it is because she converted to the Islam. I said to my self is early to talk about it. But I didn’t want to stay in a haram relationship and that’s why we married. The next thing is that all due our fights and discussion I got really sensitive with her. There were some serious action from her like being stubborn that I couldn’t accept it from here. Now I am in a stadium that I lost my feelings from here. And I don’t know if to continue with her or not. I feel like I have to break myself emotionally before she improve a bit. I can’t follow like this. I want a peaceful relationship that both can work to pleasure Allah. Not that I have to spend and lose many time to convince someone about believe or other things. I have no energy for this anymore. Too much being stubborn is not a good behaviour.

I apologize, brother, but from what I've read of what you've written here, you don't want to continue the marriage because your ego is hurt that she is not listening and you are perceiving her refusal to wear a hijab as a sign of personal disrespect to you and your role as a husband. However, you refuse to see that you are being perhaps more stubborn on this issue and refusing to see her side at all. It is not easy to wear a hijab, especially if you live anywhere in Western countries. For example, I remember being forwarded an email from another specific to an imam about a few months ago saying that women who are fearful of being harassed or otherwise bothered can elect to not wear the hijab. However, here you are, a man, not likely identifiable as a Muslim to non-Muslim populace, telling your convert wife to wear a hijab when not only all her life she has not worn any type of headscarf but she might have genuine reasons to fear the reactions of others if she should wear the hijab in today's anti-Muslim climate and willingly makes herself an ostensible symbol of Islam. Please know each terror attack that takes place around the globe highlighted in the news becomes a means for some racist or Islamophobic person to harass Muslim women because the women are perceived as easier targets. Recently, in the U.S., a man was ranting an anti-Muslim rant to two women he perceived to be Muslim, and then he subsequently stabbed three men who tried to defend the women, resulting in two deaths. Why is it so hard for you to understand that your wife deserves a husband who understands her and supports her and eases her way into wearing the hijab by inspiring her?

Marriage is hard work, and I am assume you are mature enough to gauge this fact.

If you make the decision to take the path of divorce, then know that it doesn't mean your next wife (as I assume you will not wish to be single for your entire life) will be any more willing to wear a hijab nor will that mean you'll get a wife who automatically submits to your decisions. You cannot win a woman's heart or mind through force or compulsion; you can win her heart and mind by being the best husband you can be so that she's inspired of her own volition to be the kind of wife you think you right now deserve. You came to IB to ask for advice, and you've been given wise advice. Now whether you follow any of the aforesaid given advice depends on you - take some time to reflect.

(And peace be upon you)

Assalamu Alaikum

format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim89

Dear brothers and sisters,

My wife converted to the Islam 2 years ago and is originally from Peru. Lately I am facing some serious problems with my wife. My wife refuse to wear a hijab, is temperament and is sometimes really stubborn with me. I explained her that wearing hijab is really important in the Islam, she know this also. But she told me that for her is difficult and she will never wear a scarf or hijab. I told her that I want to see her in the paradise and we have to work together to achieve it. But, I cannot do this by myself. Also I told her that I am responsible for her and she need to obey me instead to be stubborn.

My wife she pray her 5 daily prayers and she also doing the Ramadan.

I cannot force my wife to wear the hijab, but I am also tired to repeat and to fight for this. I think my wife will not change her mind set. We still don’t have children, is it for me acceptable to stay in this relationship or do I need to divorce her? Or follow and do this for Allah?

Thank you for advising.

You should give her some books about hijaab in her language and continue to give her dawah in a kind manner. Do not be stubborn or angry with her. It's only been 2 years that she's been a Muslimah, so she is still learning. THere are many of us women who are born muslim and it takes us a very long time to wear the hijaab even though we are familiar with it from a young age. She has to obey you as her husband, but since she doesn't see the severity in not wearing the hijaab and also not obeying you, it may just be she needs to reach that level of her iman.

You shouldn't have children with her until you are sure she is the person you want to remain with for the rest of your life. If you have done everything to help her and she is still not fulfilling that obligation, then you have the right to divorce her and marry someone who you believe is more suitable for you. I also think you should consult with a sheikh and see what he thinks.

If you divorced her, do you think she will remain a muslim?

We all know Hijab is an obligation. Try to recite Qur'an, make it a daily habit, especially in the month of Ramadhan, try to recite, it will purify the soul, make her listen to the Quran.

Listening,
purifying,
Laws of Islam,
the Wisdom,

By listening to the Qur'aan, one purifies themselves. By doing that one draws themselves closer to Allah, who is All-Pure. By getting closer to Allah and being purified by the recitation of the Qur'an, one can start to introduce the Laws of Islam, and explaining the wisdom behind it.

Remember these attributes of Allah:

The King,
The Pure,
The Authority,
The Wise,

Try to make her, and you, engrain the understanding in your hearts. By listening to Quran one purifies themselves from sins and the fitrah gets purified, One should know that Allah has authority and that whatever is legislated in Islam, is with wisdom.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J6dxR6wkjg (1 hour) try to watch it, it is about self-transformation.

AFAIK, if the first thing Allah revealed, ever, was "do not drink alcohol" the Sahabahs r.a. wouldn't be able to stop. Same here, if you say "wear Hijab", she knows it is an obligation, but she might lack the understanding of wisdom behind it.

One needs to ingrain the Taqwa.
There are gradual steps. I RECOMMEND you to watch the video.

Allahu alam.

Does your wife has female Muslim friends? Talking with other sisters might helps her to think again about using hijab and sisters can give to her good advices also about other matters in life like how to restrain temperament. If there is mosque near, there might be some sister´s groups.

format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim89

I understand that but like I said before I don't want enter the he'll fire because my wife didn't wear hijab. That's the reason that I don't want to follow

Why do you think that you could enter to the hell fire because of disobedience of your wife? I have thought that we all are in responsible of our own sins only, not others.