Is the issue feminism, or not enough of it (from my perspective)?

Sheikh Imran Nazar Hossein made an interesting speech about this, watch it if you will....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PO6n7x33aFg&t=892s

Here are my two perspectives....
I come from a broken, divorced family. My father verbally and emotionally was not as nice as he could be, and I'm saying that as nicely as possible to avoid backbiting, he was likely even worse than it sounds but I hardly remember because I was a kid...my parents divorced and my father started yelling a lot and then my mom fought back and finally both of them couldn't take it anymore. The whole family went into family therapy, but my dad bailed out after the first time. After a while, I moved, but my dad visited frequently, or let me into his house after a 4 hour ride. Soon, he started seeing me and my brother separetely after we had our falling out, and he urged us to not talk to each other.....soon, my father and I had an argument about me talking to my younger female cousins over the phone (my mother's nieces, mind you) and he kicked me out. He saw me in my home city, but gradually grew apart, and was at times acting in a way which hurt my feelings. For instance, when i was having a panic attack, he started yelling at me in a restaurant for "not acting like a normal human being"
Whenever my father would be mad at me, he wouldn't talk to me, but, mind you, in the past i would hang up on him when he yelled over the phone.
Recently, he didn't talk to me because i got mad because he threatened to unleash a file of everything i had ever done since middle school to whoever i tried to marry and their father if i tried getting married......later, because i threatened to kill myself, and eventually, he refused to call me, saying he was just going to text me. eventually, i called him for eid (normally, he doesn't let me call him because i "call too much") but he didnt reply so i just said, "hayirli bayramlar" (happy eid), and replied in kind, i asked if we could talk, he said, "i dont think that's a good idea" and started asking me by text about my classes, so i threatened to block him if he texted me again without calling. we haven't spoken since.
my mother on the other hand, as always been my best advocate, and has worked so, so, so hard to provide for me AND take care of my disabilities AND provide the best life for me.
she does all this, all the while living well and self-reliantly, (albeit with the help of my sister and brother-in-law so i guess not fully), and at the SAME TIME is getting a master's degree. she has no mahrams in the US. she also dealt with an abusive husband before my dad, my sister's dad (so...a half sister). she is a fiercely loyal, kind, and hard working woman.

but....on the other hand....at what cost? she has become a bit of a tough lady, a sort of "man-woman" like the hardcore Turkish politician Meral Aksener, and has gained much weight due to stress eating and i fear for her health and her longevity. she also made a mistake.....she traveled to america, and got married, first with a non muslim, (my sister's father), and then my dad (a muslim), without a mahram or wali. had she traveled with a mahram, he could have provided for us, or had she stayed in turkey, none of this may have happened, and principles, and the abandonment of them lead to consequences, and are just that....principles. she is not as nurturing at times due to her being busy so much, and she often relies on riba and other sins, like non halal fast food, and she doesn't seem very religious, at least not outwardly.

so is the problem feminism, or lack of it? what is the religious perspective.