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  1. #1
    Nk01's Avatar
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    Can’t cope

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    Salaam

    I pray everyone is in good health InshaAllah

    My brother married my cousin ( my mums’s sisters daughter; niece) from Pakistan 5 years ago. They never got along since day 1. My brother wanted to divorce her from the last 4 years and he never consummated the marriage.

    My mother was adamant when her niece gets to the UK she will change. But my brother hated her more; because she had weird habits and off putting attitude. Now, my cousin been here in the UK for 2.5 years she does not want to go back to Pakistan. Her and her family are forcing my mum to get their daughter a nationality.

    Every since my cousin got to the UK; she’s been nothing but a fitna and causes so much fasads. Due to her and my brother fighting, my mother had to move her out to our neighbours house. She has made herself out to be a ‘victim’. The whole neighbourhood ‘pities’ her and even my own mother bad mouthes my brother.

    My brother said he’ll do what he can to get this girl a ‘nationality’. This is were the issue has arised as my father and sisters are against this.

    The problem we have is that she has made my mother feel guilty of her actions and wrong doing. My mother refuses to listen to her husband and children. My cousin repeatedly gets rude to my parents; which distresses us out a lot.

    Astagfirullah; we have come to a stage where we can’t stand the girls presence. I can’t look at the girls face anymore. When we see her, we get anger filled in us. I hate it when I feel like it; Astagfirullah I have never felt like this to anyone but her.

    I don’t know what to do. When I see her I say salaam and that’s it, she knows how to act fake really well in front of a gathering and I can’t do it.

    We’re so confused to what we should do.

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    azc's Avatar
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    Re: Can’t cope

    Now, only option before you is that your brother should live with his wife in a separate house.
    Can’t cope

    Allah (swt) knows best

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    Nk01's Avatar
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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by azc View Post
    Now, only option before you is that your brother should live with his wife in a separate house.
    JazakaAllah for replying. I don’t think you understood my post, my brother has divorced his wife as my cousin. My cousin is not living with us but with our neighbours. She refuses to go back to Pakistan.

    Due to also of fitna which my mum gets from her sister and niece is affecting our household. That’s why we are finding it hard to cope.

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by Nk01 View Post
    JazakaAllah for replying. I don’t think you understood my post, my brother has divorced his wife as my cousin. My cousin is not living with us but with our neighbours. She refuses to go back to Pakistan.

    Due to also of fitna which my mum gets from her sister and niece is affecting our household. That’s why we are finding it hard to cope.
    Asalaamualaykum

    Its not a misunderstanding on the other persons behalf - you never mention anything about a divorce in your original post.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Nk01 View Post
    Salaam

    I pray everyone is in good health InshaAllah

    My brother married my cousin ( my mums’s sisters daughter; niece) from Pakistan 5 years ago. They never got along since day 1. My brother wanted to divorce her from the last 4 years and he never consummated the marriage.

    My mother was adamant when her niece gets to the UK she will change. But my brother hated her more; because she had weird habits and off putting attitude. Now, my cousin been here in the UK for 2.5 years she does not want to go back to Pakistan. Her and her family are forcing my mum to get their daughter a nationality.

    Every since my cousin got to the UK; she’s been nothing but a fitna and causes so much fasads. Due to her and my brother fighting, my mother had to move her out to our neighbours house. She has made herself out to be a ‘victim’. The whole neighbourhood ‘pities’ her and even my own mother bad mouthes my brother.

    My brother said he’ll do what he can to get this girl a ‘nationality’. This is were the issue has arised as my father and sisters are against this.

    The problem we have is that she has made my mother feel guilty of her actions and wrong doing. My mother refuses to listen to her husband and children. My cousin repeatedly gets rude to my parents; which distresses us out a lot.

    Astagfirullah; we have come to a stage where we can’t stand the girls presence. I can’t look at the girls face anymore. When we see her, we get anger filled in us. I hate it when I feel like it; Astagfirullah I have never felt like this to anyone but her.

    I don’t know what to do. When I see her I say salaam and that’s it, she knows how to act fake really well in front of a gathering and I can’t do it.

    We’re so confused to what we should do.
    Asalaamualaykum:

    Questions regarding your post so that the correct advice can be rendered.

    You have already confirmed in a follow up post that your brother has divorced your cousin.

    What Status of divorce is this ? Did he issue an irrevocable Talaq ? (ie. commonly known as 3 talaq...The Nikah is totally over)
    Can’t cope

    Dark Side Of The Moon

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by Nk01 View Post
    JazakaAllah for replying. I don’t think you understood my post, my brother has divorced his wife as my cousin. My cousin is not living with us but with our neighbours. She refuses to go back to Pakistan. Due to also of fitna which my mum gets from her sister and niece is affecting our household. That’s why we are finding it hard to cope.
    If you think that her nationality will create your family more problems in future then ignore her and others, how long she gets her visa extended, oneday officials will deport her back to Pakistan or at least for the sake of her being your relative you people help her in getting nationality and close the chapter.
    Can’t cope

    Allah (swt) knows best

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by azc View Post
    If you think that her nationality will create your family more problems in future then ignore her and others, how long she gets her visa extended, oneday officials will deport her back to Pakistan or at least for the sake of her being your relative you people help her in getting nationality and close the chapter.
    My mother wants to keep her relationship with her sister and this is the condition placed for her nationality. My mother’s niece has no one here in this country but my mother.

    Her visa extension was rejected as my mother had to flow to Pakistan to a death in the family when her nieces extension was due. This was a big sign- the solicitors have all said to my mother there is no genuine proof to prove this marriage. She has to wait 10 years now for a nationality and my mother is still fighting for her. She also asking around to find marriage proposals for her.

    The thing is, if she was living in peace it was no problem. But EVERYDAY they is a new drama with her or her mother.

    Everyone in Pakistan has made ‘parties’ against my mother and our family.

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    Asalaamualaykum

    Its not a misunderstanding on the other persons behalf - you never mention anything about a divorce in your original post.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Asalaamualaykum:

    Questions regarding your post so that the correct advice can be rendered.

    You have already confirmed in a follow up post that your brother has divorced your cousin.

    What Status of divorce is this ? Did he issue an irrevocable Talaq ? (ie. commonly known as 3 talaq...The Nikah is totally over)
    According to my brother, he doesn’t consider her as his wife. He has drafted the Islamic divorce in writing which my mother has and my mother won’t give it to her niece. My brother has said he gave her the talaaq numerous of times to her face. He has no form of contact with her nor does he talk to her past 2 years now.

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Another thing, is this normal. My cousin is willing to put an ‘act’ on that she is ‘married’ and does so.. so she can stay here as long as she can for a nationality.

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by Nk01 View Post
    According to my brother, he doesn’t consider her as his wife. He has drafted the Islamic divorce in writing which my mother has and my mother won’t give it to her niece. My brother has said he gave her the talaaq numerous of times to her face. He has no form of contact with her nor does he talk to her past 2 years now.

    That is confusing. Why didn't your brother just issue the paper to you cousin. Why does your mother have it?

    Anyway - that sounds like an irrevocable Talaq if he issued it many times on her face - The paper is meaningless at this point.

    Is he registered in UK court also ?


    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Nk01 View Post
    According to my brother, he doesn’t consider her as his wife. He has drafted the Islamic divorce in writing which my mother has and my mother won’t give it to her niece. My brother has said he gave her the talaaq numerous of times to her face. He has no form of contact with her nor does he talk to her past 2 years now.

    That is confusing. Why didn't your brother just issue the paper to you cousin. Why does your mother have it?

    Anyway - that sounds like an irrevocable Talaq if he issued it many times on her face - The paper is meaningless at this point.

    Is he registered in UK court also ?
    Can’t cope

    Dark Side Of The Moon

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post

    That is confusing. Why didn't your brother just issue the paper to you cousin. Why does your mother have it?

    Anyway - that sounds like an irrevocable Talaq if he issued it many times on her face - The paper is meaningless at this point.

    Is he registered in UK court also ?


    - - - Updated - - -



    That is confusing. Why didn't your brother just issue the paper to you cousin. Why does your mother have it?

    Anyway - that sounds like an irrevocable Talaq if he issued it many times on her face - The paper is meaningless at this point.

    Is he registered in UK court also ?
    Because he doesn’t want to make any contact with her.

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by Nk01 View Post
    My mother wants to keep her relationship with her sister and this is the condition placed for her nationality. My mother’s niece has no one here in this country but my mother. Her visa extension was rejected as my mother had to flow to Pakistan to a death in the family when her nieces extension was due. This was a big sign- the solicitors have all said to my mother there is no genuine proof to prove this marriage. She has to wait 10 years now for a nationality and my mother is still fighting for her. She also asking around to find marriage proposals for her.The thing is, if she was living in peace it was no problem. But EVERYDAY they is a new drama with her or her mother.Everyone in Pakistan has made ‘parties’ against my mother and our family.
    I think you should help her in getting nationality.... If it were your own sister what you would hope in this situation
    Can’t cope

    Allah (swt) knows best

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by Nk01 View Post
    Because he doesn’t want to make any contact with her.
    Is his marriage registered in UK Court ?
    Can’t cope

    Dark Side Of The Moon

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
    Is his marriage registered in UK Court ?
    She got here on a spouse visa; solicitor did say they don’t need to register their marriage as she came here dependently..so yes, registered in UK court

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by azc View Post
    I think you should help her in getting nationality.... If it were your own sister what you would hope in this situation
    Yes that’s all fine... waiting for 10 years for a nationality, is none sense.. my brother is stuck also in this, he can’t move forward..my mother’s niece and sister like to blame everything on my mother. Which is unfair, my mother is taking a lot of stress on because of their emotional blackmail.

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    Re: Can’t cope

    Quote Originally Posted by Nk01 View Post
    Yes that’s all fine... waiting for 10 years for a nationality, is none sense.. my brother is stuck also in this, he can’t move forward..my mother’s niece and sister like to blame everything on my mother. Which is unfair, my mother is taking a lot of stress on because of their emotional blackmail.
    family disputes are always settled with mutual understanding..

    Yes Marriage between relatives sometimes causes headache.

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